name: Liz

age: 45

current city: Memphis

living situation: I share the home with a husband, a dog, and two sons: Gus, age seven, and Solly, age two-and-a-half (listed in order of arrival).

occupation: I’m a freelance food, family and travel writer. My regular gigs are blogging at GoWithFamily.com and writing a monthly family food column for Memphis Parent.

how do you structure your time and space? My office space is in a nook between the kitchen and the dining room, which is great when I’m writing about food or cooking from a recipe I’ve gotten off the web but lousy when my desk is messy — which is most of the time — and the kids start fooling around with my stuff. To structure my time, I’ve tried everything from hour-by-hour scheduling (I still have “shower” listed on my iCal daily plan) to caroming intuitively from one task to the next. Right now, what seems to be working is establishing a set of general priorities and making lists. On the top of my list these days is to write for at least a couple of hours and then spend some time managing and promoting my blog.

Then comes home stuff. I’m always motivated by food, much more than by housekeeping, so I usually write a plan for the week so there’s no last-minute shopping and brain-racking. We sit down most nights to a pretty good home-cooked family meal.

However, there’s a part of me that feels uneasy folding clothes or organizing our belongings. I actually think that’s kind of messed up. There’s a toxic stew of self-denial and feminist angst that makes me feel like ironing is retrogressive, time-wasting, and even frivolous, when it’s actually productive and meditative.

I have trouble taking time to meditate, even though I know it enriches me. The best compromise I’ve come up with is running without my iPod, which is pretty close to meditating. In fact, the best thing I can do for myself is simply to monotask — to do what I’m doing without distracting myself with podcasts or Facebook. Sometimes this includes music and other times it’s just quiet. Otherwise, my self-care consists of regular exercise and trying to connect with other people who are also trying to be present, patient, and useful.

Both of my kids go to a school that I love for its community and what my kids learn there–so much beyond the ABCs. After teaching for ten years, I began to question the way conventional schools — even the really good ones — function. I thought about homeschooling when the older one was little, but there’s a reason I have to work on being present, patient and useful. It doesn’t always come easily to me. So homeschooling was out. But I found a school that nurtures their inherent desire to cooperate, learn and grow.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I’m tempted to say it’s the tired season right now. Having two young kids and being a freelancer is busy and exhausting in a way that’s very different from other tiring, busy times I’ve had in my life. It’s different from the laser-like focus on reading and writing of my grad school days, for example. It’s not all about me.

Taking things a day at a time is important to me whether I’m packing lunches and laundering diapers or trying to pull in a few more readers each day for my blog. But for the most part, my life is the result of my choices, which means that I’ve signed up for both the pluses and the minuses. I have to review that fact periodically so as to remember how lucky I am to have choices.

The highlights are pretty great. I get to do fun stuff with my family — eating, traveling, exploring, playing, reading — and then write about it. My kids try my patience, but that’s how they teach me patience. I get to grow up. And they are lovely, affectionate, original, and so utterly themselves.

-what season(s) preceded this one? There was a waiting season while the adoption of our younger son was processing. But of course waiting wasn’t all we did. You don’t live your life waiting, especially if you already have one bright shiny kid in your lap. So it was also a time of exploration. With just one kid, I was able to volunteer at Gus’s school, at the Farmers’ Market, and take on projects that seemed like they might contribute to the community, even if just in a small way. With two kids, I’ve had to shed most of the extracurricular stuff.

-what season(s) might your future hold? I have mixed feelings about entering the period when my boys will become more independent and I’ll move back into putting more of my energy into my writing, teaching, or community work. (I didn’t have the stamina to teach and raise kids, and am seriously amazed by people who do.) But a friend of mine was reflecting on how she keeps herself in balance, and she said that it was necessary for her to avoid hanging her identity on any one of her roles — mom, worker, wife. Because it’s almost guaranteed that things will change. Well, not even ‘almost,’ in the case of the mom role.

favorite family activities: I love exploring with my kids, biking, hiking, camping, trying new foods, and visiting state parks and weird places no one else ever visits. My husband and I have to compromise, because he’s not so crazy about camping and its discomforts, so we find budget-friendly ways of staying in hotels and cabins. At home we do a lot of lying around and reading.

favorite solo activities: lying around and reading, cooking, eating, knitting, killing plants, and traveling alone (one thing I miss about my single life)

When you travel alone you can stand in front of a picture in a museum for as long as you want, or read a book in a cafe if you like. It’s just a different kind of adventure.

source(s) of inspiration: I am inspired by my grandmother, who co-owned a travel agency in the ‘70s and ‘80s. She traveled by herself to Austria this summer, weeks before her 91st birthday, to go to a friend’s wedding.

Another source of inspiration is my dad, who reinvented himself as a poet and then started a post-retirement career publishing an Edible magazine. He’s got enormous integrity.

best MakeShift moment: The other day when the kids were extra-wild, I bought myself time to cook supper by letting them entwine all of our downstairs furniture in a giant yarn spiderweb. It’s taken me a while to recognize that messes like that don’t matter, especially when they allow me to get something done with the kids nearby.

check out liz’s blogs:

• http://gowithfamily.com
• http://peachesandbuttermilk.blogspot.com/

follow liz on twitter: @GoWithFamily

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

name: Andrea Shelton

age: 41 

current city: Atlanta

living situation: I live with my husband, Joe, my two children Spencer (age 14) and Abby (age 11), three dogs, and one cat. 

occupation: founder/president of a prison ministry called HeartBound Ministries; wife; mother; friend

how do you structure your time and space? Ah, striking a balance and structuring time and space is truly the trickiest part of motherhood! My office is at home, which is, for the most part, a good thing. However, there are moments when business and personal collide, such as when business calls come during dinner or family time.

As for childcare, both of my kids are middle schoolers, so I work like crazy when they are in school (8:45 – 3:45), and I try to focus on being a mom when they are at home. It doesn’t always work, but I try. Sometimes I even incorporate the kids into my work. For example, I’ll strike a deal – they can watch television if they agree to stuff or stamp envelopes! It lightens my load, gives them the opportunity to serve (and be entertained), and allows me to meet their physical needs (food, laundry, and house-cleaning) instead of working in my office.

We’ve all heard the phrase “quality vs. quantity,” and to some extent I think that’s true, but I do think there is a lot to be said for quantity – being physically present in the lives of my children. There were times early in my career as an assistant administrative law judge when I left my son with a nanny three days a week. We were a young married couple trying to save for our first home, so we did what we had to do. But my husband and I have always agreed that if we could financially afford it, I would be home. I’ve been extremely fortunate to have jobs that allowed me to earn a living while working at home. One of my bosses actually allowed me to bring my infant son to work for six weeks until I could find suitable child care! I eventually found a nanny I could share with another family. I continued that scenario until I felt it was financially feasible for me to become an independent contractor and work from home. It’s ALWAYS been my desire to be at home with my kids.

I pray, “Lord, please expand my time,” and He does. If I think too much about how I’m going to get it all done, I can get overwhelmed or sink into a feeling of self-pity. But when I remember that I am gifted with the same amount of hours as everyone else, and I ask God for help, I gain a new perspective.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Having a teenage son and pre-teen daughter presents both highlights and challenges, but mostly highlights. I’ve loved every season of being a mom, but I really feel that I’m hitting my stride in the latter years. In the beginning when the kids were little, I was full of insecurities – was I doing it right? Now, I see these two lovely young people who are compassionate, intelligent, and fun, and I think, “So far, so good!” They are really such a pleasure!

Physically, I’ve never felt better. I’ve managed to find the time to work out three days a week for 30 minutes at a local sculpt and burn class. I’m not as tired because my kids sleep! Oh, those early years were exhausting! I’m not exactly sure what I’d call this season – we’re not in “the wonder years” any more. But whatever this season is, I’m loving it. What I’m not looking forward to is “the automobile age.” The thought of putting my beloved children into an automobile (or as my dad called it, when he handed me the keys to my first car, “a killing machine”), is almost too much to bear!

-what season(s) preceded this one? preceded this one? The years past were the wonder years, the sleepless years, the anxious years. While I LOVED being the mom of younger children, most of the time I felt like a crumpled up Capri Sun package on the floor of the car. I had all the juice sucked out of me and the kids just kept saying, “Can we have some more??!” 

-what season(s) might your future hold? “The automobile age” (see discussion above) is in my future, and so are the college years. And as funny as it may seem coming from a 41-year-old, I’m already thinking about grandchildren! Time goes SO fast. I really look forward to seeing my children happily married and starting their own families.

favorite family activities: We love to travel, especially to New York City. We try to get away to NYC at least once a year, usually in the fall. I’ve always liked traveling with my kids so that I can experience things through their eyes. My husband and I aren’t the types to leave the kids behind while we jet-set. We like doing things as a family. Another favorite family time is evening dinner. Having dinner together is a TOP priority in this family. If we miss a few dinners together due to sports, I start feeling disconnected. I believe there are two activities that almost guarantee a healthy family – praying and eating together.

favorite solo activities: working out (the Sculpt and Burn class I attend has been life-changing); tap dancing; scrapbooking

source(s) of inspiration: my faith, my family, my friends

best MakeShift moment: Just this week, I let the dog unroll an entire roll of toilet paper while I triedto help a friend. I used to set up a playpen in the bathroom so that I could shower without wondering if someone would choke, drink poison, fall down the stairs, et cetera. I’ve traded babysitting with friends so that each of us could enjoy a night out with our spouse. I’ll host about anything imaginable for my kids (Wyldlife Club, Girl Scouts, Sunday School parties, sleepovers, Domestic Diva Club), so that I can keep a pulse on what is happening in their lives. I am extremely active in their school – my husband and I have started three clubs there. We want our kids to know that we are invested in their lives and the lives of their friends. Sometimes that takes some juggling, but I believe that investment will reap positive returns. I’m already seeing that in the lives of my kids. Perhaps my best MakeShift moments are the countless times I’ve incorporated my kids into volunteer efforts. It could be anything from packing Christmas boxes for children in need to baking for a bake sale.

Also, I’m willing to give up some things to gain others. For example, I don’t have a house cleaning service. I clean my own home (with the help of my kids and husband), and then I can justify using the cost-savings on eating out with my family once or twice a week, or saving for a fantastic trip. MakeShift moments are often about trade offs – what am I willing to sacrifice for what is REALLY important. So what if my house doesn’t get cleaned in a day? Dinner at our favorite restaurant or a fun weekend in New York are more important to me.

find andrea on the web at http://www.heartboundministries.com/

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

[capri sun image is by kris d’amico]

i officiated a wedding  in atlanta this weekend, and in order to save all members of our immediate family from the bird’s car trip conniptions, the monkey and i took off on our first ever adventure as a traveling duo.

the six hour drive, two sleeps in the hotel, and back-to-back wedding festivities were a far cry from the monkey’s usual routine. in order to preserve our collective sanity, i made up a few new traveling rules on the fly.

1. the driver can change out the movies in the car dvd player, but the passenger is in charge of pushing buttons to begin the featured presentation.

2. lollipops, bags of cookies, mentos, baked lays, and other wedding goody bag items are all approved components of the travel meal plan. also, it’s a good thing ketchup counts as a vegetable. thanks, ronald reagan. and p.s. who cares if the three-year-old in question consumes a green ring pop on the way to the rehearsal dinner and arrives with swamp monster teeth?

3. though the $16 ticket price at the center for puppetry arts seems a bit steep, it’s really quite a small price to pay for an hour-long puppet show, a make-your-own-puppet workshop, a gander at some of jim henson’s origional puppets, and free mango iceys on the back lawn.

4. if your handmade stellaluna puppet loses a limb during vigorous museum or restaurant play, you can just tape it back on using excess adhesive found elsewhere on said puppet.

5. wedding venues in parks such as this one come complete with neighboring playgrounds.

it is perfectly acceptable for a wine-toting, cocktail-dress-wearing mom to spend equal amounts of time inside the reception and outside sitting on a decorative boulder next to the orange “curly slide.”

6. bedtimes are later than usual. bathtime is optional. if parent and child fall asleep together on a pull out couch during story time, so be it. if a three-year-old wants to wear his house shoes for an entire day, fine.

7. the rules of the road are certainly not fit for everyday guidance. in fact, over time, they would most certainly lead to rotton teeth and malnutrition. however, in the face of unprecidented one-on-one time with my baby-turned-“big boy,” they afforded us a little glimpse into the kind of fun our future will hold. this is why the next rule is this:

8. we must do things like this again and again!

the p.r. firm that handles the “aha moment” campaign for omaha mutual found me on the web and contacted me a few days ago with the request that i tell the story of my blog’s inception and impact on my life. i think it’s safe to say that the internet is a crazy animal.

so today, i trecked on over to the parking lot of the rock and soul museum, boarded the 35-foot custom mobile studio, and talked on camera about my “aha moment,” which is defined on the campaign’s homepage as “a moment of clarity; a defining moment when you gain real wisdom — wisdom you can use to change your life.”

i’ll link to the monologue in a month or so when it goes up on the aha website but for now, i’ll leave you with a picture and a bit of wistful reverie. first the picture…

and now the wistful reverie:

oh to be young and hip and employed by an internet marketing firm to travel the country and talk to people about inspiration and wisdom! the folks i met from skedaddle media  made me want to amend my fantasy to do list to include something like “get paid to spend five months sampling the sights, sounds, cuisine, and culture in select american cities.”

for now, i guess i’ll have to settle for reading their blog.

first name: Sharon

age: 40 (really?!)

current city: Memphis

living situation: I live with Scott, my husband of almost 16 years, and our daughters Madeleine (12) and Sophie (9). Our furry children, Millie and Henry, are portuguese water dogs.

occupation: stay at home mom and part time student

how do you structure your time and space? On weekdays, I get up around 6:45 to help get the kids out the door for school. Tuesdays and Fridays are typically days to go to the grocery and make my all-time-favorite Target run. To some, my days may sound rather mundane, but I am never bored. There is never enough time in the days and weeks! I have recently come to understand myself as the CEO of my home. This realization gives me great pleasure, and in a strange way, I feel rather powerful. My kids adore their father, and he is hands-on and helpful, but they usually come to me with their needs and concerns. Maybe Madeleine and Sophie rely on me for everything because I am their fellow female. But Scott relies on me too! I find myself saying things such as, “No, I do not know where you put your wallet!!!”

I try extremely hard each week to make sure I am taking care of me in some way while my children are at school and Scott is at work. Once they get home, it’s all about them. I allow myself an hour each morning to have my coffee and watch the Today show. I am enrolled part time at University of Memphis, where I am working on my Bachelor’s degree in Child Development. Going to school has given me the opportunity to use my brain for something other than managing my household, and it has also helped shine a light on my path which has often seemed blurry. I go to a dream-interpretation group once a week with some very wise and interesting ladies. I also attend a study group at my church every Thursday that I can. I also try every week to connect with a friend by having coffee or lunch. I have learned that my friends feed my soul, and in order to stay connected with them, I have to reach out. It’s just that simple. 

Sometimes there are just days I do not have it in me to be a mom. I do not beat myself up about it. My kids are old enough now that they understand when I tell them I just cannot be present at this particular time. I lean on Scott and he comes through for me during these times. I just tell them the truth; I don’t dance around it. I think my kids appreciate that about me. I think I am teaching them how to speak up and say out loud what they are feeling. I hope I am teaching them the value of verbally expressing their needs. 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I have felt for quite some time now that I am in between the seasons of winter and spring. I can see the buds of new growth. I can smell the new air. I can hear the birds making their way back, but I am just not quite there. It’s a wonderful place to be but it’s also frustrating. I feel this overwhelming sense of something I just cannot give a word to.  I know that there is a new path for me that goes beyond motherhood. I can feel it. But, I still don’t know what it is, and that is very frustrating. I am so envious of women who know exactly what their gifts are and how to share them with the world. I know being in school is the right path, but sometimes I wonder what in the world I am doing! I am trying to discern what my spiritual gifts are and allow my spirit to guide me. 

My daughters are growing up both physically and emotionally. Madeleine is twelve and her hormones are surging. She is having a tough year at school and that just breaks my heart. I am finding that watching my girls grow up so very quickly is taking quite a toll on me emotionally.

 

-What season(s) preceded this one? Before this season, I was in a dark and gloomy winter. I struggled with depression in my twenties and thirties, but the past few years have brought a different struggle that has been just as painful as depression. My health took a strange and frightening turn. My kids were going through all sorts of new phases that were no fun at all. My marriage was going through growing pains. Part of my family moved back to Memphis which brought about all sorts of new and unexpected challenges. But, I’ve come to realize that it is during these hard times when I learn something new about myself. I make it to the other side and feel a sense of accomplishment, and I also feel just a bit wiser.

favorite family activity/activities: We love our girls. We love taking them on trips. We love taking them to Broadway shows at the Orpheum. We love listening to all their stories. They are our inspiration. We look at them sometimes and cannot believe our love made these two fabulous beings. 

favorite solo activities: I love to read, see movies, and travel, but my favorite pass time is enjoying time with friends and family. Scott and I both love to cook and eat, so any time we are with friends and family, it involves yummy food. We also really enjoy wine and love coming across a fantastic $12 bottle! Scott and I live a quiet life. We spend most of our time with each other. We love to go on dates. We try to have date night every week.

sources of inspiration: Besides my daughters, I am inspired by women who know who they are and what they want. I am inspired by my mother-in-law who is the wisest person I have ever known. I am inspired by my mother who never ever complains. I am inspired by my very eclectic group of girl friends. I am inspired by nature in particular trees and birds. I am inspired by people who always see the glass half full.

best MakeShift moment: I am sure this is not all that creative but it is a memory I have that always makes me smile.

When Madeleine was a toddler I could not provide enough entertainment for her. She was always ready to play! This was exhausting! There was a day that I just needed her to be occupied with something other than me. I gave her all my makeup, and for one whole hour she sat in the middle of our porch in the backyard and covered her little body from head to toe with lipstick, eyeliner, shadow, blush, and powder. It took forever to wash it all off, and I feel certain there are still make up stains on that porch to this day.

We do not need to personally entertain our children all of the time!  Just give them a box of makeup and let their imagination take over!

[if you know someone who would make a good “mothers of invention” feature, check out the nomination process detailed on the sidebar pages to the right.]

first name: Sarla

age: 58 

current city: Memphis

living situation: Married with one adult child, 24, now living at home.

occupation: Yoga teacher and studio owner

how do you structure your time and space? I spend a lot of time at home alone, at least until recently, when my son came back from New York to do a show at his father’s theatre, Playhouse on the Square. At this point in my life, I feel that my career has replaced my job as a parent. I recently stopped working seven days a week. There is a fine line, for me, between work and play. Since I am a yoga teacher, and I love yoga, it is often fun to practice and teach. It is also just as often a chore. I have recently given up two private clients and one of my public classes so that I could focus more time on being artistic and creative. I practice mediation everyday, as it is the  source of all my intuition and the foundation of my life as a wife, mother, friend and business owner. I cannot imagine life without meditation.  I sit for at least 30 minutes every day. Oddly enough, my meditation space is in my home office, which also serves as my yoga studio. I think that this combination makes my workspace more sacred. 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? At 58 I am challenged by the fact that I have fewer years ahead of me than behind. I feel wiser and more aware of the fragility of life and the tendency many of us have to work too much and play too little. I have worked full time since I was 16. I find that as I get older I want to work less, but work more because I have more time on my hands. 

It was incredibly challenging for me when my children left home.  Family is very important to me and I treasure every moment that I can spend with my adult children, of whom I’m very proud. (My daughter, Katie Nichols Cook, is a highly successful realtor at Marx and Bensdorf, and my son, Jordan Sinclair Nichols, is an actor and choreographer extraordinaire.) However, I want to do some things that I have been putting off for most of my life. One of these is writing. I have always sensed that I have a novel somewhere in me and I want to give it an opportunity to emerge. My challenge is setting aside the time each day to write.  To that end, I am now doing The Artist’s Way for the fourth time, and I saw this questionnaire as an exercise in creativity. 

-what season(s) preceded this one? Prior to this season, which I would call “the golden years,” I had “the season of malcontent,” a childhood fraught with violence, confusion, anger, addiction, and what seemed would be a never ending battle with depression. In 1990 I stopped drinking for ten years, a time I would call “the season of re-birth.” I left my marriage to be with the man who is my present husband, started teaching yoga, and established my meditation practice. In 2001, I opened Midtown Yoga, which began “the season of manifestation and hard work.” Nine years later, I feel confident as a woman, a mother, a wife, a homemaker and a very good business woman. I also believe that I am now the yoga teacher I also dreamed of being. 

-what season(s) might your future hold? “The season of  self-acceptance and limitlessness.” I want to take dance lessons. I want to write and sing. I want to give myself the gifts that I have so freely given to my children.

favorite family activity: We love to play scrabble and other board games and to watch movies together.  My favorite thing to do with my family is to go to Florida. I have gone every year since I was 18. We all love the beach at Seaside. 

 

favorite solo activity:I’m presently working on that. I love to read, but spend very little time doing that recreationally. I also love to take long, solitary walks. I like to swim laps and I enjoy crime shows. 

sources of inspiration: Rod Stryker, my yoga teacher, Swami Rama, Meditation, yoga, friendships, sunshine, good books, the ocean, the sky, and the never ending gift of life.

best MakeShift moment: When I was 40 years old and doing The Artist’s Way for the first time, I got a wild hair to travel across country by myself, from Memphis to Seattle. I did it and stayed there for a month with my then yoga teacher, Felicity Green. The entire trip was a makeshift moment. I never planned where I would stay along the way or where I would eat or what I would do. It was the best thing I have ever done in my entire life, besides having my two amazing children. In retrospect, I think that my whole life has been a makeshift moment. I am not a planner. I am spontaneous and have my best ideas on the fly, including seeing Midtown Yoga full blown the day I walked into what was then The Jett College of Beauty.

Sarla is married to the love of her life, Jimmy Lewis. When she is not tending to the tasks associated with owning and directing Midtown Yoga, she may be found working on her memoirs.