spirea

two weeks ago, back when the world was new, the act of fetching the bird from school came with the added boost of accolades from his teachers about his “near perfect behavior.” in fact, i owe the bird a lot of credit for my easy transition into campus ministry in january. he surprised me with his instant comfort with school rituals, peers, and even group nap time.

that was before he grabbed a handful of the face of another child who was “using his outside voice inside.” there were no accolades that day, of course. just instructions to cut the bird’s fingernails and to insist upon good behavior at home.

red yucca

we’ve de-clawed our child, who now spends 87.5 percent of his life in time out for clocking his brother on the head with various objects. with every school pick-up, i hope for a report of improved behavior. but the bird is consistent in his resolve to fully embrace the “terrible twos.” it seems that in parenting, there are no immediate results.

purple heart

there are no immediate results in campus ministry either, as it turns out. i am wrapping up my first semester at the university of memphis, and my offerings of engaging programs and free food are not exactly wooing the masses. i was reporting this phenomenon to a member of my campus ministry board last week, and he encouraged me to think of my work as the act of planting seeds.

i burst into immediate laughter as i recalled what a friend had said to me just the day before. she was surveying my front yard, a space that was completely under construction two years ago due to a drainage issue. i, a novice gardener, researched what plants would be happiest in our wet soil and in full sun. i made dozens of trips to nurseries and googled the names of the foliage on the shelves. and then, much to the entertainment of friends, family, and neighbors, i made what several of them described as the beginning gardener’s classic mistake. i planted one of everything. (i really planted about three of everything but this fact didn’t seem to matter.)

yellow helenium daisies

as my friend was surveying my yard, which is now full of all sorts of interesting leaves and textures and colors, she said, “your yard looks great! it’s almost as if you knew what you were doing!”

i guess the same goes for all types of seed planting – parenting, campus ministry, et cetera. there are no immediate results. in the present, we just have to persist with near-knowledge and experimental expertise. then, if the sun shines just right, something beautiful will emerge.

guess where i’ve been six out of the last twelve days?

• a) to an urban spa
• b) to yoga class
• c) to our city’s new anthropologie (did i mention that i like that store?)
• d) to the pediatrician’s office

sadly, the answer is d.

reasons inc lude:

• the monkey has sinus problems
• the monkey has a double ear infection
• the bird has a double ear infection
• the bird needs an ear re-check

and now on to my personal failure as a mother…

during a well-earned time-out for the monkey, i opened the bathroom door (yes, the bathroom door. the monkey’s upstairs room is just too long of a haul with a kicking, screaming child) because he was pounding it with his fists. i simply asked him to stop all of this pounding and closed the door. on his pinky finger.

the finger looked broken, and the monkey was hysterical for an hour. my car practically drove itself to the familiar destination, where our doctor looked upon us with pity and said, “wow. i feel like we’re really getting to know each other!”

the finger isn’t broken, so after the doc “buddy taped” the pinky to the forth finger, we were free to go and live our lives in (hopefully) less dramatic, better behaved, and more careful fashion.

i’ve not yet completely processed the whole episode but i did notice two things during my own personal motherhood hell. first, as soon as the injury happened, my head was flooded with this message: “don’t fall into the black hole of guilt. that will not help anyone.” i also observed that even the slightest little joke about my role in this injury would have sent me over the edge. but the doctor was very compassionate toward both the monkey and me. this is just one reason why i love her.

before i had kids, i loved to travel. i delighted in frequent flyer miles. now i’m a frequent flyer at laurelwood pediatrics. shouldn’t i get some sort of a prize? free clarithromycin?