as someone who seeks middle ground motherhood between the extremes of june cleaver and superwoman, i must take a minute to reflect on the recent death of barbara billingsly, the woman who brought june to life, warm rolls to the dinner table, and visions of peaceable family existence into the american consciousness.

image from cultureblues.com

 june never ordered takeout. she never poured herself a glass of wine at exactly five o’clock. she never forgot to shower or brush her teeth. she gave her full attention to her children and husband, even while whipping up culinary delights and wearing recently ironed clothing. some viewers saw reflections of their own family lives in the cleaver household and derived a sense of okay-ness from such screen-lit similarity. others escaped their own family dysfunction and entered a miraculous world where all conflicts were resolved neatly at episode’s end. for all of the flack that i have given billingsly’s character for helping to create monolithic and impossible standards for wives and mothers, even i must admit one thing. the mothers who came before us, those who gave expression to their gifts and desires during a time when there were fewer options for doing so, cannot be faulted for aspiring for and achieving near-perfection in the realms over which they had charge. there is something to be said for doing a good job, even if that job is more narrowly defined.

yesterday’s “my thoughts” column by bill haltom  in memphis’ commercial appealwas about the reassurance june cleaver brought into american homes during the time of sputnik, bomb shelters, and fears of war with russia. haltom writes,

“And then there was June, the quintessential 1950s mom. While Sputnik in the skies above terrorized us, the very down-to-earth June Cleaver reassured us that everything was going to be OK. She wore pink dresses and beautiful white pearls. She stayed at home while Ward went to the office and Wally and Beav went to school with Larry and Eddie…. 

It was the American family at its best. It was America at its best — America at work, at school, at peace, at home.”

was this really “the american family at its best?” perhaps this was merely television at its best — distracting, inspiring, giving viewers a brief respite from their anxieties. this kind of simplistic nostalgia is unhelpful for those of us who are attempting to take the realities of today — the thrilling and overwhelming abundance of choices many women now possess — and construct authentic lives of meaning and contribution. 

i’d like to think that barbara billingsly was willing to re-imagine women’s roles in a way that her character, june, was not. perhaps this kind of resolve is what led her to play the cameo part of “the jive lady” in the movie airplane in 1980. i leave you with this little clip. perhaps i could even say that it is american film at it’s best…

over the last six months, my strangest mommy fear has increased with every casual stroll through the dining room.

each glance at the “sorting table,” with all of its bizarre collections and carefully-placed containers, sends me into a dim vision of the  future, wherein i accidentally tune in to one of those hoarding television shows only to behold my poor adult son, meandering through a narrow path in his  junk-filled house.

easter basket appropriated for sock storage

i recently confessed to my college roommate that i am raising a future hoarder, and thankfully, she sent me this illuminating article  that states that sorting is a normal sign of cognitive advancement in toddlers. upon further investigation, i stumbled upon this article  that actually instructs parents of preschoolers to encourage sorting behavior in their children. apparently, the key is that the monkey sorts with great joy and gusto, not out of a misplaced sense of obligation.

this is all excellent news! but now what am i to do when i want to have company over for dinner?

first name: Tran

age: Very close to 40 

occupation: 

• I have over 15 years of tv news experience. I left a position as anchor/reporter at ABC 24/UPN 30 when my first child was eight months old.
• Freelance television host and producer, currently hosting and co-producing a tv show titled “Traveling with Tots,” set to debut on ABC 24 on June 26 at 6:30 a.m.
• Contributing writer, Family Fun Spots Magazine, “The Go To Mom”

tran shooting a commercial for hormel foods while her kids watch from the stairs.

how do you structure your time and space? The freelance business is very unpredictable. Some weeks are jammed packed with jobs — writing columns or stories, hosting a tv commercial, producing a web video, field producing for a major network, or being interviewed for a story. Some weeks are completely open. I am grateful that my husband is able to provide for us and afford me this opportunity to have quality time with my little ones and still pursue my professional goals. After working crazy hours in the tv news business for more than 15 years, I can fully appreciate this freedom and flexibility and try not to take it for granted.

I’m very much an organizer so I have tons of “to-do” lists, and I carry my paper calendar (not i-phone or Blackberry) with me everywhere. Everything goes in that calendar (play dates, trips, dinner dates, and the planning steps needed for each). I considered getting one for each family member but decided against it because I didn’t want to have to keep up with all of them. I pack, prepare, and lay out everything we need the night before. Since I consider my five-year-old son to be bright and capable, I made him responsible for getting himself ready for school every morning. I put a clothing organizer in his closet and wrote in the days of the week on it so he can dress himself in the mornings, no questions asked. I love, love it! What a time saver for me in the mornings.

I’m finally in a good place with child care. My son goes to school everyday, my daughter, twice a week. I have two great babysitters we trust and adore. I also love using Kid Station, the drop-in child care facility in East Memphis. It was rough with child care in the beginning. I  was always stressed out and scrambling at the last minute to find someone.

It definitely wasn’t easy trying to juggle it all at first. Until a year ago I was also chairing non-profit and networking boards, organizing fundraisers and attending a ton of events. It was a bit overwhelming at times, but eventually I learned to say no and prioritize. I was taking my babies with me to many of these meetings, events, and even freelance jobs. It was time to cut back. I started giving more quality time to friends and family, teaching my children to be more self-sufficient, and choosing to do things that truly give me joy.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Now that my babies are five and two, I feel a little more organized and more rested. We have fun together and even work well together. They are big helpers. It’s so cool to see them growing and changing so much, however, it’s also really tough for me to see my babies become a “big girl” and a “big boy.”

-What season(s) preceded this one? The previous season was a bit stressful. I felt I had to do it all — work, lead, take care of my babies, be involved in the community, socialize, network, et cetera. I thought I had to be Wonder Woman and Supermom.

-What season(s) might your future hold? As my children are spending more time away from me at school, I am spending more time pursuing my other passion — creating a television program for families. “Traveling with Tots” has been in the works for a year and a half now. My partners (who are also parents) and I are ready to take the next step. We don’t know what the future holds, but we are grateful that we have had the opportunity to do this while maintaining quality time with our families.

Favorite family activity/activities: I love doing anything that involves all four members of our family. It’s so great experiencing things together, whether it’s a meal at the dinner table, a play date at the park, or an out of town trip (my favorite was to see the shuttle launch last summer). Even simple things like playing in the backyard together makes me so happy. The kids don’t care what we’re doing, they just like being with their mommy and daddy. 

tran and family enjoy a late-night shuttle launch.

favorite solo activities: When I get some time to myself, even if it’s just for an hour, I just want to sit in front of the tv and watch mindless shows, read magazines at a book store, or surf the net and actually take time to read blogs or stories. I just want to be comfortable and not feel rushed.

sources of inspiration: I draw strength from my husband, Scott. He is such a kind, giving, and thoughtful person. He grounds me, lifts me up and gives me wings.

When I am feeling sorry for myself, I think of my parents. They fled Vietnam with three toddlers during the Fall of Saigon in 1975. They escaped by boat to the United States and started their lives all over with nothing. I will never, ever know what it was like to feel that kind of fear, sadness, hope, relief and freedom. They are remarkable people and I am eternally grateful to them for the life they have given my siblings and me.

best MakeShift moment: I do most of my work at home on the computer so I often send the kids to their playroom and let them do whatever they want — as long as they stay in there. I’ve even put down a big beach towel and packed a picnic so I don’t have to stop and make lunch. They love it!

Rather than buying expensive or ordinary artwork for my son’s bedroom, I bought a blank canvas and some paint at an art supply store and let him create his artwork. His face lit up when I told him what he was going to do, and he was so excited to see it hanging p in his room above his bed.

Toys, movies and coloring books will only keep my kids preoccupied for so long on trips. I like to turn off the radio and spend some time talking with them. I let them make up travel games, we sing songs and I like to play reporter and interview them by asking them lots questions like, “If you could have one superpower, which one would it be?” or “What’s your favorite thing to do at the beach?” This may sound silly, but I feel like I’m actually getting to know them better.

[if you know someone who would make a good “mothers of invention” feature, check out the nomination process details on the sidebar to your right.]