when andy and i were pining away for children (in between jumbo margaritas at el porton or after the seventh consecutive episode of 24), we looked forward to things like playing outside with them, showing them our favorite mountains, and generally introducing them to all that is enjoyable and beautiful. even then, i knew that disciplining children would be my weakness. i looked upon the prospect of setting rules and enforcing time-outs as a dreadful necessity. and now that i am four years into parenthood, i would like to congratulate my twenty-something self for her accurate foresight. setting rules and enforcing time-outs is, in fact, a dreadful necessity.

the child experts say that children thrive under the presence of two equally present conditions: high nurture and high structure. the former is something that comes easily to me, and especially to andy. we try to mirror and help the kids name their feelings. we plan ahead for shared experiences that are enjoyable and beautiful. but when it comes to the latter, there is much less planning ahead. though the kids rely on a pretty steady routine and schedule, the discipline piece is often spur of the moment (and ineffective). in the grand game of parenting, i make up the rules as i go and announce them to the younger players, who return my half-hearted efforts with half-hearted compliance.

enter the wii.

after the second week of house arrest due to sub-arctic temperatures, andy and the kids braved the icy roads and returned home with a wii. it was fun for a while. there were family bowling tournaments and ridiculous collective attempts at nailing m.c. hammer’s dance moves. and then, without warning, the monkey stumbled into a deep, black, techy hole, and nobody has heard from his former self since. as recently as last week, he could be heard uttering heartbreaking phrases such as,

 “i don’t want to play outside in the warm sunshine. i want to play wii.” 

the wiihas brought the need for discipline and limit-setting in our home to a level that is far beyond the reaches of spur-of-moment-rule-making. so in a reluctant act of planning and plotting, andy and i discussed and created this chart to regulate wii time and create incentives for the monkey to act like a civilized human being.

though this is not the hand-held chart that the tech-crazed monkey requested, (he wanted one “like a smart phone”), it is actually becoming the key to pleasant life around here. the monkey earns stickers for being sweet and cooperative, and each sticker translates into ten minutes of wii time. he can earn up to an hour per day, and a strategically-placed timer above the wii lets him know when his time is up. i am utterly shocked that the monkey loves this new system. he loves rules. he loves structure. he now gets himself dressed, takes bottles to the recycling bin, makes his own breakfast, and quits playing the wii when asked, all for precious stickers and minutes spent clutching the white plastic control.

it turns out that my twenty-something self was only half right.  setting rules and enforcing time-outs is, in fact, a dreadful necessity. but the absence of structure and discipline is fifty times more dreadful. rules simply make life easier. and we can’t have all that is enjoyable and beautiful without them.

these days, motherhood and technology are so intertwined that those who came before us cannot help but marvel at the advances that now equip us for the hardest job we’ll ever love. if you don’t believe me, try counting the number of times this phrase is uttered at the next baby shower you attend:

“i wish those [fill in the blank with the latest baby care contraptions] were around when i was a young mom. we used to have to [fill in the blank with the most laborious and excruciating description of tedium you can imagine] when our children were little.” 

surely you’ve memorized this conversation by now.

but when these comments filled the air at my baby showers, they were especially true. not only would my husband and i benefit from the technology behind the bouncy seat, baby monitors, and breast pump. i got pregnant by the most cutting-edge and constantly upgraded fertility technology offered by modern science: in vetro fertilization. to say that i am thankful for technology would be an understatement.

but this gratitude was tempered during my second pregnancy, wherein i was introduced to the underbelly (pun intended) of technology. my triple screen test showed an increased risk that the bird would have downs syndrome. i saw a specialist, who played around with numbers on a notepad and used gambling metaphors to explain to me the odds that the bird would have downs. my husband and i struggled with whether or not to have an amniocentesis, which would put the baby at slight risk but give us the information we thought we needed in order to gracefully welcome our little one. with uncertainty, we consented to the procedure. twice. and both times, the amnios failed. this was not among the carefully analyzed scenarios for which we were prepared. neither was the ultrasound tech’s false diagnosis of amnio-induced uterine damage, a condition which would likely end the pregnancy. i spent two miserable days in bed, under the covers of guilt and fear, waiting for various doctors and specialists to confer with one another — to interpret the data offered by technology.

it wasn’t until my baby bird was born that we learned that he does not have downs. but while i was pregnant with him (thanks to technological failings, some difficult internal work, and a miracle from god)  i eventually arrived at a place where i did not care whether he had downs or not. the point is that the same bright force that positioned him carefully inside my uterus snatched me suddenly into the shadows of truths not yet revealed.

technology has taken me to the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. yet, it has become like the air i breathe: silent, necessary, and (barring miracle or catastrophy) unnoticed. but living harmoniously with such a powerful force takes a certain daily awareness of its role in my life. it is to this end that i write. i hope to notice and appreciate with reverence the powers that be.

[speaking of technology and the air we breathe, check out i love technology  by heather at theta mom. this account of technology’s role in a family affected by asthma inspired me to write the post above.]

there are exciting things in store for this blog. my graphic designer is working hard on a custom header, background, and avatar (what the heck is that?). my html literacy is also a HUGE work in progress.  so… please pardon the chaos while i orient myself to the strange world of “tags,” “widgets,” “plugins,” and my new best friend: “wordpress for dummies.” and stay tuned for some aesthetic improvements.

this is a MAKESHIFT revolution after all!