the reality project  is coming to a close (just a few days remaining), even though reality goes on forever and the clutter never ends.

personally, i like the approach that courtney has taken with her ever-propagating toiletry items: 

i think the boxes have something to do with a bathroom renovation, but just think! if you ever want to pawn your wedding ring to pay for an impromptu two-day hotel nap (a la vivi abbot walker in the divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood), your toiletries would already be packed and ready to go!

“i have such a good life, i want to appreciate it more — and live up to it better” (13).

this is gretchen rubin’s explanation for why she has written the happiness project, an account of her year-long experiment to increase her appreciation for life. and this is also my explanation for why i wanted to read her book. rubin takes seriously current research that purports that 50 percent of one’s level of happiness is genetic, 10 to 20 percent is tied to life circumstances, and the “remainder is a product of how a person thinks and acts” (6).

after a period of introspection about what sorts of factors affect her personal level of happiness, rubin comes up with 12 goals and works on one each month. included in the happiness project are things like being mindful and paying attention to life’s details, reading more, staying in touch with friends, and lightening up her parenting approach. the idea is that readers will come up with their own particular sets of goals and carry out their own experiments in happiness. but there does seem to be one universal cornerstone of happiness, valued so highly by rubin that she makes it her goal for january. in a word, this factor is…

rubin sites research that suggests that “along with tight work deadlines, a bad night’s sleep [is] one of the top two factors that upset people’s daily moods” (19). furthermore, “getting one extra hour of sleep each night would do more for a person’s daily happiness than getting a $60,000 raise” (19).

the critical reading glasses i learned to don in college and grad school make me want to question these assertions. but the parent in me knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the importance of sleep could never be overstated. sleep is everything. without it, chasing a toddler feels like running against the wind with a parachute on your back.* with sleep, it’s possible to host a play date, cook dinner, deal with a sick dog, talk to one’s boss on the phone, and smile — all at the same time.

i’m not sure whether or not i’ll conduct my own happiness project. what i do know is that i am completely sold on the benefits of a sleep project. in fact, i’ve already started. last night i got ten uninterrupted hours of sleep. that’s right, TEN HOURS! but i’m on vacation, and my parents are keeping my kids. the real test will come on wednesday, when i return home to my kiddos and routine. will i go to bed earlier or succumb to the mind-numbing television that i dearly love?

oh, and if you’ve just put your kids to bed and you are up too late reading blogs, go to bed! when you wake up, you’ll feel like $60,000 dollars.

[source info for this post can be found on the bibliography page located on the sidebar to your right.]

*as i tried to think of metaphors that fully describe the difficulty of feeling sleep-deprived while chasing a toddler, all i could think of were other things pertaining to parenting a toddler. as it turns out, being sleepy while chasing a toddler is like pushing a stroller up hill, snagging a toddler from the stairs 50 times a day, looming over a toddler in the baby pool, cleaning up after a toddler eats yogurt, et cetera. in short, chasing a toddler on four hours of sleep is like, well, CHASING A TODDLER ON FOUR HOURS OF SLEEP!

name: Andrea Shelton

age: 41 

current city: Atlanta

living situation: I live with my husband, Joe, my two children Spencer (age 14) and Abby (age 11), three dogs, and one cat. 

occupation: founder/president of a prison ministry called HeartBound Ministries; wife; mother; friend

how do you structure your time and space? Ah, striking a balance and structuring time and space is truly the trickiest part of motherhood! My office is at home, which is, for the most part, a good thing. However, there are moments when business and personal collide, such as when business calls come during dinner or family time.

As for childcare, both of my kids are middle schoolers, so I work like crazy when they are in school (8:45 – 3:45), and I try to focus on being a mom when they are at home. It doesn’t always work, but I try. Sometimes I even incorporate the kids into my work. For example, I’ll strike a deal – they can watch television if they agree to stuff or stamp envelopes! It lightens my load, gives them the opportunity to serve (and be entertained), and allows me to meet their physical needs (food, laundry, and house-cleaning) instead of working in my office.

We’ve all heard the phrase “quality vs. quantity,” and to some extent I think that’s true, but I do think there is a lot to be said for quantity – being physically present in the lives of my children. There were times early in my career as an assistant administrative law judge when I left my son with a nanny three days a week. We were a young married couple trying to save for our first home, so we did what we had to do. But my husband and I have always agreed that if we could financially afford it, I would be home. I’ve been extremely fortunate to have jobs that allowed me to earn a living while working at home. One of my bosses actually allowed me to bring my infant son to work for six weeks until I could find suitable child care! I eventually found a nanny I could share with another family. I continued that scenario until I felt it was financially feasible for me to become an independent contractor and work from home. It’s ALWAYS been my desire to be at home with my kids.

I pray, “Lord, please expand my time,” and He does. If I think too much about how I’m going to get it all done, I can get overwhelmed or sink into a feeling of self-pity. But when I remember that I am gifted with the same amount of hours as everyone else, and I ask God for help, I gain a new perspective.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Having a teenage son and pre-teen daughter presents both highlights and challenges, but mostly highlights. I’ve loved every season of being a mom, but I really feel that I’m hitting my stride in the latter years. In the beginning when the kids were little, I was full of insecurities – was I doing it right? Now, I see these two lovely young people who are compassionate, intelligent, and fun, and I think, “So far, so good!” They are really such a pleasure!

Physically, I’ve never felt better. I’ve managed to find the time to work out three days a week for 30 minutes at a local sculpt and burn class. I’m not as tired because my kids sleep! Oh, those early years were exhausting! I’m not exactly sure what I’d call this season – we’re not in “the wonder years” any more. But whatever this season is, I’m loving it. What I’m not looking forward to is “the automobile age.” The thought of putting my beloved children into an automobile (or as my dad called it, when he handed me the keys to my first car, “a killing machine”), is almost too much to bear!

-what season(s) preceded this one? preceded this one? The years past were the wonder years, the sleepless years, the anxious years. While I LOVED being the mom of younger children, most of the time I felt like a crumpled up Capri Sun package on the floor of the car. I had all the juice sucked out of me and the kids just kept saying, “Can we have some more??!” 

-what season(s) might your future hold? “The automobile age” (see discussion above) is in my future, and so are the college years. And as funny as it may seem coming from a 41-year-old, I’m already thinking about grandchildren! Time goes SO fast. I really look forward to seeing my children happily married and starting their own families.

favorite family activities: We love to travel, especially to New York City. We try to get away to NYC at least once a year, usually in the fall. I’ve always liked traveling with my kids so that I can experience things through their eyes. My husband and I aren’t the types to leave the kids behind while we jet-set. We like doing things as a family. Another favorite family time is evening dinner. Having dinner together is a TOP priority in this family. If we miss a few dinners together due to sports, I start feeling disconnected. I believe there are two activities that almost guarantee a healthy family – praying and eating together.

favorite solo activities: working out (the Sculpt and Burn class I attend has been life-changing); tap dancing; scrapbooking

source(s) of inspiration: my faith, my family, my friends

best MakeShift moment: Just this week, I let the dog unroll an entire roll of toilet paper while I triedto help a friend. I used to set up a playpen in the bathroom so that I could shower without wondering if someone would choke, drink poison, fall down the stairs, et cetera. I’ve traded babysitting with friends so that each of us could enjoy a night out with our spouse. I’ll host about anything imaginable for my kids (Wyldlife Club, Girl Scouts, Sunday School parties, sleepovers, Domestic Diva Club), so that I can keep a pulse on what is happening in their lives. I am extremely active in their school – my husband and I have started three clubs there. We want our kids to know that we are invested in their lives and the lives of their friends. Sometimes that takes some juggling, but I believe that investment will reap positive returns. I’m already seeing that in the lives of my kids. Perhaps my best MakeShift moments are the countless times I’ve incorporated my kids into volunteer efforts. It could be anything from packing Christmas boxes for children in need to baking for a bake sale.

Also, I’m willing to give up some things to gain others. For example, I don’t have a house cleaning service. I clean my own home (with the help of my kids and husband), and then I can justify using the cost-savings on eating out with my family once or twice a week, or saving for a fantastic trip. MakeShift moments are often about trade offs – what am I willing to sacrifice for what is REALLY important. So what if my house doesn’t get cleaned in a day? Dinner at our favorite restaurant or a fun weekend in New York are more important to me.

find andrea on the web at http://www.heartboundministries.com/

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

[capri sun image is by kris d’amico]

someone recently asked me what the most surprising thing about motherhood has been for me, and my immediate answer was that i had no idea how often this job would send me into hysterical fits of laughter.

apparently, i’m not the only one who lives with little comedians. my post on children’s bizarre sleeping accoutrements  promted one reader to send me a link to this picture:

yes, both of this reader’s children slept on foam, fold-out couches, like this one, IN their beds.

another reader’s younger child was once spotted sleeping amidst a veritable bouquet of plastic food, arranged carefully by her older child.

and finally, on the day that i confessed that my children have two different mothers, i received this shot from the proud mama of the above pictured food sleeper:

it’s nice to know that i’m not the only mother whose fierce protection of the first child was replaced by a strange willingness to allow the second child to get “pushed around.”

my children’s ages and need for regular naps, combined with the fact that i do most of my preparation for work in a home-office sometimes make for a lonely and stir-crazy existence. the best thing that has happened since i started this blog is that i now enjoy regular contact with friends, old and new. 

so, keep the crazy pictures coming. the opportunity to laugh out loud at the idiosyncrasies of other people’s children is just the plastic icing on the plastic cake!