name: Mary-Ellen

age: 40+ (one gets squirrely after a couple of the 40 something birthdays!)

current city: Memphis

name: Jennifer McCullough

age: 33

current city: Memphis

living situation: I live with my four-year-old son, one fish, and one dog. We are currently living in a downtown condo while we try to sell our house. Living in two places is a comedy of errors.

occupation: mom; chef; and business owner of The Uptown Grocer, purveyor of upscale frozen meals.

how do you structure your time and space? I work out of the kitchen at Cafe Society Restaurant in midtown. It is just a two-minute drive to my son’s school, which allows me to maximize parenting time and working time. I pack a bag with running shoes and try to take a break at some point to get some exercise. Usually this is on “meatloaf day.” The loaves take exactly 55 minutes to cook, which gives me just enough time to do a wardrobe change, take a jog, get back into work clothes, and take those yummy meatloaves out of the oven. 

My son spends time with his father as well, but at times this has been a bit of a struggle because his father doesn’t live in Memphis. But we do our best to work with each other’s schedules so that my son has quality time with both parents. My parents are in town and take my son any time I am willing to part with him. I am very fortunate to have their support!

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Being a single mom comes with its fair share of challenges. I often feel like one person trying to be two people, and I have to accomplish so much more when my child is at school (work, exercise, errands, et cetera). For example, if I run out of milk, I cannot simply make a quick solo trip to the grocery.

I have had to overcome a good bit of guilt when it comes to making time for myself. I frequently have to assure myself that exercising and doing other things to maintain my health and sanity are necessary, even if it means that I do these things while my son is at school or in another’s care.

In general, I am doing things differently than the way I always thought I would be doing them. For example, after months of thinking that my son needed to live in a house with a yard and in a neighborhood, I realized that the simplicity of condo-living is really much better for us. I had to say goodbye to the life I thought I would be living in order to fully live the one I’ve got. Now my son and I like to ride the downtown trolley to dinner. My son’s childhood is not like mine was but I have realized that no one way is better than the other. They’re just different.

-what season(s) preceded this one? The last five years have brought about a lot of changes: divorce, health issues, and two moves. I spent much of this time in survival mode, reacting to life’s circumstances. Starting my own business was my first step in becoming more proactive about my life. I did a lot of thinking about my talents and a path that might allow me to have both a fulfilling career and an active role in my son’s life.

Starting the Uptown Grocer was a gigantic leap of faith for me. In the beginning, I cooked and delivered weekly meals to my customers. There were some nights when I cooked from my son’s bedtime until 3:00 in the morning. This was miserable! But I kept moving forward and resisting the temptation to become paralyzed. Even when decisions led to dead ends, I learned to put my focus elsewhere and keep moving along in hopes that a door would open and I would have a creative moment.

I have now shifted to a much more sensible business model. I stock a freezer at Palladio Antiques and Art  full of my food, and my customers can shop there for their meals. I have just recently begun to reap the rewards that come with making deliberate choices.

-what season(s) might your future hold? In the months ahead, I plan to continue scaling down my commitments and making choices based on what’s right for my son and me. I am beginning to trust my instincts and feel confident in my decisions. I love being a chef and business owner, and I can see now that I am in the right place. I am laying the groundwork for a more peaceful, more fulfilling, and simpler life. I am ready to reap the rewards.  

favorite family activities: My favorite time with my son is right before bed. Before I tuck him in, he will often tell me things that hapened during his day, and these are really sweet moments. During the day, we move at a fast pace and we’re on the go. It’s nice to have this quieter time when there’s a lot of intimacy in our relationship. These are my favorite times with him.

favorite solo activities: I love to run. I also like being in the car by myself with complete quiet. We go so fast, and things are so hectic. Sometimes I will sit down by myself, and I’ll realize later that I forgot to even turn the light on!

source(s) of inspiration: Before I started my business, I gained a lot of inspiration from reading. I have found books by Deepak Chopra to be helpful, as well as other literature about simplifying life and letting go of things that don’t matter. I am currently reading The Sermon on the Mount: The Key to Success in Life by Emmet Fox, and I love it!

best MakeShift moment: One of my MakeShift habits is to drive through McDonalds and buy enough milk to last us until I can get to the grocery store.

My son dresses himself, and a lot of times his ensembles look really bad. But this is all part of allowing myself to let go. I only have so much brain space, and I have had to decide what matters and what doesn’t. A lot of thing that would have bothered me ten years ago aren’t even on my radar now.

Perhaps my most recent MakeShift moment was when I spaced out and remembered “back to school night” at my son’s school only a couple of hours before it was to begin. I had no childcare lined up, and I had previously promised to go goldfish shopping with my son that evening. I desperately called a sitter, who was (thank goodness) willing to meet us at the pet store. After the fish selection, the four of us (myself, my son, the sitter, and the fish) went out to dinner. I really wanted to spend that time with my son, and I knew that having dinner with him would only prohibit me from attending the first part of “back to school night,” the part where I would be apt to eagerly volunteer for tasks that my schedule unfortunately will not allow. After dinner, I was able to be present for the second part of the meeting — the part where I saw my son’s classroom, met his teachers, and signed up to help with holiday parties (short volunteer commitments that increase the time spent with my son). It was a whirlwind of an evening but everything worked out great. My son got his fish, we had a lovely dinner, I was present at the meeting, and I kept sigh of what’s important.

jennifer invites memphians to the grand opening of the uptown grocer, this friday afternoon, october 15th, from 11:30-2:30 at cafe palladio (corner of cooper and central). sample jennifer’s chicken tetrazzini and cinnimon apple bread pudding with caramel, and enter to win one of four free uptown grocer gift certificates. 

• find jennifer on the web at http://www.theuptowngrocer.com/ 
• follow on twitter: @theuptowngrocer

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

name: Elise McKinnon

age: 36 for a few more weeks

current city: Memphis, TN

living situation: I live with my husband, Leonard; daughter, Audrey (age nine); son, Edward (age eight); needy Border Collie/Beagle mix, Dash; perfect cat, Anna; and foster puppy, Sammie.

how do you structure your time and space? Hah! I don’t. Any sense of organization I ever had went right out the window after my children were born. My house is a mess – everyday. Dinner is a surprise every night. Until recently, the only constants in our home were bedtimes, school times (for the kids), and morning exercise for me. In April I returned to work part-time, and I’ve tried to create some structure since then but I have found that the more I try to create a sense of order, the more the cosmos conspire to put a wrench in everything. In general, I do my very best each day to subvert society by refusing to multi-task.  This includes talking on the phone while I drive, doing anything while I eat, ironing clothes while I brush the dog with one foot, or anything else that sacrifices quality for quantity. 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I don’t think I was born to be a mother as some women were – or believe they were. I am an only child, so the sibling dynamic is something for which I have no frame of reference. The bickering, posturing and bartering can make for exasperating background noise, at times. But when they giggle together, and they don’t know I’m listening – that’s music. I love my children, and they surprise and delight me each and every day but my nurturing instincts aren’t always particularly strong. I spend a lot of time lost in the forest and, on the off-chance that I do happen to notice an individual tree, I usually go after it with an axe. So, I spend a lot of time saying, “I’m sorry.” I always said I’d never be one of those mothers who over-schedules her children, but I do love watching Audrey and Edward try new things and discover new talents. Even more than that, I enjoy watching them work hard for things that don’t come easily for them and being there when they succeed. The biggest challenge, and it seems to be getting bigger, is carving out time for Leonard and me to be alone. The best time of my life was when we were dating, and I miss the ability to spontaneously take off for the weekend or just lie around the house doing nothing.

-what season(s) preceded this one? Probably springtime. I loved being single and living alone with everything in front of me. Right after college, I moved to DC and worked on Capitol Hill for several years. It was electric! Most of my circle here in Memphis got married right out of college – something I can’t even imagine having done. I don’t know who I would be if I hadn’t had the opportunity to be just me– not someone’s daughter, wife, mother, et cetera.  When I was single, I felt strong – in bloom – just like spring’s promise.

-what season(s) might your future hold? Today the heat index is 117 degrees, so I can’t think of anything more pleasing than winter. BUT, if we remove the metaphor, what I hope the future holds is a chance to live someplace else. I miss being an easy drive from the beach or the mountains. I would love for my family to live in another country and experience another world-view. 

favorite family activities: going to the beach, hiking, riding bikes, going to the movies, eating out together

favorite solo activities: running, reading, traveling, playing the piano

source(s) of inspiration: good writing, dry humor, and waves crashing on a shore

best MakeShift moment: My life is one gi-normous makeshift moment. I couldn’t possibly narrow it down to one.

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

first name: Cindi

age: 38

current city: Memphis, TN

living situation: I live with my husband of ten years, Mike, our five-year-old, Fifi (Sophie), and our two-year-old, Davis.

occupation: Director of the Buckman Performing and Fine Arts Center at St. Mary’s School

how do you structure your time and space?  Even though I work full-time, I want my kids to know they come first. It’s important that I drive them to and from school. I’m very protective of any time outside of work, since I often have an unpredictable schedule with evening and weekend engagements. Any time off is strictly reserved for my kiddos. I’ll take a Saturday night at Chick-fil-A over a pedi or a massage.

My husband works full time as a Multi-Media Developer and web designer and plays drums in a band on the weekends. We believe that the best way to be good for our kids is to be good to each other. So, Wednesday is date night; no exceptions. We also escape for a weekend alone in New York together once a year.

I wake up at 4:20 every weekday morning to run six and a half miles before the family gets up. It’s my only self-indulgent time when no one can bother me. With Mike’s help, I get the kids fed, dressed and strapped in the car by 7:20 a.m, and rush for Fifi’s school. My son goes to Parents Day Out two days a week and stays at home three days a week with Angelica, our nanny of five years, who might as well be a grandma to him. I do my office work at the theater between 7:45 a.m. and 3:00 p.m. When my kids get out of school, they take classes at the theater (violin and ballet) until I leave work at 4:30 p.m. Then it’s family time, with all of its necessary steps: homework, dinner, household chores, laundry, dishes, trash, pet care, baths, story time, bedtime and lights out by 8 p.m. I go back to work from my home laptop until the dryer and dishwasher stop. After folding and putting away laundry, I fall into bed by 11 p.m.

On weekends, I have my stage shows, art opening, independent film series and children’s events. Inevitably, my hubbie and I have overlaps with shows on the weekends. When that happens, we have to rely on a sitter or family. When all else fails, my theater occasionally adopts some very short ushers. We operate on a chaotic schedule in the school year, but have wonderful fall, winter and spring breaks and reduced hours and vacation in the summer.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? This is my summer. My children are in full bloom! My greatest challenge is getting caught in the rush of today and losing perspective of the big picture of my children’s sweet lives. This is probably the busiest and most fulfilling my life will ever be. I don’t want to wish it away with the hectic climate we live in. I try to freeze moments in my mind, like swinging on my mother’s porch swing with my kids and singing last night. This is the best time when they are still happy to see and be seen with me and don’t talk back. I don’t want to forget a moment of it.

-what season(s) preceded this one? Spring! It was a time of preparing for and anticipating our little family, doing everything for the first time in my career, and adjusting to life as a newlywed and a mother-to-be.

-what season(s) might your future hold? In the next twenty years, it will be my fall. A time for harvest and reaping what I sew, my children will take on lives of their own, and my role as mother will shift from a daily caregiver to adviser, comforter, financier and taxi driver. It will be a time for new growth perhaps in my career and a time of renewal for my husband and me.

favorite family activity/activities: We love singing, dancing and listening to music together (not in a creepy Von Trap sort of way). Watching the kids choreograph and belt out their interpretations of songs and turn our fireplace into a stage is high art to us. We get a kick out of showing our kids the things that we loved when we were young and sharing it all again; Electric Company, Free to Be You and Me, Michael Jackson, the Muppet Show, Bugs Bunny. We love Hide and go Seek, walking to our neighborhood park and feeding the ducks, baking together, and reading (if I try to skip out on story time at night, Fifi is quick to remind say, “But Mommy, you’re supposed to read to your child AT LEAST 20 minutes a day!”

favorite solo activity/activities: My absolute guilty pleasure is Broadway musicals. I’m a contemporary dance junky, as well. If I’m not backstage at one of my shows, chances are I’m in someone else’s audience. For stress relief, I love running and yoga.

Source(s) of inspiration: My Mom–I talk to her every day. Her advice has never been wrong, and she’s so sensitive to the needs of others. She actually cries with me when I have a bad day. My closest friend and co-worker also inspires me. She is the most focused and balanced mother I’ve ever known. She gives me the skinny on how to do it all with grace and charm. And of course, God. I have to believe He is in control of all that is beautiful, good, bad and ugly on this earth.

Best MakeShift moment:In my office, I have a drawer filled with crayons, Mardi Gras beads, play dough, matchbox cars, and most importantly, a roll of bubble wrap. Not only does it occupy and entertain my children, it helps with other kids who find their way outside my office door. There is always a toddler waiting while “Big Sis” is taking ballet class. I also keep a kiddie movie or two with me at all times to be popped into a laptop for entertainment. And nothing beats and i-phone for shopping trips, car rides and general tot occupation!

name: Martha Young

age: 66

current city: Memphis

living situation: My dog, Sawyer, my cat, Kitty, and I are the current occupants of our home. Emily, my soon-to-be twenty-year-old daughter will be in and out for the summer. She is a junior at Mississippi State in Starkville. I have a total of three children. Emily’s brothers are Chris (42), who lives in Manhattan Beach, CA, and Roger (40), who resides in St. Petersburg, FL. I am thrilled to have six grandchildren, ranging from ages eight to eleven months. I am a  single mom and grandmother. When my boys were little, the dad was in the house. He was not a “hands on dad.”

occupation: I am a first grade teacher. I love first graders. When they start losing their teeth, they are just about at the best age there is. The  toothless smile of a first grader is a thing of beauty. They love their moms, dads, teachers, and pets. They are potty trained and will not have to be taught to drive for years. You generally know where they are at all times, which is a good thing. They still love to hear a good story, and can usually tell one. They are so ready to learn and share. When they grow up and leave home, it’s not the teenager you miss, it’s the first grader.   

how do you structure your time and space? To say that I structure my time might be a stretch. If you have read about Jill (my daughter-in-law), a previously featured “mother of invention,” you read about structure. That is called the gene pool trying to correct itself. The main structure in my life is comes from my job, teaching first grade. You might say that I am structured on a first grade level. We have a schedule to follow in school, and I try to stick to it. We work in the mornings in a structured format, and do our less structured activities in the afternoon. It’s like eating your vegetables before dessert. On weekends I tend to work the same way. I go running early, do my chores, and do the really fun stuff in the afternoon.

My schedule has definitely changed since my children were launched. I used to wonder how moms with three children took all their children where they needed to go. Two, even back then, was difficult. That’s why God, in his infinite wisdom, gave me three children, but not all in the house at the same time. The older two were in, and just out of college when Emily was born. As a matter of fact, I missed Chris’s college graduation because Emily was due that day.

Since I no longer have to drive someone to a sports event in the afternoons or prepare a meal, I am able to jog in the afternoons after school, if time permits. While children were at home, I ran early before school, many days. I found that if I didn’t run early, something would come up to prevent it from happening. Now I run after school and do very little in the way of homemaking in the evening. I save all the chores for Saturday. That is a euphemism for not doing anything at night. After teaching and running, I am ready to do nothing but read, relax, and watch TV. And, especially after the time changes in the spring, I have found that if I don’t go to bed right after dark, I am behind schedule for the next day and tired. (I have to get my jabs in against daylight savings time.) 

My grandchildren all live elsewhere, so I am always on vacation when I am with them. That makes holidays really special.

martha with daughter, emily, and twin granddaughters

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives, what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? What season(s) preceded this one? What season(s) might your future hold? Well, I guess I am in fall. I think I had an extra long summer, having the twenty year gap between children. I would like for fall to last forever and not ever go into winter. That is my plan. The challenges of being in fall are that I like summer activities best. I love being on this earth and don’t ever want to leave it. I like being outside and being physically active.

Favorite family activity/activities: My favorite large-group family activity is being with them at the beach. Our week in Destin, FL is my favorite of the entire year.

When Emily and I were the immediate family occupying the home, we painted everything we touched. I don’t think that there is a square inch of this house that has not been painted. We even painted a mural in our garage. On December 21, or the winter solstice, the sun hits the big red sun on the east wall and lights up the garage with an aura of red. We call it the “miracle in the garage”.

favorite solo activities: I love to run. I imagine stories while I run, such as spending lottery money. I especially like long distances. I also continue to paint. On our recent snow days, I painted three pieces of furniture white. The ceilings have never been done but that will be so boring.

sources of inspiration: the Sunday services at Idlewild Presbyterian Church;  being outside in the late afternoon; watching the street lights turn on in the early evening

best MakeShift moment: My MakeShift moment would have to be an incident involving a jogging stroller and a garage sale when Emily and I were living  in Miami. When Emily was a baby, I had no one to watch her when I ran. I was ecstatic when she was old enough to ride in the running stroller, which was my prized possession. I got the stroller out during our garage sale so that Emily would have a place to sit, but much to my dismay, a neighbor sat in it and rendered it unrideable. I went into a panic, shut down the sale at 9:30 a.m.,  and told people it was over. (This was not a popular thing to do since I was selling many of  my ex-husband’s things at a very good price!) I packed Emily in the car and drove straight to the local running store. Mastercard enabled me to purchase the $300.00 model already assembled.

Jogging with Emily in the stroller was always its own MakeShift moment. To keep her happily engaged, I let her spread containers of baby powder through the streets of  Miami on more than one jog.

 [if you know someone who would make a good “mothers of invention” feature, check out the nomination process details on the sidebar to your right.]

first name: Kate

age: 26

current city: [withheld]

living situation: I live with my amazing husband, Todd a.k.a. “The Phatness,” my precious ten month old, Logan, and my 100 pound beast trapped in a Yorkie body, Georgio. 

occupation: Currently, I am a stay-at-home mom. But I am also a graduate student on sabbatical, working toward a master’s in social work so that I can be an LCSW (a therapist). I took this past year off to stay at home with my son, Logan. It was so important to me that I be able to do that, and then all the cards fell into place.

When I graduate, I hope to run my counseling practice and work within the Latino community of my state.My state has the fastest growing Latino population in the nation, and there isn’t a single Spanish speaking counselor in my area.

how do you structure your time and space? I guess on the outside, my life structure would appear to be pretty conventional. I’m a stay at home mom, and my husband goes to an eight to five job. But when you start peeling back the layers of it all you see that we really aren’t that traditional. Todd does the dishes while watching football, and I asked for a power drill and Lowe’s cards for Christmas!

In regards to a daily time structure, I am very lucky to have the flexibility that comes with staying at home. If I want to go to the library or the park with Logan at 9:00 a.m. but we don’t get there until ten or noon, then I can usually be happy with that too.

I will be goingback to school on May 17th, and I have no, I mean absolutely NO idea how we are going to work that out. Is Logan going to stay with someone in our home? Is he going to go to the University daycare? Will he do both? No idea. I will have a more interesting answer once school has started. I will definitely be blogging about that if you want to check back in with me. School used to be my MAIN focus. I wanted a 4.0, I wanted to be in honor societies, et cetera. But now I’m terrified of how I’m going to make it work because my whole world shifted when Logan was born. My main focus now is Logan. It will be an interesting adjustment to school because I am such a perfectionist.

Until then, my career takes place in “the nursery,” and has been the hardest job I’ve ever had (not the only one that included poop though. Life guarding + baby pool = no fun!). I mean seriously, this job involves dodging projectile vomit (which takes mad skills), while trying to avoid the other end that occasionally has projectile you-know-what too, consistent all-nighters, and random bouts of “the boss” screaming at you for no apparent reason. But one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that spit up, dirty diapers, and sleep deprivation won’t kill me (at least not yet).

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I feel like my current challenge is learning how to balance things I love to do for ME andthings I need and love to do with Logan. Learning how to be a mother has been wonderful, but it has also been a struggle to adjust to the life of loving someone so much more than myself.

The highlights of my “season” are being able to share with Logan all his “firsts.” It was very important for me to be with him this year. Another highlight of mine was being accepted into the master’s of social work program. Last year I was a history grad student, found out I was pregnant, and had no idea what I was going to do with a history masters!

-What season(s) preceded this one? Pregnancy was hard! I was having a hard time adjusting to that loss of “maidenhood,” as a friend once called it. Becoming a mother was an extremely difficult challenge for me. I was sick for 35 of the 39 weeks I was pregnant, we were figuring out our financial situation to make way for the baby, we were house hunting, and I was in gradschool and working. It was just really hard.

Where I am currently in my life right now just feels perfect! I feel like I finally have a handle on everything!

-What season(s) might your future hold? I’m really looking forward to getting back on campus and finishing my degree. I honestly think that I’m looking forward to sitting in class and having a whole 50 minutes all to myself! And I’m a nerd anyways. I love school!

favorite family activities: I love it when we go to the park as a family, go hiking, or just hang out in the den playing cards with a movie in the background. And Todd and I love to go to the movies together whenever we get the chance.

favorite solo activities: I like to exercise (running & I have a love/hate relationship!). I LOVE to read! I love to go to home-improvement stores andjust wander around looking at everything andenvisioning the projects that could happen! I love my jetted whirlpool tub and any chance I get to hang out in it!

sources of inspiration: My mother, for certain. She went to law school and had two babies before she finished her program. That’s amazing to me! If she can do it, I hope I can too.

 Whenever I start feelingreally down and defeated, I turn to 1 Peter 5:8. That always helps.

And honestly, many of the women I have found in the blogging world inspire me. They are doing exactly what I’m doing, and it’s just comforting to read that I’m not alone in the chaos that is motherhood.

best MakeShift moment: Well, let’s see… I’m typing this right now in the bathroom floor while Logan is taking a bath. He was screaming at me at the top of his lungs, so I popped him in there and he’s having a blast!

 Also, Logan is going through the typical separation anxiety. Did you know that I’m not allowed to go the bathroom without holding him? God forbid I do something without including him, right? Showers are a big no-no for him too. If he so much as hears the shower water turn on, he flips out. So, I now take baths andput him in the floor with all of his toys. He usually stands at the edge of the tub andknocks big bottles of shampoo into the water. It hurts when he aims them just right and they land on top of me, but at least I get clean!

Find Kate on the web at http://www.mommymonologues.com/  and at Mommy Monologues on Facebook!