name: Lane

age: 36

current city: Memphis

living situation: I live with my husband of 13 years, Brian, our eight-year-old daughter Sophie, and our five-year-old son, Whit.

occupation: I am a Registered Nurse, working full-time at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, where I’ve worked since I completed nursing school 11 years ago. I got my foot in the door on the night shift but took a nine to five outpatient position around the time we wanted to start a family. My current job is in clinical research, which is not very nurse-y, but it is immensely challenging and intellectually satisfying. I assist the MD researchers in collecting, organizing, and analyzing data to answer the questions posed to improve clinical outcomes for our patients and beyond.

how do you structure your time and space? I would call our work-family life “modern traditional.” Our babies were in full-time workweek daycare from four months of age and now have transitioned to school life with full-time on-campus aftercare. Our children have had wonderful caregivers both in daycare and in aftercare, and we are so thankful that we have rarely had to question those choices. We also have very willing, loving, and helpful family in town, and have been blessed again with supervisors and coworkers along the journey who are flexible and understanding when a family’s little hiccups occur. Thankfully, the hiccups have been small and well timed. What good fortune we have had!

We divide pretty much every household task in our family 50/50. Bedtimes and dinner clean-up are alternating nights, hubs does carpool drop-off in the morning and I do afternoon pickup, et cetera. Other tasks are 50/50 in that I never do trash duty, laundry folding, or bug squashing (to name a few things), and he rarely has the weekly grocery job or bill minding. There are some chores that come down to the good old fashioned “Mexican stand off” – how long can one tolerate the dog fur tumbleweeds or ignore clean dishes waiting in the washer before one of us just caves. As they’ve become old enough, our children have inherited some tasks such as setting the table and putting folded clothes in their drawers. The hope is that as they grow, they will help more and more with their share.

There is a lot that just doesn’t get done in a timely manner, or at all!
 
Weekends are packed with errands, play dates, and general “getting-it-done;” I have lists of my lists and delight in crossing things off. I have admitted numerous times that I go to work to relax. We are also experts on anything and everything that can be accomplished/purchased online (and we are ready to support a local internet grocery service, hint hint!!). I think we also do a pretty good job of making sure we each have some time to spend however we choose, no questions asked.
 
When the kids were very small, we thought daily life was pretty hectic (and it was) but school-age has brought a new challenges and adjustments to our well oiled machine (did I mention I was type A?). Strict baby schedules have now relaxed to accommodate swim meets or ill-timed birthday parties, and more and more often we find ourselves splitting the kids and the errands/social opportunities down the middle. We have to juggle changes on the fly more often these days. Fortunately, we manage to have dinner as a family four or five times a week (frozen pizza definitely counts!), a habit that I hope we will be able to maintain as our kids wander farther from our nest. We have a pretty lengthy bedtime routine that strengthens our parent-child connections. Early bedtimes for the kids, and late ones for us allow my husband and me to have some quiet time that often takes the form of multi-tasking in front of favorite TV shows. Growing children also means that we can get out more easily or gather with similarly situated friends and lock ourselves (with the wine) in the dining room while the kids wreak havoc and stay up too late.

Each stage has definitely had its pros and cons.  

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I’ve often felt as if I am a woman transported in time from the Forties or Fifties. I have a vocation that has been historically held by women, and with my love of sewing, baking, and other domestic arts, I wonder if I’m channeling June Cleaver.

 I was raised in an intact traditional home with lots of love and plenty of advantages. (In fact, I recently moved across the street from my parents who still live in my childhood home.) Many of my childhood experiences are being shared almost verbatim with my children (choice of school, church, home, and some human values). I struggle with how to blend the “wholesomey goodness” I knew from childhood with the hard realities of this modern life and the opinions I have developed through study, experience, or happenstance. I am so thankful for the childhood I have known and the family who gave it to me. So why don’t I want to duplicate it completely for my family now that I am a parent? How do I construct a new iteration of family without following the pattern I know? How can I keep my favorite parts without passing judgement on the outdated, abandoned ways?
 
Thankfully I have some great role models around me, but largely I feel out of place in most circles because there’s just enough that is different about my situation that it seems like I’m always asking for exceptions or favors. Could we meet after six o’clock? Can’t we do this by phone instead of in person? May I take a two-hour lunch to “run” home and participate in my child’s class party? Will you have childcare available for this event? I know this is not unique, but in my mind, I always seem to be the one needing something more. I’m getting used to it, and some of these problems are getting easier because other parents with similar conflicts have opened the doors ahead of me, but I think about it a lot.
 
I feel like we have now reached the height of our summer season. Since shedding diapers, sippycups, naps, and the extra luggage that holds them, I feel like a kid who has stashed her school bag in the closet for a nice, long break. Our children are fun, expressive, imaginative, but still agreeable, easily entertained, and most importantly, they still enjoy being around us.

-what season(s) preceded this one? Early motherhood was a long, hard winter for me. Although we joyously anticipated the arrival of our first child, it took me over a year to completely submit to motherhood and the undeniable changes that accompanied it. I realize now that I much prefer my babies talking and self-feeding, thankyouverymuch, and that the post-partum period can last a very long time. Again, work was a refuge for me during this challenging time. I could come home from work and look forward to the time I had with my small children, knowing that I also had time in an adult world. I always knew my personality was not suited for staying home, even though working full time is not easy. Either way, it’s exhausting! Our strictly-defined schedules were simultaneously confining and comforting.

-what season(s) might your future hold? My daughter is approaching the pre-teen/tween stage all too fast. I don’t even want to start thinking about that season. Summer forever! 

favorite family activities: Wii games, board games, crafting, playing outside

favorite solo activities: creative arts of all types, especially sewing and paper crafting; baking when there’s time

source(s) of inspiration: I am constantly stealing ideas for crafts from any source (friends, etsy, lowe’s circular, and boutique clothing catalogs). I suffer from the delusion that I could replicate most beautiful things if I had enough time and money, and the proper tools. Never mind that it’s plagiarism or just not worth the trouble; I just love a creative challenge. 

best MakeShift moment: One day at work I found that I had forgotten to include the very important collection bottles that hook to the breast pump (regarding breastfeeding: I have never been so proud of myself for keeping it up for over six months with each baby, and also so thrilled to quit!). Knowing I couldn’t make it all day without pumping, I snagged some urine specimen cups from the supply cart, rigged them up to the pump, and stayed on schedule. They are sterile, after all! 
 
The first summer after our daughter was potty trained, we worried how this progress would affect the ten-hour drive to and from the beach for our family vacation. (Would we stop every 30 minutes versus every couple of hours?) That year, we packed the plastic training potty in the back and were glad to have it ! Several times, including on an exit ramp in Birmingham just blocks from several gas stations, we pulled out that potty and sat her on it, proud as we could be that Sophie had avoided an “accident”! I can’t imagine trying to help a newly-trained girl “go tee-tee” without giving her a place to sit.

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

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first name: Johanna

age: 36

living situation: I live with my husband and my two year old son.

occupation: Professor

how do you structure your time and space? I work full time during the academic year at a small teaching college and am expected to spend about 40 hours a week on campus. My child attends a nearby daycare.

During the academic year, I teach either one or two nights a week. On those days, I go into work a little later and have some time with my son at home in the morning. Those days are also “Boys’ Nights In,” and my husband comes home from work early, picks our son up from daycare, and takes care of him while I am teaching.

I have about seven weeks off during the summer, four weeks at Christmas, as well as some shorter breaks during the academic year. I spend as much of this time as I can with my son. I also work at home some during these breaks, usually during nap time or after my son’s bedtime.

I often do laundry and other homemaking tasks early in the morning before my son gets up. We also have someone help with cleaning every other week. I like to cook and want my family to have healthy, homemade meals, but that time after work and before bedtime is precious and goes by so quickly. I am unwilling to spend much of it preparing a meal. So, I have settled into a routine of cooking mainly on the weekends so that we can either eat leftovers or out of the crock pot on weeknights.

My husband and I typically have our “date nights” at home on Friday nights, after our son goes to bed. When we go out for dinner or coffee, we almost always take our son with us. We spend so much time away from him during the week, we both want to spend as much of our evening and weekend time with him as we can. We also have a Young Parents’ (no kids) Supper Club through our church that meets every month or two that we love participating in.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Throughout all my years of graduate school and post-doctoral training, I wondered (and worried) how I would manage an academic career and motherhood. Though I have always felt called to my work, I found it very difficult to put my baby in someone else’s care while I worked. Some days, I still do. However, my financial contribution to our family is essential, and I am grateful to have a job that I really like and that makes a difference in this world.  I have also learned that I am not the only one who can love and care for my child. I have been humbled by and am thankful for the wonderful care he receives from his daycare teachers while I am at work. I also think my husband takes a more active role in caring for our son than he would if I didn’t work full-time. Seeing their relationship if a gift that I never expected.

Oftentimes, I wish for more time with my son and more flexibility with my work. However, I am also aware of how fortunate I am to work on an academic calendar. Also, a teaching institution is a good place for me to be right now. The pressure to achieve here is lower than in other places I’ve been, and unlike many other academics I know, I am mostly able to keep my working hours to 40 per week.

I am very selective in the responsibilities I take on. I don’t say “yes” to every opportunity that comes my way. It’s hard, though, to say “no” and deal with others’ expectations of me. I hope that I am doing enough to pull my weight in my department, to be competitive whenever I apply for new jobs, and to make valuable contributions to my church and community.  

I don’t have much time for hobbies and personal interests. I have a closet full of unfinished sewing projects and a long list of books I want to read… someday!

-What season(s) preceded this one? I completed a postdoc at a large, top-tier research university. While I loved the work I did, I didn’t love the pressure and long hours that went along with it.

-What season(s) might your future hold? I don’t know. I’d like to have more time with my son and more flexibility in my schedule. I’d also like to stay in academics. Maybe I’ll keep teaching. Maybe I’ll find a way to go back to research.

favorite family activity/activities: Snuggling on the couch with blankies and reading books together. Taking walks around our neighborhood, while our son rides in his wagon. Using our new webcam to talk to grandparents and cousins. 

favorite solo activities: reading, walking

sources of inspiration: my husband, my son, good books

best MakeShift moment: My husband was running late to pick up our son, and I had a class to teach. So, I took my son to class with me. To the delight of both my son and my graduate students, I lectured with a baby on my hip! This was very unorthodox at my university! 

[if you know someone who would make a good “mothers of invention” feature, check out the questionnaire and nomination process located on the sidebar to your right.]