name: Maria Bergius Krämer

age: 35

current city: Malmö, Sweden

living situation: I am married with one child, a daughter born in October of 2003.

occupation: Priest in the Church of Sweden

how do you structure your time and space? Both my husband and I work full time, but since my husband is a teacher, his days are shorter and less weird than mine are. I usually take our daughter to school, and he picks her up. In general, he is the primary parent. He is gone way less than I am, has shorter days (almost no evening work) and does not work on the weekends.

Our daughter also is enrolled in the after school program, since school ends at 1:00 p.m. She is picked up at 4:00. Sweden subsidizes this heavily. During her life we have never had to pay more than 150 dollars a month for daycare or kindergarten.

We have always been careful to give each other “own-time”. We see a lot of friends and do things together, but also make sure that both of us spend time on things we enjoy on our own. For example: I am off on Fridays, and even though the personnel at the daycare clearly state that when a parent is off, the child should be too, I have always claimed that time as reading/studying time, and let her be at the daycare center that day. On these days, I tend to pick her up a little earlier, but still. She is happy with her friends, and I get my space.

Since our daughter was four months old, we have always made sure that she is okay with being looked after by others, as long as the evening routine is observed. This has given us opportunities to go out to see movies, et cetera.

Regarding our space, we live in a small apartment right in the center of the city in a bohemian, multi-cultural neighborhood. We moved here when our daughter was four. It was a deliberate choice. Before, we lived in a big suburban semi-attached house with a garden. For many, that must be the ideal place to bring a child up, but not for us. We disliked the commute, which forced us to buy a car; we disliked being away from friends; and most of all, we disliked living somewhere where our child would only encounter one kind of people – semi-affluent ethnic Swedes. So we moved, and living here we are so close to everything that we do not need the car anymore. Our daughter sees different ethnicities every day, plays with friends from Lebanon and Bosnia, and we have a 24-hour pharmacy right around the corner. We had to throw away lots and lots of things to fit into our three-room apartment, but it works, and we are happy here.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? This was a tricky one. Our daughter is becoming quite independent. They say that six-and-a-half-year-olds are mini teens, and that is very true. She argues with us, and rolls her eyes and stomps away, but at the same time, she is super inquisitive, helpful, and sweet. I would say I am still in the spring of motherhood. There are new things to be discovered every day, new growth and development. We do creative things, bike all over town, shop, and laugh a lot.

But to be sure, challenges abound too. I think I, along with most mothers, carry a lot of guilt for not spending enough time with our children. And yet, there has to be balance. There are mothers who find fulfilment in spending all of their waking hours (and some of the sleeping ones too) with their children, but I am not like that. And she is not like that either. It is difficult finding your own way when it clashes with many expectations and ideas about what is right. 

-what season(s) preceded this one? We have led a harmonious and peaceful life for quite some time. We found our places and roles after a period of winter, the long and difficult first three months of our daughter’s life. It was difficult getting used to being parents, and she was always ill. Never seriously, just constantly sniffling and coughing and unhappy. But it all changed. Provocatively enough for some, it changed when we stopped breast feeding and taught little baby to sleep through the night in her own bed. I know this is not for everyone, but it saved us.

-what season(s) might your future hold? I look forward to a lot of things. There will be stormy times and peaceful times. Our daughter will alienate herself and hopefully come back. It is all meant to be. I hope there will be a summer, a beautiful season when growth is not as explosive and turbulent as during spring, when there is time for conversation and relaxation and sipping lemonade in the shade. When she is old enough to enjoy being with us just because it is us, not because she has to.

And yes, I look forward to the autumn of motherhood too. Sometimes my daughter claims that she does not want children, and I hope she changes her mind. Whomever she meets in the future, I hope that person will love her as much as I do and give her security and fun and adventure and tenderness.

favorite family activities: We do a lot of creative things together. One day we build a tee pee for our daughter’s barbie dolls. another day, she and I make bead necklaces. The next day she wants our help with the bow and arrow she is making, and we often go to a couple of friends’ houses to play and have dinner. We live a very social life with friends visiting often. We play board games and go to the park.

favorite solo activities: When I am alone, I leave the house to walk the city. I go in and out of stores, gathering inspiration more than shopping, and I sit at cafés and watch people. At night, I am usually found in front of the computer, chatting with friends and reading blogs. Or my husband and I sit in our corners on the couch and read books, every now and then sharing something interesting, while drinking tea.

source(s) of inspiration: I draw inspiration for motherhood from friends, my mother, and the Swedish controversial mothering guru Anna Wahlgren. She is very outspoken, and sometimes I cringe when I read her books, but in many ways we have found that her advice has been sound and helpful.

best MakeShift moment: Sometimes, being a priest puts a lot of strain on families like mine that come from non-churchy backgrounds. It is difficult for our families to understand why I have to work each Christmas and Easter. We, too, want to spend that time together as much as possible, which has caused some interesting solutions to be worked out. One year, when I had enlisted my husband to be a reader in the Christmas midnight mass, we had our daughter sleeping in the vestry (priestly wardrobe). The year after, during the Easter vigil, she slept while we carried her from home, to my office, to the church and all through the vigil (where the organ played at it’s loudest and bells were ringing), and from the service to the Easter party afterwards. She was still asleep when we put her to bed at two in the morning, and had no recollection of it at all the day after. The things poor pastors’ kids are put through! *smiles*

find maria on the web:

• priest girl: http://prastflickan.blogspot.com/
• priest girls’ sermons and stories: http://prastflickealster.blogspot.com/
• clergy chicks traveling blog: http://clergychicksatraveling.blogspot.com/

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

first name: Beth

age: 31

occupation: By vocation I am a mom and outdoor educator. These days I am a mom (full-time at home) and the youth program director for an Episcopal Diocese (part-time at home). I just finished my first book, and I’ll be teaching my first college class in the fall. (These last 2 things I do because I love them, not because I have the time.)

how do you structure your time and space? In regards to space, thankfully our new-to-us home has an extra bedroom that serves as the office/craft/library “quick – close the door, company is here!” space. This room has revolutionized my work life because I can start something and finish it later without needing to pick it up. I keep quiet toys in Eliot’s room and the louder ones in the living room. As is true with many toddlers, no matter how many toys we have (too many, thanks to the generosity of all sorts of people), his favorites will always be the broom, mop, my knitting tape measure and the blower-upper thing that came with my (underutilized) exercise ball.

As for the way I structure my time, a couple months ago, Eliot started sleeping past 6:00 a.m. on a regular-ish basis. Since this sleep change, I’ve been setting my alarm in a (not always realized) attempt to wake before him for a little yoga, e-mail check-in, to-do list overview, and, when I’m lucky, reading or knitting. Otherwise, my day revolves around his schedule which is dictated by me but must not push past his need to sleep or be crazy. I try not to work when Eliot’s awake but he loves “helping” with housework and cooking. I believe in adventures to pass the time (the park, walks, zoo outings, grocery shopping, working in the garden).

Most of my work gets done while Eliot sleeps in the afternoon.  Thursday mornings he goes to a Mother’s Morning Out program (which is almost done for the summer – yikes!), and Tuesday mornings my husband takes him to the park or somewhere just as fun. It’s impressive how much work I can get done in an uninterrupted three hour period. Since Mitch’s schedule is flexible (he’s a priest at a small church), when I need a day to finish a project he usually can accommodate this need.

I have always been a morning person and I envy all those who can work late into the night. My evenings are usually reserved for a sit-down family dinner, Eliot’s bedtime routine (Mitch and I swap dinner clean-up for bath/play/bed) and knitting or sewing. Most nights my day ends with The Daily Show.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? It’s almost time for summer camp. Directing the camp is the most consuming part of my youth program director job. I have to work more and be more creative and disciplined with my time. One blessing of my job is that Eliot is always welcome – to meetings, events and the office (when I go). Naturally then, he is at camp with me, which makes life both easier and harder. Of course it’s also late spring and I can still tolerate the heat (you can take the girl out of the northeast …) so Eliot and I go on lots of adventures whenever we can!

Mitch and I moved to our current town only a couple months ago. This move has been wonderful and rewarding on so many levels. Our new space and community bring so many highlights to an otherwise challenging season. It’s hard to get overwhelmed when good distractions abound.

-What season(s) preceded this one? The season preceding this one was easily the most challenging of my life. We left a wonderful, loving seminary community when I was eight months pregnant. Our new home came with a new baby, new jobs (for me, motherhood), new culture and no grandparents. Needless to say, we have learned a lot!

One of the things I’ve learned (and continue to work on) is that I often (always) set the bar way higher than is possible for me to reach and therefore am regularly disappointed. I’ve been working on replacing “should” (I should do x, y and z … all perfectly) with “need to” or “want to” – this is part of why my current season is so comfortable.

-What season(s) might your future hold? I’m not sure what’s coming next. We like where we live (the town and our home). We’re managing our money better than ever before, paying off debt, and can finally start to see the end of that tunnel. We’d like more kids one day. I want to teach more and write more and craft more. Way down the road we hope to move back to the northeast but we aren’t feeling particularly antsy about anything these days (a delightful feeling, for sure).

favorite family activity/activities: going to the park, the zoo, our community garden, or anywhere else we can think of that gets us outside; playing ball of all varieties; disc golf; cooking/baking; reading

 favorite solo activities: knitting, sewing, reading, yoga, hiking/backpacking

sources of inspiration: My mom has always worked from a home office (she’s an accountant), and when I get really frazzled, she is always there. She’s there when I’m not frazzled, too! We talk usually once a day via phone, IM, or Skype, which allows her to see Eliot’s current state of crazy. My friends all provide inspiration in their own way: friends who have clergy spouses, multiple kids, creative output, or a love of the outdoors.

best MakeShift moment: Ever since Eliot was tiny, my shower time has been the easiest part of the day (and he was a hard baby). At each new stage I come up with creative things for him to play with in the bathroom – the bouncy chair when he was tiny and a blanket and some books to chew on when he was little. A Mr. Potato Head version of Elmo currently resides in one of the vanity drawers. He’s always loved books so that’ll get me a little time but lately he’s at the water stage: filling, pouring, washing. For the most part the water even stays in the sink! Like most mothers, I can tell what is happening most anywhere in the house just by listening. When all I need to listen for is on the other side of a curtain, I can be pretty sure what he’s doing and when.

find beth on the web:

• blog: http://weteyelashes.wordpress.com
• book/curriculum: To Serve and Guard the Earth: God’s Creation Story and Our Environmental Concern http://www.churchpublishing.org/products/index.cfm?fuseaction=productDetail&productID=8465#