i once heard a mother describe her minivan as “a disaster preparedness kit on wheels.” hilarious! my car is really more like a snack truck that swallowed a briefcase that swallowed a sporting goods store.

it puzzles me that today’s reality project  submission is the first one that involves a vehicle.

the picture below is from erica, who assures us that this is the most organized view of her car. she writes, “it almost looks pretty. no one should be deceived into thinking that my other spaces ever look this organized! the back seat truly needed to be shoveled out to get rid of food wrappers, kids’ shoes, baby blankets and other random crap. the front passenger side is no better.”

thanks for the shovel idea, erica. i’m going to try that in my back seat.

the beauty of this mess is that every aspect of erica’s life (with the exception of her husband) is represented.

“from the left: the lovely colorful cooler that transports milk for my baby boy on days when i’m at work and he’s at daycare; underneath it, the ancient breast pump that i received as a hand-me-down and may well be on it’s third or fourth baby; my blue camera case, necessary for a pivotal day in my daughter’s life; my fancy bike messenger bag with official work-related things sticking out, like books, files, pens, notebooks, and my laptop; one of my daughter’s rain boots peeking out from underneath; a pile of children’s books needed for a meeting with a fellow pastor so that we could use them to write a up a summer sunday school curriculum; underneath that pile, a plastic crate filled with all the little bits and pieces that were in my daughter’s preschool cubby; and poking out of the top of that pile, a bug catching-net that was an end-of-the-year gift from my daughter’s preschool teachers.”

thank you, erica, for taking reality on the road. and happy bug-catching!

the reality project  is off to a seamless start with pictures from carolyn. in addition to her responsibilities as a preschool teacher and a mom of two boys, carolyn makes and sells fabulous colorful aprons at the memphis farmers market, among other places. all this is to explain the scene you are about to behold:

carolyn writes, “this is the norm on any given day, and yes, we do eat dinner at that table every evening. all the crap gets moved around or just pushed to the end.”

the fun continues with this shot of the end table next to carolyn’s regular spot on the couch:

let’s play a game! can you spot the following?

• school stuff
• sewing stuff
• jewelry she’s taken off after a long day
• big cup of hot tea for the morning
• the “color swatch” that’s been on the wall for ages (color chosen and paint purchased ages ago, but it’s still not on the walls.)

carolyn, you win the prize for the most colorful take on chaos! and p.s. i will be contacting you about making me an apron!

’twas eight days before christmas and all through preschool

performers were clad in halos, santa hats and tulle.

the parents were settled all snug in the pews

with grandparents, neighbors, and of course, camera crews.

when through the side door there processed such a clatter

that the audience responding with clapping and laughter.

lining up on stairsteps according to height

was a ragamuffin choir, unselfconscious and bright!

the monkey spoke not a word as the piano intro played

then with gusto and hand motions, he assumed a gospel singer’s sway.

his voice could be heard above those of his peers,

and his tonsils could be seen during his open-mouthed cheers.

with my cheeks tear-streaked from guffawing i rose

as the monkey hugged his fans at the program’s close.

but andy said it best, ere we drove out of the lot:

“thanks for procreating with me. i love who we got!”

most people mistakenly think that because i am a minister and a mother, i must have some special, handed-down-from-god, ability to explain matters of the ultimate to children. i’ll never forget walking with the monkey into his school last december. the preschool director had proudly installed a life-sized nativity scene:

she greeted us with a smile and a wink and said, “monkey, i know that YOU of all people must know who all of these characters are!”

she quizzed him on everyone from the animals, to mary and joseph, to jesus, himself. i am here to tell you that apart from the slight recognition of a sheep, my little guy had no earthly idea what the director was talking about.

“we’ll work on this,” i said.

yesterday, i had another opportunity to display my deficits in the area of early childhood religious education when i did the children’s sermon at church. i learned later from the monkey that my explanation of the word “perseverance” had not been clear (as found in the hebrews text, “let us run with perseverance the race set before us”). the monkey informed me confidently, as he was attempting to dismount his new trampoline, that i had nothing to worry about. he was “not going to have perseverance.” when i flashed a puzzled look he said, “that means that i am not going to get too tired or fall down.” hmmn…

finally, the monkey and i had the following interaction before bedtime last night. i was singing, and he was to fill in the gaps in the song with rhyming phrases:

mommy: (singing) “the ants go marching 12 by 12 hurrah, hurrah; the ants go marching 12 by 12, the little one stops to…”

monkey: “…go to hell!”

mommy: “what? what is hell?”

monkey: “it’s just a place you go.”

mommy: (dumbfounded) “well, where in the world have you heard of this place?”

monkey: “all the time, mommy. you know… when i go up a hill…”

mommy: “so you are saying HILL?”

monkey: “yes!”

mommy: “oh, thank god.”

so, to all the moms out there who know how to talk to children about divnity and mystery, i have a proposition to make. you give my children a foundation of stories — a framework upon which they might hang their questions later. you give them an overwhelming sense that god is love, and you inspire them to give love in return.

then, when your children get to college, you can send them to me. i will happily return to my old college chaplaincy roots. we’ll talk about our questions, our doubts, and the notion that there’s wisdom in recognizing the vast expanse of what we don’t know. we’ll work on integrating head and heart, thinking and being. 

i hope this plan works for you because if it doesn’t, my children are clearly going to hill in a hand basket.

first name: Jennifer

age: 37 

current city: Memphis

living situation: I live with my husband of almost ten years Tom, and our two children, Emma (four years) and Bennett (nine months). 

occupation: Who knew this would be such a tricky question? I was a city school teacher for ten years and resigned when I had my daughter in 2006. I decided to go back to work part-time teaching four-year-olds at our church preschool. It was perfect because I could use my God-given talent for teaching, and I could be at work with my daughter. Unfortunately I think I will be plucked from my stay-at-home-mom status to return to the trenches of full time work. Insert sad face here!

I also make jewelry.

how do you structure your time and space? I guess one of the good things about being a teacher is that my little ones and I get the same time off (holidays). We spend our days  running around town, enjoying play dates,  and playing outside. 

My jewelry studio (the laundry room) is another place I spend time. My daughter loves to “help” me with my jewelry orders. It can be tricky balancing my studio time with my other responsibilities, but my husband is a big help! Our time together and schedule will definitely be changing in the fall if I return to full-time teaching. 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Right now I would say we are in a season of winter. In February, my husband learned that he wasn’t fired, but would no longer be receiving a paycheck. Bummer, I know! He is an architect/project manager, and with this economy, people just are not building. It has been a difficult time filled with anxiety and my own sadness about returning to work full-time. We remain faithful that things will work out.

-what season(s) preceded this one? I will call the last season “swinter,”  a combination of summer and winter. It was a season of some amazing highs and some devastating lows. When I was 31 weeks pregnant, I was placed on hospital bed rest. I spent an entire month in a hospital bed away from my daughter and my husband. During that month my husband lost his mother, I lost my grandmother, and our son was born five weeks early. Our son was born on September 23, the birthday of my grandmother who had passed earlier in the week. It was truly a bittersweet day for us. We were able to bring our little man home two weeks later.

-what season(s) might your future hold? I hope our next season is spring. For me, spring is a time of growth and awakening. We are definitely ready for some good vibes to be heading our way!

favorite family activity/activities: We love to be outside! My daughter has tons of energy, so any activity outside is a good one. We love to go on long walks and ice cream runs. Another favorite place for us is the Memphis Zoo.

favorite solo activity: I love to make jewelry! I started a small business two years ago called Love Loud Designs. I specialize in hand-stamped silver jewelry. It makes me so happy to make things for friends and family. It truly is a passion for me. When I can, I also love catching up on my friends’ blogs and discovering new ones. There is so much out there to explore!  I love anything crafty.

source(s) of inspiration: My husband has been a great source of inspiration for me. He has the patience of Job, the heart of a saint, and the integrity of Billy Graham himself!! He believes in my talent as an artist and he supports the decisions I make as a mom.

Another source of inspiration is my Tuesday night moms’ group. These ladies are amazing mothers, friends, and soul sisters! They inspire me to be a better mom, challenge me spiritually, and uplift me when I am down. I couldn’t ask for a better group of friends!

best MakeShift moment: We were on one of our ice cream runs, and my husband and I noticed that the backseat was really quiet.  The backseat is never quiet.  So I turned around and this is what I saw:

What is a mom to do, tell everyone that her child loves to dress up as the incredible hulk? Note: the only reason she is crying is because we told her that the incredible hulk doesn’t eat ice cream!

 find jennifer on the web: 

• facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Love-Loud-Designs/115205171840226?ref=search&v=wall#!blog: www.lovelouddesigns-jennifer.blogspot.com
• etsy store: http://www.etsy.com/shop/lovelouddesigns

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

my children have two different mothers. 

 i do not mean this in a biological sense. andy and i (and modern science) created both the monkey and the bird. the monkey’s love of words and the bird’s love of climbing are dead giveaways that both are indeed mine.

but somehow, in the two-and-a-half-year span between the two boys’ births, their mom changed from one gal to another. for example:

•  the monkey’s mom had a fabulous haircut on day of his birth while the bird’s mom had a tragic mullet*.
• the monkey’s mom had a policy against waking a sleeping baby. the bird’s mom will just waltz into his room, scoop him up from his crib, and load him into the car to fetch the monkey from school.
• the monkey was carefully dressed, multiple times per day, in new outfits that were painstakingly sewn and purchased just for him. in contrast, the bird wears hand-me-down pajamas almost exclusively, some of which no longer fit.
• the monkey’s mom hovered over him in awe while he slept and consulted stacks of books at all hours of the night in order to diagnose imagined  breathing abnormalities. the bird’s mom simply hovers over him in awe while he sleeps.
• the monkey’s mom was a little shy about breastfeeding in public. the bird’s mom was not. ever the maximizer of time, she even pumped in the car while running errands.

apparently, this motherhood metamorphosis is one of the few things about me that are normal. on this topic, ayelet waldman writes the following: 

“abraham [her youngest] and sophie [her oldest] had two entirely different mothers. sophie’s was young and eager, and found the whole preschool experience to be novel and exciting. abraham’s mother was old, her knees hurt when she sat cross-legged on the floor, and her cupboards were already bursting with the popsicle-stick-and-glitter-glue picture frames. she did only a halfway decent job of feigning excitement at yet one more” (149). 

waldman goes on to write that even her two middle children, who are much closer in age, have two entirely different mothers.

the monkey’s preschool teachers have taught him a little chant, which i suppose is necessary when dishing out snacks to wide-eyed, cupcake-hungry three-year-olds: “you get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit!” i’ve been amazed at the effectiveness of this silly song when its principle has gracefully transferred, in other settings, to the distribution of balloons, party favors, and toys.

so, when my boys are old enough to protest the injustice that results from the fact that they have two differerent mothers, i have my answer ready:

you get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit!

*the above picture of the aforementioned mullet marks the ONLY day of the entire preceding year on which it looked decent. my doctor even commented on its “rare form” when he came in to deliver the bird.