elizabeth agonized over her decision to return to full-time work in 2010 as a certified financial planner. she feared that her children would not transition well to aftercare, and she was right. seven-year-old A confessed that she “has never felt so lonely in her entire life.” W, age-five, regressed and started wetting his pants at school every day. “we were all grief-stricken,” elizabeth laments.

in her book perfect madness, judith warner describes the silences that fell in her interview groups with mothers because,

“there are things that are sayable and unsayable about motherhood today. it is permissible, for example, to talk a lot about guilt, but not a lot about ambition.” there is an underlying assumption that we “cannot really challenge the american culture of rugged individualism… we lack the most basic notions now of what a different kind of culture might look or feel like” (31-32).

elizabeth broke the silence and confided both her guilt and her ambition to her dear friend angela, a teacher by trade, who was working part-time in addition to the full-time responsibilities of raising her two nine-year-old boys. together, the two hatched a plan that does challenge the american culture of rugged individualism. elizabeth withdrew A and W from aftercare, and angela quit her part-time job to integrate A and W into her family’s weekday life.  

 elizabeth admits that she did not put much stock in the initial chatter about such an arrangement. “how would this mother of two be able to go to three different schools every afternoon, much less herd this group of four children?” she questioned. “i knew i could never do it myself.”

but in december, angela made it clear that she was serious about the idea of caring for A and W. she approached elizabeth with a proposal, and the two talked candidly about fair compensation, day-to-day details, and looming fears. 

“i will always remember sitting in [angela’s] kitchen making this agreement, and the enormous feeling of relief that washed over me,” says elizabeth. “i started to cry; i was so grateful. when angela responded that ‘we are helping each other,’ that really resonated with me. we’ve been helping each other ever since.”

angela describes the process as an easy decision, informed, in part, by her own experience of returning to full-time work when her boys were five years old. “it was tough on them. they would cry and pitch fits whenever they had to go to aftercare. elizabeth’s situation struck a familiar chord,” she explains. “her family was in need, and i was in a position that allowed me to help her. i am very comfortable looking after children!”

on a typical day, angela fetches A from school at 2:45, drives eight to twelve minutes to pick up her boys, S and L from school, and finally makes her way to a third school to pick up W. once her honda accord is packed to the gills, the entourage returns to elizabeth’s house, and the older kids finish their homework. angela uses this time to practice numbers, letters, sounds with W. she even unloads the dishes if they’re clean! all of the children have after-school activities that vary throughout the year. A currently plays soccer soccer on wednesdays and S has basketball on mondays and wednesdays. for a change of scenery, the group gathers at angela’s house on friday afternoons, snow days, holidays, and other vacation days during the school year.

“the kids get along pretty well,” angela muses. “they are like typical brothers and sister. not every day is perfect, but it’s always an adventure! A and L play very well together. W really looks up to S, and S takes being a big-brother-type seriously. he is always talking about W, and he even taught him how to shoot a basketball and jump rope.”

both angela and elizabeth credit the the success  of their arrangement to continued flexibility and open conversation. they have tweaked the details of their partnership as needed. angela recommends this kind of innovation only in cases where “both moms communicate openly and go with the flow. nothing is ever the same twice with this many kids in the mix. everyone is growing and evolving, and i think it’s important to keep this in mind.”

both moms describe the entire collaboration as a MakeShift moment. from impromptu rainy day walks that combat cabin fever, to the occasional depositing of children at elizabeth’s office, the little crew of six is making it all up as they go. 

on collaberative mothering, perhaps elizabeth says it best:

whenever i watch a show on lions or elephants or primates, i get sad.  i see how other creatures nurture their young together. other creatures have not forgotten that it takes a village, a pride, a pod or a pack, to raise young. yet in our “modern” society, we have alienated mothers from each other, and mothering has become quite an isolating experience. having this relationship with angela makes me feel like we, as mothers, are helping each other, the way god intended.  it is such a blessing to me.

one of the best parts of facilitating this little makeshift blog is that readers regularly send me recent and provocative articles about the state of modern motherhood. thank you, and keep ’em coming!

the last two articles i received are friction-inciting commentaries on the cultural construction of motherhood. one deliniates the high child nurturing standards held by american women. the other investigates the high career-related standards held by this same set. taken together, these articles reveal a veritable fog of ridiculous expectations obscuring nearly every aspect of women’s lives.

the first is a wall street journal article by erica jong describing the attachment parenting craze as a sort of self-inflicted prison for mothers, who, despite their best kid-wearing, cloth-diapering, baby-food-making efforts are never able to meet the socially accepted standard for mothering, which was created in large part by dr. sears. but no matter what one’s thoughts are regarding attachment parenting, it’s hard to disagree with jong’s lament: “rarely does a new mother hear these golden words: “do the best you can; there are no rules.”

the second article is jessica olien’s slate magazine exploration into the culture of motherhood in the netherlands, where part-time work, outings with friends, and self-care are celebrated ways for moms to spend time. as opposed to the guilt felt by american mothers who remove themselves from the full-time workforce, dutch women do not seem to link their self-esteems to their workforce prowess. the conclusion is that the drive that american women have assumed in order to further women’s progress has “set us up for a world in which none of us is having any fun.”

olien writes,

“…american women as a whole are not getting any happier. if anything, the studies show that we are emotionally less well-off than we were before.”

high standards have the potential to launch us into more meaningful, productive, and useful lives. but perhaps something has gotten lost in translation between our feminist fore mothers, who constructed domestic co-ops and deconstructed glass ceilings, and those modern women who have inherited big tasks that have somehow become detached from the big dreams that birthed them. what was once a grand vision of equality seems now to feel more like a universal clamoring for perfection in every arena. the guilt that ensues squelches the kind of big dreaming that women once had for the state of the world. and so, in the words of jong, we reduce our visions to the scope of our homes and families. “[we] substitute our own small world for the world as a whole.”  

standards ought to be the bi-product of dreams, the way they came into this world in the first place. so perhaps the key to generating a world that is fairer (and for heaven’s sake, MORE FUN) is to leave our faithful posts as the keepers of the rules and ideals. if we join the ranks of the dreamers, perhaps the standards we generate will make more sense in our contexts. perhaps standards will not imprison us but free us. but the only way to get there is to start where the women before us started: with a vision of a better life.

name: Erika

age: 31

current city: Nashville, TN

living situation: I live with my husband and our two children. Big Brother is  two-and-a- half, and Baby Sister is ten months old.  We also have two big dogs, Stella and Nala, who are very much a part of our every day.

occupation: Mostly I’m a mom right now but I am also doing some part-time youth ministry consulting for a company called Youth Ministry Architects.

how do you structure your time and space? We have a bit of a backwards life due to my husband’s work schedule. He is a counselor at a local non-profit organization, and since his work is with kids and their families, he works late every evening. He does, however, have many mornings free to be with us while his young clients are at school, and so during the week, we have our family meal and play time in the morning. While it makes for a rough end-of-the-day routine for me with the little ones, it affords him the chance to be creative with his parenting time in ways that he might not if we had a more “normal” schedule. I usually spend time in the mornings doing the things I can’t do well when my hands are full during the day. I do chores, get some of my work done, or go have an hour to do something of my choice. This schedule has also allowed me the privilege of meeting before school one morning each week with some high school girls whom I mentor. And it gives me the chance to do some consulting work. When I have to be on-site for the job, we call the grandmothers to come love on the kids.

I could speak more to the lack of structure in our space than to how we have it organized. Often we hear the phrase “it’s lived in” when we have guests over to our home, and though I have figured out that that’s the southern way of kindly saying “please don’t apologize about how incredibly messy you are,” I still like to believe that our house is very functional and, if you can look past the scattering of play things and the cheerios on the floor, it is even charming on Thursdays, which is when we really clean.

I have a desk downstairs in our playroom, but I do most of my work five feet from it in an over-sized purple chair, which is my spot. I think I might decide that no one under the age of 18 should sit in it, just to preserve it as my place in our home that is so clearly and wonderfully fingerprinted by growing children. I feel the same way about the toilet in the master bathroom, but that’s because we’re potty-training a two year old boy! It’s a very messy process.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? This season is particularly challenging for me because I feel like I’m having to reinvent myself. I have spent the last decade of my life working primarily with middle school girls, and as a new mom, I feel like I’m 13 again. With the arrival of our second baby last December, I decided to quit my full-time job as a youth director so that I could be more available to our children. As I said goodbye to a job I loved, I also said goodbye to being a consistent part of a community of people who are very dear to me. Now I find myself navigating play groups and playgrounds, looking for women who might also feel available for authentic conversation (and even friendship) in a time that feels really messy and revealing for most anyone who is honest about the joys and struggles of raising small children. I also feel challenged to make enough time for myself and even with Jeremy, since our mornings are so busy with kids, and he isn’t home until very late at night.

There are also plenty of highlights for me in this time. I absolutely love watching my kids grow into who God is creating each of them to be. I love having adventures with them every single day, and I love witnessing the wonder of discovery for each of them as they explore very freely. Playing with them is a huge highlight right now, and for me, having the freedom to be available to them and to my husband without having to worry about who I’m disappointing at work is a really wonderful gift too.

-what season(s) preceded this one? I would say that prior to Baby Sister’s arrival in our world, my life appeared to have more balance. My husband and I both worked outside of our home in careers to which we felt called. We were able to figure out our schedules so that we could be accountable to our employers and our family with only ten hours of babysitting help each week. Though it definitely felt crazy at times, it was a really rich and full season at work and at home.

Ironically, I think I would claim balance in this season, in part, because as a very clueless new mom, I could escape to a job I loved and knew how to do. At the end of the day I felt like I had the privilege of being a part of someone else’s story both outside and inside of my home. In reality though, I felt a lot of guilt. If I was at work, I was missing Big Brother, and when I was at home, I often felt like I should be working. It was really hard for me to be present in the moment.

-what season(s) might your future hold? I am hopeful that I might give myself permission to dream a bit about the seasons to come. I’d like to do youth ministry in a more regular capacity in the future, but my heart also feels open to other ways of serving. It’s best for me to leave open the possibilities of what life might look like when our kids are bigger. Because I’d much rather do what I want to do than what I need to do in most circumstances, I feel like I can dream bigger if I don’t have a plan just yet. 

favorite family activities: We love going for walks to the park, and we just recently got the gear we need to safely attach the kids to our bicycles. It’s been fun riding around town with them. We also love having picnics, playing hide-and-seek, going to the zoo, and making up silly songs.  Though we don’t get there often enough, we like being in the mountains and at the beach as a family. We always grocery shop together too, and we have several made up games that we love to play in the car.

favorite solo activities: When I have alone time, I like to go for a run or a walk. I like to do some sort of craft. I like to read novels or blogs. I like to pray, and I like to take bubble baths. 

source(s) of inspiration: I’m inspired by moms who love their husbands and children well and are honest about the good and the hard parts of that journey. I’m inspired by Sesame Street and Curious George, both of which challenge me to be more creative in how to make ordinary things extraordinary and which also remind me to foster an environment that encourages and celebrates learning. I’m inspired by scripture, which makes me aware of my need for grace in my life and reminds me even and especially on the days that I feel gross that I am God’s beloved treasure. I’m inspired by teenagers—some of the ones I know want to change the world for the better because they still think it’s possible and don’t think it’s too much work. I’m inspired by old hymns.

best MakeShift moment: I always feel the need to be makeshifty at dinner time, and have figured out a couple of ways to deal with the chaos of having two small, hungry children, and no help. The first is to access our beloved Labradoodle, Stella, as my ally in this time of need. Because I can see our entire fenced-in backyard from our kitchen windows, I can open them up and send Big Brother outside, where he and Stella happily play fetch for as long as my heart desires (they would play much longer if I were not so good at making turkey sandwiches and putting frozen delights in the microwave). 

Sister loves paper, so she is entertained when we put post-it notes up on the walls and cabinets for her to pull down.  I also have discovered how wonderful it is to tape butcher paper to the kitchen floor and let the kids color while I make dinner. Sometimes we even tape big sheets to the wall and, after I draw an outline of each kid, Brother colors in the details while Sister plays with crayons. I have been known to think this is more fun than cooking or washing dishes, so this one sometimes slows me down when it comes to actually getting work done, but I don’t ever regret it. I’m learning to be okay with the fact that most days there are some leftovers on my to-do list.

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

name: MaryAnn

age: 38

current city: Springfield, VA (suburb of Washington DC)

living situation: I live with my husband Robert and my “blessed trinity” of children: Caroline (age seven), Margaret (almost five) and James (almost three). We have two geriatric cats, Maya and Willy, who’ve been with Robert and me since the beginning of our marriage 16 years ago.

Our neighborhood is classic suburbia in many ways—July 4 block parties and neighborhood yard sales. But it’s also wonderfully diverse. We see women wearing hijab pushing their kids in strollers in our neighborhood, and there are more than 100 languages spoken here in Fairfax County.

occupation: I am pastor of Idylwood Presbyterian Church, Falls Church, VA, and a writer. I just finished a three-year stint as a monthly columnist for Presbyterians Today, our denomination’s magazine, and am one of the founders of Fidelia’s Sisters, an e-zine which is by and for young clergy women. I’ve written for secular publications too; I even had a short piece published in the Washington Post Style section a few years back! And I am working on two book projects, although it fills me with anxiety to say that out loud, because I’m not sure whether they’ll ever get done.

how do you structure your time and space? I work part-time for Idylwood, which is a small congregation. When I tell this to fellow pastors, they usually look at me knowingly and say, “Oh come on, there’s no such thing as part-time ministry, right? You just get paid part-time for full-time work.” I am on a mission to prove them wrong! This is my second call at part-time status. I started out full-time as an associate pastor of a large church seven years ago, and when James was born I asked to move to half-time. The congregation was gracious to make the change. Now I work 2/3 time.

It’s a constant struggle to find the balance. I’ve had to make peace with being the “good-enough mother” and the “good-enough pastor.” But most days, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love the work I do, preaching, teaching and caring for this quirky congregation. Yet my schedule is flexible enough to take Margaret to “tap and tutu” class at the rec center and lead Caroline’s Brownie meeting from time to time. I work shortened days, which allows me to exercise in the mornings and still be homeafter the bus drop off in the afternoon. I work a lot of evenings too.

I have an office at the church, but I do a lot of work in my home office. It’s located in our dining room, which we converted into a creative space/study several months ago. In fact, I named my blog “The Blue Room” in honor of this room. You can read more about it here.

Our childcare situation is a dream come true. A neighbor who used to teach preschool began a daycare in her basement when her own daughter was born. She follows a curriculum but it’s more relaxed with the feeling of being at home. She’s half a block away, which makes mornings and evenings much less stressful. My mother lives downtown, which allows Robert and me to have date night a few times a month.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Our family is settling into what the church calls “ordinary time.” It’s not one of the high holy seasons, such as Christmas or Easter—things are just trucking along, and that’s OK. Green is the symbolic color of this season, implying growth, so I associate ordinary time with the summer months. We’re enjoying our kids at their current delightful stages of development, we like our jobs, our house feels like “home,” et cetera.

-what season(s) preceded this one? We’ve been through a lot of transition, which I associate with spring—planting seeds, watering and weeding, et cetera. There’s a lot of beauty in the spring but a LOT of work as well (so I’m told—I don’t garden, it’s enough to keep our kids and cats alive, and I can’t handle anything else!). I’ve been at my job almost a year, and my husband recently changed jobs as well, and that creates stress. Also, our kids manage to pick up every petty illness, fever and cold that’s out there, and they are NEVER sick at the same time. One gets better and the other one catches it. So our normally well-run household has been off the rails for several months.

-what season(s) might your future hold? Even as I live in the moment and try not to speed along my kids’ growing up, I admit I’m ready to get past the constant physical exertion of having young children—dressing them, feeding them, wiping their butts when they poop. I will not miss diapers and sippy cups.

That said, I know from parenting our second grader that the needs are still there as they age; in fact these needs only get more complex (homework, juggling activities, relationships with friends, et cetera). We don’t over-program our children but I’m a little freaked out to think about how I will get them from place to place. Even one activity a week per child adds up when there are three of them! However, I love watching our kids grow more and more fully into themselves. I guess I’m doing that too.

favorite family activities: We love to go downtown to do the DC stuff: museums, the zoo, pedal boating in the Tidal Basin next to the Jefferson Memorial. This summer we lived at the pool. We’ve started doing more hiking, with a recent trip to Shenandoah National Park. We eat dinner together most nights, but Sunday night is family night, which for us means a pizza “picnic” in the basement while watching a TV show everyone likes (currently Mythbusters). 

favorite solo activities: Reading, lunch with friends, blogging, wandering around downtown DC, visiting a museum, getting a massage or pedicure. My morning walk is really important to me. I’ve recently gotten into the online courses through the Abbey of the Arts which is a great outlet and something I can manage with my schedule.

source(s) of inspiration: I am inspired by artists whose lives and work speak of simplicity, wholeness and authenticity. David Wilcox’s music never ceases to inspire me, and Carrie Newcomer has provided my life’s soundtrack for almost 15 years. Mary Oliver’s poetry is a great inspiration, especially “The Journey,” which is a personal mission statement of sorts.

best MakeShift moment: Parenting is one big improvisation, no? I call it parenting parkour. There have been many MakeShift moments, but the first one I thought of was seven years ago, when I was being approved for ordination. I had to attend a big meeting of the presbytery (local district of Presbyterian churches) and give a short speech and answer any questions. Caroline was six weeks old, and I knew she would get hungry right when I was supposed to be “on,” so I ended up pumping in the backseat of the car while Robert drove us down the Capital Beltway. I always wondered whether the truck drivers said anything to one another about me on their CB radios…

find maryann on the web at http://theblueroomblog.org/ 

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

this is my “to-do box.”

this is what the bird thinks of my “to-do box,” and all of the various lists, reminders, work obligations and home-related chores that reside on note cards therein:

what a perfect metaphor for what it’s like to try to be a “work-at-home-mom!”

i catch myself envying moms who work full-time outside of the home and those who leave their jobs completely to become stay-at-home-moms. surely life in these neatly defined categories is, well…neater.

but then i remember these wise words from lisa belkin’s life’s work: confessions of an unbalanced mom:

“i have yet to hear from anyone who feels they are doing everything right. so it’s not just me who can’t do this — and it’s not just you, either. not a one of us seems to be able to give 100 percent of themselves to their job and 100 percent of themselves to their family and 100 percent of themselves to taking care of themselves. small wonder. yet we all seem to think someone (else) out there is getting it right; people who work full-time think people who work  part-time are doing it, and people who work part-time think people who don’t work at all are doing it, and those who left the office to tend to home think that if only they could escape back to an office, they might find sanity. but all of this misses the point. no one can do it, because it cannot be done…. this emotional and economic tug-of-war is the central story of our generation” (14 , 16).

belkin is no longer in search of balance. now she’s just after “a close approximation of sanity.”

i think she might be on to something.

[bibliography is located on the sidebar to the right.]

there are many common narratives in the collective story bank of motherhood, each with its own familiar plot and phrases. who hasn’t told or heard a “stuck child” story, complete with words such as

“…and then i realized that [fill in name of small child] had accidentally locked himself/herself in the bathroom.”?

and now, in an age when  modern mothers are increasingly appreciated and accomplished in the workplace, the “vocational turning point” story is becoming a collective throng. it often goes something like this:

“that day, when [insert chaotic clash of work and home life] happened, i knew i needed to change the way i was working.”

as it happens, these two prototypes converged for me last friday night. the bird was singing his own familiar tearful chorus as i showered and got ready to be the liturgist at the final montreat women’s connection worship service. after learning that it is virtually impossible to simultaneously hold a child and don a dress, i allowed him to use my leg as a teething biscuit as i hurriedly applied my makeup.

just as i was feeling smug about the fact that i would have a whole fifteen minutes to go over my part in the service after i dropped the kids off at my mom’s house, the monkey declared that he needed to tee tee. he did his business, and then, so as not to be outdone by his brother, he instantly deteriorated into a fitful rage that reportedly rendered him completely incapable of pulling up his own pants. i calmly closed the bathroom door and told them that he was welcome to come out once his pants were no longer around his ankles.

in his tornadic attempt to liberate himself from captivity, the monkey accidentally turned the tarnished brass lever above the knob on the old mountain house bathroom door. he was locked inside, and getting more panicky by the second.

my friends and temporary roommates calmed the (now hysterical) bird and hovered outside the locked bathroom door with these  necessary tools:

• a knife
• a spatula
• a phillips head screwdriver

meanwhile, i finished buttoning my dress as i walked outside and scaled a bear-proof garbage bin to get a look inside of the window. a neighbor strolled by and inquired as to why i was five feet above the ground, wearing a towel on my head, leaning at a 45 degree angle, peering into a window, and scaling the house’s exterior wall. he reported that in all of his 30 years of living across the street, he has never seen a person exhibit such behavior.

five minutes later, the monkey, who is apparently remarkably stellar at following my directions (when he feels like it), unlocked the door and waltzed out of the bathroom *with* his pants pulled up. i hopped down from my perch, shuttled the kids to my mom’s house, proceeded to the service, did my part without any major incedents, and moved on.

except that i haven’t really moved on. though i am new at telling the “stuck child” story, there are a zillion other stories that coincide with my attempts to maintain my identity as a person who works, albeit part-time, outside of the home. i’ll spare you the details of the “calling poison control” story, the “writing on the walls” story, and the “submerging daddy’s shoes in the bathtub” story. just know that all three of these plots unfolded while i was trying to fulfill obligations pertaining to my job as a minister.

i don’t know what sorts of shifts i will make in the way i structure my work life, but there will be some. and to the neighbor, who marveled at the site of a young mother living out the particulars of her own “stuck child” story, i have this to say:

if you look closely, you will find that mothers all around you are desperately trying to climb “the wall”. they can be heard pumping during conference calls. they can be found supervising third grade math homework while working on their own coursework. many are simply trying to shower for work in relative peace. women’s roles have changed during the last 30 years, but “the wall” is still there. when old challenges crumble away, they are quickly replaced by new ones.

i might be the first person you have seen shouting instructions to a three-year-old from a lofty perch. but i am by no means the first woman to employ flexibility, strength, and a sense of humor while creatively solving a problem and wearing a cute dress!

first name: Jennifer

age: 37 

current city: Memphis

living situation: I live with my husband of almost ten years Tom, and our two children, Emma (four years) and Bennett (nine months). 

occupation: Who knew this would be such a tricky question? I was a city school teacher for ten years and resigned when I had my daughter in 2006. I decided to go back to work part-time teaching four-year-olds at our church preschool. It was perfect because I could use my God-given talent for teaching, and I could be at work with my daughter. Unfortunately I think I will be plucked from my stay-at-home-mom status to return to the trenches of full time work. Insert sad face here!

I also make jewelry.

how do you structure your time and space? I guess one of the good things about being a teacher is that my little ones and I get the same time off (holidays). We spend our days  running around town, enjoying play dates,  and playing outside. 

My jewelry studio (the laundry room) is another place I spend time. My daughter loves to “help” me with my jewelry orders. It can be tricky balancing my studio time with my other responsibilities, but my husband is a big help! Our time together and schedule will definitely be changing in the fall if I return to full-time teaching. 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Right now I would say we are in a season of winter. In February, my husband learned that he wasn’t fired, but would no longer be receiving a paycheck. Bummer, I know! He is an architect/project manager, and with this economy, people just are not building. It has been a difficult time filled with anxiety and my own sadness about returning to work full-time. We remain faithful that things will work out.

-what season(s) preceded this one? I will call the last season “swinter,”  a combination of summer and winter. It was a season of some amazing highs and some devastating lows. When I was 31 weeks pregnant, I was placed on hospital bed rest. I spent an entire month in a hospital bed away from my daughter and my husband. During that month my husband lost his mother, I lost my grandmother, and our son was born five weeks early. Our son was born on September 23, the birthday of my grandmother who had passed earlier in the week. It was truly a bittersweet day for us. We were able to bring our little man home two weeks later.

-what season(s) might your future hold? I hope our next season is spring. For me, spring is a time of growth and awakening. We are definitely ready for some good vibes to be heading our way!

favorite family activity/activities: We love to be outside! My daughter has tons of energy, so any activity outside is a good one. We love to go on long walks and ice cream runs. Another favorite place for us is the Memphis Zoo.

favorite solo activity: I love to make jewelry! I started a small business two years ago called Love Loud Designs. I specialize in hand-stamped silver jewelry. It makes me so happy to make things for friends and family. It truly is a passion for me. When I can, I also love catching up on my friends’ blogs and discovering new ones. There is so much out there to explore!  I love anything crafty.

source(s) of inspiration: My husband has been a great source of inspiration for me. He has the patience of Job, the heart of a saint, and the integrity of Billy Graham himself!! He believes in my talent as an artist and he supports the decisions I make as a mom.

Another source of inspiration is my Tuesday night moms’ group. These ladies are amazing mothers, friends, and soul sisters! They inspire me to be a better mom, challenge me spiritually, and uplift me when I am down. I couldn’t ask for a better group of friends!

best MakeShift moment: We were on one of our ice cream runs, and my husband and I noticed that the backseat was really quiet.  The backseat is never quiet.  So I turned around and this is what I saw:

What is a mom to do, tell everyone that her child loves to dress up as the incredible hulk? Note: the only reason she is crying is because we told her that the incredible hulk doesn’t eat ice cream!

 find jennifer on the web: 

• facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Love-Loud-Designs/115205171840226?ref=search&v=wall#!blog: www.lovelouddesigns-jennifer.blogspot.com
• etsy store: http://www.etsy.com/shop/lovelouddesigns

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

i returned last night from the young clergy women’s conference, the topic of which was “leading as ourselves.” as i sat in the sub-artic environs of our candler divinity school classroom and looked around at my fellow girl preachers, i was struck by both awe and jealousy. many of these women work full time in the church or other para-church settings. some of them have children, some of them work part-time or half-time, but very few seemed to be on the piecemeal job plan as i am, stringing together a haphazard collection of part-time gigs with the trials and rewards of stay-at-home motherhood.

i learned later, of course, that i am not the only one holding my life and life’s work together with odd combinations of pipe cleaners, vestments, therapy, wine, and a steam mop. the room was full of those who long, as i did, to have children; those who struggle for balance of all kinds; those who are facing transitions; and those who are wrestling with issues of identity. 

i did not know all of this on day one, though, when one of our beloved speakers, melissa clodfelter, asked us what leadership-related topics we would like to cover in our time together. so, i raised my hand and explained that i am often trying to lead from the margins. because of my simultaneous frustration and delight with the church and my desire to spend the majority of my time with the monkey and the bird, i am never central to the church’s power structures. i often feel like an outsider, and i wonder if i can ever actually effectively lead from this position. though i felt as if i were speaking only for myself at the conference, i know that the world is full of women who feel marginalized in the workplace, whether for reasons of choice or unfair circumstance. what kind of leadership do we, the women on the fringes, have to offer?

i was relieved when melissa answered that the margins are the places from which true leadership emerges. it is only by stepping outside of the structures that rule our world that we gain the perspective needed to change things. fitting in is not a prerequisite for effective leadership, as evidenced by gandhi, martin luther king jr., and jesus christ, himself! in fact, affecting change requires an uncomfortable, liminal type of existance.

i am beginning to see that leadership, from my own personal margins might look like this:

• changing the world, by raising boys who are emotionally intelligent, compassionate, and justice-seeking. brown eyes over scrambled eggs, and all that…
• remaining on the fringes of church in order to speak from a place of perspective and insight.
• remaining connected to the church so that my perspective and insight will matter.
• writing here about what it’s like to try fashion a real, meaningful life that honors my own leanings as well as the legacies handed down to me by superwomen, fifties housewives, and everyone in between.

but mostly, i’m beginning to be thankful that i never quite fit in anywhere. in an odd sort of way, i am in good company. and there is meaning to be found in the margins and proclaimed to the world. thanks for joining me in this process — this little makeshift revolution.

first name: Sharon

age: 37

current city: Memphis

living situation: I live with my husband of almost 15 years and two daughters, ages nine and five.

 

occupation: I am a full-time mom and a part-time psychologist.

how do you structure your time and space? I work as a psychologist about 15 hours per week on Mondays and Wednesdays (while the kids are in school) and Friday afternoons (when my husband is off work and caring for the kids). I try to do most of the laundry, cleaning, de-cluttering, and other random household and personal tasks on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I also meet with a group of friends most Tuesdays after lunch to discuss our dreams (both aspirational and nocturnal). Friday mornings I spend with my husband–running errands, having a lunch date, and just generally reconnecting. Weekends are family time. 

It’s a little harder during the summer. I hire a sitter for only the hours I need to see clients, which makes it challenging to keep up with paperwork and housework. But, in general, this schedule works well for our family. I’m happy to have found a rewarding way to stay involved in my profession and keep my license active while also being able to pick the kids up from school most days and chaperon the occasional field trip. 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives, 

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Having grown up in Texas, where the seasons are Hot, Hotter, and Slightly Less Hot, I’m having a hard time using the seasons metaphor for my life. But, whatever you want to call it, this is a really good season. We are all happy with our work/school arrangements; we have great friends; our church is a loving and nurturing environment for all of us; and we live within walking distance of our daughters’ school, a first-rate zoo, and several parks and playgrounds.

-What season(s) preceded this one? The previous season was a transitional one for me. I had spent some time as a stay-at-home mom and was ready to find a way to practice psychology again. I had always thought I would simply go back to working in a college counseling center again, but when I received an offer to work at one full-time, I had to face the reality that I just wasn’t willing to give up the flexibility of being able to be present for homework, after-school snacks, and periodic field trips. That was the most difficult “no” I have ever said. Even though I was absolutely certain that it was the right decision, I was terrified that I wouldn’t find a way to be a part-time psychologist and a full-time mom, and that I would lose an important part of who I was. At the time, I wasn’t ready to launch into private practice, but I did find a place where I could work part-time. That work environment ended up being unhealthy for me, but it did provide me the opportunity to learn the skills I needed to eventually go into private practice.

-What season(s) might your future hold? I’m sure the future holds another transitional phase for me, but I have no idea when that may come about. Until then, I’m just enjoying everything that is great about the current season. This living fully in the present is a new skill for me, but I like it.

favorite family activities: Wii because it allows everyone to participate despite varying skill levels, vacationing (and visiting family) in Texas, board games, going out for sorbet.

favorite solo activities: Reading is my most loved solo activity. I’m usually working my way through several books at the same time—a mixture of non-fiction (especially psychology, neuroscience, religion/spirituality), children’s literature (because it’s fun and provides a special connection with my daughter who reads the same books), and adult fiction. I also enjoy yoga and journaling (the low-tech variety), but I have to admit I am somewhat sporadic with those practices.

sources of inspiration: My friends, my dreams, books, my husband’s sermons and other writings.

best MakeShift moment: I agree with others who have pointed out that parenting is a never-ending series of makeshift moments. But one of my favorite such moments was when my oldest daughter was three. Several of her friends in the seminary housing complex we lived in had butterfly nets, and she really wanted one. We looked everywhere, and there were none to be found in any store. So I took a small needlework hoop, plastic netting some bath toys had come in, a smooth stick from the playground, and some duct tape, and I constructed a little net for her. She loved it and played with it for many months afterward. In fact, it outlasted her friends’ store-bought nets. And the best part is that, as a result of this and other similar moments, my daughter thinks of me as “the parent who fixes things”, which I overheard her telling our younger daughter recently. That is a much better title than “the mom who doesn’t cook”, which is also true, and once prompted my four-year-old to exclaim, “How will we eat?!” when she learned her dad would be out of town for a while.

[if you or someone you know would make a good feature on the MakeShift revolution, please check out the questionnaire and nomination process located on the sidebar to your right.]

first name: Madison

age: 32

current city: Nashville

living situation: I live in a 1960s one-story ranch house in the Nashville suburbs with my husband, Charles, and our two-year-old son, Charlie. We also have two enormous German shepherds who take up lots of bed space.

occupation: Mama, household manager, chef, maid, laundress, dog walker, secretary, chauffeur, wife – and that’s just on weekends and before 9:00 a.m. and after 5:00 p.m. on weekdays! The rest of the time I’m a marketing communications manager for a global risk consulting company. I recently went back to work full-time after working a flex/part-time schedule for about 18 months.

 

how do you structure your time and space? Going back to work full-time was a hard decision to make but I had to choose between increasing my hourly commitment or leaving altogether, and I have neither the patience nor the creativity to be a stay-at-home mom (my hat’s off to all of them out there!). So life right now is a little crazy. I used to run errands during the week so we could have family time on the weekends, but now we spend at least part of our Saturdays and Sundays going to the grocery store, the cleaners, Target, et cetera.

Another casualty of working full-time is that our home life isn’t quite what I want it to be. I wish our house were tidier. I wish I made the beds every morning. I wish laundry were done (meaning cleaned, folded and put away) in fewer than three days. I wish we all sat down to a home-cooked meal every night at 6:30. So I’ve learned to lower my standards a little bit, while maintaining focus on the things that are most important to us: eating healthily, exercising, having some downtime, reading books, playing, and getting enough sleep. I figure that if the biggest victim of our lifestyle is that my house is a little messier than I like, I can live with that. Hopefully Charlie will remember that we read to him every day, not that a laundry basket routinely sits in the den for days on end. We do have a housekeeper who comes once a week and does the heavy cleaning. And she irons. That’s been a huge lifesaver for our whole family.

In terms of time structure, flexibility is crucial for us. With a young child, creating a morning schedule and evening routine is essential – but so is the ability to break that routine when there’s a tantrum, or someone gets sick, or one of the pups decides to escape. Another critical element is teamwork. My husband (who’s incredibly supportive and helpful) and I tag-team to get everything done. That way, if there’s a wrench thrown into a morning routine that would prevent me from making an early meeting, Charles can take Charlie to school.

Childcare has been an ongoing struggle for us. We had a nanny after Charlie was born, which was wonderful. But it’s an expensive undertaking, especially for one child. She did help keep our house clean, and do the baby laundry, and meet work/repair people in the middle of the day. We definitely took all of that for granted. After a bad experience with her replacement, we put Charlie in a full-time daycare/preschool near my office. It’s had its ups and downs, but overall, it’s been a great experience for him. Plus, it’s about one-third the cost of a nanny. The only downside for me personally is that it’s a 40-minute commute from our home, and that much time in the car with a cranky, hungry toddler can be challenging. That and my car looks like a Goldfish explosion happened.

I’m incredibly jealous of our peers who live near their relatives and thus have access to free, on-demand babysitting. Charles and I would really like to have more date nights, so we’re working on creating a stable list of good sitters. 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives, 

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? We’re in spring right now. It’s a period of growth, of transformation, of blossoming. We’re watching our toddler turn into a little boy right before our eyes. It’s amazing and humbling. He learns so many new things every day, and we love being there for those discoveries. Spring is also a period of change, and our lifestyle has changed dramatically with my working full-time again. We’re also hoping to have another baby soon – another transformation for our family! Challenges abound for us right now (the terrible twos are in full force in our house), but we try to keep some perspective and remember that this is just a stage that too shall pass.

-What season(s) preceded this one? Fall, which is both a time of new beginnings (school season, football) and endings (leaves turning, warm weather ending). We lost two people very close to us: Charles’s aunt and my great-uncle, who was my quasi-grandfather. It was incredibly sad. But it was also a joyful time of spending time with an unimaginably awesome little boy and a fantastic husband.

-What season(s) might your future hold? Hopefully summer – both literally and figuratively. Pool and popsicles and beach trips – so much fun for all of us! Maybe enjoying our last few months as a 3-person family (summer always comes to an end, right?). 

Favorite family activity/activities: We’re really lucky in that Nashville is a great place for families. We love going to the zoo and riding on the carousel, attending story time at the library, playing at the playground, having picnics at the park, swimming at our awesome Y in the summer, and hiking at Radnor Lake  or Percy Warner Park. Once a week, Charlie and I also do a toddler music program called “the music playhouse,” and a gymnastics class.

 

favorite solo activities: Reading is my lifeblood; I’d be lost without it. I also love crossword puzzles, cooking, writing, swimming, hiking, and movies. I’ll also cop to really loving TV. Writing all this makes me wish I had more time for myself!