welcome new fantasy-to-do-list-makers! you never know what will come of our little game.

perhaps secret agent mom will publish a book. maybe stacy and her husband will open that restaurant. lane just might play bass in a band! megan could be on her way to fluency in american sign language. hiking and camping in yosemite could be in katherine’s near future. kathi could begin to incorporate daily meditation into her life. jessa might soon be found “riding allovercreation” on her new bike with kid attachments. we might see lindsey’s name on a campaign sign in the next few years. reverendmother could perfect her signature dish when she’s not traveling far and wide. i’m hoping that melissa will open that candy store on south main. jaime and i can go there to celebrate when she gets her first hole-in-one! then, to burn off those extra candy calories, i can go with emmy to her first spin class.

it’s not too late to make your own list! see this post for details.

Comment Contest – Winner

Prize won: custom-made superkid cape

Comment:LauraC says: G is for Groover (that’s our last name but there are two little boys who would share this!) because they are great brothers!

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List of all participants: AM, Amanda A, Amber Proctor, Anara, Annie, Annie, Annie, Carl, Christie, Cindy, Cricket Saunders, Cricket Saunders, Cricket Saunders, Cricket Saunders, Cyndi S, DEBIJOT, DEBIJOT, DEBIJOT, Deborah, Deborah, Desiree, Desiree, Desiree, Emily, Emily, Emily, Erin D, G, G, G, Heather, Jaime, Jaime, Jodi F, Judy B, Justine McD., Justine McD., Kathi Crosby, Kathi Crosby, Kathi Crosby, Kathi Crosby, Katie, Kim, Kim, Kimberly, Kristie, LauraC, Leigh, Libby, Libby, Libby, Lily Kwan, Lily Kwan, Lindsey, Lizzie, Lizzie, mary, Mary Preston, melanie, Melissa M., Meredith, michelle frame, michelle frame, michelle frame, Miss Spoken, Miss Spoken, Mommy2Bears, Mommy2Bears, Monique Rizzo, nan lara, Paula Michele, Paula Michele, Paula Michele, Samantha, Samantha, Samantha, Samantha, sarah, shannon Baas, Sharon, Sharon, Shelby, Shelby, Shelby, Shelley C, shenais, shenais, SoDucky, SoDucky, SoDucky, SoDucky, Teisa Linscott, very married, Wehaf

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i’m pretty proud of myself. i used a widget called “comment contest” to select the winner. slowly but surely, i am learning. congrats, laurac. i’ll be contacting you shortly to get your address.

if you didn’t win this givaway, never fear. you can purchase a cape from jessa’s etsy store, happily home sewn, for just $14. she’ll even custom make it for you with your super kid’s initial and ship it to you for free.

you can also enter another giveaway for jessa’s wares on her blog, happily home sewn. she’ll announce the winner of this market bag/purse on mother’s day morning.

i remember reading in a counseling textbook at some point during my divinity school education that women are particularly drawn toward mentors — other women who are modeling the kind of lives we want to lead. the theory is that in order to make up for a part of ourselves that is not yet fully realized, we integrate others into our identities by our associations with them. we perceive these others to have gifts in the areas where we have deficits. mentors are like the lily pads or resting places that can usher us into the kind of self-improvement that we seek.

i was struck by yesterday’s “mother of invention,” lindsey, who remarked that she’s been looking for “an everything mentor” for some time now. lindsey’s everything mentor would essentially be someone whose life is eerily similar to lindsey’s life, only the mentor would have all of the secrets to the holy grails of balance and wholeness. since, as lindsey laments, this “everything mentor” doesn’t seem to exist, she has resorted to filling her life with a variety of positive people and following her own instincts when it comes to shaping a life for herself.

i too searched my external world for models of balanced motherhood that were custom-made for the parameters of my life. in the absence of this model, i decided to start this blog by way of constructing my own. secretly i hoped that interviewing women of various backgrounds and circumstances would lead me to my “everything mentor,” and help others to find theirs too. but what i’ve learned is what lindsey has also learned: at some point, we just have to trust our own instincts and shape the best lives for ourselves that we can. though there are little gems in each “mothers of invention” feature that can help enhance a mother’s quality of life, it seems that the real inspiration comes when we read about someone who is living comfortably in their own authenticity, and we are inspired to find this self-acceptance and a new level of being real. i love connecting with all of the “mothers of invention” because i am doing what lindsey is doing — surrounding myself with positive people as i walk my particular path.

but enough of this waxing philosophic. let’s have a giveaway! my dear friend, jessa, over at happily home sewn has agreed to make a precious superkid cape for the lucky winner of this contest.

as you can see, the capes jessa sells in her etsy store are custom-made with the initial of the superkid in question and with fabric that fits the personality of said superkid. i love the idea of kids powering through life as they imagine their own heroic potential instead of that of spiderman or superwoman. below are instructions for entering the contest but if you don’t win, don’t fret! jessa has offered to waive the cost of shipping for MakeShift revolution readers who purchase capes from her site. you can take advantage of this discount by using this link to her store.

[update: winner posted here.]

 for one chance to win a custom-made superkid cape:

•  post a comment below, and include the initial of a super kid in your life and what makes him/her super. for example, my super kid, M, has the climbing powers of a monkey!

for additional chances to win a custom-made superkid cape:

• link to this giveaway from your blog (tell me you’ve done so in a comment below)
• subscribe to my blog via rss or email (tell me you’ve done so in a comment below)
• follow themsrevolution on twitter (leave your twitterID in a comment below)
• follow my blog on google friend connect, which is located on the sidebar and WAAAY down to the right (tell me you’ve done so in a comment below)

be sure to include your email address in your comment (will not be published) so that i can contact the winner. the contest will end at midnight on tuesday, may 4th.

i read karen horney’s book, our inner conflicts, when i was a 25 year old hospital chaplain and divinity school student. i had the painful and liberating experience then of seeing my personality spelled out in its pages. now, as a 33 year old mother of two, i see myself again in horney’s theories.

essentially, she explains that part of being human (or say… being a mother) is having to manage conflicting ideas and difficult choices. these things produce a natural anxiety which can be addressed in healthy ways or in a number of unhealthy patterns or neuroses. one such neurosis is “the formation of the idealized image.”

this way of dealing with life’s complexity and the darkness within ourselves involves “creat[ing] an image of what, at the time, [we] feel like [we] ought to be. conscious or unconscious, the image is always in large degree removed from reality, though the influence it exerts on [a] person’s life is very real indeed…. if the focus is upon the discrepancy between the idealized image and the actual self, then all [we] are aware of are [our] incessant attempts to bridge the gap and whip [ourselves] into perfection. in this event [we] keep reiterating the word ‘should’ with amazing frequency” (96,98).

i believe monday’s mother of invention, jessa, captured this notion more succinctly with her proposed motherhood book title, get a grip: stop shoulding all over yourself!

as a young adult, my ridiculous standards had to do with academics, body image, and being admired and adored by all. thankfully, i don’t feel so tied to these notions anymore. but motherhood comes with its own set of ridiculous standards that we often simultaneously despise and reinforce, both consciously and unconsciously.

i must confess that a couple of days before last christmas, i decided that i SHOULD sew each of my children the perfect pair of christmas pajamas. i did this partly because i love to sew but mostly because i had this picture in my head of my children opening their designated christmas eve packages, gleefully donning their new jammies, waking up in style on christmas morning, and beaming from head-to flannel-clad-toe as they posed for photos in nests of gifts and wrapping paper.

as you can see, the SHOULDS won, as they often still do.

but karen horney gave me the invaluable gift of being able to at least recognize (and sometimes even in the present moment) whether i’m being driven by my true self or some neurotic, culturally-informed idea of who i SHOULD be.

maybe there is hope for me yet. maybe there will come a glorious day when mothers everywhere stop shoulding all over ourselves. this is an idealized image i’m going to hold on to.

[it’s not too late to enter the “billboard bag” giveaway. also, the source for this post can be found in the bibliography page located on the sidebar to your right.]

[for a chance to win “the billboard bag,” check out saturday’s post… now on to today’s main event!]

first name: Jessa

age: 31

current city:  Denver, CO

living situation: I share a teeny student apartment with my husband, Eric, and our sweet sons, Eli (two and a half) and Amos (seven months).

occupation: Website & Newsletter Designer and more recently, a barely-professional crafter

how do you structure your time and space? Many of our days end up structured like this: We have a kid-centered activity in the morning, be it a play date, a trip to the Children’s Museum or the park, et cetera. Then we lunch and Eli naps around one. Amos’ nap schedule is loose, but we try for substantial naps in the morning and afternoon. Eli will often sleep until five (FIVE!) p.m. Then we have an evening of play and dinner before the boys hit the hay around seven. Many nights I’m on my own to do dinner and bedtimes. After seven, I take the time to relax, work, craft, and commune with the hubby.

I keep perpetual to-do lists going of house stuff, job stuff, and craft stuff, and I tend to these lists in fits and starts throughout the day. If things line up well enough that the boys snooze simultaneously, I rush to my sewing machine and craft feverishly until smoke rises from us both.

On Wednesday and Friday mornings, Eli has preschool from 9:00 – 2:30. I dedicate these days to whatever feels most pressing to me at the time. Sometimes I work. Sometimes I craft. Sometimes I clean. Sometimes I visit with friends. But I am always reminded on these days how much easier it is to just have one child in my charge.

I work from home, so figuring out when to do what can be tricky. I have some set deadlines that provide a little structure, and then I go to my to-do lists and try to knock out one item each day. I pick the to-do to be done by using one of two factors:

1. Which one is most pressing?
2. Which one can be done fastest and with least effort?

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Highlights are many. The days are lovely with baby snuggles and toddler humor. Often, I feel so lucky that this is my job – to goof off with my boys. I love that I have time to be crafty and that I have perfect subjects for my crafting ventures. Since in past seasons I felt a sense of mastery in my job as a potter, I’m happy that I can feel that same sense of skill and accomplishment as a mama and through my creative dabblings.

It’s also a highlight that I’m finding time and ways to care for myself. Eric is so willing and happy to give me time away when he can. So I get to go to movies or out with friends pretty frequently. I also recently planned a gals’ long weekend called “LadyFest” so that my best lady friends and I could be refreshed and revitalized by each other. LadyFest will be an annual event!

Time management is a challenge in this season since our lives are not very structured. Also, hauling two kids, their gear, and the things we’ve acquired on our errands up to our third floor walk-up is quite a feat. Finally, since much of my time is spent doing fun stuff, I often get in a rut of telling myself that I “should” be doing more. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. I have a great title to the book I’m going to write about this problem:

Get a Grip: Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself!

 I try to remind myself that just being me, and being a mama, is enough. In fact, it’s pretty awesome.

-What season(s) preceded this one? The season previous to motherhood was the season of Decker-Smith Pottery. I was a potter with a surprisingly successful wholesale business, and I provided pottery to galleries across the U.S. It was a season of purpose, pride, a lot of work, some self-doubt, and a beloved craft.

I loved being a potter and I miss it tremendously. It is a major part of my identity that is on hold at the moment. But I really am glad it is. For my first pregnancy I worked like a dog. I worked 14 hour days regularly, hunching behind my wheel or standing all day glazing. I fired kilns for 16 hours. I even unloaded a kiln while I was in labor, before I went to the hospital. After Eli was born I never allowed myself to rest because there were always pots to make. For the first year of his life, somehow, I did all this work with him in tow. Looking back, it was exhausting and foolish, and the costs were not worth the benefits. Now that my second son is an infant, I am thankful to be free of the constant pressure of running my own business. I can slow down, let myself relax, enjoy my boys, and happily devote time to just being their mama.  

-What season(s) might your future hold? The season on the horizon involves selling my crafty wares. I just opened my Etsy shop, Happily Home Sewn, to peddle the items I make. I think this will be a more manageable way to work as a crafter then running Decker-Smith Pottery was because I will be able to make what I want, offer it on my etsy shop, and see what happens. I won’t have huge gallery orders and deadlines hanging over me all the time.

I don’t anticipate this season bringing many additional challenges. It will require a season of research and development to learn how to make a successful etsy shop. But, as far as putting more on my plate – well, I’m already perpetually crafting, so I think this will feel like a manageable shift.

 I anticipate the seasons will shift again in a few years when Eric completes his PhD. I look forward to this season because we will have him around more and we will have more time for family. I think he will feel much more relaxed and less stressed. There may also be job changes and a move in this season. 

favorite family activities: playdates with our buddies, eating out together, taking the boys to the movies, family trips (especially to the beach), walking around campus where we live (Our favorite spots are the fish pond and very cool trees for climbing, playing under, and collecting buckeyes.), crafting with the boys, gymnastics class, sporting events

favorite solo activities: MOVIES. I’m a movie addict. They don’t even have to be quality flicks. I’m in; Hanging with girlfriends; Being crafty.

sources of inspiration: funky shops (especially fabric and craft shops), taking sewing classes, crafty books, mama/crafty blogs, and my boys! Also, my mom (Yaya) is the queen of making something fun from nothing. One of Eli’s favorite spots on campus is the “Yaya Tree” where she kept him entertained for hours one day. She taught him about walking sticks and moss furniture and pine needle buildings. I want to be like that.

best MakeShift moment: My entire attempt to continue being a potter after Eli was born was a makeshift moment. In my home studio a Johnny Jumper hung from the ceiling in front of my wheel. At the co-op where I glazed and fired (where Eli and I spent 16 hour days working) I set up a mini nursery for him complete with areas to play, eat, and sleep. I wore him on my body in a variety of slings and packs. We just made it work.

I have to makeshift a lot in our tiny apartment so we don’t get cabin fever. We walk somewhere nearly every day and have found many nearby places to keep us entertained. We use the campus like our own big back yard and have regular adventures there.

It has recently occurred to me that my white board is a great example of a Make-shifting. I got it just after Amos was born because my postpartum brain is scattered and quick. So I used it to write down stuff before it left my brain. The makeshift moment that happens there is never pre-meditated. My white board has become the ultimate happy distraction. I discovered this power when my son was having a post-nap-still-groggy-inconsolable freakout. I was carrying him around the house nearing my wits’ end, when I walked past the white board and started drawing vehicles. I narrated while I drew and he was mesmerized and calmed. Now we draw something on there for every holiday, friend visit, special day, or heck, Tuesday.

Also, one day Eli got into the big bag o’ birdseed in the kitchen. So I dragged it out on the porch and let him fill the bird feeder. It took the mess out of my kitchen and onto the porch. It kept him happily occupied for a ridiculously long time. It gave us an opportunity to talk about what a nice thing it is to help animals and how happy it was going to make the birds and he even likes to sweep the seed off the porch when he’s done! Now, our budding St. Francis does this about twice the week, including, coincidentally, right now as I answer this questionnaire!

find jessa on the web at

• Family Blog: www.ericandjessa.blogspot.com
• Pottery Business Website: www.deckersmithpottery.com
• New Crafty Blog: http://happilyhomesewn.blogspot.com/
• Etsy Shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/HappilyHomeSewn

[the photo of jessa pottery was taken by tim barnwell.]