first name: Sharon

age: 37

current city: Memphis

living situation: I live with my husband of almost 15 years and two daughters, ages nine and five.

occupation: I am a full-time mom and a part-time psychologist.

how do you structure your time and space? I work as a psychologist about 15 hours per week on Mondays and Wednesdays (while the kids are in school) and Friday afternoons (when my husband is off work and caring for the kids). I try to do most of the laundry, cleaning, de-cluttering, and other random household and personal tasks on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I also meet with a group of friends most Tuesdays after lunch to discuss our dreams (both aspirational and nocturnal). Friday mornings I spend with my husband–running errands, having a lunch date, and just generally reconnecting. Weekends are family time. 

It’s a little harder during the summer. I hire a sitter for only the hours I need to see clients, which makes it challenging to keep up with paperwork and housework. But, in general, this schedule works well for our family. I’m happy to have found a rewarding way to stay involved in my profession and keep my license active while also being able to pick the kids up from school most days and chaperon the occasional field trip. 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives, 

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Having grown up in Texas, where the seasons are Hot, Hotter, and Slightly Less Hot, I’m having a hard time using the seasons metaphor for my life. But, whatever you want to call it, this is a really good season. We are all happy with our work/school arrangements; we have great friends; our church is a loving and nurturing environment for all of us; and we live within walking distance of our daughters’ school, a first-rate zoo, and several parks and playgrounds.

-What season(s) preceded this one? The previous season was a transitional one for me. I had spent some time as a stay-at-home mom and was ready to find a way to practice psychology again. I had always thought I would simply go back to working in a college counseling center again, but when I received an offer to work at one full-time, I had to face the reality that I just wasn’t willing to give up the flexibility of being able to be present for homework, after-school snacks, and periodic field trips. That was the most difficult “no” I have ever said. Even though I was absolutely certain that it was the right decision, I was terrified that I wouldn’t find a way to be a part-time psychologist and a full-time mom, and that I would lose an important part of who I was. At the time, I wasn’t ready to launch into private practice, but I did find a place where I could work part-time. That work environment ended up being unhealthy for me, but it did provide me the opportunity to learn the skills I needed to eventually go into private practice.

-What season(s) might your future hold? I’m sure the future holds another transitional phase for me, but I have no idea when that may come about. Until then, I’m just enjoying everything that is great about the current season. This living fully in the present is a new skill for me, but I like it.

favorite family activities: Wii because it allows everyone to participate despite varying skill levels, vacationing (and visiting family) in Texas, board games, going out for sorbet.

favorite solo activities: Reading is my most loved solo activity. I’m usually working my way through several books at the same time—a mixture of non-fiction (especially psychology, neuroscience, religion/spirituality), children’s literature (because it’s fun and provides a special connection with my daughter who reads the same books), and adult fiction. I also enjoy yoga and journaling (the low-tech variety), but I have to admit I am somewhat sporadic with those practices.

sources of inspiration: My friends, my dreams, books, my husband’s sermons and other writings.

best MakeShift moment: I agree with others who have pointed out that parenting is a never-ending series of makeshift moments. But one of my favorite such moments was when my oldest daughter was three. Several of her friends in the seminary housing complex we lived in had butterfly nets, and she really wanted one. We looked everywhere, and there were none to be found in any store. So I took a small needlework hoop, plastic netting some bath toys had come in, a smooth stick from the playground, and some duct tape, and I constructed a little net for her. She loved it and played with it for many months afterward. In fact, it outlasted her friends’ store-bought nets. And the best part is that, as a result of this and other similar moments, my daughter thinks of me as “the parent who fixes things”, which I overheard her telling our younger daughter recently. That is a much better title than “the mom who doesn’t cook”, which is also true, and once prompted my four-year-old to exclaim, “How will we eat?!” when she learned her dad would be out of town for a while.

[if you or someone you know would make a good feature on the MakeShift revolution, please check out the questionnaire and nomination process located on the sidebar to your right.]

first name: Madison

age: 32

current city: Nashville

living situation: I live in a 1960s one-story ranch house in the Nashville suburbs with my husband, Charles, and our two-year-old son, Charlie. We also have two enormous German shepherds who take up lots of bed space.

occupation: Mama, household manager, chef, maid, laundress, dog walker, secretary, chauffeur, wife – and that’s just on weekends and before 9:00 a.m. and after 5:00 p.m. on weekdays! The rest of the time I’m a marketing communications manager for a global risk consulting company. I recently went back to work full-time after working a flex/part-time schedule for about 18 months.

how do you structure your time and space? Going back to work full-time was a hard decision to make but I had to choose between increasing my hourly commitment or leaving altogether, and I have neither the patience nor the creativity to be a stay-at-home mom (my hat’s off to all of them out there!). So life right now is a little crazy. I used to run errands during the week so we could have family time on the weekends, but now we spend at least part of our Saturdays and Sundays going to the grocery store, the cleaners, Target, et cetera.

Another casualty of working full-time is that our home life isn’t quite what I want it to be. I wish our house were tidier. I wish I made the beds every morning. I wish laundry were done (meaning cleaned, folded and put away) in fewer than three days. I wish we all sat down to a home-cooked meal every night at 6:30. So I’ve learned to lower my standards a little bit, while maintaining focus on the things that are most important to us: eating healthily, exercising, having some downtime, reading books, playing, and getting enough sleep. I figure that if the biggest victim of our lifestyle is that my house is a little messier than I like, I can live with that. Hopefully Charlie will remember that we read to him every day, not that a laundry basket routinely sits in the den for days on end. We do have a housekeeper who comes once a week and does the heavy cleaning. And she irons. That’s been a huge lifesaver for our whole family.

In terms of time structure, flexibility is crucial for us. With a young child, creating a morning schedule and evening routine is essential – but so is the ability to break that routine when there’s a tantrum, or someone gets sick, or one of the pups decides to escape. Another critical element is teamwork. My husband (who’s incredibly supportive and helpful) and I tag-team to get everything done. That way, if there’s a wrench thrown into a morning routine that would prevent me from making an early meeting, Charles can take Charlie to school.

Childcare has been an ongoing struggle for us. We had a nanny after Charlie was born, which was wonderful. But it’s an expensive undertaking, especially for one child. She did help keep our house clean, and do the baby laundry, and meet work/repair people in the middle of the day. We definitely took all of that for granted. After a bad experience with her replacement, we put Charlie in a full-time daycare/preschool near my office. It’s had its ups and downs, but overall, it’s been a great experience for him. Plus, it’s about one-third the cost of a nanny. The only downside for me personally is that it’s a 40-minute commute from our home, and that much time in the car with a cranky, hungry toddler can be challenging. That and my car looks like a Goldfish explosion happened.

I’m incredibly jealous of our peers who live near their relatives and thus have access to free, on-demand babysitting. Charles and I would really like to have more date nights, so we’re working on creating a stable list of good sitters. 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives, 

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? We’re in spring right now. It’s a period of growth, of transformation, of blossoming. We’re watching our toddler turn into a little boy right before our eyes. It’s amazing and humbling. He learns so many new things every day, and we love being there for those discoveries. Spring is also a period of change, and our lifestyle has changed dramatically with my working full-time again. We’re also hoping to have another baby soon – another transformation for our family! Challenges abound for us right now (the terrible twos are in full force in our house), but we try to keep some perspective and remember that this is just a stage that too shall pass.

-What season(s) preceded this one? Fall, which is both a time of new beginnings (school season, football) and endings (leaves turning, warm weather ending). We lost two people very close to us: Charles’s aunt and my great-uncle, who was my quasi-grandfather. It was incredibly sad. But it was also a joyful time of spending time with an unimaginably awesome little boy and a fantastic husband.

-What season(s) might your future hold? Hopefully summer – both literally and figuratively. Pool and popsicles and beach trips – so much fun for all of us! Maybe enjoying our last few months as a 3-person family (summer always comes to an end, right?). 

Favorite family activity/activities: We’re really lucky in that Nashville is a great place for families. We love going to the zoo and riding on the carousel, attending story time at the library, playing at the playground, having picnics at the park, swimming at our awesome Y in the summer, and hiking at Radnor Lake  or Percy Warner Park. Once a week, Charlie and I also do a toddler music program called “the music playhouse,” and a gymnastics class.

favorite solo activities: Reading is my lifeblood; I’d be lost without it. I also love crossword puzzles, cooking, writing, swimming, hiking, and movies. I’ll also cop to really loving TV. Writing all this makes me wish I had more time for myself!  

living situation: I live with my husband of four years and our daughters – Christina (3), Rebecca (1 year, 9 months), and Allison (5 months). (These are, of course, their online secret identities, but the names are close enough.) We bought a house five years ago before we married, and wound up with one much bigger than we’d planned. Luckily, it turns out we were able to fill it pretty quickly.

occupation: In addition to being a manager, wife, and mom, I am a full-time attorney, doing primarily transactional and non-adversarial work.

how do you structure your time and space? I do this in pretty much the same way working fathers have for many years. I returned to work quickly (six to seven weeks) after my children were born, and I have a nine to five job with a commute. Though lawyers often work long hours, I leave at five and manage the work by bringing much of it home to do after my girls are in bed. 

My girls all go to the same day care near our house, in a small town. We’ve never had a single problem with the center, and the kids love it. Our oldest is getting a preschool curriculum there now. My husband works slightly earlier hours than me, and is able to pick them up and bring them home each day.

I’m not cut out to be a stay-at-home-mom. I need to be on the go. One of the things our marriage depends on is a certain equality – we both work to support the family, and we both parent. Though those roles are different at different times, we take them relatively equally (except that he doesn’t have to carry a breast pump wherever he goes, which is totally not fair).

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? The biggest challenge is that I’m very tired all the time. When there’s too much to do, sleep is sacrificed. I’d compare it to the holiday season — it’s run run run, all the time. There is so much to do and so little time, and I’m always working on a clock and a to-do list. However, it’s also just full of fun, and happiness, and sparkles, and candy, and hugs. Every time I come home feeling like I’ve been hit by a bus and thinking about all I have to accomplish that night, I get tackled and swarmed by two toddlers who just want to love on me, and I hear baby giggles. My husband pulls dinner (which I made the night before) out of the oven, and all is right with the world. 

-What season(s) preceded this one? Our previous season began when my husband and I, after six years together, finally grew up and put things in order. I moved to be near him in 2004, we bought a house and got engaged in 2005, got married in 2006, and then were pregnant within 2 months. 

-What season(s) might your future hold? I’m hoping more of the same, though with a bit more sleep.  I wouldn’t mind the pace slowing as the girls get more independent and need my help less. I’ll be glad to fill any extra time with sleep and things I want to do for myself, and I’m looking forward to knowing my girls as people instead of babies. I think I’ll get to see a little more of the old, pre-kid me, and I’m looking forward, ironically enough, to sharing that person with the kids.

favorite family activity/activities: I love Friday nights, when we make chicken fingers and watch movies to celebrate the start of the weekend. My husband and I drink a couple of beers, the girls rocket around the room and beg for “dark sauce” (teriyaki) for their chicken, and then everyone collapses. I can’t wait until they’re old enough to help pick a movie that we can all enjoy. (Well, I did enjoy “The Princess and the Frog”… the first ten times!) 

I also love giving the girls bubble baths. We have a huge garden tub, and have never owned a baby tub. I just bring them in with me, taking turns. We use high-end bath products, and I condition their hair and let them use sparkle lotion. My girls ALWAYS smell great! 

favorite solo activities: more bubble baths, but alone; blogging; reading sci-fi and fantasy novels; the lore and novels of the World of Warcraft, a game my husband loves; keeping up with old friends on Facebook; dreaming of hobbies I wish I had. 

sources of inspiration: I’ve been searching for a Everything Role Model for a while now – a woman with a professional career who worked while her children were babies, has a stable marriage and three or more kids, and who still looks good and manages to sleep once in a while. I can’t find her. 

So instead I get inspired by my mom, who does a million things and looks great while doing them; my father, who taught me about work ethic; my husband, who can take anything in stride, even being mobbed by toddlers; my boss, who is what we call a Zen Master; and my paralegal, who never stops smiling and has enthusiasm for everything. I just need to surround myself with positive people, and positive things will keep happening.  

best MakeShift moment: When my youngest was a month old, she had a case of the sniffles and a cough, which turned into a respiratory arrest in the emergency room. She spent six days on a respirator in the pediatric intensive care unit at the children’s hospital and four more days in a regular room being weaned off oxygen. (Her official diagnosis was non-RSV bronchiolitis — basically, a bad baby virus).  

I had two toddlers at home 40 minutes from the hospital, a very sick new baby, the responsibility of pumping to keep up the milk supply until she could nurse again, terrible cold weather, plans to work from home on maternity leave, and the holidays to contend with. This could have really sucked. 

Instead, it wasn’t so bad. After the arrest, I was just so on top of the world that Allison was alive and going to be okay that nothing else seemed to matter. So that Alison wouldn’t have to be alone, my  husband and I trucked the older girls to and from the hospital in their pajamas while we switched out shifts. The situation was rough on them, so we did whatever it took to keep them happy, including letting them wear tutus everywhere.

I spent almost every night in a chair at Allison’s bedside (including New Years’ Eve), pumping every two hours and holding her hand every time the hospital staff had to do something to her. My work assistant brought me boxes of files for review so I’d have a productive way to spend time (and earn money) while I just played the waiting game. My husband and I changed out clothes and phone chargers and toiletries and hardly saw one another for a week and a half, except in the parking lot of the hospital. 

And it was really okay. We just camped out and powered on through, and Allison came home alert, healthy, and a pound and a half heavier than when she’d gone in. (If you did nothing but sleep for a week and have food pumped into you, wouldn’t you gain weight too?) 

[check out www.highheeledmom.com for more  of lindsey’s musings on motherhood and life.]