if the monkey were to plan a wedding, he would follow the lead of julia roberts in steel magnolias. in other words, “pink is his signature color.”

as the mom of this pink-loving fellow, i have enjoyed MANY a self-administered pats on the back for allowing the monkey to exist outside of society’s color rules for boys and girls. you should see me at the cupcake counter, for example, proudly presenting both boys with their requested pink “plain janes.” i love myself in those moments.

photo from http://liplickin.blogspot.com/

but last week while we in asheville, the pink craze got a little more complicated when i took the monkey to pick out this season’s “creek walking shoes.” from a lovely, multicolored bouquet of keen sandals, the monkey plucked these with great zeal:

he was as pleased as punch (pun intended). i, on the other hand, was faced with an unexpected choice. is it my job to protect my children from teasing, or is it my job to help them be their truest selves? i hated myself in that moment.

i texted andy the above picture along with the words, “HELP! what should i do?”

his sentiments were the same as my own. we both want to protect our children from teasing AND help them be their truest selves. meanwhile, the monkey commenced to skip around the store in the fabulous pink shoes.

i contemplated my next move and imagined the silent horror of the sweetly-smiling sales woman, observing my attempts to squelch my son’s spirit. should i explain to my four-year-old that kids are mean, and that in our more traditional town, kids are mean AND traditional? or should i just purchase the pink shoes and hope for the best?

i opted for plan C. we revisited the multicolored bouquet of keen sandals “just to check for any other colors we might like.” and lo and behold, there was another pair on the display that was calling the monkey’s name. the dark pink pair:

now this pair is much more pink in person than the above picture reveals, but i didn’t care. surely he could be his true self in these shoes AND avoid teasing. we bought the shoes, and i was off the hook.

but only temporarily. i’m convinced that time and again, i will be revisiting the questions i asked myself in the shoe store. ultimately, i believe that it’s healthy to be selective about when, where, and with whom we reveal the deepest parts of who we are. i want to teach my kids to be selective. unfortunately, nobody learns to be selective without being teased.

i’m not sure i did the right thing. i am not writing to defend my choice. i’m just saying that in parenting, everything is complicated. nothing is as simple as wanting my kids to feel the cool mountain stream washing over their hot summer feet.

“in the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. –albert camus”

name: Annie Price

age: 34

occupation: Small Business Developer, Artist

how do you structure your time and space? There are two windows of time on most days in which I am full-on mom, generally from  8:30 to 1:00 and 4:30 to 8:30. During this time we try to strike a balance between activities out of the home that involve interaction with others and the natural world, and time together creating, playing, discovering, and loving. Then, during nap times, evening times, one scheduled morning a week, and other random times that my daughter is in another’s care, I am oscillating between giving energy to my own artistic creations, the part-time work that I love as a small business developer at a local microenterprise development non-profit, my commitment to developing my own yoga practice, and time-honoring the adult relationships that I hold dear. 

There are certainly many days when I am filled with a sense of gratitude and abundance and feel like I have a good handle on all that swirls around me. And then there are the days when I feel utterly overwhelmed and paralyzed with exhaustion, and I opt to spend my daughter’s nap time curled up in bed regaining my own strength for the next shift of parenting a toddler. I am indebted to the precious loved-ones in my life who see the wonder and grace that lies within my daughter and are willing to step in and give me space and time to reconnect with myself. This time is essential to me. I have had to face my guilt about wanting, craving, and needing time to myself. It took my husband and me over four years to conceive our child, and now here I am demanding time away from this precious being? But I have discovered that I cannot be the mother-wife-friend-colleague-creator that I pride myself on being if I do not seek solace for myself, and I am finally confident in verbalizing that.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I am currently feeling the bounty of spring more than usual. We live in a cabin in the woods, and each day in my time outdoors I try to take note of what is coming up around me and then connect it to what is coming up within myself. I still feel like I am emotionally residing in early days of spring; I am not ready for the full-on explosion of summer. I am still feeling protective and am nurturing my own tender shoots. 

-What season(s) preceded this one? It was the darkest, roughest, longest winter I can recall, on many levels. I became extremely ill with meningitis at the end of last fall and spent a little over two months recovering. We had to call in reinforcements to help with our daughter and day-to-day tasks, and this was very humbling for me. I had to surrender to the mess and chaos around me and simply rest; this was incredibly hard for me. I remember lying on my front porch swing one winter afternoon in my sleeping bag, and I just stared at the trees and their naked branches for an hour. I felt so emotionally connected to them and how exposed and still they were. I listened to them as they whispered to be patient and that spring would inevitably come for all of us, and that my only responsibility at that time was to be quiet and patient. They were right. 

-What season(s) might your future hold? I am awaiting summer, though I am not fully ready for it. Truth be told, I feel like I have been emotionally awaiting a full summer for years. I always cling to spring and anxiously await the coming of fall. I am curious what this means for me metaphorically. When am I going to feel ready to come into full bloom? I am looking forward to really embracing “summer” again one day and entering into that realm of discovery, play, laughter, spontaneity, fearlessness, and a little more personal and professional risk-taking.

favorite family activity/activities: creek stomping and outdoor exploring, snuggling, baking together, and dancing either in the living room or at local live music events.   

favorite solo activities: yoga; escaping to my favorite little hiding places in town- antique shops, bookstores, coffee shops; going out to breakfast with a book, magazine, or journal in hand; road trips!

sources of inspiration: the changing of seasons and the endless beauty found in nature; the little details of my daughter- her hands, expressions, or the way she looks from the back as she runs down a path; the pages of unique home décor coffee table books; fabulous finds at vintage and thrift shops; my soul sister girlfriends; my family; countless musicians and artists who are pouring their souls into their craft with little financial reward; and a long list of women authors. 

best MakeShift moment: Oh gracious. MakeShift moments are the modus operandi around here. One example is that last Christmas, we didn’t feel like our daughter needed a lot of stuff. I decided to simply turn a huge cardboard box into a play space for her, and we filled it with Christmas lights, cut out windows, et cetera, and gave her a bunch of art supplies that she could use to color the walls and such. She also received a baby doll for Christmas from her grandparents, and she took it into her little cardboard house and stayed in there for hours pampering her baby, singing to her, loving her, and acting out all of the things we have done while raising her. It was so moving. I just sat there and cried. When it was raining the other day I cleaned out a section of her closet and put a little mattress in there, along with more lights and pictures on the walls and she spent hours in there in make-believe land. Creating these little spaces gives her a small, sweet place of her own and gives me an opportunity to pour myself a glass of wine and sit back and relax.

 I have also learned that saying “no” to everything is no fun for anyone, so I have started giving in to some of the ongoing requests like letting my daughter play in the driver’s seat of the car  (she could do that for hours), making a big ole mess while letting her help me cook, or dumping out all of my jewelry and tangling it up in make-believe play. I will miss these days and their sweet mess. I know this.

[if you know someone who would make a good “mothers of invention” feature for this blog, please check out the nomination process detailed in the sidebar pages to your right.]