name: Lane

age: 36

current city: Memphis

living situation: I live with my husband of 13 years, Brian, our eight-year-old daughter Sophie, and our five-year-old son, Whit.

occupation: I am a Registered Nurse, working full-time at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, where I’ve worked since I completed nursing school 11 years ago. I got my foot in the door on the night shift but took a nine to five outpatient position around the time we wanted to start a family. My current job is in clinical research, which is not very nurse-y, but it is immensely challenging and intellectually satisfying. I assist the MD researchers in collecting, organizing, and analyzing data to answer the questions posed to improve clinical outcomes for our patients and beyond.

how do you structure your time and space? I would call our work-family life “modern traditional.” Our babies were in full-time workweek daycare from four months of age and now have transitioned to school life with full-time on-campus aftercare. Our children have had wonderful caregivers both in daycare and in aftercare, and we are so thankful that we have rarely had to question those choices. We also have very willing, loving, and helpful family in town, and have been blessed again with supervisors and coworkers along the journey who are flexible and understanding when a family’s little hiccups occur. Thankfully, the hiccups have been small and well timed. What good fortune we have had!

We divide pretty much every household task in our family 50/50. Bedtimes and dinner clean-up are alternating nights, hubs does carpool drop-off in the morning and I do afternoon pickup, et cetera. Other tasks are 50/50 in that I never do trash duty, laundry folding, or bug squashing (to name a few things), and he rarely has the weekly grocery job or bill minding. There are some chores that come down to the good old fashioned “Mexican stand off” – how long can one tolerate the dog fur tumbleweeds or ignore clean dishes waiting in the washer before one of us just caves. As they’ve become old enough, our children have inherited some tasks such as setting the table and putting folded clothes in their drawers. The hope is that as they grow, they will help more and more with their share.

There is a lot that just doesn’t get done in a timely manner, or at all!
 
Weekends are packed with errands, play dates, and general “getting-it-done;” I have lists of my lists and delight in crossing things off. I have admitted numerous times that I go to work to relax. We are also experts on anything and everything that can be accomplished/purchased online (and we are ready to support a local internet grocery service, hint hint!!). I think we also do a pretty good job of making sure we each have some time to spend however we choose, no questions asked.
 
When the kids were very small, we thought daily life was pretty hectic (and it was) but school-age has brought a new challenges and adjustments to our well oiled machine (did I mention I was type A?). Strict baby schedules have now relaxed to accommodate swim meets or ill-timed birthday parties, and more and more often we find ourselves splitting the kids and the errands/social opportunities down the middle. We have to juggle changes on the fly more often these days. Fortunately, we manage to have dinner as a family four or five times a week (frozen pizza definitely counts!), a habit that I hope we will be able to maintain as our kids wander farther from our nest. We have a pretty lengthy bedtime routine that strengthens our parent-child connections. Early bedtimes for the kids, and late ones for us allow my husband and me to have some quiet time that often takes the form of multi-tasking in front of favorite TV shows. Growing children also means that we can get out more easily or gather with similarly situated friends and lock ourselves (with the wine) in the dining room while the kids wreak havoc and stay up too late.

Each stage has definitely had its pros and cons.  

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I’ve often felt as if I am a woman transported in time from the Forties or Fifties. I have a vocation that has been historically held by women, and with my love of sewing, baking, and other domestic arts, I wonder if I’m channeling June Cleaver.

 I was raised in an intact traditional home with lots of love and plenty of advantages. (In fact, I recently moved across the street from my parents who still live in my childhood home.) Many of my childhood experiences are being shared almost verbatim with my children (choice of school, church, home, and some human values). I struggle with how to blend the “wholesomey goodness” I knew from childhood with the hard realities of this modern life and the opinions I have developed through study, experience, or happenstance. I am so thankful for the childhood I have known and the family who gave it to me. So why don’t I want to duplicate it completely for my family now that I am a parent? How do I construct a new iteration of family without following the pattern I know? How can I keep my favorite parts without passing judgement on the outdated, abandoned ways?
 
Thankfully I have some great role models around me, but largely I feel out of place in most circles because there’s just enough that is different about my situation that it seems like I’m always asking for exceptions or favors. Could we meet after six o’clock? Can’t we do this by phone instead of in person? May I take a two-hour lunch to “run” home and participate in my child’s class party? Will you have childcare available for this event? I know this is not unique, but in my mind, I always seem to be the one needing something more. I’m getting used to it, and some of these problems are getting easier because other parents with similar conflicts have opened the doors ahead of me, but I think about it a lot.
 
I feel like we have now reached the height of our summer season. Since shedding diapers, sippycups, naps, and the extra luggage that holds them, I feel like a kid who has stashed her school bag in the closet for a nice, long break. Our children are fun, expressive, imaginative, but still agreeable, easily entertained, and most importantly, they still enjoy being around us.

-what season(s) preceded this one? Early motherhood was a long, hard winter for me. Although we joyously anticipated the arrival of our first child, it took me over a year to completely submit to motherhood and the undeniable changes that accompanied it. I realize now that I much prefer my babies talking and self-feeding, thankyouverymuch, and that the post-partum period can last a very long time. Again, work was a refuge for me during this challenging time. I could come home from work and look forward to the time I had with my small children, knowing that I also had time in an adult world. I always knew my personality was not suited for staying home, even though working full time is not easy. Either way, it’s exhausting! Our strictly-defined schedules were simultaneously confining and comforting.

-what season(s) might your future hold? My daughter is approaching the pre-teen/tween stage all too fast. I don’t even want to start thinking about that season. Summer forever! 

favorite family activities: Wii games, board games, crafting, playing outside

favorite solo activities: creative arts of all types, especially sewing and paper crafting; baking when there’s time

source(s) of inspiration: I am constantly stealing ideas for crafts from any source (friends, etsy, lowe’s circular, and boutique clothing catalogs). I suffer from the delusion that I could replicate most beautiful things if I had enough time and money, and the proper tools. Never mind that it’s plagiarism or just not worth the trouble; I just love a creative challenge. 

best MakeShift moment: One day at work I found that I had forgotten to include the very important collection bottles that hook to the breast pump (regarding breastfeeding: I have never been so proud of myself for keeping it up for over six months with each baby, and also so thrilled to quit!). Knowing I couldn’t make it all day without pumping, I snagged some urine specimen cups from the supply cart, rigged them up to the pump, and stayed on schedule. They are sterile, after all! 
 
The first summer after our daughter was potty trained, we worried how this progress would affect the ten-hour drive to and from the beach for our family vacation. (Would we stop every 30 minutes versus every couple of hours?) That year, we packed the plastic training potty in the back and were glad to have it ! Several times, including on an exit ramp in Birmingham just blocks from several gas stations, we pulled out that potty and sat her on it, proud as we could be that Sophie had avoided an “accident”! I can’t imagine trying to help a newly-trained girl “go tee-tee” without giving her a place to sit.

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

first name: Crystal

age: 37

current city:  Memphis

living situation: First, it is important to know that I am surrounded by males. Even our pets are all male. I live with my husband of almost eight years, Chris, and our son, Samuel (2). We also share our home every other weekend with our other son, Andrew (10), who lives with his mom on a full-time basis. We have a dog, Rudy, and two cats, Tiger and Willis. We live in Mid-town and adore our block which is full of other children. There is never a dull moment!

occupation: Rehabilitation Counselor

how do you structure your time and space? I am blessed to have worked from home since the time I returned from maternity leave. I changed jobs within the university for which I work, and this change allowed me to telecommute since our main office is in Knoxville. Since that time, my approach to a balanced division has evolved…with the development of Samuel. He was just five months old when I began my new position and will be three this summer. He has been home with me full-time until just this past week when he began a Parents Day Out program two days a week.

I have total freedom to construct my day the way I would like. This allows me to take Samuel to the library, the zoo, or just have an “at home day” where the playroom gets a lot of use  (my office is right off the playroom which makes it easy to do a quick email check). My first priority is Samuel, and I fear that my work sometimes suffers as a result. However, my boss is pleased with my work product, and he is supportive of my time with Samuel. He is also clear about my priorities. A prime example of this is when I was breastfeeding Samuel but had several work trips to attend. I made it clear that Samuel would need to come with me (along with my husband and/or a grandparent), and my boss agreed. I worked, attended meetings, and took breaks to breastfeed and put Samuel down for his naps. My first work trip without Samuel was when he was almost two!

On the other hand, the most challenging division of time has been home making and self-care. I am coming out of that fog now but it has been difficult to find the time (or care to find the time) to do either. I am paying for that now and am trying to turn the focus back to things that I once would never have imagined letting go of: namely ME!

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? As a “good Southern woman,” I have become quite good at taking care of everyone else! But, within the last year, I have been diagnosed with a chronic illness which means that I MUST take care of myself. But how does that get done when I am already wishing for more time in the day?

It is also challenging to keep Samuel occupied while I am working from home. Thus far we have made it work, and the addition of Parents Day Out should help. He started this past week and has done amazingly well! We are SO proud of him!

There are so many highlights of this season. I was able to breastfeed Samuel until 15 ½ months and prepare all of his baby food myself. I have been present for every milestone and developmental stride in Samuel’s life. I chronicled his first two years (as much as possible) on a timeline, using calendars and marking experiences, words and achievements. I have also been able to travel with my family and give our children experiences that will last a lifetime…all while working. Oh, and we can’t forget the highlight of logging into work most mornings in my pajamas!    

-What season(s) preceded this one? It seems like a lifetime ago, but my season prior to having a child went something like this: graduate school, various positions of increasing responsibility, and my eyes set on pursuing a PhD. Motherhood blindsided me. I just knew I would be going back to work in my office job but when Samuel turned one week old, I spent most of the day crying at the prospect of returning to work. So when the telecommuting option came up, I couldn’t resist the opportunity. The biggest down side is a 60 percent pay cut. OUCH! But, the sacrifice has been well worth it in our eyes.

-What season(s) might your future hold? I often remind myself  that I still have 35 more working years! So, I believe I will return to the career- focused woman that I once was. However, I will never put that career focus ahead of my family. I envision a season filled with continued flexibility and control of my days. Telecommuting will likely not come to an end for me anytime soon. I have become too spoiled!    

favorite family activities: cooking, games, going to the zoo, time spent at the Memphis Drum Shop,  “picnics” (complete with a blanket on the floor) where we eat dinner while watching a movie, reading, having dance parties

favorite solo activities: baking, cake-decorating, graphic design, photography, and glass blowing

sources of inspiration: color in nature; my children; the quiet, still moments that don’t come often enough these days

best MakeShift moment: Occasionally, it is not possible to schedule my phone meetings and/or conference calls while Samuel is napping. On one such occasion, I was on a conference call with a planning committee. I held the phone on MUTE as long as I could until my boss called on me (unexpectedly) to share information on a particular project. I knew Samuel was safe but he was not being quiet at the moment, so I shoved a Pottery Barn catalog in his hands, and ran into the next room where I was still able to see him. I fumbled with the phone, unmuted it and proceeded with my response. Whew…crisis diverted!

[if you know someone who would make a good “mothers of invention” feature, please check out the nomination process info located in the sidebar to your right.]