name: Jennifer McCullough

age: 33

current city: Memphis

living situation: I live with my four-year-old son, one fish, and one dog. We are currently living in a downtown condo while we try to sell our house. Living in two places is a comedy of errors.

occupation: mom; chef; and business owner of The Uptown Grocer, purveyor of upscale frozen meals.

how do you structure your time and space? I work out of the kitchen at Cafe Society Restaurant in midtown. It is just a two-minute drive to my son’s school, which allows me to maximize parenting time and working time. I pack a bag with running shoes and try to take a break at some point to get some exercise. Usually this is on “meatloaf day.” The loaves take exactly 55 minutes to cook, which gives me just enough time to do a wardrobe change, take a jog, get back into work clothes, and take those yummy meatloaves out of the oven. 

My son spends time with his father as well, but at times this has been a bit of a struggle because his father doesn’t live in Memphis. But we do our best to work with each other’s schedules so that my son has quality time with both parents. My parents are in town and take my son any time I am willing to part with him. I am very fortunate to have their support!

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Being a single mom comes with its fair share of challenges. I often feel like one person trying to be two people, and I have to accomplish so much more when my child is at school (work, exercise, errands, et cetera). For example, if I run out of milk, I cannot simply make a quick solo trip to the grocery.

I have had to overcome a good bit of guilt when it comes to making time for myself. I frequently have to assure myself that exercising and doing other things to maintain my health and sanity are necessary, even if it means that I do these things while my son is at school or in another’s care.

In general, I am doing things differently than the way I always thought I would be doing them. For example, after months of thinking that my son needed to live in a house with a yard and in a neighborhood, I realized that the simplicity of condo-living is really much better for us. I had to say goodbye to the life I thought I would be living in order to fully live the one I’ve got. Now my son and I like to ride the downtown trolley to dinner. My son’s childhood is not like mine was but I have realized that no one way is better than the other. They’re just different.

-what season(s) preceded this one? The last five years have brought about a lot of changes: divorce, health issues, and two moves. I spent much of this time in survival mode, reacting to life’s circumstances. Starting my own business was my first step in becoming more proactive about my life. I did a lot of thinking about my talents and a path that might allow me to have both a fulfilling career and an active role in my son’s life.

Starting the Uptown Grocer was a gigantic leap of faith for me. In the beginning, I cooked and delivered weekly meals to my customers. There were some nights when I cooked from my son’s bedtime until 3:00 in the morning. This was miserable! But I kept moving forward and resisting the temptation to become paralyzed. Even when decisions led to dead ends, I learned to put my focus elsewhere and keep moving along in hopes that a door would open and I would have a creative moment.

I have now shifted to a much more sensible business model. I stock a freezer at Palladio Antiques and Art  full of my food, and my customers can shop there for their meals. I have just recently begun to reap the rewards that come with making deliberate choices.

-what season(s) might your future hold? In the months ahead, I plan to continue scaling down my commitments and making choices based on what’s right for my son and me. I am beginning to trust my instincts and feel confident in my decisions. I love being a chef and business owner, and I can see now that I am in the right place. I am laying the groundwork for a more peaceful, more fulfilling, and simpler life. I am ready to reap the rewards.  

favorite family activities: My favorite time with my son is right before bed. Before I tuck him in, he will often tell me things that hapened during his day, and these are really sweet moments. During the day, we move at a fast pace and we’re on the go. It’s nice to have this quieter time when there’s a lot of intimacy in our relationship. These are my favorite times with him.

favorite solo activities: I love to run. I also like being in the car by myself with complete quiet. We go so fast, and things are so hectic. Sometimes I will sit down by myself, and I’ll realize later that I forgot to even turn the light on!

source(s) of inspiration: Before I started my business, I gained a lot of inspiration from reading. I have found books by Deepak Chopra to be helpful, as well as other literature about simplifying life and letting go of things that don’t matter. I am currently reading The Sermon on the Mount: The Key to Success in Life by Emmet Fox, and I love it!

best MakeShift moment: One of my MakeShift habits is to drive through McDonalds and buy enough milk to last us until I can get to the grocery store.

My son dresses himself, and a lot of times his ensembles look really bad. But this is all part of allowing myself to let go. I only have so much brain space, and I have had to decide what matters and what doesn’t. A lot of thing that would have bothered me ten years ago aren’t even on my radar now.

Perhaps my most recent MakeShift moment was when I spaced out and remembered “back to school night” at my son’s school only a couple of hours before it was to begin. I had no childcare lined up, and I had previously promised to go goldfish shopping with my son that evening. I desperately called a sitter, who was (thank goodness) willing to meet us at the pet store. After the fish selection, the four of us (myself, my son, the sitter, and the fish) went out to dinner. I really wanted to spend that time with my son, and I knew that having dinner with him would only prohibit me from attending the first part of “back to school night,” the part where I would be apt to eagerly volunteer for tasks that my schedule unfortunately will not allow. After dinner, I was able to be present for the second part of the meeting — the part where I saw my son’s classroom, met his teachers, and signed up to help with holiday parties (short volunteer commitments that increase the time spent with my son). It was a whirlwind of an evening but everything worked out great. My son got his fish, we had a lovely dinner, I was present at the meeting, and I kept sigh of what’s important.

jennifer invites memphians to the grand opening of the uptown grocer, this friday afternoon, october 15th, from 11:30-2:30 at cafe palladio (corner of cooper and central). sample jennifer’s chicken tetrazzini and cinnimon apple bread pudding with caramel, and enter to win one of four free uptown grocer gift certificates. 

• find jennifer on the web at http://www.theuptowngrocer.com/ 
• follow on twitter: @theuptowngrocer

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

last night, the kids played with a babysitter while andy and i went to dinner and a movie. i don’t think that i am merely assuaging my mommy guilt when i say that a good babysitter (and we’re grateful to have several) has the capacity to be “more than i am and everything that i am not,” to borrow words from life’s work by lisa belkin (67). these sitters usually make their entrances during the six p.m. hour, when all of my energy has been sucked up by the day’s celebrations and endless negotiations (kids are little lawyers, aren’t they?). these gals aren’t trying to work from home or fold a week’s worth of laundry.they don’t utter phrases such as, “i’m too tired to play football with you right now.” and perhaps they even possess the resolve and distracting power to enforce rules that i have been known to abandon in my weakest parenting moments.

if all goes well, andy and i return home to two sleeping angels and the sitter’s report that the evening at our house was pure magic. we get a rundown of our children’s antics, most of which are endearing and cause our favorite teenage girls to utter phrases such as, “i love your children.”

there is no better music to my ears… or so i THOUGHT.

last night’s date came after what was, for me, a very challenging week of parenting. the bird pitched screaming fits EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. i changed his diaper, put him in the car seat, and got him dressed. he hit me in the face, kicked me in the gut, and woke up each new day ready for another round (even after an evening when the screaming fits extended past midnight). if it were not for my memories of the monkey (who is now delightful to be around most of the time) acting similarly when he was this age, i would have collapsed into a crying heap somewhere around wednesday.

and so, last night when andy and i returned home to the sitter, i braced myself for what i knew would not be her usual sunny report. she described the evening in detail, which included the bird’s recent fit-pitching trends combined with the fact that the monkey could not find his “it” animal required for peaceful sleep. food was thrown. bath time was pure misery. our dog even added to the cacophony by nipping at her ankles.

i thought it would feel horrible to hear someone, who loves my children, regretfully relay the events of such a trying evening. i was wrong. when the words, “i am so exhausted… i don’t see how you do this day in and day out… how do you wade through this chaos?” came out of this poor girl’s mouth, i wanted to kiss her.

if a sophomore in high school, who is half my age and with three times my energy, finds my existence to be somewhat difficult, perhaps i am not going crazy after all. or, maybe more accurately, my insanity is warranted. god, i love empathy.

i just hope we can persuade this poor sitter to come back!

i entertain no grandiose notions that my life would make an interesting movie. there are no juicy secrets or high-adventure feats of strength. we have our share of beauty and tragedy, but these things drive good dinner-table conversation, not ticket sales and screen lit wonder.

but still — i fantasize about being the subject of a movie’s intro. you know, that part before anything actually HAPPENS, where the scene is being set, and characters are making their definitive first impressions. there is music playing and the viewers see the star of the story for who she is in her daily routine, when she thinks nobody is watching.

today, for example, i would be played by mary louise parker.

and the music in the background is the theme song from “elmo’s world,” in all of its overly saccharine, raspy, grating, monster cuteness.

the main character, with tousled bed-hair and clothes appropriate for the 6 a.m. video torture yoga session she shared with her husband, trips on a big wheel (yes, inside the house) on the way to make breakfast for her two children.

“elmo can use the potty!” the exuberant tv voice exclaims.

“do you need to tee tee?” our heroine is reminded to ask her oldest son.

the babysitter arrives just as the husband leaves for work (when did he have time to shower?). elmo spreads more cheer as mary louise, clad now in the tangled arms of protesting children who are anticipating their mother’s brief sojourn, makes her way to the bedroom to dress for the day.

while brushing her teeth, she extrapolates the younger child’s hands from the toilet water (clean this time, thank goodness), before leaning over the older son’s blockade in order to spit into the sink. she grabs a pair of jeans off the floor and the first shirt she sees and puts them on just before tying her hair into a messy bun. no time for a shower today.

the older son brightens at the prospect of making cookies with the babysitter and specifies that they must be oatmeal cookies. a collective trip through the den and into the kitchen is accompanied by more melodious elmo musings as he is apparently wrapped in deep conversation with his fish, dorothy.

mary louise diligently lines up her son’s apron and the necessary cookie ingredients on the kitchen counter. this is a 15 minute process, which in her estimation, is costing her two dollars and fifty cents at her baby sitter’s ten-dollars-an-hour rate. she finally wriggles free of both children long enough to run to the car and head to a coffee shop, where she will plan the evening’s bible study that is part of her work as a minister.

in the last scene of the intro, mary louise sinks into a comfortable coffee shop couch and savors the first sip of caffeine. a fast alt-punk song is playing in the background. the waitress stops by to ask what our heroine wants for breakfast. mary louise orders an oatmeal, and as she’s handing the menu back to the server, the fast-talking girl asks, “are you pregnant?”

“thank you, but no,” mary louise quips. “i shouldn’t have tried to pass off this swimsuit cover up as a shirt,” she thinks to herself.

let the day (or the movie) begin…

[today is the last day to enter to win a custom-made superkid cape for a super kid in your life. check out this post for details.]