mothers of invention: lane
Tuesday, August 31st, 2010
name: Lane
age: 36
current city: Memphis
living situation: I live with my husband of 13 years, Brian, our eight-year-old daughter Sophie, and our five-year-old son, Whit.
occupation: I am a Registered Nurse, working full-time at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, where I’ve worked since I completed nursing school 11 years ago. I got my foot in the door on the night shift but took a nine to five outpatient position around the time we wanted to start a family. My current job is in clinical research, which is not very nurse-y, but it is immensely challenging and intellectually satisfying. I assist the MD researchers in collecting, organizing, and analyzing data to answer the questions posed to improve clinical outcomes for our patients and beyond.
how do you structure your time and space? I would call our work-family life “modern traditional.” Our babies were in full-time workweek daycare from four months of age and now have transitioned to school life with full-time on-campus aftercare. Our children have had wonderful caregivers both in daycare and in aftercare, and we are so thankful that we have rarely had to question those choices. We also have very willing, loving, and helpful family in town, and have been blessed again with supervisors and coworkers along the journey who are flexible and understanding when a family’s little hiccups occur. Thankfully, the hiccups have been small and well timed. What good fortune we have had!
We divide pretty much every household task in our family 50/50. Bedtimes and dinner clean-up are alternating nights, hubs does carpool drop-off in the morning and I do afternoon pickup, et cetera. Other tasks are 50/50 in that I never do trash duty, laundry folding, or bug squashing (to name a few things), and he rarely has the weekly grocery job or bill minding. There are some chores that come down to the good old fashioned “Mexican stand off” – how long can one tolerate the dog fur tumbleweeds or ignore clean dishes waiting in the washer before one of us just caves. As they’ve become old enough, our children have inherited some tasks such as setting the table and putting folded clothes in their drawers. The hope is that as they grow, they will help more and more with their share.
There is a lot that just doesn’t get done in a timely manner, or at all!
Weekends are packed with errands, play dates, and general “getting-it-done;” I have lists of my lists and delight in crossing things off. I have admitted numerous times that I go to work to relax. We are also experts on anything and everything that can be accomplished/purchased online (and we are ready to support a local internet grocery service, hint hint!!). I think we also do a pretty good job of making sure we each have some time to spend however we choose, no questions asked.
When the kids were very small, we thought daily life was pretty hectic (and it was) but school-age has brought a new challenges and adjustments to our well oiled machine (did I mention I was type A?). Strict baby schedules have now relaxed to accommodate swim meets or ill-timed birthday parties, and more and more often we find ourselves splitting the kids and the errands/social opportunities down the middle. We have to juggle changes on the fly more often these days. Fortunately, we manage to have dinner as a family four or five times a week (frozen pizza definitely counts!), a habit that I hope we will be able to maintain as our kids wander farther from our nest. We have a pretty lengthy bedtime routine that strengthens our parent-child connections. Early bedtimes for the kids, and late ones for us allow my husband and me to have some quiet time that often takes the form of multi-tasking in front of favorite TV shows. Growing children also means that we can get out more easily or gather with similarly situated friends and lock ourselves (with the wine) in the dining room while the kids wreak havoc and stay up too late.
Each stage has definitely had its pros and cons.
using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,
-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I’ve often felt as if I am a woman transported in time from the Forties or Fifties. I have a vocation that has been historically held by women, and with my love of sewing, baking, and other domestic arts, I wonder if I’m channeling June Cleaver.
I was raised in an intact traditional home with lots of love and plenty of advantages. (In fact, I recently moved across the street from my parents who still live in my childhood home.) Many of my childhood experiences are being shared almost verbatim with my children (choice of school, church, home, and some human values). I struggle with how to blend the “wholesomey goodness” I knew from childhood with the hard realities of this modern life and the opinions I have developed through study, experience, or happenstance. I am so thankful for the childhood I have known and the family who gave it to me. So why don’t I want to duplicate it completely for my family now that I am a parent? How do I construct a new iteration of family without following the pattern I know? How can I keep my favorite parts without passing judgement on the outdated, abandoned ways?
Thankfully I have some great role models around me, but largely I feel out of place in most circles because there’s just enough that is different about my situation that it seems like I’m always asking for exceptions or favors. Could we meet after six o’clock? Can’t we do this by phone instead of in person? May I take a two-hour lunch to “run” home and participate in my child’s class party? Will you have childcare available for this event? I know this is not unique, but in my mind, I always seem to be the one needing something more. I’m getting used to it, and some of these problems are getting easier because other parents with similar conflicts have opened the doors ahead of me, but I think about it a lot.
I feel like we have now reached the height of our summer season. Since shedding diapers, sippycups, naps, and the extra luggage that holds them, I feel like a kid who has stashed her school bag in the closet for a nice, long break. Our children are fun, expressive, imaginative, but still agreeable, easily entertained, and most importantly, they still enjoy being around us.
-what season(s) preceded this one? Early motherhood was a long, hard winter for me. Although we joyously anticipated the arrival of our first child, it took me over a year to completely submit to motherhood and the undeniable changes that accompanied it. I realize now that I much prefer my babies talking and self-feeding, thankyouverymuch, and that the post-partum period can last a very long time. Again, work was a refuge for me during this challenging time. I could come home from work and look forward to the time I had with my small children, knowing that I also had time in an adult world. I always knew my personality was not suited for staying home, even though working full time is not easy. Either way, it’s exhausting! Our strictly-defined schedules were simultaneously confining and comforting.
-what season(s) might your future hold? My daughter is approaching the pre-teen/tween stage all too fast. I don’t even want to start thinking about that season. Summer forever!
favorite family activities: Wii games, board games, crafting, playing outside
favorite solo activities: creative arts of all types, especially sewing and paper crafting; baking when there’s time
source(s) of inspiration: I am constantly stealing ideas for crafts from any source (friends, etsy, lowe’s circular, and boutique clothing catalogs). I suffer from the delusion that I could replicate most beautiful things if I had enough time and money, and the proper tools. Never mind that it’s plagiarism or just not worth the trouble; I just love a creative challenge.
best MakeShift moment: One day at work I found that I had forgotten to include the very important collection bottles that hook to the breast pump (regarding breastfeeding: I have never been so proud of myself for keeping it up for over six months with each baby, and also so thrilled to quit!). Knowing I couldn’t make it all day without pumping, I snagged some urine specimen cups from the supply cart, rigged them up to the pump, and stayed on schedule. They are sterile, after all!
The first summer after our daughter was potty trained, we worried how this progress would affect the ten-hour drive to and from the beach for our family vacation. (Would we stop every 30 minutes versus every couple of hours?) That year, we packed the plastic training potty in the back and were glad to have it ! Several times, including on an exit ramp in Birmingham just blocks from several gas stations, we pulled out that potty and sat her on it, proud as we could be that Sophie had avoided an “accident”! I can’t imagine trying to help a newly-trained girl “go tee-tee” without giving her a place to sit.
[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]
