first name: Erin

age: 31

current city:  Birmingham, AL

living situation: I live in a house with my husband, 21-month old son, and our golden retriever named Atticus. We are expecting a baby in September.

occupation: Photographer, self-employed. My  husband and I are both photographers who run our business together. I shoot mostly kids and family sessions, he does commercial work, and we photograph weddings together. We share all the other gazillion responsibilities of running a business including administrative tasks, communicating with clients, bookkeeping et cetera.

how do you structure your time and space? I primarily care for our son during the day, though our schedule allows us to (somewhat) leisurely start most mornings as a family sharing breakfast, light housekeeping and getting ready for the day. I really enjoy this time together and see it as a luxury we will not always have. Around 8 a.m., my husband goes to work downstairs in our basement office. It really is his office because we’ve discovered that I never work down there. I keep my computer on the bar in our kitchen where I steal moments to check email during the day and then sit to work during our son’s nap and after he’s gone to bed. I rarely feel caught up in my photography work so I constantly feel the pull to be working. I have found that I can really attend to (and enjoy) the time with our son better when we leave the house. We usually spend our mornings going to the library, the grocery store and running various other errands. We’re usually home one morning a week to play (or he plays while I attempt to clean/do laundry). I also attend a weekly Bible study where our son stays in the nursery.

I usually leave the house for three to five photo shoots a week (not including photographing weddings about half the Saturdays of the year). My preference is to do these over one full day (usually Fridays) and one other morning or afternoon. Through trial and error, I found leaving for one entire day during the week was easier for me than trying to schedule shorter blocks of time away on several different days. The latter made me feel like I was constantly switching gears, and I was totally frazzled in all of my roles. I hire a babysitter for most weekdays I leave to shoot, though my husband sometimes spends the time with our son. My mother-in-law takes on most of our working Saturdays, and other family members take the rest. Sometimes I’ll even bring our son with me on a shoot. He enjoys watching the spectacle of my working and the treats I bring to entertain him along the way.

Because we work most Saturdays, we have recently begun protecting Tuesdays as a day for our family to do something fun together – hikes, museums, et cetera. Our business feels established but it seems like we’re constantly still wading through what we all need and what works best for each of us. Even though my husband and I don’t have a lot of intentional date nights, we spend so much of our time together and really do enjoy most of it (we owe a lot of the enjoyment factor to some incredible marriage counseling that we still regularly attend to help us figure out how to work/play/do life together). I don’t take much time for me by myself away from home right now. I haven’t really figured out how to do that well.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Working from home and mostly creating my own schedule allows me to feel like I spend most of my time with our son. I really enjoy the fact that none of us has to be anywhere most mornings and we can (theoretically) choose when we want to work. One of my main challenges is combating the mom-guilt that seems to always be lurking (work more or work less, organic vegetables or free cookies at Target, cutting out coupons or spending my free time doing things that feel more life-giving to me, mother’s day out or not…). I also struggle with contrasting the affirmation that comes so quickly and easily from my clients with how hard it can seem to get through an evening with my toddler before bedtime. Also, I really wish I had more time for friendships in this season. I miss my closest friends who live in other states and find it hard to have the time, energy and all the rest that’s needed to really cultivate new friendships. 

-what season(s) preceded this one? Before parenthood, we were in the early stages of running our own business full-time from home. In some ways, life felt crazier then because it wasn’t guided by the routine that raising a child demands. We worked all the time; I scheduled photo shoots and meetings whenever clients wanted, which left me with little routine and balance. Our marriage, our home and our business are much healthier now than they were then due to the rhythms we have established. 

-what season(s) might your future hold? It is difficult (and I’m not sure I’m ready) to see beyond our life right now with young children. We hope that our family is still in the beginning phases but we also have lots of dreams and goals for our business. I honestly have no idea how we’re going to balance working and raising a family as we grow (in both ways), and I can easily get very overwhelmed at the possibilities. In the months that we were anticipating our first child, I remember how fearful I was of not being able to balance it all. It hasn’t been easy by any means but we’ve waded through and made progress in figuring out what works and what doesn’t. Remembering that helps me to have hope that through trial and error, we’ll figure out new routines (and how to make enough money to eat).

favorite family activities: Taking walks/being outside together, traveling and seeing new things and places.

favorite solo activities: Reading, looking through home magazines for ideas, talking to my best friends on the phone (in person would be much better).

sources of inspiration: my mom; my husband and my son;  people who are willing to be transparent and real. 

best MakeShift moment: Life feels full of these moments right now. I had so many expectations of what I would be like as a mother and it has been refreshing to let go of a lot of those. Just recently, while I was preparing dinner, I was so happy that my son was occupied while pouring the dog’s water back and forth between the food and water bowls. The mess was huge but well worth it. I regularly give him cups of ice that end up melting all over our hardwood floors, he’s allowed to sit (but not stand) on our coffee table, and I am not ashamed of bribing with suckers or candy when necessary. For me, letting all of these things be okay feels like quite a shift. Also, I have allowed myself to give up cooking most nights. We eat a lot of take-out and it works for us most of the time.

check out erin’s stunning photography at www.nolenphotographyblog.com.

dear martha,

do not worry. this is not another letter expressing disappointment in your ethics pertaining to the world of finances. your time in the big house actually scored you many points in  my book, not because i’m a fan of insider trading, but because it was refreshing to see that you are not perfect. i appreciate your post-incarceration humility and humor.

you and i share a love for cooking crafting, wellness, and gardening (though you are on your own in the home-cleaning arena) so i subscribe to your magazine for inspiration. i am writing to discuss the calendar that appears at the beginning of every issue and is a prominent feature on your website. it is my understanding that your readers are to use your plans for the month to tailor our own, equally lofty ideations. the problem is, on “private yoga lesson” day, i walked out the door to meet my private yoga teacher and suddenly realized that i don’t have one of those. i had similar experiences on “prune espaliered apple trees” day, “get horses vaccinated” day, and “insert supports in peony garden” day.

sure, you might say that i could still rotate and flip my mattresses, bake your mother’s babka, host an egg hunt for family and friends, and remove my storm windows but doesn’t this all seem a bit ambitious for the month of april?

i’m actually not suggesting that you change the content of this calendar feature or anything else about your magazine and related endeavors. i truly think that you make this world a more creative place. the problem is that, in the process, your gusto and success make the rest of us feel like schmucks.

in my opinion, this problem could be easily solved with a simple name change on your part. instead of calling your magazine and related endeavors “martha stewart,” which insinuates that all this cooking, crafting, wellness, gardening, and home-making craziness can be done well by one person, why don’t you change the name on everything to “martha stewart and her bazillion employees, assistants, and trainers.” that way, we could all be reminded from the outset that you, as we have come to know you, are not A PERSON but AN ENTERPRISE.

best wishes to you and your entourage as you fill your birdbaths, host galas in the barn, and switch from flannel to percale sheets next month.

your faithful reader,

mary allison

[pictures in this post are from mediabistro.com and ceoworld.biz.]

sunny flordia is indeed sunny. the problem is, it is also windy and cold. it is supposed to warm up tomorrow. in the meantime, the monkey would prefer to do this:

and this:

we would prefer that he not.

so, we’ve had two morning excursions to local strolling, playgrounding, and lunching spots. all have provided our fair share of respite from the wizard-of-oz-like beachside wind.

i, myself, like to find a warm, sunny corner and observe.

but these excursions are not our only makeshift moves this week. i am frequently fretting that my little bird is, well, little. he’s not even on the charts, though the doc says he’s perfectly healthy. if you are wondering just how small he is, he’s about the size of this hole on our third-story condo balcony:

within minutes of our arrival at the beach, my genius husband, creator of this makeshift-yet-fully-functional baby gate, came through again with this solution involving a nearby landscaping brick:

is it bad that our makeshifting often involves trespassing and/or stealing? 

first name: Stacey

age: 37, soon to be 38

current city:  Memphis

living situation: Husband Warren Oster, sons Satchel (7) and Jiro (5)

occupation: I work in Community Relations at Memphis Light Gas and Water, but most people think I make a living as a freelance writer.

how do you structure your time and space? I have a basic 8:30 a.m. – 5 p.m. job, but I have the option of a compressed work week (four ten hour days). I prefer the four day week, but I can’t always make it work. My husband is an archaeologist and a full-time student getting his masters in Elementary Education. He actually has a much more flexible work life/schedule than I do. He ends up taking the kids to work with him or staying home with them if they are sick, he shuttles our younger child to four speech therapy classes every week, et cetera. He also does the bulk of grocery shopping and cooking! This allows me to get my work done at the office and then have time to do interviews, and related work for all of the freelance writing assignments I take on. I used to stay up really late at night (like 1 a.m.) getting everything done, but six months ago I started getting up at 5:30 a.m. to work out. Now I’m lucky if I can stay up past 10 p.m.! Most of the freelance work I do (as well as special projects like Rock-n-Romp) involve my kids. This, along with my husband’s awesomeness, is the only way I can fit in extracurricular activities.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I think I’m stuck in spring, which I guess is a good place to be. For instance, if you ask me what the date is, I automatically think it is March 26. Isn’t that weird? It’s the day my dad died and also the day Warren and I decided to get married, so it’s kind of a pivotal day, but still, I’m mentally stuck there. Luckily spring is a time of renewal and I seem to always feel like the possibilities are endless and the future is bright.

-what season(s) preceded this one? Winter, maybe? I feel like I was hibernating most of my life, waiting for my big awakening.

-what season(s) might your future hold? I suppose someday there will be an autumn for me, a time to rest and enjoy all of the pretty colors. 

favorite family activities: We love going out to eat, which is evidenced by my Dining with Monkeys blog. We’ve covered about 200 restaurants and are always on the lookout for new places to try. Also a week doesn’t pass that we don’t go hike in the Old Forest of Overton Park. When it’s nice outside, we like to ride our bikes/roller skate/skateboard around town. Swimming at the Memphis Jewish Community Center is another big summertime activity for us. We never miss a Rock-n-Romp. Team Oster (that’s what we call ourselves) also loves a good road trip.

favorite solo activities: I really like my 5:30am workouts, but I don’t do them alone. I have an awesome workout partner, Ashley Harper. Every Tuesday I have roller derby practice (I’m a referee now after skating for two years) followed by drinks at the Cove. It’s one of the highlights of my week. My only truly solo activity would be writing, which I do every single day in some form, even if it’s just for a few minutes.

sources of inspiration: Definitely my kids. 100%. They provide me with never-ending subject matter!

best MakeShift moment: The Hot Pink Paper Clips were scheduled to play Rock-n-Romp last August. The band is composed of four middle school girls. They had been practicing all week in preparation for the show, for which they were SO excited, but three out of four of them came down with the swine flu and had to cancel the night before the show. I remembered that my husband’s boss’s son was in a band at White Station High School, but I wasn’t sure if they were any good. I called my husband’s boss and ran the idea by him. He made some calls and by 9:00 on Friday night we had the Theoretical Monkeys scheduled to play at 3:00 the next afternoon. Luckily, they turned out to be really good. (And they were absolutely darling!) My husband’s boss was especially thrilled, and things really couldn’t have turned out better. The Hot Pink Paper Clips returned to health and played our November show.

find stacey on the web at: 

• www.fertilegroundzine.com
• www.diningwithmonkeys.com
• www.memphisrocknromp.blogspot.com
• www.overtonparkforever.org

if there is one thing that sets contemporary motherhood apart from its historical roots, it’s the element of choice. though finances often remove from the equation issues such as working outside of the home or staying home full-time with the kids, a perplexing maze of options still abounds.

cloth or disposable diapers? breast milk or formula? let the baby cry it out or rush to his bedside? organic food or regular? the traditional vaccination schedule or an alternative? buy him the video game or hold out? enroll her in competitive soccer or stick to rec league? give him a car when he turns 16 or let him ride with teenaged friends? set the curfew at 10:00 or midnight?

according to psychologist and author of the paradox of choice, barry schwartz, “researchers have found that as choices proliferate past a certain point, people tend to get overloaded. they have increasing difficulty making decisions and end up less satisfied with the choices they do make. they are likely to experience regret over their choices, even those that turn out well, because they can easily imagine that other options may have turned out better. they develop unrealistically high expectations about the results of their decisions, and when decisions disappoint, as they almost always do because of those high expectations, they blame themselves. all of this can result in stress, anxiety, and unhappiness.”

in our brief three-and-a-half years of parenting, my husband and i have made our fair share of choices, all of which seem small now that we are trying to decide up on a preschool/elementary school for our older child. and, in keeping with schwartz’ observations, our expectations are sky high. not only do we want our little monkey’s mind to expand in a setting that is not over-structured, we want to meet dozens of fellow parents that will instantly become our new best friends!

but at the risk of becoming stressed, anxious, and unhappy, i do not want to part with the choices available to me. there must be some way to enjoy the freedom and agency involved in decision-making without drowning in a sea of options. to that end, here are some ideas i’ve come up with regarding choices:

1. i’m going to try to part with (or at least pare down) my expectations. let’s all have a moment of silence as i begin to let go of my notion of dozens of instant new best friends.

2. i’m going to… well… MAKE A CHOICE about which decisions in life merit serious attention. in other words, i’m not going to lose sleep trying to decide what color flashlight to give a three-year-old for his birthday.

3. this is my favorite: befriend people who are smart and informed about all the possible parenting decisions and copy their choices. yes, this is how my husband and i purchased our car seat, selected a pediatrician, and devised a sleeping schedule for our infants. thank you gretchen, anne, and sharon, respectively.

4. go with the easiest option: let your small children make their own decisions because you have no more energy for such things. this is how the monkey came to eat donuts for lunch today, for example.

okay, so number 4 is clearly absurd as a regular parenting principle but you get the idea…

[the source for this post can be found in the bibliography page on the sidebar to the right.]

is there anything more makeshift than a family road trip with small children? one minute you are pulling out of your driveway with carefully organized kids’ activities in tow along with deluded dreams of a three-year-old exhibiting the kind of silent focus reserved only for phD students. the next minute (okay, well, more like 15 hours later), you are knee-deep in piles of disintegrated goldfish crackers, and the only things interrupting your gratitude for the bottle of wine waiting for you in the trunk are the countless spin moves required of you to maintain back seat order.

well, now that our drive is behind us and my little bird is safely napping in his pack-n-play in the closet of the beach condo, i can say, as i always do, that the chaotic drive was worth it. especially since we found this playground equivalent of the magic kingdom just outside of jackson, ms: 

given that our usual playground stops involve scaling eight-foot chain-link fences as a family and trespassing on the private property of churches and elementary schools, this one really wowed the kids. they didn’t even seem to mind settling down in the woodchips to eat their supper:

i’d say the real low point of the car-ride was when i gave the kids suckers followed by a roll of toilet paper stolen for entertainment purposes from the previous night’s hotel. i looked back, and the one-year-old had transformed himself into a flailing, sticky mummy. oh well. lesson learned.

now, excuse me while i see about that wine… 

first name: Elizabeth

age: 45

current city:  Memphis

living situation: I live with my husband, son who is 16, and daughter who is 13. I am lucky to live in the same town as my mother and my brothers and their families.

occupation: Mother/Part-time lawyer

how do you structure your time and space? I was a full-time lawyer before I had my children.  I was fortunate to be able to stay home with them for about ten years. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything. I had an opportunity to go back to my firm about five years ago, and they let me be part-time. The timing was right for me and I am glad to have the adult interaction, a little income, and the sense of pride that comes with doing the job well.

I don’t think part-time allows one to “have it all”. I took myself off any partnership track, I make less than one might expect, and I have to deal with people who make snide comments when I leave at 2:30 to go to carpool line. However, I do have some income, I have the satisfaction of knowing my input helps and makes a difference at the office, I have a sense of pride in having the job I do. Everyone knows that my children and my family are my top priorities and the job only works for me as long as it works for my family.

The biggest thing for me is learning to say “no” and not feel guilty.  I am better at the first but still struggling with the second.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I think I am in the season of contentment right now. My children are both in good places right now and are happy and settled in school. They are fairly independent, but still share with my husband and me. My husband and I are best friends and enjoy having more time together. I have a job that allows me flexibility. I am thankful for facebook and text messaging to be in touch with friends.

-what season(s) preceded this one? The season of uncertainty.  I had decisions about what schools my kids would attend, whether I would go back to work, how would I make some type of activity for me fit in with the focus on motherhood I want. 

-what season(s) might your future hold? The season of wonder. I wonder where my kids will go to college, what they will do and whom they will love. I wonder how my mother will manage without the love of her life. I wonder what my husband and I will do with an empty nest. I wonder if I will want to work more—I doubt that.

favorite family activities: Going to dinner, going to the lake, just being together. 

favorite solo activities: Reading, knitting or smocking, playing on the computer.

sources of inspiration: My parents, my husband and my kids.

best MakeShift moment: The best makeshift moments for me are when friends and I collaborate to shuffle our respective children (who are also friends) to their various and conflicting activities so that we don’t have to be two places at once.

I also think that cell phones have transformed motherhood.  I used to sit in carpool line and use that time to talk to friends without feeling like I needed to be playing with a child, cooking dinner, or doing laundry. It was time that worked for phone calls.

if you or someone you know would make a good “mothers of invention” feature, check out the sidebar to your right for pages about the nomination process.

a few weeks after the birth of my first child, i schlepped him with me to church to lead a study group. the monkey wore a sweet little gown made for him by my mother. i wore the proudest of mama smiles. but as we emerged from the car, all dapper and ebullient, we were met by this unsolicited piece of advice from one of MANY of the world’s mothering “experts:”

“THAT CHILD NEEDS A HAT!”

i stammered and stalled and ultimately just carried my little bundle inside. it was not until the days and weeks that followed that i had come up with a myriad of explanations and comebacks, the chief of which was,

“IT’S THE SUMMER IN MEMPHIS, LADY. HEY, LET’S STAND OUT HERE IN THE PARKING LOT AND SEE IF WE COULD GET AN EGG TO BOIL ON YOUR FACE!”

i know that i am not the only one who is appalled at the things that mothers say to each other. here are some classic examples from i was a really good mom before i had kids:

• “you’ve got 20 hours of help a week? aren’t you a stay-at-home mom?”
• “how did you guys manage to take so many date nights for yourselves? don’t you feel selfish?”
• “have you asked your kids’ dentist about all the candy they eat?”
• “do your kids feel cramped sharing a room?”
• “that’s so cute — he has spider-man shoes and a spider-man lunchbox. does he watch a lot of TV?” (Ashworth & Nobile, 65).

i think it was around the time i staged the 500th imaginary do-over of the church parking lot scene in my head (each one with wittier comebacks and kathy-bates-in-fried-green-tomatoes-type-vengeance) that i had a conversation with another church lady, and this time a very wise one.

she lamented that as a young mother, she wasted too much energy dwelling on the bombardments of “advice” coming from all directions. as a result, she instituted a standard reply that concisely and diplomatically captured her sentiments: “i am shocked by your rudeness,” she would say to the mothering “experts.”

i love this statement. it is powerful, not only because it gives befuddled moms a way to calmly express themselves but also because it saves said befuddled moms from later spending precious headspace on ego-driven inner dialogues!

next time i go to a baby shower where the mother-to-be is receiving all sorts of useful things like diaper bags, burp cloths, and monitors, i’m going to give the honoree something that will be equally useful: the wise church lady’s one-liner — the key to maintaining the proudest of mama smiles. it’s quite a good gift, when you consider the possible alternative:

first name: Jaime

age: 32

current city:  Collierville, TN

living situation: We live in a suburb of Memphis, in a small neighborhood with many families. Our household consists of my husband, two sons, ages three and 16 months, and two Yorkies. And all our names start with J’s (even the dogs).

occupation: Registered Nurse

how do you structure your time and space? The beauty of my job is that I get to choose my schedule. It has taken about a year to figure out a schedule that gives us a good balance. I work three days a week, two shifts of 12 hours and one shift of eight hours. We have one weekend day together as a family, and three weekday evenings. One weekday evening is deemed mine to go out with friends or attend small group at my church. My husband also has an evening of his own. We don’t always use our “solo evenings,” but they are there if we want them.

Our daily schedule is a hodgepodge. With two kids on different nap schedules, someone is always asleep, which leaves little time for errands away from the house. I try to give the boys one-on-one time when one of them is asleep. And I involve my three year old with chores, i.e. laundry, unloading the dishwasher, and picking up. We recently hired someone to clean the house twice a month, as I prefer to spend more time with the boys. Also, I pick up toys one time a day, at night after the boys go to bed. Before, I found myself constantly picking up toys! So if you come to our house, expect toys on the floor. It maintains my sanity and allows for more play time with the kids!

We also use e-mealz.com for our meal planning. Meal planning was a big issue for us and this has made it much easier. Now we know exactly what is for dinner, and either of us can cook the meal, since the recipes are easy and already planned!

Our childcare situation is a great one. Two days a week, both boys attend Mother’s Day Out from 9 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. These are days I do not work, so I run errands and do some things for me. The boys love it. We chose the days I work in order to keep the boys out of daycare. On Fridays, I work an evening shift, and my husband comes home early so I may leave for work. I also work Sundays when he is home. Then Mondays, our next door neighbor watches the boys until my husband gets home. 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I am truly seeking a life of balance between being a working mom and a stay-at-home mom. All the while, I fight the urge to be super mom. Because I work weekends, I feel like I actually have two work weeks in one — my four days of staying home, and my three days of work. I try not to cram too much into the four days I am home in favor of fun activities for the kids and me. Some weeks I succeed in balancing, some weeks I don’t. The three days I work seem to run by in a blur and I miss the kids terribly. But work also serves as a break from that part of my life. That may sound horrible, but I enjoy my job and I look forward to working. (No, did she really say that? Yes, she did). I also enjoy the adult interaction (well, mostly adult — the occasional immature patient ruins that image) and the absence of phrases such as, “Please stop hitting your brother,” and “We do not pee on other people.” Although to be honest, I have said the last one to a patient! 

-what season(s) preceded this one? My preceding season was a mix (summer to winter).  It started with a dream job filled with five star resorts and celebrities and ended with a period of grief and clarity. I lost my father, got married, and finally figured out I was called to be a nurse, which necessitated my return to school. This season revolved around soul-searching and self-discovery, and it ended in the surprise that we were expecting our first child!  This news urged us to restructure our couple-centered and career-centered life into an existence that would nurture a little one.

-what season(s) might your future hold? Once the kids are both in school, I will shift my work schedule to coincide with school, which will allow for even more family time. I also look forward to returning to golf on a regular basis, and even playing as a family. I see a future with four golf bags in the car, and the family headed to a golf destination for vacations. I am also considering returning to school to become a Nurse Practitioner. So I see spring coming in the future, a season of the blooming of seeds that have been planted in our current season.

favorite family activities: Going to the zoo (the zoo pass offers a tenfold return on the money invested), the park and the water park in the summer. We also recently joined a gym that has family activities and swimming. We have ventured to the driving range a few times with the boys and are hoping that becomes a favorite activity as they get older.

favorite solo activities: Yoga, blogging about work and home , and exercise. I would love to get back into knitting and painting unfinished wood (like rocking horses and stools).

sources of inspiration: People who are honest, real, and not afraid to admit their faults; Moms who blog; My dad.

best MakeShift moment: Showering does not happen before the kids get up, so I have a cabinet in the bathroom designated for them. In it are toys, a roll of garbage bags (that has been re-rolled MANY times) and an hourglass filled with colored water. All of these things entertain the J Brothers. Also, my older son loves his telephone, so he sets up his office in our jacuzzi tub and conducts business while I get ready for the day. I guess you could call it “Take Your Mommy to Work!”

And from my babysitting days, I once watched six children under the age of five. They were all fighting over toys, so I finally took all the toys with wheels (about ten), tied them into a “train” and pulled the train all over the house with a parade of children following. They were entertained for an hour and peace was kept until their parents returned.

find jaime on the web at www.nursegolfdiva.blogspot.com.

[i couldn’t help myself. jaime was my college roommate, and the last two pictures are evidence of the best random dormatory pairing in the history of higher education.]

“whole lives get set up to multitask. a mother winds up with a car that doubles as a living room and makes so many casual friends she can barely keep up with the people she really cares about. her life becomes busy… and this is supposed to be good. but busy has some serious downsides. busy can mean that although a mom thinks she’s making lots of good choices, she’s actually failed to prioritize. busy can easily start to feel crazy. in a very real sense, a too-busy mom has failed to make conscious choices at all” (ashworth & nobile, 60).

every year, instead of making new year’s resolutions, my husband and i each give a name to the coming year. i am usually excited about this ritual and a new outlook on life. but as 2010 approached, i found myself dreading the coming year. when the clock struck midnight, nothing would change. i would still be the same person, surrounded by the same people, places, things, and activities. 2009 was a great year, and there were no unusual stresses or crises marking my days. the dread seemed so unfounded and out of place!

after trying, unsuccessfully, to understand this feeling, i went with an old standby method for sorting things out. i started making lists. i listed all of the ways in which i spent my time. the list was long. then, i circled all of those things that i really didn’t want to do. almost every item on the list was circled! for each circled item, i asked myself why i have kept these activities in my life. in some cases, there was no choice involved. i take the kids to the doctor when they are sick whether i enjoy this task or not. but in most cases, i was doing things for reasons like this:

• i didn’t want to disappoint the other people involved in the activity
• i was flattered to be asked to participate in the activity
• i earned a masters degree in order to do that activity
• the activity fit in with my idealized image of myself
• i simply didn’t think very deeply about the time-commitments of the activity before saying yes.

very few of the circled items were there because they were fulfilling, life-giving, healthy, and fun. hence, the dread. i decided to name my year, “the year of rearranging,” and i set about adding things that are fulfilling, life-giving, healthy, and fun. but to do this, i would have to be more intentional, take away other things, disappoint others, and part with aspects of my self-image.

i’m now three months in to “the year of rearranging,” and i’ve done quite a bit of life-editing. i’ve added this blog, for example, and i’ve taken a break from the very stressful enterprise of sermon-writing and preaching. but just yesterday, without thinking, i agreed to sew curtains for my son’s school. making conscious choices is not something that comes easy for me. 

if you see me driving around in a car that doubles as a living room (complete with preschool curtains), please remind me to make more conscious choices. it is the year of rearranging, after all…

[source for this post may be found on the bibliography page located in the sidebar to your right.]