one afternoon last week, during an unusually silent kids’ nap time, i found myself wondering why i could not hear the monkey’s usual sounds of upturned rocking chair leaps onto the big-boy-bed or his customary transfer of water by cup from sink to tub in his adjoining bathroom. for the life of me, i could not fathom what he could possibly be up to. (notice that it did not once occur to me that he could actually be SLEEPING during his nap time.)

i went on about my business, and an hour later, i opened my door to this:

a small portion of the gigantic play-doh mess AFTER my husband worked on it for an hour.

“lily pads” of blue play-doh, expertly caked on to the unforgiving white carpet. excellent.

after googling “removal of play-doh from carpet,” (which, incidentally, pops right up in that google toolbar as soon as you type “removal of pl…”) and visiting the manufacturer’s website, i have discerned that what i need is a wire brush. i have also discovered that there are entire websites dedicated to the removal of play-doh from carpet, each one providing step-by-step instructions comparable in detail to those that NASA uses to launch spacecrafts. see:

http://www.ehow.com/how_4854864_clean-playdoh-out-carpet.html

http://ask.yahoo.com/20070111.html

should i be worried that the last step in these instructions is often “call a professional carpet cleaner?”

i’ll keep you posted. any tips you have would be much appreciated.

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
Sail away, kill off the hours
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, find you a lover
Go away somewhere bright and new
I have seen no other
Who compares with you

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, go find a lover
Run away, let your heart be your guide
You deserve the deepest of cover
You belong in that home by and by

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worry
You belong somewhere you feel free
You belong somewhere you feel free

words by tom petty; gardening exuberance by the monkey and the bird.

first name: Kate

age: 26

current city: [withheld]

living situation: I live with my amazing husband, Todd a.k.a. “The Phatness,” my precious ten month old, Logan, and my 100 pound beast trapped in a Yorkie body, Georgio. 

occupation: Currently, I am a stay-at-home mom. But I am also a graduate student on sabbatical, working toward a master’s in social work so that I can be an LCSW (a therapist). I took this past year off to stay at home with my son, Logan. It was so important to me that I be able to do that, and then all the cards fell into place.

When I graduate, I hope to run my counseling practice and work within the Latino community of my state.My state has the fastest growing Latino population in the nation, and there isn’t a single Spanish speaking counselor in my area.

how do you structure your time and space? I guess on the outside, my life structure would appear to be pretty conventional. I’m a stay at home mom, and my husband goes to an eight to five job. But when you start peeling back the layers of it all you see that we really aren’t that traditional. Todd does the dishes while watching football, and I asked for a power drill and Lowe’s cards for Christmas!

In regards to a daily time structure, I am very lucky to have the flexibility that comes with staying at home. If I want to go to the library or the park with Logan at 9:00 a.m. but we don’t get there until ten or noon, then I can usually be happy with that too.

I will be goingback to school on May 17th, and I have no, I mean absolutely NO idea how we are going to work that out. Is Logan going to stay with someone in our home? Is he going to go to the University daycare? Will he do both? No idea. I will have a more interesting answer once school has started. I will definitely be blogging about that if you want to check back in with me. School used to be my MAIN focus. I wanted a 4.0, I wanted to be in honor societies, et cetera. But now I’m terrified of how I’m going to make it work because my whole world shifted when Logan was born. My main focus now is Logan. It will be an interesting adjustment to school because I am such a perfectionist.

Until then, my career takes place in “the nursery,” and has been the hardest job I’ve ever had (not the only one that included poop though. Life guarding + baby pool = no fun!). I mean seriously, this job involves dodging projectile vomit (which takes mad skills), while trying to avoid the other end that occasionally has projectile you-know-what too, consistent all-nighters, and random bouts of “the boss” screaming at you for no apparent reason. But one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that spit up, dirty diapers, and sleep deprivation won’t kill me (at least not yet).

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I feel like my current challenge is learning how to balance things I love to do for ME andthings I need and love to do with Logan. Learning how to be a mother has been wonderful, but it has also been a struggle to adjust to the life of loving someone so much more than myself.

The highlights of my “season” are being able to share with Logan all his “firsts.” It was very important for me to be with him this year. Another highlight of mine was being accepted into the master’s of social work program. Last year I was a history grad student, found out I was pregnant, and had no idea what I was going to do with a history masters!

-What season(s) preceded this one? Pregnancy was hard! I was having a hard time adjusting to that loss of “maidenhood,” as a friend once called it. Becoming a mother was an extremely difficult challenge for me. I was sick for 35 of the 39 weeks I was pregnant, we were figuring out our financial situation to make way for the baby, we were house hunting, and I was in gradschool and working. It was just really hard.

Where I am currently in my life right now just feels perfect! I feel like I finally have a handle on everything!

-What season(s) might your future hold? I’m really looking forward to getting back on campus and finishing my degree. I honestly think that I’m looking forward to sitting in class and having a whole 50 minutes all to myself! And I’m a nerd anyways. I love school!

favorite family activities: I love it when we go to the park as a family, go hiking, or just hang out in the den playing cards with a movie in the background. And Todd and I love to go to the movies together whenever we get the chance.

favorite solo activities: I like to exercise (running & I have a love/hate relationship!). I LOVE to read! I love to go to home-improvement stores andjust wander around looking at everything andenvisioning the projects that could happen! I love my jetted whirlpool tub and any chance I get to hang out in it!

sources of inspiration: My mother, for certain. She went to law school and had two babies before she finished her program. That’s amazing to me! If she can do it, I hope I can too.

 Whenever I start feelingreally down and defeated, I turn to 1 Peter 5:8. That always helps.

And honestly, many of the women I have found in the blogging world inspire me. They are doing exactly what I’m doing, and it’s just comforting to read that I’m not alone in the chaos that is motherhood.

best MakeShift moment: Well, let’s see… I’m typing this right now in the bathroom floor while Logan is taking a bath. He was screaming at me at the top of his lungs, so I popped him in there and he’s having a blast!

 Also, Logan is going through the typical separation anxiety. Did you know that I’m not allowed to go the bathroom without holding him? God forbid I do something without including him, right? Showers are a big no-no for him too. If he so much as hears the shower water turn on, he flips out. So, I now take baths andput him in the floor with all of his toys. He usually stands at the edge of the tub andknocks big bottles of shampoo into the water. It hurts when he aims them just right and they land on top of me, but at least I get clean!

Find Kate on the web at http://www.mommymonologues.com/  and at Mommy Monologues on Facebook!

mothers are self-sacrificing creatures. we are on call 24 hours a day and seven days a week. we often neglect our own hygiene in order to be more present to our children. i once went a whole day without noticing blue play-dough matted in my hair, for example. we find ourselves being dragged into the least appealing places, like the port-o-potties at crafts festivals and those giant warehouses filled with moon bounces and other inflatables. and let’s face it: this kind of living takes its toll on the way we feel and the way we look.

but this post really isn’t about the mothers everywhere who are barely holding it together. this post is about the other unsung heroes who are risking life and limb (literally) for our children — others, who are also always on the job, covered in grime, and schlepped all over the place. this post is about our children’s other self-objects, namely their soft and threadbare must-have stuffed animals.

meet doggy (pronounced “goggy”):

“goggy” is the love of my younger child’s life. in the past week alone, “goggy” has been run over in a restaurant parking lot and covered from head-to-toe in poop (along with the crib, bumper, sheets, mattress, et cetera) during what i naively thought was my little bird’s nap time. consequently, “goggy” took a spin (albeit gentle) in the washer. “goggy” was missing for the majority of one day last week. my older child, the monkey, thought it would be funny to hide his brother’s smelly, furry, matted joy in a cabinet for the day. the bird was so beside himself that he could not nap. the monkey was so consumed with maniacal glee that he could not nap either. i spent the day turning the whole house upside down, because, as i quickly learned, a life without “goggy” (and sleep) is no life at all.

“goggy” just stretched out in the cool dark and made no effort to be found. i can’t say that i blame him. there really is nothing better than a spontaneous and much-needed vacation.

once upon a time, before i was the mama to the monkey and the bird, i was known by my friends as someone else… namely,

ONE HALF OF THE POOR COUPLE WHO STRUGGLED FOR 3+ YEARS WITH INFERTILITY.

anyway, perhaps i’ll post again soon about the lessons i learned (and the large objects i wanted to hurl across the room) during this painful time. i wrote an essay a while back about my experiences with in vetro fertilization, and it was published in a book called oh god, oh god, oh god!: young adults speak out about sexuality and christianity.

i was reminded of the book just now when i read this review by sarah kinney gaventa on the fidelia’s sisters e-zine, and decided to post the link here because one of you recently left a comment asking for posts related to the infertility struggle.

those years were truly heartbreaking but they have given me the gift of connection with other women who are in the thick of the cycles of disappointment. the chances i have had to walk with other women through in vetro and other infertility issues have been strangely redemptive. this is why i’ve gone so public about such a private matter.

the monkey and the bird came to us in an unconventional way, and we thank god and modern science every day!

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I would say this is spring, characterized by lots of new growth and wait-and-see. The girls test me on everything to learn boundaries and question me on everything to soak in knowledge. It can be stressful and consuming but beautiful things often spring from the stress. To continue the analogy, I worry about my parenting as I do about my spring garden. Is my method of tending appropriate? Am I giving too much or too little? I worry about warping their little selves with the wrong care. The beauty is seeing the daily growth and the emergence of each personality.

-What season(s) preceded this one? A care-free summer! I only thought I knew what being busy meant or having obligations was about.

-What season(s) might your future hold? Autumn. It is becoming autumn more and more. Autumn reminds me of huddling in the bleachers together when it starts getting cool, but not so cold that you can’t go out. As the girls get older, I see more involvement as a family unit. Life is getting busier and more active. I see work slowing down and that family, huddling in the bleachers together, out and about and supporting each other.

favorite family activities: Rock N Romp; playing and grilling in the yard; cruising the lake at Gran & Pops; bumming on the beach at Gigi & Papi’s

favorite solo activities: dancing; sitting in a small setting watching live music; sitting in silence

sources of inspiration: The families I encounter on a daily basis in Court. From children with broken spirits to the brokennes caused by simple broken promises, each story touches me. Parents who try and give everything, but its not enough, make me push harder. Kids who just want to be loved, make someone proud, and know where they will sleep, remind me to hug my girls a little tighter and praise them more often. Those kids who have turned to a delinquent path remind me that my girls need discipline and my direction to help guide them down youth’s path. Many nights I lay in bed so “inspired” that I am too full to sleep. Those are the nights I don’t mind if one of my girls gets out of bed.

best MakeShift moment: My life is a series of MakeShift moments. One moment when I felt that I was a real mom and was going to accept things was when my child drew in red marker on the walls of her new, newly painted room. It is a pretty good rendition of a creepy princess outline. Instead of getting on to her or trying to clean it, I framed around it. There it sits just down and to the left of her light switch: a red-marker-fourteen-inch-tall-princess-drawing with an open modeling frame now showcasing it. On another occasion “someone” colored it in with blue toothpaste. I was upset that I might have to erase the drawing to clean the toothpaste. I realized then that I had become a different person — a proud Mama.

Find Autumn on the web:

there’s a little book on my shelf called present moment, wonderful moment by spiritual teacher thich nhat hanh. on every page, there’s a short meditation encouraging readers to live life in the present moment. ordinary activities like hand-washing, teeth-brushing, tea-drinking and laundry-folding are re-framed as potential moments of prayer and gratitude.

next to that book sits my camera, a birthday gift from my husband that truly has revolutionized the images i’ve been able to capture of my kids, who are growing up like little weeds before my very eyes. only, let’s be real. my camera is never just sitting on the shelf these days beside a book about meditation. it has quite the social calendar, filled with walks, vacations, picnics, holiday gatherings, dates with the charger, and hook-ups with my hard drive. 

the problem is, now when i am out enjoying glorious spring weather with my family, and the monkey settles into a posture of rare stillness under a tree and beside a lake, for example, i have two conflicting voices that battle it out in my head. thich nhat hanh says, “live fully into this present moment. use it as a prayer for thanksgiving.” on the other hand, that old kodak commercial asserts itself with the push to drop everything and run for my camera. since i cannot laminate my children and preserve these precious years for all eternity, i feel the need to at least capture moments here and there. poor thich nhat hanh. i rarely ever listen to him.

in their book, i was a really good mom before i had kids, trisha ashworth and amy nobile write, “…our children…look to us to figure out how to enjoy their own lives, to decide what’s valuable in their days. do you want your children to think of a rainbow as a photo op or do you want them to learn how to pause and appreciate the beauty that’s before them right now” (161)?

ashworth and nobile make a good point. i want my children to be able to enjoy beauty without having to take it home or own it or freeze it in a still frame. on the other hand, my dabblings in photography have also actually helped me to look more closely at the intricate harmony in the natural world. with camera in hand, i’m much more likely to lie down in the cool grass to see something from a different angle or notice how much sweeter a sunset is with a little blond monkey curl in the foreground. i want my children to embrace this way of seeing as well.

but what i’ll probably end up passing along to the next generation is the tension i feel between capturing moments and living them. in a world filled with such beauty, surely this befuddlement is all part of experiencing the awe. it makes me sad to think that someday, the monkey won’t remember how to stand under a brilliant tree next to a lake and smile at the wonders of nature. but maybe then he’ll do as i have done, and let the camera lead him back into the way of appreciation.

[my sister-in-law is the subject of the first picture in this post. she shares the tension i describe above, and the two of us are often mistaken for tourists at family gatherings. also, the sources for this post can be found on the bibliography page located on the sidebar to your right.]

thanks so much to everyone who commented on the giveaway post, followed me on twitter, subscribed via rss, blogged about themsrevolution.com, and became a google friend of the MakeShift revolution. i especially appreciate all of the MakeShift moments you relayed and the ideas for future posts you shared. thanks to you, i’m full of inspiration for new blog content.

i’m new to this giveaway thing, and i’ve learned quite a bit about how it works. next time, i’ll be making sure that people who enter in several ways will do so with several comments. that way, i can choose the winner using that trusty “random number integer generator” tool that seems to be all the rage. my process, which was MAKESHIFT (of course), involved dividing comments into numbered entries,

creating and piling numbers in a really cute bowl,

closing my eyes, and selecting a tiny slip of paper, which in this case, was bearing the number 12.

after consulting my trusty list of comments and numbers, i discerned that number 12 is attributed to…

jessa… who said, “I’m going to give props to The MS Revolution on my blog.”

as it would happen, jessa and i are members of a two-person mutual adoration society, which i realize, could cause you to question the validity of the winner selection process. but i assure you that i went to ridiculously time-consuming lengths to make sure that this was a fair contest.

jessa, here are the fabrics that will soon be fashioned into your very own billboard bag:

i’ll be contacting you soon for your address!

in light of yesterday’s post about the state of my kitchen,

i thought i’d string a few words together about housekeeping.

my parents, sibling, college roommate, husband, children, and friends know that i was simply born without the part of the brain that exhibits concern over the disorder of physical space and provides impetus to clean with tornadic vigor. this is unfortunate for reasons depicted above. i would argue, though, that this weakness is turning out to be a gift now that i am a parent, who is regularly called to tolerate not only my own personal chaos but that of the three other males (and four, if you count the dog), who live in my house.

but some messes, like the one in my kitchen yesterday, are magnaimous enough to defeat even my inner slob. and on those rare occasions, i have no choice but to put on some loud music, go against my very nature, and CLEAN. thanks to these words in barbara brown taylor’s an altar in the world, i am beginning to see that there is a special sort of dignity to be found in scraping smushed strawberries off the floor with my fingernail:

“i no longer call such tasks housework. i call them the domestic arts, paying attention to all the ways they return me to my senses. when the refrigerator has nothing in it but green onions that have turned to slime and plastic containers full of historic leftovers, i know my art is languishing. when i cannot tell whether that is a sleeping cat or an engorged dust ball under my bed, i know that i have been spending too much time thinking. it is time to get down on my knees. after i have spent a whole morning ironing shirts, folding linens, rubbing orange-scented wax into wood, and cleaning dead bugs out of the light fixtures, i can hear the whole house purring for the rest of the afternoon. i can often hear myself singing as well, satisfied with such simple, domestic purpose.

…this is my practice, not yours, so please feel free to continue calling such work utter drudgery. the point is to find something that feeds your sense of purpose, and to be willing to look low for that purpose as well as high. it may be chopping wood and it may be running a corporation. whatever it is, perhaps you will hold open the possibility that doing it is one way to learn what it means to become more fully human, as you press beyond being good to being good for something, in a world with the perfect job for someone like you” (120).

now let’s be honest. i’m not much into ironing, and the bugs in my light fixtures are there to stay. but after yesterday’s (eventual) kitchen cleanup, i could almost hear our house purring. i’ve been trained to look for meaning in sacred texts, good conversation, masters degree programs, and travels to far lands. but there is a lot of truth to be found when i’m on my knees, bringing order out of chaos within the four walls of our fabulously messy house.

[the source for this post can be found on the bibliography page located on the sidebar to your right.]