first name: Tran

age: Very close to 40 

occupation: 

• I have over 15 years of tv news experience. I left a position as anchor/reporter at ABC 24/UPN 30 when my first child was eight months old.
• Freelance television host and producer, currently hosting and co-producing a tv show titled “Traveling with Tots,” set to debut on ABC 24 on June 26 at 6:30 a.m.
• Contributing writer, Family Fun Spots Magazine, “The Go To Mom”

tran shooting a commercial for hormel foods while her kids watch from the stairs.

how do you structure your time and space? The freelance business is very unpredictable. Some weeks are jammed packed with jobs — writing columns or stories, hosting a tv commercial, producing a web video, field producing for a major network, or being interviewed for a story. Some weeks are completely open. I am grateful that my husband is able to provide for us and afford me this opportunity to have quality time with my little ones and still pursue my professional goals. After working crazy hours in the tv news business for more than 15 years, I can fully appreciate this freedom and flexibility and try not to take it for granted.

I’m very much an organizer so I have tons of “to-do” lists, and I carry my paper calendar (not i-phone or Blackberry) with me everywhere. Everything goes in that calendar (play dates, trips, dinner dates, and the planning steps needed for each). I considered getting one for each family member but decided against it because I didn’t want to have to keep up with all of them. I pack, prepare, and lay out everything we need the night before. Since I consider my five-year-old son to be bright and capable, I made him responsible for getting himself ready for school every morning. I put a clothing organizer in his closet and wrote in the days of the week on it so he can dress himself in the mornings, no questions asked. I love, love it! What a time saver for me in the mornings.

I’m finally in a good place with child care. My son goes to school everyday, my daughter, twice a week. I have two great babysitters we trust and adore. I also love using Kid Station, the drop-in child care facility in East Memphis. It was rough with child care in the beginning. I  was always stressed out and scrambling at the last minute to find someone.

It definitely wasn’t easy trying to juggle it all at first. Until a year ago I was also chairing non-profit and networking boards, organizing fundraisers and attending a ton of events. It was a bit overwhelming at times, but eventually I learned to say no and prioritize. I was taking my babies with me to many of these meetings, events, and even freelance jobs. It was time to cut back. I started giving more quality time to friends and family, teaching my children to be more self-sufficient, and choosing to do things that truly give me joy.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Now that my babies are five and two, I feel a little more organized and more rested. We have fun together and even work well together. They are big helpers. It’s so cool to see them growing and changing so much, however, it’s also really tough for me to see my babies become a “big girl” and a “big boy.”

-What season(s) preceded this one? The previous season was a bit stressful. I felt I had to do it all — work, lead, take care of my babies, be involved in the community, socialize, network, et cetera. I thought I had to be Wonder Woman and Supermom.

-What season(s) might your future hold? As my children are spending more time away from me at school, I am spending more time pursuing my other passion — creating a television program for families. “Traveling with Tots” has been in the works for a year and a half now. My partners (who are also parents) and I are ready to take the next step. We don’t know what the future holds, but we are grateful that we have had the opportunity to do this while maintaining quality time with our families.

Favorite family activity/activities: I love doing anything that involves all four members of our family. It’s so great experiencing things together, whether it’s a meal at the dinner table, a play date at the park, or an out of town trip (my favorite was to see the shuttle launch last summer). Even simple things like playing in the backyard together makes me so happy. The kids don’t care what we’re doing, they just like being with their mommy and daddy. 

tran and family enjoy a late-night shuttle launch.

favorite solo activities: When I get some time to myself, even if it’s just for an hour, I just want to sit in front of the tv and watch mindless shows, read magazines at a book store, or surf the net and actually take time to read blogs or stories. I just want to be comfortable and not feel rushed.

sources of inspiration: I draw strength from my husband, Scott. He is such a kind, giving, and thoughtful person. He grounds me, lifts me up and gives me wings.

When I am feeling sorry for myself, I think of my parents. They fled Vietnam with three toddlers during the Fall of Saigon in 1975. They escaped by boat to the United States and started their lives all over with nothing. I will never, ever know what it was like to feel that kind of fear, sadness, hope, relief and freedom. They are remarkable people and I am eternally grateful to them for the life they have given my siblings and me.

best MakeShift moment: I do most of my work at home on the computer so I often send the kids to their playroom and let them do whatever they want — as long as they stay in there. I’ve even put down a big beach towel and packed a picnic so I don’t have to stop and make lunch. They love it!

Rather than buying expensive or ordinary artwork for my son’s bedroom, I bought a blank canvas and some paint at an art supply store and let him create his artwork. His face lit up when I told him what he was going to do, and he was so excited to see it hanging p in his room above his bed.

Toys, movies and coloring books will only keep my kids preoccupied for so long on trips. I like to turn off the radio and spend some time talking with them. I let them make up travel games, we sing songs and I like to play reporter and interview them by asking them lots questions like, “If you could have one superpower, which one would it be?” or “What’s your favorite thing to do at the beach?” This may sound silly, but I feel like I’m actually getting to know them better.

[if you know someone who would make a good “mothers of invention” feature, check out the nomination process details on the sidebar to your right.]

it was not until i saw the memphis in may world championship barbeque festival and cooking contest highlighted on television by the food network and BBC and described in great detail by al roker, that it occurred to me that my city’s annual pig out is a big deal.

 i used to think it was normal for a city to smell like smoked meat for an entire 5-day period and for grownups to walk around wearing hollowed-out rib-bone necklaces. i now recognize and even delight in the fact that  the event, boasting 200+ frat-house-like booths, a serious cooking contest by day, and a raucous party by night, is quite a spectacle.

this delight is new though. my husband’s annual participation in this hog wild extravaganza has historically led to such (un)pleasantries as:

• our kitchen’s transformation into a cooler-stacked, wall-to-wall meat storage unit,
• the sensation of sharing a bed with the unmistakable aroma of a bbq sandwich,
• and, the pummeling/dragging incedent that took place between my little monkey (then almost two) and a beer-filled wagon. (and that was on “family night,” i might add!)

in spite of these annoyances and minor tragedies, i have spent enough time swining and dining at this year’s fest to have accrued a whole hamper of smokey-smelling clothes. and i must admit, it’s been fun! partly because i’ve been fascinated by the makeshift way in which things come together down there by the river.

for example, this is “herman,” the smoker, which my husband and a friend (mostly the friend) welded together out of old industrial parts found in a warehouse.

and this is an old sink, procured for $50 from a restaurant supply company, against the backdrop of old school lockers that a team member found on the side of the road.

another contributing factor to my new found enjoyment of the shin-dig is that today, for the first time, i was in the booth for the much-anticipated visitation of the judges.

you would have thought that god, herself, was getting ready to pull up a chair and enjoy a rib bone! the place was spotless (there was vacuuming), and the food was incredible (i ate a slab and a half of ribs, myself).

and when it was time to submit a mouth-watering entry to the “blind judging contest” taking place a few (hundred) booths down, guess who was called on to complete this mission — yep, the monkey. maybe this important role will somehow erase his association between the fest and bizarre injury.

now perhaps you are wondering how a strict, five-day diet of smoked pig meat is received by the human digestive system. the answer is, of course, NOT WELL. but there is no need to worry.

there are plenty of free tums for everyone!

motherhood seems to come with inherent questions to be faced daily, whether we realize we are facing them are not:

are we to measure the truth of what we read against the truth of our own experience, or are we to measure everything we experience against the truth of what we read? motherhood is not without its sacred texts or its powerful experiential learning. how can we weave these things together into an authentic version of motherhood, or moreover, an authentic way of being human?

on most days, for me, experience trumps book knowledge. i tend to draw much of my parenting tendencies from my own experience of being a child. there are many things about how i was raised that i want to duplicate for my children.  i expressed one of these ideals in my post about neighbors, in which i called to mind a time when “there were no scheduled play dates or activities. our parents simply let us loose to waltz through each other’s back doors and live out our days covered in sweat, mosquito bites, and melted popsicle juice.”

but a comment on this post reminded me that we cannot simply transplant the parenting habits of decades past into our lives without having wrestle with our fair share of questions. lane writes:

“I am challenged to find a balance between encouraging the friendships and life lessons of playing outside and the very real dangers that lurk in the spaces that we cannot supervise. How old to ride a bike on the street without a parent? How old to walk four houses down alone to play? How reliable is the adorable dog playing in the yard across the street? How well should you know a family (neighbor, classmate, whatever) before your child has unrestricted access to their house?

A Lebanese coworker of mine commented how Americans are the most generous nation of people to respond in a crisis, but as individuals, we keep our doors locked tight (figuratively and literally!). We DON’T typically know our neighbors, and we often don’t bother to try. I wonder how we can manage to be both at once?”

these are excellent questions, lane, and ones that move me out of the state of idealistic nostalgia and into a more real and complicated place. in fact, this is the place to which i keep returning, whether i want to or not. this place seems to be on the way to everywhere else i want to go. it’s a place of CONSTRUCTION.

what's a blog post w/out a cheesy stock photo?

i started this blog because i perceived that there is a gap between our cultural models of motherhood and the kind of mother i aspire to be. after looking high and low for models, mentors, and reading material to fill this gap, i realized that no ready-made solution exists. i will have to build one to suit me. we all will. so much of a mother’s job is construction.

and here, in the gap between the outdoor play of past and present and in response to all the questions about bicycle boundaries, strangers, and yard dogs, no ready-made solution exists. again, i will have to build one to suit me. we all will. so much of a mother’s job is construction.

i admit that i would often rather settle for a ready-made model and avoid the messy work and on-the-job training involved in building something new. but just knowing that there are other women out there donning their hard hats, scaling towers of literature, and descending into their own histories, actually makes this motherhood experiment fun. i’m so grateful for the company of so many who are committed to crafting something that is good and real.

a couple of years ago, the pediatrician recommended that our little monkey have the ever-popular eustachian tubes surgery to prevent frequent ear-infections. as a last resort, we followed our acupuncturist’s advice (in consultation with our doctor), and we took the monkey off of milk. we gave him tiny flavored doses of omega three fatty acids instead, and miraculously, the infections abated.

meanwhile, countless friends took their kids in for ear surgery. we were smug.

but in the six months since the bird reached ear-infection age (which, for us, is just under a year old), both kids have had an estimated EIGHT DAYS without ear infections. i have already bemoaned the fact that we are frequent flyers at our doctor’s office, so i’ll spare you the details in this post. needless to say, we were a bit less smug when it became clear that both boys needed tube surgery.

yesterday was the big day. i use the word “day” here loosely, since we had to be at the surgery center (thirty minutes away) before the ever-loving sun came up. the bird scored a couple of eustachian tubes. the monkey did too, in exchange for his adenoids.

MANY friends assured us that this surgery is not a big deal. such was true for the bird, who did not have his adenoids removed. but the adenoid removal involved a morphine IV, an hour-long recovery room cryfest, and the fact that something located here…

…was removed by way of the nose (how is that even possible?). to me, this constitutes a big deal.

but by the end of the day, the bird was beaming with a new vibrancy since he can now actually hear what we’re saying! the monkey woke up from his afternoon nap still looking pale, but he then proceeded to eat a good supper and jump around with his usual vigor.

now, when i am sharing our tubes/adenoids experience with other moms, i will say that the bad parts are over quickly. also, the resiliency of children is truly worthy of awe. in fact, i’d even say that it too is a big deal!

first name: Beth

age: 31

occupation: By vocation I am a mom and outdoor educator. These days I am a mom (full-time at home) and the youth program director for an Episcopal Diocese (part-time at home). I just finished my first book, and I’ll be teaching my first college class in the fall. (These last 2 things I do because I love them, not because I have the time.)

how do you structure your time and space? In regards to space, thankfully our new-to-us home has an extra bedroom that serves as the office/craft/library “quick – close the door, company is here!” space. This room has revolutionized my work life because I can start something and finish it later without needing to pick it up. I keep quiet toys in Eliot’s room and the louder ones in the living room. As is true with many toddlers, no matter how many toys we have (too many, thanks to the generosity of all sorts of people), his favorites will always be the broom, mop, my knitting tape measure and the blower-upper thing that came with my (underutilized) exercise ball.

As for the way I structure my time, a couple months ago, Eliot started sleeping past 6:00 a.m. on a regular-ish basis. Since this sleep change, I’ve been setting my alarm in a (not always realized) attempt to wake before him for a little yoga, e-mail check-in, to-do list overview, and, when I’m lucky, reading or knitting. Otherwise, my day revolves around his schedule which is dictated by me but must not push past his need to sleep or be crazy. I try not to work when Eliot’s awake but he loves “helping” with housework and cooking. I believe in adventures to pass the time (the park, walks, zoo outings, grocery shopping, working in the garden).

Most of my work gets done while Eliot sleeps in the afternoon.  Thursday mornings he goes to a Mother’s Morning Out program (which is almost done for the summer – yikes!), and Tuesday mornings my husband takes him to the park or somewhere just as fun. It’s impressive how much work I can get done in an uninterrupted three hour period. Since Mitch’s schedule is flexible (he’s a priest at a small church), when I need a day to finish a project he usually can accommodate this need.

I have always been a morning person and I envy all those who can work late into the night. My evenings are usually reserved for a sit-down family dinner, Eliot’s bedtime routine (Mitch and I swap dinner clean-up for bath/play/bed) and knitting or sewing. Most nights my day ends with The Daily Show.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? It’s almost time for summer camp. Directing the camp is the most consuming part of my youth program director job. I have to work more and be more creative and disciplined with my time. One blessing of my job is that Eliot is always welcome – to meetings, events and the office (when I go). Naturally then, he is at camp with me, which makes life both easier and harder. Of course it’s also late spring and I can still tolerate the heat (you can take the girl out of the northeast …) so Eliot and I go on lots of adventures whenever we can!

Mitch and I moved to our current town only a couple months ago. This move has been wonderful and rewarding on so many levels. Our new space and community bring so many highlights to an otherwise challenging season. It’s hard to get overwhelmed when good distractions abound.

-What season(s) preceded this one? The season preceding this one was easily the most challenging of my life. We left a wonderful, loving seminary community when I was eight months pregnant. Our new home came with a new baby, new jobs (for me, motherhood), new culture and no grandparents. Needless to say, we have learned a lot!

One of the things I’ve learned (and continue to work on) is that I often (always) set the bar way higher than is possible for me to reach and therefore am regularly disappointed. I’ve been working on replacing “should” (I should do x, y and z … all perfectly) with “need to” or “want to” – this is part of why my current season is so comfortable.

-What season(s) might your future hold? I’m not sure what’s coming next. We like where we live (the town and our home). We’re managing our money better than ever before, paying off debt, and can finally start to see the end of that tunnel. We’d like more kids one day. I want to teach more and write more and craft more. Way down the road we hope to move back to the northeast but we aren’t feeling particularly antsy about anything these days (a delightful feeling, for sure).

favorite family activity/activities: going to the park, the zoo, our community garden, or anywhere else we can think of that gets us outside; playing ball of all varieties; disc golf; cooking/baking; reading

 favorite solo activities: knitting, sewing, reading, yoga, hiking/backpacking

sources of inspiration: My mom has always worked from a home office (she’s an accountant), and when I get really frazzled, she is always there. She’s there when I’m not frazzled, too! We talk usually once a day via phone, IM, or Skype, which allows her to see Eliot’s current state of crazy. My friends all provide inspiration in their own way: friends who have clergy spouses, multiple kids, creative output, or a love of the outdoors.

best MakeShift moment: Ever since Eliot was tiny, my shower time has been the easiest part of the day (and he was a hard baby). At each new stage I come up with creative things for him to play with in the bathroom – the bouncy chair when he was tiny and a blanket and some books to chew on when he was little. A Mr. Potato Head version of Elmo currently resides in one of the vanity drawers. He’s always loved books so that’ll get me a little time but lately he’s at the water stage: filling, pouring, washing. For the most part the water even stays in the sink! Like most mothers, I can tell what is happening most anywhere in the house just by listening. When all I need to listen for is on the other side of a curtain, I can be pretty sure what he’s doing and when.

find beth on the web:

• blog: http://weteyelashes.wordpress.com
• book/curriculum: To Serve and Guard the Earth: God’s Creation Story and Our Environmental Concern http://www.churchpublishing.org/products/index.cfm?fuseaction=productDetail&productID=8465#

i am a mother and a minister, and it struck me yesterday that these are two vocations in which one is often expected to be superhuman. and by “superhuman,” i mean not human at all; above being human; perfect. an interesting facet of this expectation of superhuman-ness is that in both cases, it includes a sort of disembodied existance. the body will get you every time, with its animal ways and love of gravity! my world is marked by clerical robes and nursing covers, both of which i am usually happy to hide behind out of fear that my body might be objectified or labeled as shameful and inappropriate.

meanwhile, young mothers in every profession are experiencing their bodies as the main event. it is difficult to ignore the body when it expands to carry another life, acts as a one-woman-catering-service for a little one, and contracts (usually in all the wrong areas) before it’s time to start the cycle again. perhaps this is why i love the kind of honesty about the body found in ayelet waldman’s bad mother:

“how well i remember [my] rack! those perky breasts that hovered just below my chin. those pert nipples. that swelling cleavage. after four children and a full seventy-two months of breast-feeding, the last six of which were spent with my nipples clamped in the death vise of a breast pump, it is only by dint of foundation garments designed by teams of MIT professors who otherwise spend their days drawing up plans for the world’s longest suspension bridges that my breasts achieve a shape even approximating round. when i undo the clasps, buckles, straps, and hoists of these miraculous feats of engineering, my boobs tumble to the ground like boulders falling off a cliff. i could polish my shoes with my nipples” (28). 

it is my job, as a minister, to talk about miracles. turning water into wine, walking on water, and raising people from the dead are common topics of conversation for me. so why, for the love of god, should i refrain from talking about the miracle-working powers of a good bra?

on the list of things that have transformed my life are things like martin buber’s i and thou, viktor frankl’s man’s search for meaning, marcus borg’s concept of jesus, and now this:

this is the SPANX bra-llelujah full-coverage, front-closureunderwire bra. yes, it is expensive, but is it really possible to put a price on comfort and this carefully-engineered, non-surgical restoration of one’s pre-kid shape?

friends, hear the good news! we do not have to super-human. we simply have to invest in super-human undergarments.

brallelujah!

[the source for this post can be found on the bibligraphy page located on the sidebar to your right.]

“in the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. –albert camus”

name: Annie Price

age: 34

occupation: Small Business Developer, Artist

how do you structure your time and space? There are two windows of time on most days in which I am full-on mom, generally from  8:30 to 1:00 and 4:30 to 8:30. During this time we try to strike a balance between activities out of the home that involve interaction with others and the natural world, and time together creating, playing, discovering, and loving. Then, during nap times, evening times, one scheduled morning a week, and other random times that my daughter is in another’s care, I am oscillating between giving energy to my own artistic creations, the part-time work that I love as a small business developer at a local microenterprise development non-profit, my commitment to developing my own yoga practice, and time-honoring the adult relationships that I hold dear. 

There are certainly many days when I am filled with a sense of gratitude and abundance and feel like I have a good handle on all that swirls around me. And then there are the days when I feel utterly overwhelmed and paralyzed with exhaustion, and I opt to spend my daughter’s nap time curled up in bed regaining my own strength for the next shift of parenting a toddler. I am indebted to the precious loved-ones in my life who see the wonder and grace that lies within my daughter and are willing to step in and give me space and time to reconnect with myself. This time is essential to me. I have had to face my guilt about wanting, craving, and needing time to myself. It took my husband and me over four years to conceive our child, and now here I am demanding time away from this precious being? But I have discovered that I cannot be the mother-wife-friend-colleague-creator that I pride myself on being if I do not seek solace for myself, and I am finally confident in verbalizing that.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I am currently feeling the bounty of spring more than usual. We live in a cabin in the woods, and each day in my time outdoors I try to take note of what is coming up around me and then connect it to what is coming up within myself. I still feel like I am emotionally residing in early days of spring; I am not ready for the full-on explosion of summer. I am still feeling protective and am nurturing my own tender shoots. 

-What season(s) preceded this one? It was the darkest, roughest, longest winter I can recall, on many levels. I became extremely ill with meningitis at the end of last fall and spent a little over two months recovering. We had to call in reinforcements to help with our daughter and day-to-day tasks, and this was very humbling for me. I had to surrender to the mess and chaos around me and simply rest; this was incredibly hard for me. I remember lying on my front porch swing one winter afternoon in my sleeping bag, and I just stared at the trees and their naked branches for an hour. I felt so emotionally connected to them and how exposed and still they were. I listened to them as they whispered to be patient and that spring would inevitably come for all of us, and that my only responsibility at that time was to be quiet and patient. They were right. 

-What season(s) might your future hold? I am awaiting summer, though I am not fully ready for it. Truth be told, I feel like I have been emotionally awaiting a full summer for years. I always cling to spring and anxiously await the coming of fall. I am curious what this means for me metaphorically. When am I going to feel ready to come into full bloom? I am looking forward to really embracing “summer” again one day and entering into that realm of discovery, play, laughter, spontaneity, fearlessness, and a little more personal and professional risk-taking.

favorite family activity/activities: creek stomping and outdoor exploring, snuggling, baking together, and dancing either in the living room or at local live music events.   

favorite solo activities: yoga; escaping to my favorite little hiding places in town- antique shops, bookstores, coffee shops; going out to breakfast with a book, magazine, or journal in hand; road trips!

sources of inspiration: the changing of seasons and the endless beauty found in nature; the little details of my daughter- her hands, expressions, or the way she looks from the back as she runs down a path; the pages of unique home décor coffee table books; fabulous finds at vintage and thrift shops; my soul sister girlfriends; my family; countless musicians and artists who are pouring their souls into their craft with little financial reward; and a long list of women authors. 

best MakeShift moment: Oh gracious. MakeShift moments are the modus operandi around here. One example is that last Christmas, we didn’t feel like our daughter needed a lot of stuff. I decided to simply turn a huge cardboard box into a play space for her, and we filled it with Christmas lights, cut out windows, et cetera, and gave her a bunch of art supplies that she could use to color the walls and such. She also received a baby doll for Christmas from her grandparents, and she took it into her little cardboard house and stayed in there for hours pampering her baby, singing to her, loving her, and acting out all of the things we have done while raising her. It was so moving. I just sat there and cried. When it was raining the other day I cleaned out a section of her closet and put a little mattress in there, along with more lights and pictures on the walls and she spent hours in there in make-believe land. Creating these little spaces gives her a small, sweet place of her own and gives me an opportunity to pour myself a glass of wine and sit back and relax.

 I have also learned that saying “no” to everything is no fun for anyone, so I have started giving in to some of the ongoing requests like letting my daughter play in the driver’s seat of the car  (she could do that for hours), making a big ole mess while letting her help me cook, or dumping out all of my jewelry and tangling it up in make-believe play. I will miss these days and their sweet mess. I know this.

[if you know someone who would make a good “mothers of invention” feature for this blog, please check out the nomination process detailed in the sidebar pages to your right.]

there are few hardships in parenting that cannot be ameliorated by a little construction paper and paint wielded by three-year-old hands. i have been waiting a long time for this: my first little hand-crafted mother’s day gift.

this, my friends, is a “book,” and inside are these hilarious bits of  (mis)percieved trivia:

in case you are having trouble reading the fine print, let me highlight the fact that the monkey thinks i weigh 22 pounds. perhaps i could ride around all day in his pocket! he is correct that my name  is mary allison, my hair is brown, my favorite colors are red and purple, and my passion for steam mopping abounds. apparently, he also correctly asserted that my favorite beverage is wine, but his teacher insisted upon jotting down water instead, which is no fun at all!  

i love my new book so much that i decided to create one right here in this blog for my own mother. mom, i’m sorry that yours does not have a fancy cover like the one the monkey made for me. actually, i think i’ll let this picture serve as the cover:

1979ish

and now for the good stuff:

• what is your mother’s name? sally, or “silly sally” to her grandchildren
• how old is she? early sixties
• how much does she weigh? 22 pounds. (you’re welcome.)
• what color is her hair? red (you’re welcome, again!)
• what does she do around the house? sew fabulous clothes for my kids
• what is her favorite thing to drink? gin and tonic
• what is her favorite thing to eat? the cuisine at tsunami. i’ve also heard her talk about how much she loves ice cream sandwiches.
• what is her favorite tv show? big love, desperate housewives, parenthood… when i was little she liked l.a. law
• what does she cook? pork tenderloin, cheese grits, broccoli, and salad
• where does she like to go? montreat, north carolina, t.j. maxx
• what is her favorite color? hmmm… not sure. green?

and here are a few more questions just for fun:

favorite tradition passed down by your mother: my mom used to sing a little made-up song to me at bedtime that her father used to sing to her mother. now my husband and i sing it to our kids.

best parenting advice your mother ever gave you: my mom told me that parenting is just one act of letting go after the next. if you do it well, she said, your children never even know you’re doing it. i never knew my mom was letting go, so she must have done it well!

silly sally, the bird, and me with our friend ruth

has your mother ever done anything that would be good fodder for an episode of “i love lucy?” why yes, she has! when i was six or seven, some friends and i took a break from playing outside to procure chocolate milk from our kitchen. my mom was there painting the shutters navy blue. somehow, she managed to drop the paint can, and the contents splashed up in her face!!! her whole face was blue. it was awesome.

happy mother’s day, mom! i love you. and happy mother’s day to all of my fellow moms. i hope your gifts are as priceless as the monkey’s musings.

first name: Jackie

age: 32

occupation: stay at home mom

how do you structure your time and space? I have fallen into a schedule over the past six months that balances the daily chores of life and home with raising a toddler. I am lucky to have my in-laws nearby. They watch my daughter one day a week; my next door neighbor has watched my daughter (for free!) on Friday afternoons since she was three months old. On my “days off,” I try and do things for myself such as swimming, shopping, or larger errands that a 20-month-old wouldn’t enjoy.

When my daughter was about six months old, my husband started a “Meetup” playgroup for me. This group has become a weekly activity that I really cherish. The women are amazing and diverse, and meeting once a week helps us stay in touch with one another and vent our personal and kid issues, all while our kids are interacting. We rotate between each others’ houses and a park, museum, et cetera.

My husband and I have found that my staying at home significantly counterbalances the demands and stress of his work life. We are free to have fun on the weekends and focus on each other, which works wonderfully for our family.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Being at home allows me to focus fully and completely on my daughter and her growth and development. It also gives me the freedom to travel and see my parents a couple of states away without worrying about vacation time. Given the stressful and unpredictable environment of my former job, I know that I could not have been a success managing work demands while being a mom. In making this choice, I said goodbye to ten years of hard work and the satisfaction of being a recognized expert at a large company.

-What season(s) preceded this one? My husband and I had begun to travel extensively overseas, something I enjoyed immensely. The excitement of discovering new places and cultures was like nothing I had experienced before.

-What season(s) might your future hold? In the next year or so, we will most likely expand our family, so I am looking forward to welcoming a new life into the world. I look forward to taking time to read, exercise and get involved in community activities in the future. I am looking forward to what’s coming – there are so few surprises and true eye-opening moments once we are adults!!

favorite family activity/activities: We love heading to Clemyjontri Park  early on a weekend day. The park is amazing. Rubberized matting allows for padded falls, and the equipment allows anyone to play. My daughter is enamored with horses at the moment, so HER favorite adventure is riding the carousel, or as she would say, the “neighs.”

favorite solo activities: swimming, walking, yoga, reading, crossword puzzles

sources of inspiration: “real” people, my 90 and 96 year old grandmothers, and other moms – this is the toughest yet most rewarding job in the world.

best MakeShift moment: It is a sad one, but one that stands out. We recently said goodbye to our cat, Alexander. In one short hour, we went from having him here at home with us, to giving him our last rubs. It was sudden and unexpected, but I managed to make that terrible decision over the phone with my husband, cry, chase a 15-month-old around PetSmart, maneuver snack time, and say goodbye. In my mind, it was a “life keeps moving forward” moment at its best.

[if you know someone who would make a good “mothers of invention” feature, check out the questionnaire and nomination process located on the sidebar to your right.]

my dad, a residential realtor by trade, has recently listed an antebellum home that was occupied by the same memphis family for 150 years. in response to my begging, he recently invited andy, the kids, and me to crash a happy hour gathering of architects at the site.

the archetects were like kids in a candy store, and joined me in shameless picture-taking and investigating every square inch of the home and its features, from these aqua curtain tiebacks (the product of the last re-model),

to the fourth story attic tower.

but what struck me the most about our tour of this magnificent home and the enchanted grounds around it were the conversations i overhead while we were walking around. “what would be the best use of this gem?” people asked each other. it could, once again, be a single family home, of course. or it could host a downstairs business and an upstairs residence.

or… (and these are the ideas that really inspired me) the home and grounds could be shared somehow. one architect’s idea was that two or three families could live in the home. there would be private residence space for each family and a few common area rooms. another thought was that a single family could live in the antebellum home, and several smaller homes could be built on the grounds. these “lots” would sell for modest prices, and the homes would occupy a small footprint and not diminish the manicured wildness of the tree-filled landscape. my imagination was off and running with dreams of sharing this place with family and friends, committed to raising our children in this expanse of nature located right in the heart of the city.

i have always been intrigued by groups of kinfolk and comrades who build a life together that strays from the “good fences make good neighbors” mantra of traditional american culture. when i was in divinity school, i became enamored with the bloomsbury group — virginia wolf, her husband and sister, and all of their various artist and writer friends who shared a home in england.

members of the bloomsbury group on the grounds of their home in sussex

what attracted me then was the creativity and exchange of ideas fostered by this sort of life. but now that i am a parent, i am also attracted to the idea of shared responsibility and the notion that communities or villages might just do a better job of raising our children than we can do alone.

let’s face it: andy and i cannot really afford to move our family into antebellum bliss. but our brief time on the grounds has me thinking about making intentional connections with neighbors and constructing a life where responsibilities can be shared. this is not a new idea, of course, and folks in other countries have been living this way since the beginning of time.

in bad mother, ayelet waldmen writes of her mother’s committment to shared resonsibility:

“during the headiest era of my mother’s feminist phase, she even figured out a way to spare herself the bulk of the cooking; she and the other members of her consciousness-raising group formed a supper cooperative. each day a different one of them would cook for the group, separate the food into individual family-sized portions, and drop them off at the others’ houses” (54).

along those lines, i have friends who take turns going to each others’ houses to help each other with home projects. and jennifer, who was featured in one of my early “mothers of invention” posts, wrote about a makeshift cooperative pre-school that she and other mothers created for their children.

perhaps we don’t have to pick up and physically move our families in order to move into a space of shared responsibilities. it has been said that by partnering with someone in marriage, one’s burdons are cut in half while one’s joys are doubled. perhaps this is true of all of our cooperative affiliations.

so, when i’m not thinking about how i can make the quick million i would need to move into “the big old house,” as my children call it, i’ll be pontificating about how my version of motherhood might entail becoming more of a village person. it’s fun to think about, don’t you think?

[for more info about the source for this post, check out the bibliography page on the sidebar to your right.]