my days are marked by endless shortcuts, tricks and concessions that are driven by creativity, necessity, and most of all, convenience.

for example, the monkey and bird receive morning doses of PBS and afternoon boosters of dora. they also take baths in the middle of the day, not because i am following the advice of the latest parenting guru but because i simply want to contain the kids while i fold laundry.

there are countless parenting philosophies calling out to us from every corner of pop culture, and many of them are wildly attractive. this is why, as a popular book title states it, “i was a really good mom before i had kids.” but things are different now that my life includes internet searches such as, “are holly berries poisonous?” it is not that i am parenting without convictions. i would describe my particular version of motherhood as a tapestry that includes the latest wisdom delivered by scientific and personal research. but this tapestry really is held together by what blogger Julie of a little pregnant calls “a series of reflexes, instincts, and minute-by-minute adjustments.”

my natural tendency is to apologize for the huge gap between today’s tidy expert parenting schemes and my own comedy of errors, which is often held together by love and duct tape. but the people i’ve encountered through this blog are proof that women’s greatest triumphs are rarely the result of textbook decisions made according to published plans.

mothers of invention from the blog's first month

the mothers who dazzle me with their love of life are always those who raise their children with a sort of makeshift flexibility, and who reinvent themselves in each season using this same, treasured skill.

name: Martha Young

age: 66

current city: Memphis

living situation: My dog, Sawyer, my cat, Kitty, and I are the current occupants of our home. Emily, my soon-to-be twenty-year-old daughter will be in and out for the summer. She is a junior at Mississippi State in Starkville. I have a total of three children. Emily’s brothers are Chris (42), who lives in Manhattan Beach, CA, and Roger (40), who resides in St. Petersburg, FL. I am thrilled to have six grandchildren, ranging from ages eight to eleven months. I am a  single mom and grandmother. When my boys were little, the dad was in the house. He was not a “hands on dad.”

occupation: I am a first grade teacher. I love first graders. When they start losing their teeth, they are just about at the best age there is. The  toothless smile of a first grader is a thing of beauty. They love their moms, dads, teachers, and pets. They are potty trained and will not have to be taught to drive for years. You generally know where they are at all times, which is a good thing. They still love to hear a good story, and can usually tell one. They are so ready to learn and share. When they grow up and leave home, it’s not the teenager you miss, it’s the first grader.   

how do you structure your time and space? To say that I structure my time might be a stretch. If you have read about Jill (my daughter-in-law), a previously featured “mother of invention,” you read about structure. That is called the gene pool trying to correct itself. The main structure in my life is comes from my job, teaching first grade. You might say that I am structured on a first grade level. We have a schedule to follow in school, and I try to stick to it. We work in the mornings in a structured format, and do our less structured activities in the afternoon. It’s like eating your vegetables before dessert. On weekends I tend to work the same way. I go running early, do my chores, and do the really fun stuff in the afternoon.

My schedule has definitely changed since my children were launched. I used to wonder how moms with three children took all their children where they needed to go. Two, even back then, was difficult. That’s why God, in his infinite wisdom, gave me three children, but not all in the house at the same time. The older two were in, and just out of college when Emily was born. As a matter of fact, I missed Chris’s college graduation because Emily was due that day.

Since I no longer have to drive someone to a sports event in the afternoons or prepare a meal, I am able to jog in the afternoons after school, if time permits. While children were at home, I ran early before school, many days. I found that if I didn’t run early, something would come up to prevent it from happening. Now I run after school and do very little in the way of homemaking in the evening. I save all the chores for Saturday. That is a euphemism for not doing anything at night. After teaching and running, I am ready to do nothing but read, relax, and watch TV. And, especially after the time changes in the spring, I have found that if I don’t go to bed right after dark, I am behind schedule for the next day and tired. (I have to get my jabs in against daylight savings time.) 

My grandchildren all live elsewhere, so I am always on vacation when I am with them. That makes holidays really special.

martha with daughter, emily, and twin granddaughters

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives, what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? What season(s) preceded this one? What season(s) might your future hold? Well, I guess I am in fall. I think I had an extra long summer, having the twenty year gap between children. I would like for fall to last forever and not ever go into winter. That is my plan. The challenges of being in fall are that I like summer activities best. I love being on this earth and don’t ever want to leave it. I like being outside and being physically active.

Favorite family activity/activities: My favorite large-group family activity is being with them at the beach. Our week in Destin, FL is my favorite of the entire year.

When Emily and I were the immediate family occupying the home, we painted everything we touched. I don’t think that there is a square inch of this house that has not been painted. We even painted a mural in our garage. On December 21, or the winter solstice, the sun hits the big red sun on the east wall and lights up the garage with an aura of red. We call it the “miracle in the garage”.

favorite solo activities: I love to run. I imagine stories while I run, such as spending lottery money. I especially like long distances. I also continue to paint. On our recent snow days, I painted three pieces of furniture white. The ceilings have never been done but that will be so boring.

sources of inspiration: the Sunday services at Idlewild Presbyterian Church;  being outside in the late afternoon; watching the street lights turn on in the early evening

best MakeShift moment: My MakeShift moment would have to be an incident involving a jogging stroller and a garage sale when Emily and I were living  in Miami. When Emily was a baby, I had no one to watch her when I ran. I was ecstatic when she was old enough to ride in the running stroller, which was my prized possession. I got the stroller out during our garage sale so that Emily would have a place to sit, but much to my dismay, a neighbor sat in it and rendered it unrideable. I went into a panic, shut down the sale at 9:30 a.m.,  and told people it was over. (This was not a popular thing to do since I was selling many of  my ex-husband’s things at a very good price!) I packed Emily in the car and drove straight to the local running store. Mastercard enabled me to purchase the $300.00 model already assembled.

Jogging with Emily in the stroller was always its own MakeShift moment. To keep her happily engaged, I let her spread containers of baby powder through the streets of  Miami on more than one jog.

 [if you know someone who would make a good “mothers of invention” feature, check out the nomination process details on the sidebar to your right.]

in yesterday’s post, i took my friend katherine’s lead and created a “fantasy to do list.”

the purpose of a fantasy to do list is to start thinking beyond all of the many obligations that abound long enough to envision what life might look like with a little added refrains of fun. items on these lists have a strange way of slipping out of the hypothetical world and into our real lives! just try it. you’ll see.

to play along:

1. just scurry over to your own blog or facebook page and create your own list (however long or short) of things you would love to do. don’t let time or resources hold you back.
2. link to my blog by either grabbing my button (html code is located in the sidebar to your right) or simply attaching the link to this post, which is http://www.themsrevolution.com/2010/05/26/play-along/.
3. comment on this post or email me (themsrevolution[at]gmail[dot]com) and let me know you’re playing.
4. then, for those who have blogs, i’ll link from my blog to yours so we can all be inspired by each other’s lists. whether you’re playing along on facebook or on a blog, let me know if you accomplish a fantasy “to do,” in the coming weeks so i can give you a shout out on my blog!
5. invite your friends to play too!

here’s what the button looks like:

now go make those lists! have more fun!

who’s playing:

• stacy
• lane (facebook)
• secret agent mom
• megan
• katherine (the originator of the fantasy to do list)
• kathi
• jessa
• lindsey
• reverendmother
• melissa
• jaime
• emmy

in a few weeks, my dear friend and fellow young clergy woman, katherine, will be moving from southern california to the chicago area. in a valiant effort of wishful thinking, intended to distract her from the very real tasks associated with changing homes, jobs, and states, katherine recently posted a “fantasy to-do list” on her blog. then she quickly admitted that, “the likelihood of any of them happening [would be] woefully slim.”

but then guess what happened? she’s been working little things from this list into her life!

now everybody who knows me is aware that i will be living in memphis until jesus comes again, which is a euphemism for A VERY LONG TIME.* but i think everybody needs a fantasy to-do list. a move is a perfect occasion for one, and so is staying put. and as i have mentioned before, my recent entry into the re[frame] productivity system for creative people has buried me in pesky little task-laden note cards. my life is begging for a little fantasy.**

so, here it is. my very own fantasy to-do list in no particular order:

1. eat at restaurant iris

2. take an exotic yoga vacation

3. take the free tour of memphis’ ghost river brewing company.

4. host a make-your-own-pizza night, using the perfected crust recipe of my friend, mary.

5. eat at the chef’s table at felicia suzanne’s.

6. write a short story

7. attend a sewing workshop in florence, alabama hosted by alabama chanin.

8. learn to use photoshop

9. attend a wailin’ jennys concert.

10. get discovered. (i stole this from katherine but really, who doesn’t want to be discovered?)

*the above reference to the second coming was meant to be evocative of the traditional interpretation of this christian hopefulness — that jesus will return, in bodily form, to the earth someday. this is in distinct contrast to my own leanings in this department, which are that divinity, in all of its forms, bombards the earth daily, and that we live in a world of constant “second comings.”

**yes, i realize that by including the word “fantasy” in this post, i am setting myself up for a spam attack of the most disgusting kind.

first name: Selena

age: 39

current city: Memphis area

living situation: I live with my husband, Paul, and my two sons, ages two and a half and four and a half.

occupation: I juggle a few projects to keep things interesting, but not a full-fledged “occupation.” I’m taking time to enjoy my boys while they’re young. 

For the past three years, I’ve been volunteering on the Board of Directors for COMEC (The Commission on Missing & Exploited Children), the organization that issues Amber Alerts for the region and provides child safety programs and counseling for at-risk kids. Before motherhood, I was an event planner, caterer, and food service director, so I use my skills to plan fundraisers for COMEC. Our next event, the 4th Annual COMEC Treasure Hunt at the Pink Palace, is on Sunday, June 6th from 1-5. It’s the best pirate theme party in town and such a fun family-friendly event! Check out our COMEC Treasure Hunt Facebook event page or website, www.comec.org.

Swashbucking fun at the 2008 COMEC Treasure Hunt

Recently, I started selling sponsorship ads for my friend Tran’s new TV show, Traveling with Tots, which airs on ABC 24 on June 26th at 6:30 a.m. I love that her production company is called Grumpy Pants Productions! It’s marketed to parents with young children, and such a great show!

I also help administer a group called Moms of the Midsouth. Groups like this are SO important! I joined when my first son was three months old and I was new to the area and had no family in town. This wonderful group of women gave me the support I needed to find myself as a mother. I’ve made some very dear friends and enjoyed playgroups and “moms’ night out” events. I’m also a member of the meetup.com “Moms N Munchkins” group. Networking with other moms has been my lifeline! I adore my two book club groups with these women, since we need to make sure we can actually have some discussions that involve topics other than babies, childbirth and potty training.  

how do you structure your time and space? I’ve never been good at organizing my projects. If there’s a way to feel on top of everything and be the superwoman of paperwork, it eludes me! I consider it a huge step that I now have a small accordion folder to trap the donation request letters, event fliers and project papers I’m working with. I carry it around with me, and make calls when I have time. We’re always on the go, and busy ourselves with play dates, trips to the zoo, Kindermusik, and activities. I make my best phone calls in the parking lot of the preschool waiting to pick up my older son, while my little one sleeps in the van. Having a home office doesn’t work for me. When I need to tackle really important tasks, I depend on my friends. We’ve worked out a “swap sitting” plan where we depend on one another when we have appointments or just need a few hours to ourselves.  

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives, 

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I’m in the springtime of motherhood. My boys are young and are constantly surprising me with silly observations and amazing me with things they’re learning (and teaching me!). I enjoy the new projects I’m working on and everything is fresh and blooming! 

-What season(s) preceded this one? I feel like we hibernated during a very long winter. I had my little ones close together, and there was a long period where I was the momma bear, cuddling up with my babies in a cave, nursing them and protecting them from the cold. Now they’re young boys, full of energy, wanting to run around in the sun! I am constantly chasing them, wondering how to keep up, and watching them grow at warp speed.

-What season(s) might your future hold? I love working with COMEC, and I enjoy making a difference in such a small organization. I plan to get my master’s degree and officially find my way back into the workforce when the kids are both in school. I’d love to figure out what I want to be “when I grow up” to fill out the rest of the seasons. 

Favorite family activity/activities: My husband and I love those weekends where we have no obligations or plans, and we can goof off and play with the kids, do small projects around the house, and just relax. The best times are those spent outside while the kids play at home, riding their bikes, playing in the sand, or running through the sprinkler. I spent Mother’s Day in my backyard playing with a toy golf set, teaching the kids how to hit the ball, and taking cute pics as they ran around the trees and picked leaves for me as gifts. All the while, my husband grilled steaks! It doesn’t get any better than that!

favorite solo activities: I love reading and catching up with friends on the computer, and I’m a sucker for playing word games with my friends on Facebook. I’m a word nerd! I also spend lots of time editing pics and making little movies of my kids on my new Flip camera.   

following the daily email directives of the re[frame] productivity system for creative people  has helped me to organize and prioritize what was once a rain cloud of to-do’s that floated above me, casting down ominous threats.

now, the cloud is gone, and in place of it, i have this cute little box and this set of stacking shelves. no more hail storms of balls inadvertently dropped.

but this life of organization comes with a price. i used to be able to ignore the cloud for stretches of blissfully ignorant time. i am now acutely aware of what needs to be done. now that i’m committed to a daily study of the radar, i miss setting out for a picnic without the slightest notion of torrential downpour…

…but not enough to turn back.

the problem is, i’ve passed the halfway marker now, and my re[frame] emails have moved beyond the kind of concrete directives that have inspired me to organize corners of my house, clean out my email in boxes, and develop a bizarre obsession with note cards. i am now encouraged to brainstorm about what version of myself i would most like to be, what kinds of things act as barriers in this process, and what life changes i could make to facilitate a more centered way of being.

these second-tier questions are precisely the kinds of questions i LOVE! i ask them repeatedly in my work as a minister. it is not that i am negating their importance. it’s just that i’m still organizing corners of my house, cleaning out my email in boxes, and clinging tightly to my note cards. i cannot possibly think about organizing my vision of the future until i organize this and other proverbial visions of my present life:

but as you can see, i AM making progress.

so, i’m taking a week or so off from new challenges and questions so that i can keep up the foundational work. and because organizing my “to do’s” has taught me that i simply have too much to do, i think i need to pare down a bit before i can enter the next phase. i’ve got to dead head the rose bushes so other blooms can grow.

oh, that reminds me. i’ve got to literally dead head those rose bushes. excuse me while i jot that down on a note card…

name: Ericka Clay

age: 25 

current city: Corpus Christi, TX

living situation: I live with my husband, Matt, my eleven-month-old daughter, Ava, and our two pups Rocco and Roxie. The former eats pacifiers, the latter eats everything else.

occupation: Writer. I’m self-employed, by which I mean that I’m always trying  to get myself into writing gear, but so far, the third novel is only fractionally complete and getting dusty somewhere in my hard drive. 

how do you structure your time and space? Ha ha, structure? Actually, I am fortunate enough to have structured a somewhat reasonable environment for myself and my family. I write from home and watch our daughter during the day, which is extremely helpful. My parents also live close by, so free babysitting is definitely appreciated. And a lot of our recreational events are family-centered. I belong to a moms’ group that hosts get-togethers during the day and family functions on the weekends so we all get to spend a lot of time together as a family unit. For that, we’re grateful.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives, 

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Currently, we’re in what I’d consider “spring time.” Everything is new and blooming, and although it’s beautiful, it’s a lot to take in! My husband and I are still learning to be good parents and are continuously realizing that we don’t have the same luxury of time that we used to. Funny how we have the desire and ambition to do everything in the world now that Ava’s here!  

-What season(s) preceded this one? Winter. I know this is never PC to talk about (though fortunately people are more accepting nowadays) but I’ve suffered from depression since I was sixteen. Right before I found out that I was pregnant was one of the hardest times in my life. I was extremely insecure and self-loathing even though my husband was always by my side. I think becoming pregnant and giving birth changed something in me and made me realize that the future holds possibilities. I fully embraced this opportunity to be hopeful. 

-What season(s) might your future hold? I don’t imagine life will always be so sunny, and I’m okay with this notion. I’m more willing and equipped to deal with life’s roller coaster. I know that no matter what confronts me in the future, I’ll survive it as long as I have my family. 

Favorite family activity/activities: We live right down the road from the beach, so we love beach days together. We also go to my parents’ house and have family nights complete with dinner, dessert and turns on the Wii. And taking Ava to the aquarium is so much fun. Now that she’s older, she’s starting to really process what’s going on around her, and it’s an incredible feeling to view the world through her eyes.

favorite solo activities: Writing. It’s not like breathing for me, it IS breathing. To me, everything I believe always looks better on paper. I also enjoy reading and try to squeeze that in when possible. My perfect day (or my perfect non-Ava day) is spending a little time in a coffee shop, working on my novel, and reading a good book.   

• where is the monkey going to school next year?
• where do you live?
• do you work outside of the home?

these are just examples of the myriad questions moms encounter weekly in conversation with one another, all of which require nothing more than a one to two word answer. but far be it from me to offer up a curt couple of words and move on. i find myself launching into laborious explanations about why i have made particular choices; acknowledging the negative associations with the institutions, locales, and lifestyles at hand; and making careful assertions that i am not a summation of my child’s school, my neighborhood, and my mode of working.

but why do i do this?

apparently i am not alone. ayelet waldman, author of bad mother, recounts a conversation she had with a complete stranger in line at a local bakery. waldman is feeding her six-week-old baby with a bottle, and the stranger chides, “breast is best!” waldman then tearfully recites the litany of her breast-feeding woes, not the least of which is caused by her baby’s palate abnormality:

“all this i told the woman standing in line behind me at the cafe. i told her how i had weathered plugged ducts and breast infections; i showed her that the milk in that very bottle was colored a faint shade of purple from the gentian violet i’d been applying to treat a brutal case of thrush. to establish my breast-feeding bona fides, i even told her how especially traumatizing my failure to feed this baby was, given that i’d successfully nursed three children, one for nearly three years” (61).

sometimes i gush forth with too much information because i am trying to convince myself that i’ve taken the better path. sometimes i over-speak because i feel as if it is my obligation to give a thorough answer so as not to appear dismissive. and sometimes i simply want to be known on a deeper level than one can glean from the categories offered by our world.

but no matter what my reasons are, my explanations are a bit ridiculous.  it exhausts me to speak them, so listening to them probably makes people wish they could will themselves into a coma.

in the next few months, i’m going to enter into a little experiment. i’m going to try to resist the urge to insert words where there should be silence. i’m going to try not to control how i am perceived by others. i am going to allow for a little mystery to surround me where there was once a tumultuous sea of language.

if you see me in line at the bakery, babbling on to a stranger about how i’m not going to explain myself because i have given up the tedium of explaining myself, you have my permission to shove a baguette between my poor, jabbering jaws.

[the images displayed above are “wordles” created of the onslaught of language people encounter when they ask me simple questions.]

[the source for this post can be found in the bibliography page located on the sidebar to your right.]

name: Kristin Coons 

age: 40 

current city: Manhattan Beach, CA 

living situation: Boys surround me in my home! I have three sons, ages four, seven, and eight; my husband, Brad; and a male guinea pig named Rolo. We live in a relaxed beach town, which is a perfect balance for a high-strung gal like me!

occupation: Creator of My Own Little Story, an online baby book that reminds busy parents to record their children’s milestones. I also blog for fun at www.TheInspiredMom.com. 

how do you structure your time and space? In order to maximize my days, I pull out a calendar and literally schedule out my days in advance. I know this sounds robotic, but it really helps me feel organized. On my calendar, I can pencil in activities that absolutely MUST get done. I highlight blocks of free time, which I use to exercise, read, or help in my kids’ classrooms.  

My workspace is less organized than my time. I work from home, and my desk is covered with piles of paper and book samples for my new business. I don’t have much extra space for storage and filing, so I keep everything piled on my desk! 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives, 

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I am in the “season of rediscovery.” In the last year I have gotten back in touch with my courageous, adventuresome, focused self. Finding time to do this has been the main challenge of this season. It is crazy how busy I have been with raising children, running a household, and trying to get this new business launched. The idea of taking the time to go river-rafting or ride my bike 40 miles, or learn how to “ocean swim” has seemed selfish and impossible in the past. But in my rediscovery season, I have made time for those things. Therefore, on some weeks, we eat out more often, or the breakfast dishes sit in the sink all day, but I am willing to make the trade so I can get back to doing the things that I used to enjoy so much before I became a mom. 

-What season(s) preceded this one? My last season was the “season of selflessness.”  Having three babies in the course of five years required years of giving without asking for much in return. I loved every minute of it but realized that if I continued along that path, someday I might become bitter! In my selfless season, I woke up with babies all night long, hosted play dates, and took the kids to parks, museums, and baby classes. I rarely took the time to blow-dry my hair or put on make-up. I made dinner for friends when they were sick or had a new baby. Those days are over for me now that the kids are getting older and spend most of their days in school. 

-What season(s) might your future hold? I hope that my future season has something to do with managing success! After spending three years building www.MyOwnLittleStory.com, I am looking forward to seeing it grow and become prosperous. When I was a new mom with two babies at home I would never have imagined that I would be in the role of an entrepreneur one day. Amazing how life happens. 

Favorite family activity/activities: Living in Southern California with three boys definitely lends itself to outdoor activities. As a family, we love to ride bikes and play (backyard) dodge ball and tennis. 

favorite solo activities: I love Bikram Yoga. I also like to swim, bike, and run when I have a free minute.  

it happened again yesterday.

i left the children in my husband’s care in the middle of the afternoon, feeling grateful for the flexible nature of his job, as i made my way to my cousin’s high school graduation. if i’m totally honest, i must admit that i was also celebrating that he would get to experience what i affectionately call, “monday night madness.” this is the term i have given to the weekly fight i have with my children as i wake them from their afternoon naps, clothe them, load them into the car for music class (which they love), try to keep them from mistaking the instruments for  cuisine (the bird) and bludgeons (the monkey), extract them from post-class playground time, and arrive home to cook dinner during the “witching hour,” while we wait for daddy to return. 

though i was excited to pass these responsibilities to my husband this week, i was more thrilled with the notion that he might get to see how difficult my job is at times. i dreamed up a scenario in which i would come home to my children, who would be swarming around the couch containing their exhausted daddy. my husband would pull a rag from his shirt pocket, wipe his sweaty brow, shake his head, and say, “mary allison, i simply don’t know how you do this every week!” i would respond humbly, of course, like those citizens on television who have just saved another person’s life. “i guess i’m just in the right place at the right time,” i would say.

this, of course, was not the scene i found when i arrived at home. the laundry was finished, dinner was in the oven, the kitchen was spotless, the kids were clothed and happy, and the transition from naptime to music class had reportedly gone smoothly. my husband made me a cocktail, and i drank it, along with a sea of jealous self-doubt. how does he make my job seem so easy? clearly, he is a superhero, and i am a whiner.

don’t get me wrong. i realize that any problem where the system breakdown includes a spotless kitchen, clean clothes, and a warm supper, is a good problem to have. i also realize that my poor husband, who does such things in order to make me happy, cannot win! 

lesson learned: i cannot depend on someone else’s failures to make me feel like a success. this rule applies especially to my beloved husband, who really does make most struggles seem like a piece of cake.

[side note: music for aardvarks is a favorite activity for my children, so much so that it is worth interrupting the children’s sleep! without it, “monday night madness” would turn to “monday night pandemonium,” a level orange alert that must be avoided whenever possible.]