i am not a science person, and i never took physics. perhaps this is why i have managed to reach the age of 34 without fully grasping the simple concept that i cannot be two places at once. but andy’s three-day out-of-town conference last week was just the crash course i needed to fulfill my “knowing one’s limitations” requirement.

lesson one occured at memphis botanic gardens’ big back yard, where i encountered another mom, who was expertly holding her ten-week-old while her three-year-old was tentatively exploring.  

i, on the other hand, darted frantically from one child-in-constant-motion to the other. the bird fell, the monkey was hogging the slide, the bird nibbled on someone else’s lunch, the monkey needed help finding the mallets for the “house of rock,” the bird was dangerously close to the creek, the monkey…

wait! where was the monkey? hiding in the worm hole. cool.

only this wasn’t so cool with the aforementioned mother, because while my attention was on the monkey, the bird was playing with the enticing gadgets on her ten-week-old’s empty stroller.

i scooped up the bird in a flurry of apologies. she said nothing but went to work on the stroller with wet wipes.

the big back yard is just that — big. but no matter how far we strayed from the perturbed mother and her statuesque children, the bird always managed to find his way back to her alluring collection of stroller toys. when she started scolding the bird and yanking him away from the empty stroller, i knew it was time to go. i also knew that in about a year, when her baby is walking, this mother would be joining me in the impossible attempt to be in two places at once.

lesson two occurred at the end of my solo-parenting duty, just as i was congratulating myself for maintaining patience, relative calm, and a sense of adventure while andy was away. the phone rang, and a kind and gentle church parishioner on the other end of the line expressed legitimate disappointment that i had not visited his family during a very critical time they had experienced in the previous few days, the same few days i spent playing the roles of mom, dad, and cruise director for my kids.

i was, and still am, riddled with guilt.

i’m also frustrated that in many cases for me, quality ministry and quality parenting are mutually exclusive. but no matter how hard i try, i cannot be in two places at once. sometimes being fully present to one child means being only marginally present to the other. sometimes providing stability during a critical time for my children means not providing empathy during a critical time for parishioners.

this is the reality of my life right now, one that i am having a hard time embracing. even i were a science person, i cannot change the laws of physics.

name: Jennifer McCullough

age: 33

current city: Memphis

living situation: I live with my four-year-old son, one fish, and one dog. We are currently living in a downtown condo while we try to sell our house. Living in two places is a comedy of errors.

occupation: mom; chef; and business owner of The Uptown Grocer, purveyor of upscale frozen meals.

how do you structure your time and space? I work out of the kitchen at Cafe Society Restaurant in midtown. It is just a two-minute drive to my son’s school, which allows me to maximize parenting time and working time. I pack a bag with running shoes and try to take a break at some point to get some exercise. Usually this is on “meatloaf day.” The loaves take exactly 55 minutes to cook, which gives me just enough time to do a wardrobe change, take a jog, get back into work clothes, and take those yummy meatloaves out of the oven. 

My son spends time with his father as well, but at times this has been a bit of a struggle because his father doesn’t live in Memphis. But we do our best to work with each other’s schedules so that my son has quality time with both parents. My parents are in town and take my son any time I am willing to part with him. I am very fortunate to have their support!

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Being a single mom comes with its fair share of challenges. I often feel like one person trying to be two people, and I have to accomplish so much more when my child is at school (work, exercise, errands, et cetera). For example, if I run out of milk, I cannot simply make a quick solo trip to the grocery.

I have had to overcome a good bit of guilt when it comes to making time for myself. I frequently have to assure myself that exercising and doing other things to maintain my health and sanity are necessary, even if it means that I do these things while my son is at school or in another’s care.

In general, I am doing things differently than the way I always thought I would be doing them. For example, after months of thinking that my son needed to live in a house with a yard and in a neighborhood, I realized that the simplicity of condo-living is really much better for us. I had to say goodbye to the life I thought I would be living in order to fully live the one I’ve got. Now my son and I like to ride the downtown trolley to dinner. My son’s childhood is not like mine was but I have realized that no one way is better than the other. They’re just different.

-what season(s) preceded this one? The last five years have brought about a lot of changes: divorce, health issues, and two moves. I spent much of this time in survival mode, reacting to life’s circumstances. Starting my own business was my first step in becoming more proactive about my life. I did a lot of thinking about my talents and a path that might allow me to have both a fulfilling career and an active role in my son’s life.

Starting the Uptown Grocer was a gigantic leap of faith for me. In the beginning, I cooked and delivered weekly meals to my customers. There were some nights when I cooked from my son’s bedtime until 3:00 in the morning. This was miserable! But I kept moving forward and resisting the temptation to become paralyzed. Even when decisions led to dead ends, I learned to put my focus elsewhere and keep moving along in hopes that a door would open and I would have a creative moment.

I have now shifted to a much more sensible business model. I stock a freezer at Palladio Antiques and Art  full of my food, and my customers can shop there for their meals. I have just recently begun to reap the rewards that come with making deliberate choices.

-what season(s) might your future hold? In the months ahead, I plan to continue scaling down my commitments and making choices based on what’s right for my son and me. I am beginning to trust my instincts and feel confident in my decisions. I love being a chef and business owner, and I can see now that I am in the right place. I am laying the groundwork for a more peaceful, more fulfilling, and simpler life. I am ready to reap the rewards.  

favorite family activities: My favorite time with my son is right before bed. Before I tuck him in, he will often tell me things that hapened during his day, and these are really sweet moments. During the day, we move at a fast pace and we’re on the go. It’s nice to have this quieter time when there’s a lot of intimacy in our relationship. These are my favorite times with him.

favorite solo activities: I love to run. I also like being in the car by myself with complete quiet. We go so fast, and things are so hectic. Sometimes I will sit down by myself, and I’ll realize later that I forgot to even turn the light on!

source(s) of inspiration: Before I started my business, I gained a lot of inspiration from reading. I have found books by Deepak Chopra to be helpful, as well as other literature about simplifying life and letting go of things that don’t matter. I am currently reading The Sermon on the Mount: The Key to Success in Life by Emmet Fox, and I love it!

best MakeShift moment: One of my MakeShift habits is to drive through McDonalds and buy enough milk to last us until I can get to the grocery store.

My son dresses himself, and a lot of times his ensembles look really bad. But this is all part of allowing myself to let go. I only have so much brain space, and I have had to decide what matters and what doesn’t. A lot of thing that would have bothered me ten years ago aren’t even on my radar now.

Perhaps my most recent MakeShift moment was when I spaced out and remembered “back to school night” at my son’s school only a couple of hours before it was to begin. I had no childcare lined up, and I had previously promised to go goldfish shopping with my son that evening. I desperately called a sitter, who was (thank goodness) willing to meet us at the pet store. After the fish selection, the four of us (myself, my son, the sitter, and the fish) went out to dinner. I really wanted to spend that time with my son, and I knew that having dinner with him would only prohibit me from attending the first part of “back to school night,” the part where I would be apt to eagerly volunteer for tasks that my schedule unfortunately will not allow. After dinner, I was able to be present for the second part of the meeting — the part where I saw my son’s classroom, met his teachers, and signed up to help with holiday parties (short volunteer commitments that increase the time spent with my son). It was a whirlwind of an evening but everything worked out great. My son got his fish, we had a lovely dinner, I was present at the meeting, and I kept sigh of what’s important.

jennifer invites memphians to the grand opening of the uptown grocer, this friday afternoon, october 15th, from 11:30-2:30 at cafe palladio (corner of cooper and central). sample jennifer’s chicken tetrazzini and cinnimon apple bread pudding with caramel, and enter to win one of four free uptown grocer gift certificates. 

• find jennifer on the web at http://www.theuptowngrocer.com/ 
• follow on twitter: @theuptowngrocer

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

people are poor predictors of what will make us happy.

 it’s like that time when i was in middle school and i begged my parents for a liz claiborne purse. my new bag did not transport me into a world devoid ofangst, pimples, failed flirtations, and latin tutors. i would need something else to make me happy: a spot on the basketball team, acceptance to the college of my choice, an adventurous summer trip, a boyfriend, a husband, a house, a meaningful vocation, children, children who take long afternoon naps, decent savings, balance, and the list goes on. according to a host of articles and popular books  written by daniel gilbert and his posse of fellow harvard researchers , i am not alone in my often misguided planning for a happy future.

“we treat our future selves as though they were our children, spending most of the hours of most of our days constructing tomorrows that we hope will make them happy. rather than indulging in whatever strikes our momentary fancy, we take responsibility for the welfare of our future selves, squirreling away portions of our paychecks each month so they can enjoy their retirements on a putting green, jogging and flossing with some regularity so they can avoid coronaries and gum grafts, enduring dirty diapers and mind-numbing repetitions of the cat in the hat so that someday theywill have fatcheeked grandchildren to bounce on their laps” (from dan gilbert’s stumbling upon happiness).

of course, we cannot simply forget about the future. i’m going to keep brushing my teeth twice a day to ward off future root canals. but gilbert’s findings could bring about a paradigm shift for people of every age and stage. perhaps the empty-nester who is plotting out a happy retirement, the young mother who is pining for the day all of her children are out of diapers, and the upstart professional who revels in visions of a corner office would live differently if they believed that,

“bad things don’t affect us as profoundly as we expect them to. that’s true of good things, too. we adapt very quickly to either” (from a new york times interview of dan gilbert).

last week, i started making a list of things that make me happy. these are not things that i imagine will evoke happiness in the future. rather, when i am in the middle of my every day life, and when i have a sudden flash of awareness that i am, in that very moment, experiencing happiness, i write down what i’m doing. so far, it appears that i will not have to finagle an extraordinary future to enjoy my life. as it turns out, i am happy when i am folding clothes on the bed while my children are snuggling together watching word world. i am happy reading outside in the sun during my children’s nap times. i am happy when i am doing things that are athletic. i am happy when i’m sharing a bag of kettle corn with a good friend. i am happy when i am pondering a new idea.

this is helpful information, since the enterprise of parenting is so future-oriented. i will always probably be a poor predictor of what makes me happy. but, perhaps, with a little more awareness, i will begin to recognize happiness when i stumble upon it, not in far off dreams of  diaper- free days, not in fleeting visions of a more career-focused life, but in the present moment, as messy and harried and beautiful as it is.

name: Becky Hobson

age: 33

current city: Memphis

living situation: We are the “traditional” family with 2.5 kids (the .5 being our first child – our dog). We don’t have a white picket fence but we do live in the suburbs. My husband, Thomas, and I have been married for eight years (together for 13 years). We have twin five-and-a-half-year-olds, Lauren and Andrew, who have just started kindergarten and are so much fun. Then there is Ella, our nine-year-old cocka-poo, who has lived through many moves and the era of twin toddlers (who now can actually play with her!).

occupation: middle school social studies teacher

how do you structure your time and space? The theme of our marriage would have to be TEAMWORK.  From the beginning, Thomas and I have both worked full-time so we have always split the chores, and now we split the parenting responsibilities as well. I couldn’t manage any aspects of my life without the help that he provides (and I hope he feels the same way). 

Most of my day is spent at school. I teach Economics, American Government, and Social Justice to 88 eighth graders at a Catholic school in Memphis. Despite the fact that this is a relatively new curriculum for me, I try very hard to leave my schoolwork at school. The school where I previously worked put a lot of pressure on us to be on duty 24 hours a day. I checked my email at least three times a night. I brought my computer home and worked on assignments, and (as teachers do) it was all I talked about. I discovered that this was not a life I was willing (or physically able) to live. When I started at my new school I made a promise to myself that the work would stay at school. The result was astounding. I smile now, and have more time for my kids and Thomas. “Hey I remember you!”  Putting myself before my job has made all the difference in my life. 

I grew up in a house with a stay-at-home mom, an always-at-work dad, and a pesky older brother. My mom did everything for us. We came home to an immaculate house with fresh homemade cookies on the counter and plans for a wonderful dinner. She came to all of our school events and volunteered at our activities. Holidays were special times with the house decorated to the hilt. Even pictures on the walls were replaced with holiday pictures. Because I have such fond memories of what that upbringing meant to me, I have a hard time reconciling that with how to do that for my children. I’m not much for making the homemade cookies, so we have scrapped that part. I clean my house on the weekends, but it has becomes a family chore. The kids get to dust (which they enjoy for some strange reason, but whatever), Thomas cleans the bathrooms, and I clean the floors and behind everyone else. Lauren and Andrew even like to help with cooking sometimes. We make do and try to attend as many school events as possible even if we have to take off work. The TEAMWORK thing is the only way we can survive. It works for us.

Our childcare situation is finally in a wonderful place. We no longer pay for full-time childcare for the twins. They started kindergarten at a new public school this fall, and all is well. We have a college student, Jordan, who picks them up at dismissal (since they get out an hour before my I do) and she brings them home. She is a wonderful person and an education major, who also volunteers in a local kindergarten classroom. Thomas picks the kids up if for some reason Jordan can’t do it. Thomas knows it’s harder for me to get away from work than it is for him. 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I decided to use Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 to describe my seasons.

We are currently in “a time to laugh.” We are finally through with the tough part of having two babies and finally have little people with real personalities and the ability to do things that we like to do. Thomas and Andrew have discovered the joys of playing Lego Star Wars together on the Playstation. They also like to go fishing and to baseball games. Lauren and I paint her nails and play Barbies, and she loves to draw us pictures. It is great fun to sit at the table at night and hear about what they did at school that day. It is so cool to see them discover information for the first time. “Did you know that an octopus shoots black ink at fish that might attack it?” I feign ignorance so she can tell me all about it. What fun!

The challenges of this season go back to that twin thing. I have a boy and girl, and they develop at such different rates in terms of both maturity and academics. It is really tough not to compare them but you just can’t do that. They also get upset when one tells what the other wanted to share about what happened at school that day. Then there is the hardest part, which includes phrases such as, “why doesn’t she have to study this over and over like I do?” With twins, I cannot simply say, “Because she’s older.”

-what season(s) preceded this one? Before now, we were in “a time to weep.” Looking back, I realize just how hard raising twins was for us at first. I have no idea financially how we were able to survive (other than on credit cards and the kindness of family). Between the children waking us, stress about work and money, and insomnia, we got very little sleep. But we made it through by trying to take care of each other as a family. I have happy memories (many happy memories) to look back on, but I am glad we survived intact.

-what season(s) might your future hold? I hope our future will hold “a time to build.” I know that things will continue to be tough as we try to raise two well-adjusted school-age children,  but I know that together we can build financially stability and strong family and marital bonds. There are a lot of exciting things ahead for the family and I know we will make it fun.

favorite family activities: We love to travel to see family who all live at least eight hours away. We have also discovered the joy of “treasure hunting” as a family. We have gotten in on the Geocaching world and have had fun using our GPS to go hunt for treasure with the kids. We also enjoy going to the zoo.

favorite solo activities: My favorite way to relax and wind down from the day is a nice hot bath and a good book. I have discovered that I love to read. I genuinely love to read! What a novel concept (get it-novel? Okay, so I am corny too). Since Lauren and Andrew were born, I occasionally recharge as a mom by taking 15 minutes to myself to just chill out. These 15 minute periods are my chance to reflect on the day and pray, especially when I am too tired, too frustrated, or too frazzled to read. 

I also like to paint, cross-stitch, and do needlepoint – anything that lets me be creative with my hands. 

source(s) of inspiration: My mom inspires me to give my children the kind of love and happy memories that I gained from my childhood. She worked really hard decorating for holidays, planning fun family things for us to do, and being there for everything. I was really sheltered, but it was during a time in my life when I didn’t really want (or need) to know what else was out there. The other source of inspiration is my friend Melissa.  She lives in the moment and is so laid back about everything involving motherhood (at least it appears that way from the outside). Her children are just a bit older than mine, and she’s sort of like the big sister with advice for age and stage. She finds good solutions to problems and is thrifty. She lets her children be themselves and discover things on their own, but she also provides a soft cushion to fall on if they fail. Despite how much she helps them be individuals, she still is a major part of their lives – making cookies for events, decorating their rooms, coming to school activities. She does all of this and is still a full-time working mom. 

best MakeShift moment: During the times when I have been home alone with twins, I have found that I can only take so much before I have to have some time of my own. The kids’ bedrooms are a safe haven for them, completely child/baby proofed. There were days when I put them in their rooms to play and sat outside in the hallway to have 30 minutes of peace to myself to read a book or just close my eyes. This might seem kind of selfish, but I think needing this kind of quick break is something that is familiar to many us.

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

“i have such a good life, i want to appreciate it more — and live up to it better” (13).

this is gretchen rubin’s explanation for why she has written the happiness project, an account of her year-long experiment to increase her appreciation for life. and this is also my explanation for why i wanted to read her book. rubin takes seriously current research that purports that 50 percent of one’s level of happiness is genetic, 10 to 20 percent is tied to life circumstances, and the “remainder is a product of how a person thinks and acts” (6).

after a period of introspection about what sorts of factors affect her personal level of happiness, rubin comes up with 12 goals and works on one each month. included in the happiness project are things like being mindful and paying attention to life’s details, reading more, staying in touch with friends, and lightening up her parenting approach. the idea is that readers will come up with their own particular sets of goals and carry out their own experiments in happiness. but there does seem to be one universal cornerstone of happiness, valued so highly by rubin that she makes it her goal for january. in a word, this factor is…

rubin sites research that suggests that “along with tight work deadlines, a bad night’s sleep [is] one of the top two factors that upset people’s daily moods” (19). furthermore, “getting one extra hour of sleep each night would do more for a person’s daily happiness than getting a $60,000 raise” (19).

the critical reading glasses i learned to don in college and grad school make me want to question these assertions. but the parent in me knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the importance of sleep could never be overstated. sleep is everything. without it, chasing a toddler feels like running against the wind with a parachute on your back.* with sleep, it’s possible to host a play date, cook dinner, deal with a sick dog, talk to one’s boss on the phone, and smile — all at the same time.

i’m not sure whether or not i’ll conduct my own happiness project. what i do know is that i am completely sold on the benefits of a sleep project. in fact, i’ve already started. last night i got ten uninterrupted hours of sleep. that’s right, TEN HOURS! but i’m on vacation, and my parents are keeping my kids. the real test will come on wednesday, when i return home to my kiddos and routine. will i go to bed earlier or succumb to the mind-numbing television that i dearly love?

oh, and if you’ve just put your kids to bed and you are up too late reading blogs, go to bed! when you wake up, you’ll feel like $60,000 dollars.

[source info for this post can be found on the bibliography page located on the sidebar to your right.]

*as i tried to think of metaphors that fully describe the difficulty of feeling sleep-deprived while chasing a toddler, all i could think of were other things pertaining to parenting a toddler. as it turns out, being sleepy while chasing a toddler is like pushing a stroller up hill, snagging a toddler from the stairs 50 times a day, looming over a toddler in the baby pool, cleaning up after a toddler eats yogurt, et cetera. in short, chasing a toddler on four hours of sleep is like, well, CHASING A TODDLER ON FOUR HOURS OF SLEEP!

it finally happened. all of the deadlines that i set for myself to protect me from THE DEADLINE came and went. i left the house sunday morning with barely enough time to get to the church. a trail of index cards and commentaries followed. i would have to finish the sermon (sure to be my all time worst) in the car.

andy drove while i scribbled illegible notes and envisioned myself lost in translation as i cowered behind the pulpit. concentration was elusive as i began to remember, in great detail, the host of things i had forgotten: the scripture reading, shoes, my robe… PANTS! 

andy was on the cell phone attempting to borrow a robe from a colleague when he made the snap decision to take an off-road shortcut. a rocky embankment prohibited us from driving the rest of the way, so the two of us scaled the jagged surface (leaving yet another trail of index cards and commentaries). i had picked the wrong day to go barefoot but if we hurried, there would still time be to make it for my part.

a scary yard dawg and a nagging home owner with a “no tresspassing policy” sent the two of us and my dwindling preaching paraphanalia back to the car, where we peeled out, backtracked, drove slowly through traffic toward the church, and tuned in to the service broadcast on AM radio station 600.

who knew that unspoken anxiety and anger could be transmitted over radio waves? andy and i listened as the congregation organized an impromptu hymn sing while they waited for me. we were stopped at a broken red light. i realized i still had on my pajama top. i had forgotten to brush my teeth.

and then i did what i should have done in the very beginning. i forced myself to wake up. i told the whole dream that it could take its flying index cards and commentaries and board a plane to timbuktu. i packaged up my anxieties over the forgotten robe, shoes, and scripture reading, along with that nagging neighbor and her yard dawg, and i shoved them all off of the rocky embankment.

but as i lay awake in bed, i could not seem to tune out the sounds of AM radio station 600, which was taking a break from regularly scheduled nightmares for a little public service announcement:

the “transportation parade” at the monkey’s school would be taking place in less than five hours. “have you decorated your son’s big wheel?” the announcer chided.

no. clearly i hadn’t decorated the damn big wheel. many thanks to my subconscious for pointing out the error of my ways. and what does it say about me that i just had a full-blown anxiety nightmare over a four-year-old’s school transportation parade?   

now… does anybody know where i can get balloons and streamers at 6:12 in the morning?

when i was a kid, a stuffed animal was simply a stuffed animal. i lined the edge of my bed nightly with every batting-filled creature i owned and rotated them at each bed time according to a very complex but fair system that gave them equal time spent in proximity to me. looking after all of these sensitive animal feelings was hard work! but it was nothing like the trials and tribulations of modern stuffed animal ownership.

when the ganz company invented webkinz a few years back, stuffed animals became more than dust-collecting self-objects. now kids can snuggle with a plush canine, for example, AND use a special code on the dog’s tag to “play” with her on an interactive website. though my children have yet to enter the world of webkinz, i became fascinated with the concept a few years ago when a friend’s children gave me a breathless and excited run-down on their newly adopted hamster and the responsibilities inherent therein. as the elementary-school-aged girls were explaining that feeding and playing with the new pet would ward off illness, i was struck by one single question:

“can a webkinz die?” i blurted out.

my husband covered my mouth and forbade me to initiate these poor children into the harsh realities of death.

i laid my curiosity to rest (so to speak) until yesterday, when another friend remarked that her children came home from school with reports that the newly adopted webkinz pet of a classmate is seriously ill. apparently, said pet is in dire need of a visit to “dr. quack,” the resident webkinz doctor. the problem, however, is that the pet’s owner is all out of “kinzbucks,” and can not afford the doctor’s visit. perhaps the webkinz world is in need of health care reform, but in the mean time, my question remains… can webkinz die?

as you can see from the interspersed pictures, i am now the proud parent of elvis, a webkinz mountain goat. i snagged him from what can only be described as third-world conditions in a store that sold women’s cosmetics, hair bows, bouncy balls, nail polish, and who knows what else. i purchased elvis for the express purpose of killing him. if this sounds cruel to you, please remember that elvis’ real life with my children will be a happy one, filled with his fair share of time spent in rotating proximity to the monkey and the bird. but his internet persona is definitely on the line.

for now, internet elvis is happily eating an apple and a yogurt smoothie in his new room, which is adorned with an area rug, a barrel cactus, and a wet bar. and i’ll have you know that each of these items cost me a pretty penny.

enjoy yourself while you can, elvis. pour yourself a drink. stretch out on your new rug. because your days are numbered.

name: Catherine

age: 32

current city: Memphis

living situation: I live with my husband Blake; our two boys, Jack (five) and Will (18 months); our Springer Spaniel Bessie; and last but certainly not least, Fred, our friendly squirrel who lives in the front yard. He makes it into all of Jack’s family portraits.

occupation: I work four days-a-week at an all-boys school as the seventh and eighth grade counselor. I love my job, and I love my schedule. It allows me to have the joy of professional fulfillment and adult time, as well as that extra day “off” to be a mom, help at my child’s school, have play dates, run errands, and enjoy some time to myself. Am I busier on my “day off” than the days when I work outside of the home? Yes. Always. 

how do you structure your time and space? We are pretty regimented around our house just because that’s how things work best for us. Perhaps this explains the stresses we had this summer with no schedule! Multi-tasking is definitely the key to our household. I’m not good with clutter, so I’m pretty anal about keeping things neat most of the time. While this is great in some respects, I will say that by 7:15 when all of the small people in my house are snug in their beds, I nearly always melt right into mine.

Our daily routine typically involves my heading to the gym first thing at 5:15ish and arriving home at 6:35 to little people slowly waking up. My husband showers while I start working on kids’ lunches. By 7:25, we are all dressed and mostly fed, and I am ushering everyone out the door, always with a Diet Coke in my hand and an extra one in my purse for later.

My husband is incredibly helpful with everything involving the boys and household chores. There’s no doubt, we couldn’t make it without him. Our nights right now are a little stressful only because he is working late each night. That means that the kids are pretty bored with me and are anxiously for dad to be home regularly for dinnertime soon.

But, typically dinner is at 5:30 with baths shortly after. We play games or read books, and then bedtime it is. I’m not good with any chores after the kids go to sleep. I always hear moms say that’s when they do household chores. Nope, not me. I’m totally done for the day, except maybe some bad reality TV and the latest US Weekly.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? As many mothers would say, a lot of my highlights turn into challenges quickly – especially around the four o’clock hour. The highlights are certainly the innocence Jack exudes when he’s so excited about new experiences and meeting new people. I love feeding into all of that by just being silly and surprising the boys constantly. Some of the highlights are also messy and involve spaghetti explosions or finger painting with ice cream. It’s fun, and hey, it all washes off pretty easily.

Currently, I’m most challenged by/with my “Crazy Will,” as Jack calls him. He’s pretty head-strong, and when he’s unhappy, he’s very unhappy. My challenge comes at the typical witching hour when I’m just worn out. With Blake working late lately, the afternoons seem looonng. He’s also not sleeping through the night right now, so that’s an added bonus. On a positive note, today was a good day, and who knows what tomorrow will bring. It’s funny to me because the day can change so quickly with little guys. I’m certainly much more flexible than I used to be, and I even surprise myself with how things that used to bother me no longer do. I think that’s just a part of motherhood and having to “roll with the punches.” That’s also what makes it a lot of fun!

-what season(s) preceded this one? The past few months have been pretty stormy. With some family medical issues, frustrations dealing with a major construction project, and job stress, I sort of felt deflated ending the summer. I honestly wondered how I would muster the energy to start the school year well. Thankfully, it’s been an incredibly smooth transition. Things fell right into place as they usually do. I have felt rejuvenated by new students and fun colleagues at work, my kiddos have loved their new classrooms and teachers, our family health issues are going really well, and the housing project is moving along rather smoothly. So, do I wonder if the wheels are about to fall off? Maybe just a little but I’m enjoying the smooth ride while I can. 

-what season(s) might your future hold? I think our immediate future holds a lot of busy months that would normally seem stressful, but given all of the plans and projects we have, (and how well they are going right now!!!) I’m just excited about it all. I feel like we are going to have more fun each and every day as Will gets older and can communicate more effectively. Of course, I’m realistic and know it won’t all be rosy, but I do feel hopeful. I think I usually have a negative view of winter because it limits our outside activity, but I’m really looking forward to all the excitement that the next few months will bring. 

 favorite family activities: being silly!!! anything outside, lots of swimming, eating dinner on the patio, dance parties in the kitchen, going to the lakehouse and beach, and Jack and I especially love baking!

favorite solo activities: working out, having wine on the patio while listening to beachy music, reading magazines, planning creative projects that I sometimes start and rarely finish

source(s) of inspiration: I am inspired by music, my friends, people who are genuinely happy and peaceful, and artists (more specifically painters). When I’m down, my husband inspires me. We are very much each other’s yin and yang.

best MakeShift moment: One of my favorite things about nursing was the ease and convenience of it all. I remember being out all day and not having to pack bottles, and I just thought that was such a blessing. I really hate packing diaper bags! I selfishly loved that it allowed our schedule to be incredibly flexible. I never would have thought about how nursing would actually make things easier, but it certainly did for us.

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

i got a smartphone (android) a few months ago after the bird casually tossed my trusty dumbphone of three years into a nearby glass of water. i loved my dumbphone. it was just my speed. but i finally gave in to my husband’s smartphone evangelism after i enrolled in the reframe productivity system(which champions the smartphone/electronic calendar business). andy proudly presented me with this:

it was kind of like giving a pogo stick to a dog.

it took me about three weeks to figure out how to consistently answer the phone when people called. i’ve mastered this feat now. the current problem is that my crazy hair brushes against the screen while i’m talking. it hangs up on people, dials china, and downloads apps all by itself.

are you sure you want to read any further? my HAIR is leading me into the nether universe of apps, people.

i feel like a kid again. specifically, the kid whose next door neighbor got an atari for christmas — the kid who observed the big boys playing for hours before finally sneaking a turn at pac-man.

since i started this blog, many of you have written to me about how your smartphones (and all of their various  apps) are actually making parenting easier. so, it is with great naivete and technological ambition that i report this list of helpful apps for parents, compiled from various emails, blog comments, facebook posts, and internet research.

 smartphone apps for parents:

for occupying the kiddos:

 recommended by parents of two-year-olds:

– toddler lock (android)

– angry birds (iphone) & angry birds lite beta (android)

– the hatch (iphone) & hatch (android)

– first words (iphone) & first words (android)

– i hear ewe (iphone) & animal sounds (android)

recommended by parents of three-year-olds:

– wordgirl word hunt (iphone)

– cake doodle (iphone) & birthday cake (android)

– monster trucks nitro (iphone) & monster truck rally (android)

– memory (iphone) & snoopy memory game (android)

recommended by parents of children ages three through six:

– facegoo (iphone) & liquid face lite (for android)

– teachme kindergarten (iphone) & kindergarten master (android)

recommended by parents of kids ages five through eight:

– themed puzzles such as this princess puzzle (android)

– sheep abduction (iphone) & abduction! (android)

to salvage the remnant of your brain while your little darlings are in their little smartphone trances:

– npr news (iphone) & npr news app (android)

health:

– baby activity logger (iphone) & baby esp (android): record your baby’s eating, sleeping, and diapering patterns and share data with your partner.

shopping:

– wootwatch‘s “kids” tab (iphone) & today’s woot ‘s “kids’ tab (android): check out the latest kid-related bargains.

productivity:

– grocery gadget (iphone) & mobisle notes (android): create and share electronic grocery lists with your partner. arranges items by store location, and cross them off as you go.

leisure:

– b & n ereader (iphone) & laputa book reader (android): wide selections of free download-able books.

and if you haven’t had enough already, check out babble.com’s top 50 iphone apps for moms and helium.com’s top ten android apps for busy moms.

if there is one word that has been used throughout the centuries to describe the complex and ever-evolving vocation of motherhood, it is SACRIFICE. there is the physical sacrifice of the body’s shape, the luxury of sleep, and necessary attention to hygiene and self-care. there is the mental shift from adult conversation to peek-a-boo antics and from reading the new york times to highlights magazine. there are the social cutbacks that result when gatherings are carefully planned around nap times and sitters’ schedules, and sleep becomes more enticing than a night on the town. and of course, there are the more existential sacrifices — the sad farewells to those parts of a mother’s identity she once held so dear. we are left uttering phrases such as, “before i had kids, i was on track to become a partner in the firm,” or “before i had kids, i used to love to paint.” even those of us whose lives are a far cry from “father knows best” have given up quite a bit to become mothers.

instead of examining motherhood’s association with sacrifice, our society (with the help of religion) has idealized unconditional self-sacrificial love. but there seems to be a growing number of modern mothers who are grappling with the ideals of heroism and self-diminishment and looking for something more. futhermore, it isn’t even really accurate to describe the whole of motherood as sacrifice. in an article entitled, “parenting: mutual love and sacrifice,” author christine gudorf writes about parenting her two adopted children with medical handicaps. she asserts,

“the most revealing lesson the children taught us is that love can never be disinterested…. every achievement of the child is both a source of pride and a freeing of the parent from responsibility for the child…. all love both involves sacrifice and aims at mutuality.”

in other words, sacrifice is only part of a larger progression toward mutuality.

in her book entitled also a mother, bonnie j. miller-mclemore writes,

“even  in the earliest moments of nurture the nurturer receives something in return, and hopes to continue to do so. the ideal [of unconditional self-sacrifice] harms persons, particularly women, who already are over programmed to give endlessly, leaving them ashamed of the self-interest that naturally accompanies their love…. parents, and mothers in particular, do better to admit, and even affirm, their limits and the hopes and needs they harbor, both in relationship to their children and in regard to their own work” (164).

though motherhood and sacrifice will forever be intertwined, there is more to the story. there are endless gifts, from the first “i love you” to the great privilege of seeing the world anew through the eyes of our children. on my quest to find the middle ground between june cleaver and superwoman, i’ve found many compelling truths but the chief of them is this:

we are not to give everything up, nor are we to try to have it all. and somewhere in between these extremes, amidst all the moments of depravity and richness, there is mutuality, a mutuality that has the potential to increase as we journey further down the road of motherhood.

[sources for this post are located on the bibliography page found in the sidebar to your right.]