first name: Kathi

age: 38 (ouch!)

current city: Hermosa Beach, CA

living situation: I live with my husband, Sean, our four year old daughter, and our two year old son.

occupation: I am what Mary Allison calls “a part-time hybrid mother.” I work full time for my family and part time out in the world as a designer.

how do you structure your time and space? I see the balance challenge as two different ventures. There is the mental balance and the actual logistical balance. The two are intertwined of course, but it is easier to answer this question if I separate them.

The mental side of this equation is the hardest for me. When I am not with the kids physically, I think about them and want to be with them. When I am with the kids physically, I am thinking about what I will accomplish next time I have some “coverage.” It was this way when I worked 40+ hours per week and it is this way now that I work part time. I am not sure if it is innovative or creative, but I am a firm believer in my mommy natural cocktail to help with the mental balance and focus. A morning dosage of peppermint essential oil under the nose forces me to wake up and start the day with a deep breath, mid-morning and afternoon shots of the amino acid L-Theanine really keep my head above ground, and an evening serving of melatonin helps to get me to sleep early. This is a formula that really helps me along with a decent amount of protein and a dash or so of caffeine.

Regarding the logistical balance, until December of ‘09, I worked more than full time outside of the home as a marketing consultant. So for the first four years of motherhood, the balance was entirely different than it has been for the last six months. We now have a nanny who comes ten to eighteen hours per week, depending on my needs and deadlines. I use those hours now to work part-time as a designer and writer. For the last five months I have been working in my home office to design a line of children’s clothing. I blog about these design escapades and my journey of “owning my own motherhood” at www.semi-handmade.com .

The one approach that I use that could seem a little innovative, is that I try not to spend any time away from my kids (while using any sort of paid help) doing something that someone else could do just as well. I’ve had my nanny run one last errand, address envelopes, iron seams, cut patterns, et cetera while I take over with the kiddos.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives, 

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? The highlights of my current season are definitely the increased quantity and quality of hours I am able to spend with my kiddos. I am savoring the sweetness of this stage in our lives before the kids are both in school more. I am ever so grateful to be away from the corporate world for a while to enjoy being an integral part of the things they are learning and exploring, the questions they are asking, and the emotional intelligence they are building.

Challenges include staying focused and slowing down. After working in a fast-paced, demanding, and results-oriented career for so long, the new pace of my days can sometimes make my brain feel quite fuzzy. I have to try really hard to not measure the day’s success by what we have accomplished, what I can cross off  my list, and how much closer we are toward our “quota.” It took me three months to stop the habit of checking my blackberry at 6:00 every morning and to stop looking for the meeting or client who “needed” me right away.

-What season(s) preceded this one? The first four years of motherhood (2006-2009) were a mixture of pure bliss and great turmoil; I definitely would call that winter. I vividly remember running through airports with bags of breast milk in hand, anxious to get home to see my kiddos before they went to sleep. Sometimes those airplanes were delayed. Sometimes those airplanes were ahead of schedule and I did indeed make it home before they shut their tired eyes. I also will probably always remember being on a business trip for my little guy’s first birthday. Sure we celebrated later that week, but missing the actual date was physically painful for me. 

-What season(s) might your future hold? Literally and figuratively, I would call what lies ahead summer. I think the last time I had the summer off from a full time paying job was in 1986. While I do have a bit of work to do on my designs and writing, the next eight weeks of summer will include a lot of beach days and exploring around our tiny little seaside home and greater LA. I would love to call it an “endless summer” ahead for us, but I am not sure.

favorite family activities: The kids and I love to walk along the beach boardwalk, meeting as many dogs as we can and asking what the dogs’ names are. I am hoping that this summer, stand up paddle boarding and kayaking become a favorite family activities too, as I think this may be the summer of water for us.

favorite solo activities: I love any yoga class that is 65 minutes or less. Any longer than that drives me crazy. I also am enjoying a cardio core class at the gym right now, mainly because there is great music, it makes me sweat, the 55 minutes are a really good use of the time. I really enjoy sewing and knitting as well. I take a lot of photos and I enjoy that, and I am enjoying the results (not the actual process) of learning a bit more about Photoshop.

sources of inspiration: I do not have what fellow Mother of Invention, High Heeled Mom, calls an everything mentor .

When it comes to parenting, I am inspired by my daughter’s teachers at del sol, Janette and Cecilia. I am also inspired by quite a few of the parenting educators at the Center for Non-violent Education and Parenting.

When it comes to design, I am inspired by very random things. Right now I am completely fixated on this old wooden dilapidated bench I saw in the alley behind a Cajun restaurant near our house. I am not sure why but this bench, with its wood that is falling apart and beautifully bleached by the sun, is really sticking with me. It is terrific balance of modern and organic, this bench. Certain fabrics, such as Anna Maria Horners Little Folks Voiles also send me off and running with ideas.

I am also constantly inspired by contrasts. Contrasting colors, textures, lighting, moods…

My children and their friends inspire me in many ways. Their joy and honesty inspires me to find that within myself and tap into my own inner child.

best MakeShift moment: Juggling the corporate career and motherhood made for many MakeShift moments, mostly around breast pumps and conference calls, or breast pumps and public facilities.

Closer to home and more recently, I have had several MakeShift Moments as I balanced the needs of small people in our house with my desire to have a “designer” home, worthy of a “Coastal Living” center spread. A girl can have dreams, right, even if some are materialistic in nature? As function surpasses form these days, I pause, laugh, and try to remember that Martha Stewart’s Crosby-home-visit is not scheduled for some time yet.

When I took down the dining room table in order to make room for a play and art area that was closer to the kitchen, I conceded to the notion that I could have it all, just NOT all at the same time. It hit me that day that I was not going to be having sit down dinner parties while small children where in this house. While I carried the very heavy dining room table to the garage, I knew I was treading in the middle ground. This was the balance appropriate for our stage, and it did not include a dining room.

I had a similar MakeShift moment when we disassembled our bed frame and put our mattress right smack on the floor. This allowed me to stop using up valuable head space visualizing my monkeys jumping off the bed and needing stitches at the ER. A similar MakeShift moment that involved function over form took place just last weekend, when we butted a full-sized mattress right up to our California King-sized mattress. I have never seen that in Coastal Living magazine spreads, have you? But this is our balance. This is who we are — the Crosby Family — as we shift and “re” volve.

check out kathi’s blog at http://www.semi-handmade.com/.

in a few weeks, my dear friend and fellow young clergy woman, katherine, will be moving from southern california to the chicago area. in a valiant effort of wishful thinking, intended to distract her from the very real tasks associated with changing homes, jobs, and states, katherine recently posted a “fantasy to-do list” on her blog. then she quickly admitted that, “the likelihood of any of them happening [would be] woefully slim.”

but then guess what happened? she’s been working little things from this list into her life!

now everybody who knows me is aware that i will be living in memphis until jesus comes again, which is a euphemism for A VERY LONG TIME.* but i think everybody needs a fantasy to-do list. a move is a perfect occasion for one, and so is staying put. and as i have mentioned before, my recent entry into the re[frame] productivity system for creative people has buried me in pesky little task-laden note cards. my life is begging for a little fantasy.**

so, here it is. my very own fantasy to-do list in no particular order:

1. eat at restaurant iris

2. take an exotic yoga vacation

3. take the free tour of memphis’ ghost river brewing company.

4. host a make-your-own-pizza night, using the perfected crust recipe of my friend, mary.

5. eat at the chef’s table at felicia suzanne’s.

6. write a short story

7. attend a sewing workshop in florence, alabama hosted by alabama chanin.

8. learn to use photoshop

9. attend a wailin’ jennys concert.

10. get discovered. (i stole this from katherine but really, who doesn’t want to be discovered?)

*the above reference to the second coming was meant to be evocative of the traditional interpretation of this christian hopefulness — that jesus will return, in bodily form, to the earth someday. this is in distinct contrast to my own leanings in this department, which are that divinity, in all of its forms, bombards the earth daily, and that we live in a world of constant “second comings.”

**yes, i realize that by including the word “fantasy” in this post, i am setting myself up for a spam attack of the most disgusting kind.

once there was a bird

who coughed like a barking seal

here we are again.

first name: Emma

age: 31

first name: Jane

age: 75 (yikes!)

current city: Raleigh, NC

living situation: I live in a small (one bedroom) apartment with my spouse who is serving a  Presbyterian Church as an interim pastor. He retired in 1998 and immediately began a new career in ministry – serving churches in transition. This assignment is his ninth interim pastorate. We maintain a permanent home in Canyon Lake, TX, but have spent very little time there in the past twelve years.

occupation: writer; retired teacher

how do you structure your time and space? I enjoy participating with my spouse in a variety of church activities, often teaching adult study courses with him and presenting programs to various groups. We have both served as retreat leaders. However, I structure my time to allow at least four hours daily to write or participate in writer-related activities. I attend book groups, poetry readings and do a lot of individual reading and studying.

I grocery shop, clean the apartment, do laundry and errands on one or two afternoons – usually Thursday since our local grocery offers a 5% discount to senior citizens on Thursday and I am definitely of Scots heritage. I volunteer at a transitional house one afternoon a week and sit with an elderly mother of one of the church members on Monday nights while her daughter attends a Bible Study. I try to structure my time so that I am free when my spouse has time off (Fridays). Fortunately, we enjoy each other’s company. I walk about four miles every day, usually in mid-afternoon.

Our marriage began in the 1950s when few women worked outside the home. Therefore, we got into the habit of my doing the majority of housework. After our five children were of school age, I began teaching and we tried to break that habit and share more home responsibilities. We have not been so successful. Daily household chores (cooking, et cetera) are mostly up to me!

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Since I am not a hermit and am energized by people, I have had a difficult time during our frequent transitions during the last twelve years settling into a routine and sticking to it. Invitations from hospitable people are welcomed and I do not want to shut the door to possible friendships. It also takes a  period of time to arrange logistics when moving to a new locale. Changing doctors, grocery stores, physical location takes time and interrupts the smoothness of a “settled” life. However, there is a tremendous upside to this dilemma. New people and places provide inspiration for writing. There are also new local authors to discover and new poetry groups with perhaps different perspectives. We have been in the Northeast, South and Southwest during this time and each area has enriched us and instructed us. I have written in libraries, on park benches, in the concourse of Rockefeller Center and even sometimes at home. I happily conclude that writing is a portable activity stimulated by a variety of settings.

My particular challenge now is to find a publisher. Some of my individual poems have been published, but I would like to publish a collection.

As to satisfaction, this season of my life (I suppose it would be fall-winter — I am way over the two-thirds mark!) is one of great fulfillment. I have finally learned to be somewhat selective and protective of my time which I never felt I could be when I was a fulltime mother and a fulltime teacher. Thanks to good health, my spouse and I are experiencing an active and meaningful time of life. We are especially enriched by our role as grandparents and keep in close touch with family members who live in various parts of the country, visiting with them as often as schedules allow.

-what season(s) preceded this one? Growing up in a wonderful town with a good family support system, active in church activities always even when I did not understand the reasons why I should be, afforded an excellent education in a convent school (day student), a small Methodist college and a large state university. I worked as a child welfare worker prior to our marriage, taught for several years while my spouse was in seminary (spring), became a fulltime mother to five children for about seventeen years (summer), returned to teaching for about twenty-five years (early fall), and then retired to begin writing fulltime (late fall and winter). I loved all seasons and remember them with much pleasure!

-what season(s) might your future hold? I hope that my winter is a long one because I have always loved hearing the wind outside, feeling the cold, walking in the snow, making soup and reading and writing by the fireplace. However, when the snow begins to fall heavy and deep and I can no longer find my way, I hope to lie down in its white softness and “make angels” as I did so long ago as a child. I will then look forward to whatever is ahead with excitement and anticipation – a new adventure beyond this life and my final season in it.

favorite family activities: Being with my spouse and grandchildren playing games, celebrating special events and enjoying each other. Since camping together is almost impossible as they grow older, schedule-wise, we will chaperone, attend athletic events and school activities, go to Grandparents’ Day and pretend to enjoy the school cafeteria meal when we are able to participate, and stay in close touch however we can when we live at a distance. Texting and Facebook are two foolproof methods!

favorite solo activities: reading, writing, walking

sources of inspiration: My spouse (really!) and our grandchildren, old and new friends, and good writing. I also find inspiration in quiet places where nature is evident – parks, campgrounds and picnic spots. I think many of life’s moments involve inspiration. One of our son’s broken relationship resulting in a divorce provided me with a lot of poetic inspiration.

best MakeShift moment: When we lived in New York City, I searched and searched for a place to write. I tried the main city library, several nearby branches, Central Park, Bryant Park, and several local coffee shops. Then, one day as I was waiting to meet my spouse, I went into the Rockefeller Center Concourse and found areas where there were tables and chairs for public use. I chose a table with a view onto the skating rink. I listened to the cacophony of sounds as people walked through the concourse finding coffee, picking up a breakfast or lunch in one of the shops in the building or just cutting through from one destination to another in midtown. It was a perfect spot for me and I began to go there on a daily basis to write in the midst of the city noises that I loved. Many other people had their “offices” there. I heard business deals being made over a croissant and old friends from other areas of the country meeting there after years of separation, school children following their teachers to a section of chairs and tables where they unpacked their lunches and appreciated a day away from their classroom and loners who nursed a cup of coffee for hours as they worked on their computers. I had a legal pad, a pen and my ears and eyes. I produced more poetry during that period that I ever have! It taught me that I at least need some “people” sounds to encourage my creativity!

the above photograph was taken by “seventiescopshow” and can be found on the web at http://static.panoramio.com/photos/original/4886599.jpg.