having been on the receiving end of some pretty unwanted, ludicrous, and rudely-delivered parenting advice, i vowed long ago not to volunteer my unsolicited “wisdom” to other parents. you will not find me approaching strangers in parking lots with unsympothetic words such as, “you need to put a hat on that baby!” in fact, my children convince me more and more every single day that, when it comes to mothering, i have no idea what i am doing.

but i must break my no-advice rule just this once to impart this sage tidbit:

if you go to a friend or relative’s house for dinner, and the other guests there happen to be members of a folky, old-time, blue-grass band, YOU SHOULD DEMAND A CONCERT ON THE SPOT. i mean it. don’t let these people eat until they play for you. it will be a spiritual experience. your children will be enthralled. the fiddle and harmonies and lyrics will make you cry. and weeks later, your heart will swell just as it did that night, as they played shyly at first from their seats on the couch and proudly in the end in front of the fireplace.

a few weeks ago, my parents hosted the members of red june in their home. will straughan, john miller, and natayla weinstein are friends of my brother, and they were in memphis for the folk alliance conference. they gave us such a gift, and now, i am giving it to you.

enjoy.

i love me some note cards.

i never leave home with out them. they are the perfect place to record a genius idea, deposit toddler scribbles, and spit out used gum. i wrote all of my school papers, from tenth grade through graduate school, by putting one fact one each note card, arranging them into themed stacks, putting the stacks in order, and settling down in front of my computer in the midst of a veritable note card village. i even wrote my most recent homily this way.

when i started the re[frame] productivity system for creative people a few months ago, it wasn’t so much because i had friends who had successfully completed the program and were happy with the results. nor was the main draw its enticing low price of $42 for six weeks worth of daily emails explaining a detailed process in simple, attainable steps. it was the note cards, folks. i loved the idea of writing one “to do” on each note card and organizing them in a cute little box under headings for each day of the week. so excited was i about the power of this little box and its contents to transform my chaotic world that i diligently worked the note card system for months.

during this time, i returned emails and phone calls promptly, sent school picture money back on time, made headway on long overdue projects (the sewing room reorganization, for example), and developed a regular schedule for household tasks such as doing laundry and making dinner. i was the very picture of productivity. the problem was that i wasn’t feeling very creative anymore.

there was no time to whip up crazy pants for my boys in my newly organized sewing room. i began having visions of things i wanted to paint or cook, but there wasn’t time to bring them to life. i pictured myself (and still do) dropping by amro music of an afternoon, renting a fiddle, and spending “free time” indulging myself and horrifying others with the excruciating cacophony only a beginning fiddler could produce.

so for the last six weeks or so, i have abandoned my dear note cards. we are living in piles of laundry and dirty dishes but the laundry now contains several pairs of fabulous new crazy pants for the kids, and the dirty dishes are the result of creative cooking experiments. i have devoured a few great books (both the for-fun kind and the brain-stimulating kind) but there are an embarrassing number of unread emails in my inbox.

i generally prefer allowing my intuition to guide me from one task to the next. the only problem is that my intuition is not so good at taking care of business. and after a while, it becomes evident that i need things like friends, and clean underwear, and an unsoiled mug for my coffee. 

so today, i’m getting back on the re[frame] wagon. i’m returning to the world of note cards. however, instead of attacking every piece of unfinished business in my life the way  my dog attacks his breakfast (in an near-violent frenzy), i’m going to take a more measured approach. i have only one goal for the week, and that is cleaning out the bird’s closet. i know there must be clothes to fit this child in there somewhere!

is there any way to be both productive and creative at the same time? or is this particular brand of balance just another part of a mother’s quest for pie-in-the-sky equanimity? i think i’ll just write these questions on note cards and carry them around in my purse.

last tuesday, my husband received his latest hepatitis c test results.

for those who are just now tuning into this saga, we think he contracted hep c during a surgery five years ago, and life since this shocking news hit has never been the same. we were in our twenties, prematurely grappling with our mortality. i was doing in vitro, he was enduring a year-long chemo-like treatment, and syringes and sharpe’s containers were among our regular household items. six months post-treatment, we got the news that the virus was back. there were treatments in the works but nothing new was on the market. hep c is a slowly progressing virus, so andy set out to control what he could control and live his life.

andy had regular acupuncture appointments and took fist fulls of herbs morning, noon, and night. he stopped drinking, stopped eating red meat, and eliminated unnecessary stress. he committed himself to getting more sleep, and he became a force of nature in the weight room and during his frequent jogs. i am still in awe of his determination and persistence.

last year, a hep c test revealed that he had no more virus in his blood. we were told that if he got similar results this year, he would be counted among the small percentage of people who manage to fight the virus off themselves. last tuesday, he joined this modest and grateful category of healthy men and women.

just as we were beginning to process this news, our neighbor and very dear friend, steve, passed away suddenly. steve was an almost daily part of our lives. in the two years since we moved in next door, we have had many meals together outside, in the cove, and inside, around our table. every member of our family loved him.

i was asked to officiate steve’s funeral yesterday, and driving away from the graveside after it was all over, i told andy that i am not sure i will ever receive a higher honor in my ministry. i am including some segments from my homily (crafted from many emails i received from his friends) that describe the kind of person he was. but i think andy really said it best when he said, “you know someone was a good person when his mailman shows up for his funeral.”

Steve was fun loving.

Perhaps this trait was the most obvious in Spin Class, where he always had “his” spot, right in front of the mirror. After leaving several times to change out of sweaty shirts, Steve could be counted on to have a water fight with Liz, or to stand up and start singing to his favorite Spin Class song, which, by the way, “That’s not My Name” by the Ting Tings.

Outside of Spin Class, Steve knew how to find a certain lightness about life and tap into it. And then, with a smile or a laugh, or just the right amount of teasing, he’d bring his friends into this lightness too….

Steve made Midtown better.

According to one business owner, “He didn’t just own the buildings in Midtown that so many popular businesses occupy, but he participated in our success. He patronized us all and helped so many of us become or remain successful.”…

If the grass got too high at Peabody Park, Steve would arrive on the scene with his lawnmower. Because of things like this, even those who didn’t know Steve personally have suffered a loss….

Finally, Steve was a “passionate participant in life.”

In other words, whether it was yoga, spinning, cycling, running, tennis, art, or [his granddaughter], Steve approached everything with passion and had a blast in the process. He truly enjoyed life and set a great example for all of us.”

He once told one of you, “I love my life, and I look forward to waking up every day.”….

It is with enormous grief that we gather here. But we do not have to say goodbye to Steve. Time will bring back that sense of lightness Steve loved to show us. The grief will fade. And we will remember him with nothing but gratitude.

andy and i have never exactly been the late night partying type. even before the monkey and bird hit the scene, we could rarely stay awake for so much as a late movie. i know. it’s pitiful.

but even now that our late-night drowsiness is justified by early rising and toddler-chasing, we still love to imagine ourselves as the kind of people who can stay out past ten o’clock without turning into pumpkins. we set our sights on an occasional party or the midnight bike tour, for example, arrange for the kids to spend the night with their grandparents, and count down the days ’til our big blowout.

but something always happens in that liminal time after we drop off the kids but before we arrive at our destination. the thought of simply going to bed at 6:30 creeps its way in, and in an instant, our wild self-ideations are replaced with the allure of an entire night of uninterrupted rest, complete with comfortable pajamas, bad television, and takeout supper.

i have no idea why andy and i were able to resist the bed’s magnetic force last night. we came thisclose to bagging our plans to hear our favorite college band, jackopierce, play at the levitt shell. and i will admit that it wasn’t until we were sitting snugly on our quilt listening to the soundtrack of our college days that we turned to each other and said,

“i’m really glad we came!”

don’t get me wrong. sleeping is still my all-time favorite activity. but last night i remembered that listening to good music, re-living good memories, and resisting the rut can be energizing too.

and p.s. if you want to know what cary and jack have been up to, check out this link.

i’ve been running in a thousand directions lately but i wanted to stop in and share a few of my new favorite things:

1. the big green egg:

i know i have written here before about my fabulous neighbors. but perhaps i have not explained that we are slightly commune-esque. it has become a regular practice for us to eat a couple of meals a week together in the middle of our cove. the kids run around, the adults eat whatever strange combinations of food we’ve pooled together, and there is always plenty of wine. perhaps the latter came into play the night that the plan to jointly purchase a green egg was hatched. saturday there was a grand delivery, an assembly, a video to watch, and a huge celebratory feast of grilled meat and veggies. we also discovered that the big green egg cover doubles as a big green monster costume.

2. through to sunrise by girlyman:  

i dare you to maintain a sour mood while this song is playing. it’s impossible. here are some of the lyrics: 

“Keep the faith, don’t toe the line, and watch it through your two eyes
Leave the light still on inside and watch it through to sunrise
Leave the fight and go behind where all the stupid fear dies
Keep the light still on inside and watch it through to sunrise”

by way of a warning, i should tell you that this song has been known to induce ecstatic dancing. even though he was strapped in his car seat, the bird danced so wildly to this song last week that a giant piece of styrofoam fell out of the seat.

3. superglue. see # 2.

4. hipstamatic. my friend lynn introduced me to this iphone app that takes vintage-looking photos. hours of entertainment.

5. star runners. andy and i are gearing up again this year for the st. jude half marathon in december. i’ve never done much in the way of training before, so i am really enjoying designated runs for speed, pacing, and distance. but most of all, i like meeting up with a group four times a week to run. i’ve always been a sucker for community.

6. the sketchbook project.anyone in the world can be part of this project sponsored by the arthouse co-0p in new york. for a small fee, the co-op will send you a sketchbook. you fill its pages and send it back, then they exhibit the results in the brooklyn art library. the sketchbooks are also cataloged in digital form so that they can be viewed by way of the internet. i am participating in the “monthly” version of the project, which is a simpler and more condensed version.

7. oreo cheesecake pretzl bites. i found this recipe on the picky palate blog and tried it saturday night. delicious!

i’ve got some more coherent posts in the works, as well as some good “mothers of invention” features. stay tuned…

if someone snuck into my house under the cover of darkness and absconded with my kitchen cd player, i would never cook again. as i see it, kitchen music has a twofold purpose:

1. to focus children’s boundless energy on hilarious and frenetic dance moves so that parents can get dinner on the table…

2. and to drown out endless screeching requests for dora gummies and other persistent high-pitched pleas.

without further introduction, i present to you dancing in the kitchen volume II. may your evenings be full of music and meatballs, wine and the weepies. bon appetit!

for those of you who missed dancing in the kitchen volume I last march, it is available here.

if you’ve ever heard the song, “one voice” by the wailin’ jennys, you know that it’s the kind of music capable of convincing people, if but for a moment, that life is redemptive and beautiful, that the human community is an ever-flowing source of support and love, and that god is the best possible kind of mystery.

so, tonight (tuesday june 22nd), kimberly baker, katherine baldwin, steve berger, jarad bingham, martha kelly, john mcclure, and virginia murphy’s playback memphis improv theature ensemble are joining me in turning this beautiful song into a worship service.

pie in the sky
gathering and pie at 6:00 p.m.
worship and kids’ programming at 6:30
5530 shady grove road (at the corner of shady grove and yates)

whether you are spiritual, religious, or somewhere in between, this service is for you. come check out what happens when beautiful music and a crazy idea are coupled with soulful voices, and improv theatre. it will be pie in the sky…

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
Sail away, kill off the hours
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, find you a lover
Go away somewhere bright and new
I have seen no other
Who compares with you

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, go find a lover
Run away, let your heart be your guide
You deserve the deepest of cover
You belong in that home by and by

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worry
You belong somewhere you feel free
You belong somewhere you feel free

words by tom petty; gardening exuberance by the monkey and the bird.

check out the MakeShift revolution’s dancing in the kitchen mix, volume 1, designed to make the pre-dinner scramble just a little less difficult. just add wine (for the adults) and bad dancing (for all) to your cooking/ordering out process, and you’ll be well on your way to putting a meal on the table with a smile!

by way of a testimonial, i tried this last night and both of my kids gave me five whole minutes of tail-feather-shaking peace. i was able to chop a red pepper AND an onion while my children swayed to the not-so-subliminal message from di anne price that spinach really does taste good if you allow it to “grow on you.” then, when the whining started (sparked by the bird’s komikaze pantry-emptying techniques), i simply turned up the volume and enjoyed a little old time bluegrass.

if you contributed suggestions for this masterpiece via facebook, thanks so much for your ideas. if your suggested song did not make the cd, that’s because

 a)      i have embarrassing memories of making out to it when I was in seventh grade

b)      my dad played it over and over again in the car on family vacations*

c)      an annoying boy I knew in high school ruined it for me with his constant disco moves

d)      your suggestion sent me down the i-tunes rabbit hole, and I emerged with a different but related song…or…

e)      i stayed up too late memorizing all the words to your suggested song at a slumber party that became really un-fun once I learned that window-unit air conditioner had leaked on my sleeping bag.

bring on the suggestions for volume 2!

*yes, i know i am perpetuating this cycle. when my children are 33 and wasting their time on itunes, they will probably avoid my carefully selected kitchen music!