first name: Kate

age: 26

current city: [withheld]

living situation: I live with my amazing husband, Todd a.k.a. “The Phatness,” my precious ten month old, Logan, and my 100 pound beast trapped in a Yorkie body, Georgio. 

occupation: Currently, I am a stay-at-home mom. But I am also a graduate student on sabbatical, working toward a master’s in social work so that I can be an LCSW (a therapist). I took this past year off to stay at home with my son, Logan. It was so important to me that I be able to do that, and then all the cards fell into place.

When I graduate, I hope to run my counseling practice and work within the Latino community of my state.My state has the fastest growing Latino population in the nation, and there isn’t a single Spanish speaking counselor in my area.

how do you structure your time and space? I guess on the outside, my life structure would appear to be pretty conventional. I’m a stay at home mom, and my husband goes to an eight to five job. But when you start peeling back the layers of it all you see that we really aren’t that traditional. Todd does the dishes while watching football, and I asked for a power drill and Lowe’s cards for Christmas!

In regards to a daily time structure, I am very lucky to have the flexibility that comes with staying at home. If I want to go to the library or the park with Logan at 9:00 a.m. but we don’t get there until ten or noon, then I can usually be happy with that too.

I will be goingback to school on May 17th, and I have no, I mean absolutely NO idea how we are going to work that out. Is Logan going to stay with someone in our home? Is he going to go to the University daycare? Will he do both? No idea. I will have a more interesting answer once school has started. I will definitely be blogging about that if you want to check back in with me. School used to be my MAIN focus. I wanted a 4.0, I wanted to be in honor societies, et cetera. But now I’m terrified of how I’m going to make it work because my whole world shifted when Logan was born. My main focus now is Logan. It will be an interesting adjustment to school because I am such a perfectionist.

Until then, my career takes place in “the nursery,” and has been the hardest job I’ve ever had (not the only one that included poop though. Life guarding + baby pool = no fun!). I mean seriously, this job involves dodging projectile vomit (which takes mad skills), while trying to avoid the other end that occasionally has projectile you-know-what too, consistent all-nighters, and random bouts of “the boss” screaming at you for no apparent reason. But one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that spit up, dirty diapers, and sleep deprivation won’t kill me (at least not yet).

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I feel like my current challenge is learning how to balance things I love to do for ME andthings I need and love to do with Logan. Learning how to be a mother has been wonderful, but it has also been a struggle to adjust to the life of loving someone so much more than myself.

The highlights of my “season” are being able to share with Logan all his “firsts.” It was very important for me to be with him this year. Another highlight of mine was being accepted into the master’s of social work program. Last year I was a history grad student, found out I was pregnant, and had no idea what I was going to do with a history masters!

-What season(s) preceded this one? Pregnancy was hard! I was having a hard time adjusting to that loss of “maidenhood,” as a friend once called it. Becoming a mother was an extremely difficult challenge for me. I was sick for 35 of the 39 weeks I was pregnant, we were figuring out our financial situation to make way for the baby, we were house hunting, and I was in gradschool and working. It was just really hard.

Where I am currently in my life right now just feels perfect! I feel like I finally have a handle on everything!

-What season(s) might your future hold? I’m really looking forward to getting back on campus and finishing my degree. I honestly think that I’m looking forward to sitting in class and having a whole 50 minutes all to myself! And I’m a nerd anyways. I love school!

favorite family activities: I love it when we go to the park as a family, go hiking, or just hang out in the den playing cards with a movie in the background. And Todd and I love to go to the movies together whenever we get the chance.

favorite solo activities: I like to exercise (running & I have a love/hate relationship!). I LOVE to read! I love to go to home-improvement stores andjust wander around looking at everything andenvisioning the projects that could happen! I love my jetted whirlpool tub and any chance I get to hang out in it!

sources of inspiration: My mother, for certain. She went to law school and had two babies before she finished her program. That’s amazing to me! If she can do it, I hope I can too.

 Whenever I start feelingreally down and defeated, I turn to 1 Peter 5:8. That always helps.

And honestly, many of the women I have found in the blogging world inspire me. They are doing exactly what I’m doing, and it’s just comforting to read that I’m not alone in the chaos that is motherhood.

best MakeShift moment: Well, let’s see… I’m typing this right now in the bathroom floor while Logan is taking a bath. He was screaming at me at the top of his lungs, so I popped him in there and he’s having a blast!

 Also, Logan is going through the typical separation anxiety. Did you know that I’m not allowed to go the bathroom without holding him? God forbid I do something without including him, right? Showers are a big no-no for him too. If he so much as hears the shower water turn on, he flips out. So, I now take baths andput him in the floor with all of his toys. He usually stands at the edge of the tub andknocks big bottles of shampoo into the water. It hurts when he aims them just right and they land on top of me, but at least I get clean!

Find Kate on the web at http://www.mommymonologues.com/  and at Mommy Monologues on Facebook!

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I would say this is spring, characterized by lots of new growth and wait-and-see. The girls test me on everything to learn boundaries and question me on everything to soak in knowledge. It can be stressful and consuming but beautiful things often spring from the stress. To continue the analogy, I worry about my parenting as I do about my spring garden. Is my method of tending appropriate? Am I giving too much or too little? I worry about warping their little selves with the wrong care. The beauty is seeing the daily growth and the emergence of each personality.

-What season(s) preceded this one? A care-free summer! I only thought I knew what being busy meant or having obligations was about.

-What season(s) might your future hold? Autumn. It is becoming autumn more and more. Autumn reminds me of huddling in the bleachers together when it starts getting cool, but not so cold that you can’t go out. As the girls get older, I see more involvement as a family unit. Life is getting busier and more active. I see work slowing down and that family, huddling in the bleachers together, out and about and supporting each other.

favorite family activities: Rock N Romp; playing and grilling in the yard; cruising the lake at Gran & Pops; bumming on the beach at Gigi & Papi’s

favorite solo activities: dancing; sitting in a small setting watching live music; sitting in silence

sources of inspiration: The families I encounter on a daily basis in Court. From children with broken spirits to the brokennes caused by simple broken promises, each story touches me. Parents who try and give everything, but its not enough, make me push harder. Kids who just want to be loved, make someone proud, and know where they will sleep, remind me to hug my girls a little tighter and praise them more often. Those kids who have turned to a delinquent path remind me that my girls need discipline and my direction to help guide them down youth’s path. Many nights I lay in bed so “inspired” that I am too full to sleep. Those are the nights I don’t mind if one of my girls gets out of bed.

best MakeShift moment: My life is a series of MakeShift moments. One moment when I felt that I was a real mom and was going to accept things was when my child drew in red marker on the walls of her new, newly painted room. It is a pretty good rendition of a creepy princess outline. Instead of getting on to her or trying to clean it, I framed around it. There it sits just down and to the left of her light switch: a red-marker-fourteen-inch-tall-princess-drawing with an open modeling frame now showcasing it. On another occasion “someone” colored it in with blue toothpaste. I was upset that I might have to erase the drawing to clean the toothpaste. I realized then that I had become a different person — a proud Mama.

Find Autumn on the web:

[just two days left to enter “the billboard bag,” giveaway on saturday’s post. you can head on over there after you’re inspired by the fabulous gretchen!]

first name: Gretchen

age: 35

current city: Memphis

living situation: I live in a great historic district neighborhood on a very friendly street in Midtown Memphis, with my 6 year old son and my husband.

occupation: Director of International Training, Fortune 500 hotel company

how do you structure your time and space? Well, this has evolved over time for us. After my son was born, I took 13 weeks of maternity leave. I went back to work full-time, but was able to work from home two days a week, and my husband stayed home with our son the other three days a week. At the time, we lived in DC and good day care was ruinously expensive. Plus, I think that first year really created a bond between my son and husband that you don’t always see between fathers and infants. After the first week of my husband’s frantic phone calls that included words like, “Um honey, he already ate all the breast milk in the fridge and it is noon, now what do I do?” he figured it out pretty quickly and has been a great hands-on dad ever since!

We moved to Memphis when our son was one, and for two years I worked part-time on a contract basis and had a really flexible schedule, meaning I basically worked during nap time and in the evenings. And, once a week, I had a college sitter come to the house to babysit while I worked upstairs.

I was offered my dream job two years ago. I work from home most of the time but travel five days out of every month.  And, sometimes, I travel internationally for more than a week at a time. Honestly, I couldn’t do this job without my husband’s support. I pretty much walk out the door on Monday morning and come home Friday and the family runs without me while I’m gone. I don’t even plan meals for them anymore. It’s almost like what I envision it would be like to be a man!

As for the “rest” of life (cooking, cleaning, laundry, et cetera), I’m not as organized as I’d like to be. We end up ordering out often, and  I will confess that on more than one occasion, I have sent my son to school in the “least dirty” uniform pants I could find because I hadn’t done laundry soon enough. But, if I’m having a hectic day at work and my choices are to spend some time with my son before bedtime or cook dinner, I’ll always choose to spend time with him. If I have to choose between doing laundry or hanging out with my husband after the kiddo is in bed, I’ll usually choose husband time (unless we are all down to our last pair of pants!)

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Working from home, I’m constantly having to draw and redraw the boundaries between work and the rest of my life. While I try to make my schedule flexible so I can be involved in school events and all the other things that go with having a young child, I still have a job that has to get done in a professional manner.

On the other hand, working from home has afforded me an opportunity to really strike a happy balance between my career and my family. I love my career and I have worked very hard to get where I am. But, I also don’t want to miss out on raising my son.

The biggest challenge for me, personally, is that after I’m finished working 40+ hours, taking care of “life,” and spending time with my son and husband, there often isn’t very much time left for my own personal pursuits. I figure I’ll catch up on all of those books I want to read when my son becomes a teenager and doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore!

-What season(s) preceded this one? A move and the evolution of my current career/family balance.

-What season(s) might your future hold? I guess I’ll see where the journey takes us.  My company is based in DC and sometimes the topic of moving my family back there arises. If they offered me a promotion to a job I really wanted, I would seriously consider moving. I love Memphis, but I also have worked long and hard to get where I am. I spent a few years on the “mommy track” but now that I’m back to working on a “career track” and getting recognized professionally, it would be hard for me to turn down that next step on the career ladder. However, it would have to be a decision that was right for our entire family and not just me. 

favorite family activities: We love to travel, and our son has been to Europe as well as to many places across the U.S. Closer to home. My son and I have a date to the Downtown Farmer’s Market  (which he calls the party farmer’s market) every Saturday when it is open. That is one of my very favorite things to do with him while my husband takes that time to sleep in or read a book. We also enjoy going down to the Greenbelt Park in Harbor Town to ride bikes. 

favorite solo activities: yoga, reading, cooking for relaxation and not because dinner needs to be on the table in 20 minutes.  I’m also a newly contributing blogger at http://meldabbles.com/ on “green living.”

sources of inspiration: my husband and son; the little messages on my Yogi tea bags; yoga

best MakeShift moment: I don’t know that I have just one MakeShift moment.  My entire life feels like a MakeShift moment some days! My best moments are those when I can see through the chaos and recognize that work won’t fall apart because I sneak out to have ice cream after school with my son, or that my son won’t be scarred for life because I had to miss his birthday last year due to a work meeting (whether I may be scarred for life is still in question). My best MakeShift moments are when I can take the time and find the clarity to realize how VERY, very lucky I am and appreciate it.

gretchen is the author of “it’s easy being green,” a regular blog column in which she offers some of her favorite ways to increase environmentally-conscious family living. check it out her introductory post at http://meldabbles.com/2010/03/29/announcement-2-its-easy-being-green/#comment-100.

[don’t forget to enter the “the billboard bag,” giveaway on saturday’s post… now, meet erin!]

first name: Erin Condren

age: 40! Yes, 40!

current city: I live in Hermosa Beach, CA and work in El Segundo (15 minute commute).

living situation: I live with my husband, Hilary (yes, he is a man), and twin children, Kate and Finn, who will be nine on July 24th.

occupation: Business owner of erincondren.com, which offers personalized planners, address labels, stationary, et cetera; Graphic designer, creative director, and marketing maniac!

how do you structure your time and space? I started my business from home and worked every minute the kids napped and slept at night. Long nights and pots of coffee brewed at 7:30 p.m. kept me fueled until my cut off at midnight. I would then go every night at midnight to Kinkos to get my printed sheets cut down to note cards. Crazy! My husband was extremely supportive, knowing we needed two incomes to live where we do. When the babies turned a year old, I hired part-time help and shared a nanny with a friend. Carmen came twodays a week and I would work nonstop from home while she went to the park with the kids, helped with laundry when they napped, et cetera.

As my business grew, so did hours with Carmen. Eventually, I merged with a larger fine art printing business 15-20 minutes from my home, and Carmen was with us full time. We were definitely a “mommy team!” Now that my kids are in school until 3:00, I share her time with my brother’s family who lives just a block away. How lucky am I?

The balance of going back to work “full time” with kids was really tough at first. I still sometimes have a guilty pang when I see all the activities and events that we just can’t get to. On the other hand, my children are so well-adjusted and very proud of what I do. I never hear them complain. Instead, they “brag” about mommy’s office, et cetera. et cetera. Since I do own my own business, I can steal away for school plays, teacher conferences and such. I dedicate one hour every two weeks in their classroom at school. They love that! My kids are in the same class, which might go against some twin parenting “rules,” but it has made life much easier for all of us for now. At some point they might request to be in separate classes, but for now it works beautifully for all of us.

I feel like my children are very active in extra-curricular activities, but nowhere near as much as many kids. I just can’t get them all around town in the middle of the day. I’m okay with that now and have a great group of friends and family close by that can help carpool when needed. I take six kids to school every morning since I leave for the office at the same time. I love our morning commute together! Five boys and my daughter are quite entertaining as we crank up Michael Jackson tunes and play “I Spy” and “Sweet and Sour” each morning on the way to school. I sure will miss these days. Next year we will be walking distance from our school, and the kiddos will all walk together.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? This season is SPRING! As the sun stays out longer, our family can play catch in the front yard after work and go on bike rides to dinner (with jackets!). This is my slow time at work, so I take this time to enjoy vacations with family. For spring break, we are staying in town, but going to local spots with the kids instead: Griffith Observatory, La Brea Tar Pits and more. Can’t wait.

-What season(s) preceded this one? WINTER.  My busiest time of year is the fourth quarter, which includes calendar season, Christmas cards, and more. The hours are long, and often extend to the weekends. It is hard on me to be away from my family so much, but my husband and I tag-team and have worked through it enough to make it all work. It is never easy though, and I must admit that I sometimes dread that time of year!

-What season(s) might your future hold? SUMMER. My company is on fire with new HOT ideas, and I can’t wait for longer days and more energy to make things happen. We will soon heat our pool, which means nightly swims after work with my kids — my favorite thing to do!

80’s day at Erin’s office

favorite family activities: We love to ride bikes along the beach and stop for Mexican food on the pier (which includes margaritas for mommy!). We also LOVE to tent camp!!! Yes, real tent camping…well, Condren style. My husband is an incredible cook and brings all his commercial equipment, even a deep fryer for tempura shrimp! We don’t have the typical hot dogs and chips at our camp; it’s all about the food and fun! We recently took an RV trip and decided we prefer tent camping in many ways.

Having two eightyear olds is such a joy. Life is so simple these days. The early years are all such a blur.  We just struggled and juggled to get througheach day with newborn premies. This makes us appreciate the carefree life we lead with our “grown up” kids now!

favorite solo activities: Boy, this is a tough one. I really don’t have time (nor do I make time) for much “solo” activity. My  mom tells me I never liked to be alone as a child, and I guess that still stands. I would  like to say that I read, but I really don’t make time for that either. Someday I would love to be in a book club or just pour through novels and best sellers. For now, my favorite “alone” time is spent shopping on the web. I do love shopping online and waiting for the boxes to arrive. It feels like Christmas each time, like I didn’t really spend the money — Santa did! 

sources of inspiration: I love to read home décor magazines. My favorite is an English publication called, Living, etc.  Seeing new color trends, fabrics, furniture and art always inspires me at home and in my career. I am very “trendy” and don’t spend a lot of money on my interiors at home. With small kids and a packed social calendar at “Club Condren,” it’s not worth the investment. Thumbing through the pages gives me great ideas to inexpensively update my home with an accent wall or new area rug. The trends I see in magazines are creative boosts that inspire new designs on my website too! 

best MakeShift moment: My mom taught me the trick of letting the babies play with pots and pans while attempting to cook a meal. It used to drive my husband nuts because it was so loud as they clanked lids and slammed pots on the floor (not good on wood, but who cared at that point?). At least it gave me about tenminutes to tear open a Trader Joe’s bag and call it dinner!

find erin on the web at 

• www.erincondren.com
• www.erincondren.com/blog

follow on twitter: erincondren

follow on facebook: erincondren.com

[for a chance to win “the billboard bag,” check out saturday’s post… now on to today’s main event!]

first name: Jessa

age: 31

current city:  Denver, CO

living situation: I share a teeny student apartment with my husband, Eric, and our sweet sons, Eli (two and a half) and Amos (seven months).

occupation: Website & Newsletter Designer and more recently, a barely-professional crafter

how do you structure your time and space? Many of our days end up structured like this: We have a kid-centered activity in the morning, be it a play date, a trip to the Children’s Museum or the park, et cetera. Then we lunch and Eli naps around one. Amos’ nap schedule is loose, but we try for substantial naps in the morning and afternoon. Eli will often sleep until five (FIVE!) p.m. Then we have an evening of play and dinner before the boys hit the hay around seven. Many nights I’m on my own to do dinner and bedtimes. After seven, I take the time to relax, work, craft, and commune with the hubby.

I keep perpetual to-do lists going of house stuff, job stuff, and craft stuff, and I tend to these lists in fits and starts throughout the day. If things line up well enough that the boys snooze simultaneously, I rush to my sewing machine and craft feverishly until smoke rises from us both.

On Wednesday and Friday mornings, Eli has preschool from 9:00 – 2:30. I dedicate these days to whatever feels most pressing to me at the time. Sometimes I work. Sometimes I craft. Sometimes I clean. Sometimes I visit with friends. But I am always reminded on these days how much easier it is to just have one child in my charge.

I work from home, so figuring out when to do what can be tricky. I have some set deadlines that provide a little structure, and then I go to my to-do lists and try to knock out one item each day. I pick the to-do to be done by using one of two factors:

1. Which one is most pressing?
2. Which one can be done fastest and with least effort?

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Highlights are many. The days are lovely with baby snuggles and toddler humor. Often, I feel so lucky that this is my job – to goof off with my boys. I love that I have time to be crafty and that I have perfect subjects for my crafting ventures. Since in past seasons I felt a sense of mastery in my job as a potter, I’m happy that I can feel that same sense of skill and accomplishment as a mama and through my creative dabblings.

It’s also a highlight that I’m finding time and ways to care for myself. Eric is so willing and happy to give me time away when he can. So I get to go to movies or out with friends pretty frequently. I also recently planned a gals’ long weekend called “LadyFest” so that my best lady friends and I could be refreshed and revitalized by each other. LadyFest will be an annual event!

Time management is a challenge in this season since our lives are not very structured. Also, hauling two kids, their gear, and the things we’ve acquired on our errands up to our third floor walk-up is quite a feat. Finally, since much of my time is spent doing fun stuff, I often get in a rut of telling myself that I “should” be doing more. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. I have a great title to the book I’m going to write about this problem:

Get a Grip: Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself!

 I try to remind myself that just being me, and being a mama, is enough. In fact, it’s pretty awesome.

-What season(s) preceded this one? The season previous to motherhood was the season of Decker-Smith Pottery. I was a potter with a surprisingly successful wholesale business, and I provided pottery to galleries across the U.S. It was a season of purpose, pride, a lot of work, some self-doubt, and a beloved craft.

I loved being a potter and I miss it tremendously. It is a major part of my identity that is on hold at the moment. But I really am glad it is. For my first pregnancy I worked like a dog. I worked 14 hour days regularly, hunching behind my wheel or standing all day glazing. I fired kilns for 16 hours. I even unloaded a kiln while I was in labor, before I went to the hospital. After Eli was born I never allowed myself to rest because there were always pots to make. For the first year of his life, somehow, I did all this work with him in tow. Looking back, it was exhausting and foolish, and the costs were not worth the benefits. Now that my second son is an infant, I am thankful to be free of the constant pressure of running my own business. I can slow down, let myself relax, enjoy my boys, and happily devote time to just being their mama.  

-What season(s) might your future hold? The season on the horizon involves selling my crafty wares. I just opened my Etsy shop, Happily Home Sewn, to peddle the items I make. I think this will be a more manageable way to work as a crafter then running Decker-Smith Pottery was because I will be able to make what I want, offer it on my etsy shop, and see what happens. I won’t have huge gallery orders and deadlines hanging over me all the time.

I don’t anticipate this season bringing many additional challenges. It will require a season of research and development to learn how to make a successful etsy shop. But, as far as putting more on my plate – well, I’m already perpetually crafting, so I think this will feel like a manageable shift.

 I anticipate the seasons will shift again in a few years when Eric completes his PhD. I look forward to this season because we will have him around more and we will have more time for family. I think he will feel much more relaxed and less stressed. There may also be job changes and a move in this season. 

favorite family activities: playdates with our buddies, eating out together, taking the boys to the movies, family trips (especially to the beach), walking around campus where we live (Our favorite spots are the fish pond and very cool trees for climbing, playing under, and collecting buckeyes.), crafting with the boys, gymnastics class, sporting events

favorite solo activities: MOVIES. I’m a movie addict. They don’t even have to be quality flicks. I’m in; Hanging with girlfriends; Being crafty.

sources of inspiration: funky shops (especially fabric and craft shops), taking sewing classes, crafty books, mama/crafty blogs, and my boys! Also, my mom (Yaya) is the queen of making something fun from nothing. One of Eli’s favorite spots on campus is the “Yaya Tree” where she kept him entertained for hours one day. She taught him about walking sticks and moss furniture and pine needle buildings. I want to be like that.

best MakeShift moment: My entire attempt to continue being a potter after Eli was born was a makeshift moment. In my home studio a Johnny Jumper hung from the ceiling in front of my wheel. At the co-op where I glazed and fired (where Eli and I spent 16 hour days working) I set up a mini nursery for him complete with areas to play, eat, and sleep. I wore him on my body in a variety of slings and packs. We just made it work.

I have to makeshift a lot in our tiny apartment so we don’t get cabin fever. We walk somewhere nearly every day and have found many nearby places to keep us entertained. We use the campus like our own big back yard and have regular adventures there.

It has recently occurred to me that my white board is a great example of a Make-shifting. I got it just after Amos was born because my postpartum brain is scattered and quick. So I used it to write down stuff before it left my brain. The makeshift moment that happens there is never pre-meditated. My white board has become the ultimate happy distraction. I discovered this power when my son was having a post-nap-still-groggy-inconsolable freakout. I was carrying him around the house nearing my wits’ end, when I walked past the white board and started drawing vehicles. I narrated while I drew and he was mesmerized and calmed. Now we draw something on there for every holiday, friend visit, special day, or heck, Tuesday.

Also, one day Eli got into the big bag o’ birdseed in the kitchen. So I dragged it out on the porch and let him fill the bird feeder. It took the mess out of my kitchen and onto the porch. It kept him happily occupied for a ridiculously long time. It gave us an opportunity to talk about what a nice thing it is to help animals and how happy it was going to make the birds and he even likes to sweep the seed off the porch when he’s done! Now, our budding St. Francis does this about twice the week, including, coincidentally, right now as I answer this questionnaire!

find jessa on the web at

• Family Blog: www.ericandjessa.blogspot.com
• Pottery Business Website: www.deckersmithpottery.com
• New Crafty Blog: http://happilyhomesewn.blogspot.com/
• Etsy Shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/HappilyHomeSewn

[the photo of jessa pottery was taken by tim barnwell.]

first name: Crystal

age: 37

current city:  Memphis

living situation: First, it is important to know that I am surrounded by males. Even our pets are all male. I live with my husband of almost eight years, Chris, and our son, Samuel (2). We also share our home every other weekend with our other son, Andrew (10), who lives with his mom on a full-time basis. We have a dog, Rudy, and two cats, Tiger and Willis. We live in Mid-town and adore our block which is full of other children. There is never a dull moment!

occupation: Rehabilitation Counselor

how do you structure your time and space? I am blessed to have worked from home since the time I returned from maternity leave. I changed jobs within the university for which I work, and this change allowed me to telecommute since our main office is in Knoxville. Since that time, my approach to a balanced division has evolved…with the development of Samuel. He was just five months old when I began my new position and will be three this summer. He has been home with me full-time until just this past week when he began a Parents Day Out program two days a week.

I have total freedom to construct my day the way I would like. This allows me to take Samuel to the library, the zoo, or just have an “at home day” where the playroom gets a lot of use  (my office is right off the playroom which makes it easy to do a quick email check). My first priority is Samuel, and I fear that my work sometimes suffers as a result. However, my boss is pleased with my work product, and he is supportive of my time with Samuel. He is also clear about my priorities. A prime example of this is when I was breastfeeding Samuel but had several work trips to attend. I made it clear that Samuel would need to come with me (along with my husband and/or a grandparent), and my boss agreed. I worked, attended meetings, and took breaks to breastfeed and put Samuel down for his naps. My first work trip without Samuel was when he was almost two!

On the other hand, the most challenging division of time has been home making and self-care. I am coming out of that fog now but it has been difficult to find the time (or care to find the time) to do either. I am paying for that now and am trying to turn the focus back to things that I once would never have imagined letting go of: namely ME!

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? As a “good Southern woman,” I have become quite good at taking care of everyone else! But, within the last year, I have been diagnosed with a chronic illness which means that I MUST take care of myself. But how does that get done when I am already wishing for more time in the day?

It is also challenging to keep Samuel occupied while I am working from home. Thus far we have made it work, and the addition of Parents Day Out should help. He started this past week and has done amazingly well! We are SO proud of him!

There are so many highlights of this season. I was able to breastfeed Samuel until 15 ½ months and prepare all of his baby food myself. I have been present for every milestone and developmental stride in Samuel’s life. I chronicled his first two years (as much as possible) on a timeline, using calendars and marking experiences, words and achievements. I have also been able to travel with my family and give our children experiences that will last a lifetime…all while working. Oh, and we can’t forget the highlight of logging into work most mornings in my pajamas!    

-What season(s) preceded this one? It seems like a lifetime ago, but my season prior to having a child went something like this: graduate school, various positions of increasing responsibility, and my eyes set on pursuing a PhD. Motherhood blindsided me. I just knew I would be going back to work in my office job but when Samuel turned one week old, I spent most of the day crying at the prospect of returning to work. So when the telecommuting option came up, I couldn’t resist the opportunity. The biggest down side is a 60 percent pay cut. OUCH! But, the sacrifice has been well worth it in our eyes.

-What season(s) might your future hold? I often remind myself  that I still have 35 more working years! So, I believe I will return to the career- focused woman that I once was. However, I will never put that career focus ahead of my family. I envision a season filled with continued flexibility and control of my days. Telecommuting will likely not come to an end for me anytime soon. I have become too spoiled!    

favorite family activities: cooking, games, going to the zoo, time spent at the Memphis Drum Shop,  “picnics” (complete with a blanket on the floor) where we eat dinner while watching a movie, reading, having dance parties

favorite solo activities: baking, cake-decorating, graphic design, photography, and glass blowing

sources of inspiration: color in nature; my children; the quiet, still moments that don’t come often enough these days

best MakeShift moment: Occasionally, it is not possible to schedule my phone meetings and/or conference calls while Samuel is napping. On one such occasion, I was on a conference call with a planning committee. I held the phone on MUTE as long as I could until my boss called on me (unexpectedly) to share information on a particular project. I knew Samuel was safe but he was not being quiet at the moment, so I shoved a Pottery Barn catalog in his hands, and ran into the next room where I was still able to see him. I fumbled with the phone, unmuted it and proceeded with my response. Whew…crisis diverted!

[if you know someone who would make a good “mothers of invention” feature, please check out the nomination process info located in the sidebar to your right.]

first name: Erin

age: 31

current city:  Birmingham, AL

living situation: I live in a house with my husband, 21-month old son, and our golden retriever named Atticus. We are expecting a baby in September.

occupation: Photographer, self-employed. My  husband and I are both photographers who run our business together. I shoot mostly kids and family sessions, he does commercial work, and we photograph weddings together. We share all the other gazillion responsibilities of running a business including administrative tasks, communicating with clients, bookkeeping et cetera.

how do you structure your time and space? I primarily care for our son during the day, though our schedule allows us to (somewhat) leisurely start most mornings as a family sharing breakfast, light housekeeping and getting ready for the day. I really enjoy this time together and see it as a luxury we will not always have. Around 8 a.m., my husband goes to work downstairs in our basement office. It really is his office because we’ve discovered that I never work down there. I keep my computer on the bar in our kitchen where I steal moments to check email during the day and then sit to work during our son’s nap and after he’s gone to bed. I rarely feel caught up in my photography work so I constantly feel the pull to be working. I have found that I can really attend to (and enjoy) the time with our son better when we leave the house. We usually spend our mornings going to the library, the grocery store and running various other errands. We’re usually home one morning a week to play (or he plays while I attempt to clean/do laundry). I also attend a weekly Bible study where our son stays in the nursery.

I usually leave the house for three to five photo shoots a week (not including photographing weddings about half the Saturdays of the year). My preference is to do these over one full day (usually Fridays) and one other morning or afternoon. Through trial and error, I found leaving for one entire day during the week was easier for me than trying to schedule shorter blocks of time away on several different days. The latter made me feel like I was constantly switching gears, and I was totally frazzled in all of my roles. I hire a babysitter for most weekdays I leave to shoot, though my husband sometimes spends the time with our son. My mother-in-law takes on most of our working Saturdays, and other family members take the rest. Sometimes I’ll even bring our son with me on a shoot. He enjoys watching the spectacle of my working and the treats I bring to entertain him along the way.

Because we work most Saturdays, we have recently begun protecting Tuesdays as a day for our family to do something fun together – hikes, museums, et cetera. Our business feels established but it seems like we’re constantly still wading through what we all need and what works best for each of us. Even though my husband and I don’t have a lot of intentional date nights, we spend so much of our time together and really do enjoy most of it (we owe a lot of the enjoyment factor to some incredible marriage counseling that we still regularly attend to help us figure out how to work/play/do life together). I don’t take much time for me by myself away from home right now. I haven’t really figured out how to do that well.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Working from home and mostly creating my own schedule allows me to feel like I spend most of my time with our son. I really enjoy the fact that none of us has to be anywhere most mornings and we can (theoretically) choose when we want to work. One of my main challenges is combating the mom-guilt that seems to always be lurking (work more or work less, organic vegetables or free cookies at Target, cutting out coupons or spending my free time doing things that feel more life-giving to me, mother’s day out or not…). I also struggle with contrasting the affirmation that comes so quickly and easily from my clients with how hard it can seem to get through an evening with my toddler before bedtime. Also, I really wish I had more time for friendships in this season. I miss my closest friends who live in other states and find it hard to have the time, energy and all the rest that’s needed to really cultivate new friendships. 

-what season(s) preceded this one? Before parenthood, we were in the early stages of running our own business full-time from home. In some ways, life felt crazier then because it wasn’t guided by the routine that raising a child demands. We worked all the time; I scheduled photo shoots and meetings whenever clients wanted, which left me with little routine and balance. Our marriage, our home and our business are much healthier now than they were then due to the rhythms we have established. 

-what season(s) might your future hold? It is difficult (and I’m not sure I’m ready) to see beyond our life right now with young children. We hope that our family is still in the beginning phases but we also have lots of dreams and goals for our business. I honestly have no idea how we’re going to balance working and raising a family as we grow (in both ways), and I can easily get very overwhelmed at the possibilities. In the months that we were anticipating our first child, I remember how fearful I was of not being able to balance it all. It hasn’t been easy by any means but we’ve waded through and made progress in figuring out what works and what doesn’t. Remembering that helps me to have hope that through trial and error, we’ll figure out new routines (and how to make enough money to eat).

favorite family activities: Taking walks/being outside together, traveling and seeing new things and places.

favorite solo activities: Reading, looking through home magazines for ideas, talking to my best friends on the phone (in person would be much better).

sources of inspiration: my mom; my husband and my son;  people who are willing to be transparent and real. 

best MakeShift moment: Life feels full of these moments right now. I had so many expectations of what I would be like as a mother and it has been refreshing to let go of a lot of those. Just recently, while I was preparing dinner, I was so happy that my son was occupied while pouring the dog’s water back and forth between the food and water bowls. The mess was huge but well worth it. I regularly give him cups of ice that end up melting all over our hardwood floors, he’s allowed to sit (but not stand) on our coffee table, and I am not ashamed of bribing with suckers or candy when necessary. For me, letting all of these things be okay feels like quite a shift. Also, I have allowed myself to give up cooking most nights. We eat a lot of take-out and it works for us most of the time.

check out erin’s stunning photography at www.nolenphotographyblog.com.

first name: Stacey

age: 37, soon to be 38

current city:  Memphis

living situation: Husband Warren Oster, sons Satchel (7) and Jiro (5)

occupation: I work in Community Relations at Memphis Light Gas and Water, but most people think I make a living as a freelance writer.

how do you structure your time and space? I have a basic 8:30 a.m. – 5 p.m. job, but I have the option of a compressed work week (four ten hour days). I prefer the four day week, but I can’t always make it work. My husband is an archaeologist and a full-time student getting his masters in Elementary Education. He actually has a much more flexible work life/schedule than I do. He ends up taking the kids to work with him or staying home with them if they are sick, he shuttles our younger child to four speech therapy classes every week, et cetera. He also does the bulk of grocery shopping and cooking! This allows me to get my work done at the office and then have time to do interviews, and related work for all of the freelance writing assignments I take on. I used to stay up really late at night (like 1 a.m.) getting everything done, but six months ago I started getting up at 5:30 a.m. to work out. Now I’m lucky if I can stay up past 10 p.m.! Most of the freelance work I do (as well as special projects like Rock-n-Romp) involve my kids. This, along with my husband’s awesomeness, is the only way I can fit in extracurricular activities.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I think I’m stuck in spring, which I guess is a good place to be. For instance, if you ask me what the date is, I automatically think it is March 26. Isn’t that weird? It’s the day my dad died and also the day Warren and I decided to get married, so it’s kind of a pivotal day, but still, I’m mentally stuck there. Luckily spring is a time of renewal and I seem to always feel like the possibilities are endless and the future is bright.

-what season(s) preceded this one? Winter, maybe? I feel like I was hibernating most of my life, waiting for my big awakening.

-what season(s) might your future hold? I suppose someday there will be an autumn for me, a time to rest and enjoy all of the pretty colors. 

favorite family activities: We love going out to eat, which is evidenced by my Dining with Monkeys blog. We’ve covered about 200 restaurants and are always on the lookout for new places to try. Also a week doesn’t pass that we don’t go hike in the Old Forest of Overton Park. When it’s nice outside, we like to ride our bikes/roller skate/skateboard around town. Swimming at the Memphis Jewish Community Center is another big summertime activity for us. We never miss a Rock-n-Romp. Team Oster (that’s what we call ourselves) also loves a good road trip.

favorite solo activities: I really like my 5:30am workouts, but I don’t do them alone. I have an awesome workout partner, Ashley Harper. Every Tuesday I have roller derby practice (I’m a referee now after skating for two years) followed by drinks at the Cove. It’s one of the highlights of my week. My only truly solo activity would be writing, which I do every single day in some form, even if it’s just for a few minutes.

sources of inspiration: Definitely my kids. 100%. They provide me with never-ending subject matter!

best MakeShift moment: The Hot Pink Paper Clips were scheduled to play Rock-n-Romp last August. The band is composed of four middle school girls. They had been practicing all week in preparation for the show, for which they were SO excited, but three out of four of them came down with the swine flu and had to cancel the night before the show. I remembered that my husband’s boss’s son was in a band at White Station High School, but I wasn’t sure if they were any good. I called my husband’s boss and ran the idea by him. He made some calls and by 9:00 on Friday night we had the Theoretical Monkeys scheduled to play at 3:00 the next afternoon. Luckily, they turned out to be really good. (And they were absolutely darling!) My husband’s boss was especially thrilled, and things really couldn’t have turned out better. The Hot Pink Paper Clips returned to health and played our November show.

find stacey on the web at: 

• www.fertilegroundzine.com
• www.diningwithmonkeys.com
• www.memphisrocknromp.blogspot.com
• www.overtonparkforever.org

first name: Elizabeth

age: 45

current city:  Memphis

living situation: I live with my husband, son who is 16, and daughter who is 13. I am lucky to live in the same town as my mother and my brothers and their families.

occupation: Mother/Part-time lawyer

how do you structure your time and space? I was a full-time lawyer before I had my children.  I was fortunate to be able to stay home with them for about ten years. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything. I had an opportunity to go back to my firm about five years ago, and they let me be part-time. The timing was right for me and I am glad to have the adult interaction, a little income, and the sense of pride that comes with doing the job well.

I don’t think part-time allows one to “have it all”. I took myself off any partnership track, I make less than one might expect, and I have to deal with people who make snide comments when I leave at 2:30 to go to carpool line. However, I do have some income, I have the satisfaction of knowing my input helps and makes a difference at the office, I have a sense of pride in having the job I do. Everyone knows that my children and my family are my top priorities and the job only works for me as long as it works for my family.

The biggest thing for me is learning to say “no” and not feel guilty.  I am better at the first but still struggling with the second.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I think I am in the season of contentment right now. My children are both in good places right now and are happy and settled in school. They are fairly independent, but still share with my husband and me. My husband and I are best friends and enjoy having more time together. I have a job that allows me flexibility. I am thankful for facebook and text messaging to be in touch with friends.

-what season(s) preceded this one? The season of uncertainty.  I had decisions about what schools my kids would attend, whether I would go back to work, how would I make some type of activity for me fit in with the focus on motherhood I want. 

-what season(s) might your future hold? The season of wonder. I wonder where my kids will go to college, what they will do and whom they will love. I wonder how my mother will manage without the love of her life. I wonder what my husband and I will do with an empty nest. I wonder if I will want to work more—I doubt that.

favorite family activities: Going to dinner, going to the lake, just being together. 

favorite solo activities: Reading, knitting or smocking, playing on the computer.

sources of inspiration: My parents, my husband and my kids.

best MakeShift moment: The best makeshift moments for me are when friends and I collaborate to shuffle our respective children (who are also friends) to their various and conflicting activities so that we don’t have to be two places at once.

I also think that cell phones have transformed motherhood.  I used to sit in carpool line and use that time to talk to friends without feeling like I needed to be playing with a child, cooking dinner, or doing laundry. It was time that worked for phone calls.

if you or someone you know would make a good “mothers of invention” feature, check out the sidebar to your right for pages about the nomination process.