name: Mary-Ellen

age: 40+ (one gets squirrely after a couple of the 40 something birthdays!)

current city: Memphis

name: Ashley

age: 33

current city: Memphis, TN

name: Uele Siebert

age: 39

current city: Memphis, TN

living situation: My household is comprised of myself and my six-year-old daughter.

occupation: Granola Goddess

photo by justin shaw; first printed in the commercial appeal

how do you structure your time and space: We operate with no divisions. Everything is integrated, as the business is in our home. My daughter comes first, so business-related activities have to be molded around her needs. I am an attached parent, so there is no childcare, although she does attend school and summer camp(s). I visualized a home-based business years before I became a mother, as I knew it was imperative to me to have my child(ren) with me, and raised by me. Togetherness is the operative.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Right now we are in winter. There are no farmers markets, but this season holds a whole lot of baking for retail outlets. Previous winters allowed for lots of self reflection, but I am just too busy this winter to reflect. However, winter baking is much more enjoyable than summer baking!

 

groovy foods granola

-what season(s) preceded this one? Before winter it was summer. It was hot inside and out. I focused on maintaining my cool under the enormous pressures to meet all of the demands on me during my busiest part of the year.

-what season(s) might your future hold? More summer and winter are in my future. It’s the alternately hot and cold, yin and yang balancing act. I am ready.

favorite family activities: My daughter and I like to read and cook together.

favorite solo activities: resting

source(s) of inspiration: nature

groovy foods herbans

best MakeShift moment: I had a very important report to present for a college course, and my daughter caught a rather nasty stomach virus. She could not even keep down breast milk, and I was doing everything I could to keep her hydrated, all while frantically working down to the wire on my presentation. When she showed no signs of recovering, I contacted my instructor to see if I could present for her privately on another day. When my request was denied, I had no choice but to take myself, my kid, and my presentation to to class. With my kiddo strapped on my back in the ERGO (i.e., best sling ever), I presented my speech, on the commoditization of water, to my classmates and instructor. My child did not puke or poop even once while on my back!

find uele on the web: http://groovyfoods.org/home.html

[if you know someone who would make a good “mothers of invention” feature, check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

name: Andi Williams  

age: 44

current city: Brevard, NC (outside of Asheville) 

living situation: Living with my husband and me in our home are two kids: Boy Child (14) and Girl Child (13). We have two rescue mutt/labs from Memphis and the world’s oldest guinea pig, Wilbur.

Boy Child is brilliant, big and strong, older than he should be, and wants to live off the grid. He cannot put his big stinky shoes away, plays three types of guitar, and will ask for Healing Touch when he is hurt. He has a bear skin on his bed from a bear he shot and is tremendously proud when the game he shot is on the supper table. We have discussions on the best way to take out zombies. He swears I could learn to use a shotgun. I prefer to run over them or use a bat or golf club. 

Girl Child is brilliant in her own way, curvy and girly, will always be my little girl but has an old soul. She talks to angels and has moments of profound wisdom. I expect to write a book one day about her and with her. She is living proof that the things that come out of teenagers mouths are genetically and developmentally encoded. She loves us best one minute, then turns around the next and says, “Watch me” in a talk to the hand sort of way. This is usually in reference to more time watching PBS. 

My husband is lovely, wonderful, and (as most) could be the topic of a whole nutha blog. 

The dogs are middle-aged and lovely, except for the increased squirrel patrolling that is occurring this fall. Wilbur should be dead by all accounts, but continues to show no signs of stopping. 

occupation: I am the Coordinator of Integrative Healthcare at Mission Hospital, Asheville. I have a special interest in Whole Person Theory and Healing Touch and have completed certifications in these areas. Maintaining a balanced life between work and home is not always easy with two teenagers (one with significant special needs). 

how do you structure your time and space? My space has become showroom tidy. Our house has been on the market since April, so a lot of my “stuff” is in boxes. Turns out that we didn’t need so much after all, so we have made many trips to Goodwill and had a garage sale. I would like to say I’m very zen with it, but honestly, I don’t like living this tidily. I miss my packed up art studio and the scatter of books, magazines, and art projects. My desk at the office compensates for this.

I have two email accounts (work and home) and two calendars (work on the hospital computer system, home on the fridge). I commute 45 minutes two times a day with our high school freshman to Asheville, cook once a week for the whole week, and schedule “girl days” with our special girl. I work out while Boy Child is at wrestling practice, then we commute back home, at which point I can hear my husband snoring in the bed. We are ready to move to Asheville if someone would buy our house. 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Let’s be literal here. This is the season of SUMMER for me. I am hot often (hot flashes, hot and bothered, hot to trot… you name it). I am often uncomfortable in a new job, new transitions, and new thought processes. I feel new and green and in full bloom in a life role I didn’t really want, but (ha) here I am anyway and stuck to the hot seat.

The highlights of this hot season are learning new skill sets professionally as I switch from being a very task-oriented critical care/resource nurse to being a very holistic nurse/educator/organizer/writer. I am published (as of a few weeks ago) in a national nursing magazine and will be presenting in the spring at a national nursing conference. I’m freaking out (in a very holistic, zen, present sort of way). Breathe….. 

-what season(s) preceded this one? Spring preceded our current season. The kids were young and fresh, and going to the playground was fun and the best part of the day. We were young marrieds then and not worried about much. I was a student, learning and growing and training. There was so much new growth.

-what season(s) might your future hold? Summer is going to last a while.  

favorite family activities: Girl Child loves to eat out. Boy Child goes along good-naturedly for the most part. The oldest has out grown us both in size and strength and engages in risky behaviors that we are no longer capable of or never dreamed of like rock climbing, wrestling, and jiujutsu. The youngest abhors Mother Nature and would prefer to spend her day shopping, dancing, and dressing up. Both fit their gender stereotypes to the extreme. Therefore, we do a lot of divide and conquer type activities. Boys are backpacking and camping this weekend while girls are shopping and eating. We do switch off. Dad can seriously boogie to Abba and Mom can hike a good eight to nine miles without complaining (whining starts at mile ten). We all also like music (got to meet Ricky Skaggs back stage this summer!) and have family music afternoons with the boys on guitar and girls on vocals (loud, not good).

favorite solo activities: painting, pen and ink, yoga, reading trashy novels

source(s) of inspiration: Anne Lamott’s books, my parents, Janet Menken – the founder of Healing Touch, Lucia Thornton, Brene Brown

best MakeShift moment: For Boy Child’s fourth birthday party, the fire department brought the big truck by the house for an hour and let the kids climb and look and visit. I sent them back to the fire station with brunch. We used to frequent the stations every three to four weeks to look at the trucks and visit with the crews. It was cheap fun and civic involvement (we took cookies). Now my kid wants to be a fire fighter (smoke jumper to be exact). Be careful what you makeshift.

Another day I took both kids out on the front porch and let them finger-paint the entire front glass windows and door with cool whip, chocolate pudding and shaving cream. We then hosed the porch and them off. I miss those days. They were fun! Now i can torture teenagers with threats of putting near-naked chocolate-pudding-covered-toddler pictures on facebook. These days are fun too!

  [if you know someone who would make a good “mothers of invention” feature, check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

name: Virginia Reed Murphy

age: 41

current city: Memphis, TN

living situation: I live in a house with:

• my husband, Joe
• boy one, Abel (age five)
• boy two, Harlan (age three)
• man child,  Josh, ( age 21) (He’s a college student and an actor in my theatre company.)

occupation: I am the director of Playback Memphis, a professional improv theatre group that animates audience members’ personal stories using movement, music, metaphor, and the spoken word. In addition, my husband and I co-direct an interactive children’s music program called Music for Aardvarks, Memphis.

how do you structure your time and space? Our life mirrors our Playback work in that there is a loose structure and a lot of room for variation in the moment. One constant is that, for the first time ever, both kids go to school every day from  8:30 to 3:15. Before, both boys got out at 11:30 a.m. and honestly, I have no idea how we ran two small businesses with that scenario. It was pretty nuts.

Another constant is yoga. I go three times a week — usually twice to Bikram, which is stinky and sweaty, and once a week to Lou Hoyt’s Iyengar class at Eastern Sun. Yoga is essential for my neck, it counteracts my extended computer time, and it also prevents me from being institutionalized. (I really believe that I would be a danger to myself and others without the practice. It’s incomprehensible to me how people live without it.)

We have an office at First Congo, a church that is a  block and a half from our house. Sometimes I work there and sometimes I work at home. I would like to make better use of the office. But when I feel pressed for time, I usually stay home to save myself the 15 minutes it takes to pack up the computer and make the block and a half. Very silly. I really do long for my home to be a refuge from work, but when you run your own businesses, that just isn’t reality. It’s with you always.

In addition to their time in school, my children spend time with my mother and Josh. This is awesome. I think every family with two small children should have a Josh living with them. He’s wonderful with the kids and very responsible and creative. I just love that my kids are learning from and relating to him.

My days are completely improvisational and never look the same. The seasons of work dictate much of how I spend my time with the tasks of fundraising for Playback, promoting a new semester for Aardvarks,
meetings with clients, doing administrative work, vision questing about how to grow Aardvarks and Playback, putting together a Playback promo video, and my least favorite activity: bookkeeping. I wear a lot of hats and would very much like an assistant, but we can’t afford one. I’m exploring the intern option.

My homemaking happens in spurts. I really love the idea of living in a space where I experience beauty and creativity as well as order. However, this just feels impossible for me to maintain for any length of time. For example, I had piles of found Mississippi River bank drift wood sitting around my house for months. My kids would be chasing each other with five-foot-long pieces until I finally I made a sculpture for the wall. There is often laundry strewn all over the house, and although I have a system for separating clothes when we wash (towels, our clothes, kids clothes), most of the time the clothes never get put away, so it’s really a pointless system. And I have NO idea how anyone ever puts matching socks on their kids. I’m lucky if a find two socks. I’ve also never brushed my kids’ hair. Fortunately, they can pull it off – I think I would be in a bad way if I had girls.

Dinner is this whole other beast in home-making that I never manage to get a hold of. Sometimes I feed the kids hotdogs and tater tots and let them watch something on Netflix. (We have no TV, but again, what’s the point in having no TV if you park your kids in front of Netflix? I guess rules and structure exist to be broken in our household.) On these evenings, Joe and I drink beer and forgo plates as we stuff ourselves with pita and hummus. Then there are the nights where I get super ambitious and start something from Moosewood Simple Suppers at five o’clock and forget to feed my kids anything. Naturally, by 5:30 they are writhing on the floor in tandem tantrums (usually one of them is naked), the kitchen is a disaster, and I’m thinking, “why in God’s name did I decide tonight was the night for Navajo Stew? My kids won’t even eat it.” And then sometimes I manage to put together some deliciousness that everyone enjoys, and we manage to clean all the work off the dining room table and hold hands and sing the Montessori blessing and the world is right again. All case scenarios are equally us. I guess you could say we have wide range.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? The biggest challenge is that we don’t make enough money, and I am tired of going into Walgreens and having to think for ten minutes if buying a new toothbrush is a “need” or a “want.” Also, more financial stablility would decrease stress and allow Joe and me to have some more time for just us. For example, we could have date nights that do not entail consuming hummus, pita, and beer while the kids watch TV. Among the many highlights of our current season is the fact that the nature of our work allows us to have a lot of great family time together. Our personal and professional lives are very integrated (meaning we’ve made amazing friends from both the Aardvarks and Playback worlds) and we feel very rooted in our community. We are trying to be the change we want to see in the world (and especially in Memphis) with both Aardvarks and Playback, and although this is challenging at times, it’s an incredible journey for us and our lives are so much richer for it in all the ways that matter.

-what season(s) preceded this one? Imagining and planning the garden I wanted to grow.

-what season(s) might your future hold? I’m hoping that now that the harvest is coming in, I can find some people to give me a good price so I can keep the farm.

favorite family activities: In nice weather we like to bike ride or go to the sandbar at Shelby Forest —  a ridiculously underutilized, best big nature experience in Memphis. We also go camping a lot in Arkansas. This takes a crazy amount of work , but our life is just kind of one crazy production anyway, so we’re used to it. My husband is from farm stock, so he is really good at this kind of thing and the payoff is huge when I see the boys in their full nakedness throwing rocks in that beautiful stream. Joe and I have far too few date nights due to lack of funds, but if I could I would take him to Las Vegas to see Cirque de Soleil’s LOVE. I went with my sisters-in-law a couple of years ago, and now I have this whole new appreciation for the vision of an adult playground. I always snubbed my nose, but if we could take a weekend that would be up there for a top pick.

favorite solo activities: I’m sorry what?

source(s) of inspiration: humanity, our playback company, Aardvarks families, and amazingly talented friends

best MakeShift moment: Harlan used to be obsessed with pretending he was driving in the parked car. Sometimes I would bring the New York Times in the car and lie down in the backseat while he drove. Sometimes I would actually just leave him in the car while I did something inside. One day I came out and he was gone, which completely freaked me out. Every worst case scenario imagineable was running through my mind. It turns out he had found his way into our neighbor’s sports car and was behind the wheel (a much fancier ride). Hilarious, but really not. You shouldn’t leave your two-year-old unattended in a parked car. Creative perhaps, but quite foolish. Good story though. I walk a fine line.

virginia invites memphians to enjoy this weekend’s playback performances:

find virginia on the web:

• music for aardvarks, memphis: http://www.memphisaardvarks.com/
• playback memphis: http://www.playbackmemphis.com/

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

name: Erika

age: 31

current city: Nashville, TN

living situation: I live with my husband and our two children. Big Brother is  two-and-a- half, and Baby Sister is ten months old.  We also have two big dogs, Stella and Nala, who are very much a part of our every day.

occupation: Mostly I’m a mom right now but I am also doing some part-time youth ministry consulting for a company called Youth Ministry Architects.

how do you structure your time and space? We have a bit of a backwards life due to my husband’s work schedule. He is a counselor at a local non-profit organization, and since his work is with kids and their families, he works late every evening. He does, however, have many mornings free to be with us while his young clients are at school, and so during the week, we have our family meal and play time in the morning. While it makes for a rough end-of-the-day routine for me with the little ones, it affords him the chance to be creative with his parenting time in ways that he might not if we had a more “normal” schedule. I usually spend time in the mornings doing the things I can’t do well when my hands are full during the day. I do chores, get some of my work done, or go have an hour to do something of my choice. This schedule has also allowed me the privilege of meeting before school one morning each week with some high school girls whom I mentor. And it gives me the chance to do some consulting work. When I have to be on-site for the job, we call the grandmothers to come love on the kids.

I could speak more to the lack of structure in our space than to how we have it organized. Often we hear the phrase “it’s lived in” when we have guests over to our home, and though I have figured out that that’s the southern way of kindly saying “please don’t apologize about how incredibly messy you are,” I still like to believe that our house is very functional and, if you can look past the scattering of play things and the cheerios on the floor, it is even charming on Thursdays, which is when we really clean.

I have a desk downstairs in our playroom, but I do most of my work five feet from it in an over-sized purple chair, which is my spot. I think I might decide that no one under the age of 18 should sit in it, just to preserve it as my place in our home that is so clearly and wonderfully fingerprinted by growing children. I feel the same way about the toilet in the master bathroom, but that’s because we’re potty-training a two year old boy! It’s a very messy process.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? This season is particularly challenging for me because I feel like I’m having to reinvent myself. I have spent the last decade of my life working primarily with middle school girls, and as a new mom, I feel like I’m 13 again. With the arrival of our second baby last December, I decided to quit my full-time job as a youth director so that I could be more available to our children. As I said goodbye to a job I loved, I also said goodbye to being a consistent part of a community of people who are very dear to me. Now I find myself navigating play groups and playgrounds, looking for women who might also feel available for authentic conversation (and even friendship) in a time that feels really messy and revealing for most anyone who is honest about the joys and struggles of raising small children. I also feel challenged to make enough time for myself and even with Jeremy, since our mornings are so busy with kids, and he isn’t home until very late at night.

There are also plenty of highlights for me in this time. I absolutely love watching my kids grow into who God is creating each of them to be. I love having adventures with them every single day, and I love witnessing the wonder of discovery for each of them as they explore very freely. Playing with them is a huge highlight right now, and for me, having the freedom to be available to them and to my husband without having to worry about who I’m disappointing at work is a really wonderful gift too.

-what season(s) preceded this one? I would say that prior to Baby Sister’s arrival in our world, my life appeared to have more balance. My husband and I both worked outside of our home in careers to which we felt called. We were able to figure out our schedules so that we could be accountable to our employers and our family with only ten hours of babysitting help each week. Though it definitely felt crazy at times, it was a really rich and full season at work and at home.

Ironically, I think I would claim balance in this season, in part, because as a very clueless new mom, I could escape to a job I loved and knew how to do. At the end of the day I felt like I had the privilege of being a part of someone else’s story both outside and inside of my home. In reality though, I felt a lot of guilt. If I was at work, I was missing Big Brother, and when I was at home, I often felt like I should be working. It was really hard for me to be present in the moment.

-what season(s) might your future hold? I am hopeful that I might give myself permission to dream a bit about the seasons to come. I’d like to do youth ministry in a more regular capacity in the future, but my heart also feels open to other ways of serving. It’s best for me to leave open the possibilities of what life might look like when our kids are bigger. Because I’d much rather do what I want to do than what I need to do in most circumstances, I feel like I can dream bigger if I don’t have a plan just yet. 

favorite family activities: We love going for walks to the park, and we just recently got the gear we need to safely attach the kids to our bicycles. It’s been fun riding around town with them. We also love having picnics, playing hide-and-seek, going to the zoo, and making up silly songs.  Though we don’t get there often enough, we like being in the mountains and at the beach as a family. We always grocery shop together too, and we have several made up games that we love to play in the car.

favorite solo activities: When I have alone time, I like to go for a run or a walk. I like to do some sort of craft. I like to read novels or blogs. I like to pray, and I like to take bubble baths. 

source(s) of inspiration: I’m inspired by moms who love their husbands and children well and are honest about the good and the hard parts of that journey. I’m inspired by Sesame Street and Curious George, both of which challenge me to be more creative in how to make ordinary things extraordinary and which also remind me to foster an environment that encourages and celebrates learning. I’m inspired by scripture, which makes me aware of my need for grace in my life and reminds me even and especially on the days that I feel gross that I am God’s beloved treasure. I’m inspired by teenagers—some of the ones I know want to change the world for the better because they still think it’s possible and don’t think it’s too much work. I’m inspired by old hymns.

best MakeShift moment: I always feel the need to be makeshifty at dinner time, and have figured out a couple of ways to deal with the chaos of having two small, hungry children, and no help. The first is to access our beloved Labradoodle, Stella, as my ally in this time of need. Because I can see our entire fenced-in backyard from our kitchen windows, I can open them up and send Big Brother outside, where he and Stella happily play fetch for as long as my heart desires (they would play much longer if I were not so good at making turkey sandwiches and putting frozen delights in the microwave). 

Sister loves paper, so she is entertained when we put post-it notes up on the walls and cabinets for her to pull down.  I also have discovered how wonderful it is to tape butcher paper to the kitchen floor and let the kids color while I make dinner. Sometimes we even tape big sheets to the wall and, after I draw an outline of each kid, Brother colors in the details while Sister plays with crayons. I have been known to think this is more fun than cooking or washing dishes, so this one sometimes slows me down when it comes to actually getting work done, but I don’t ever regret it. I’m learning to be okay with the fact that most days there are some leftovers on my to-do list.

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

name: Liz

age: 45

current city: Memphis

living situation: I share the home with a husband, a dog, and two sons: Gus, age seven, and Solly, age two-and-a-half (listed in order of arrival).

occupation: I’m a freelance food, family and travel writer. My regular gigs are blogging at GoWithFamily.com and writing a monthly family food column for Memphis Parent.

how do you structure your time and space? My office space is in a nook between the kitchen and the dining room, which is great when I’m writing about food or cooking from a recipe I’ve gotten off the web but lousy when my desk is messy — which is most of the time — and the kids start fooling around with my stuff. To structure my time, I’ve tried everything from hour-by-hour scheduling (I still have “shower” listed on my iCal daily plan) to caroming intuitively from one task to the next. Right now, what seems to be working is establishing a set of general priorities and making lists. On the top of my list these days is to write for at least a couple of hours and then spend some time managing and promoting my blog.

Then comes home stuff. I’m always motivated by food, much more than by housekeeping, so I usually write a plan for the week so there’s no last-minute shopping and brain-racking. We sit down most nights to a pretty good home-cooked family meal.

However, there’s a part of me that feels uneasy folding clothes or organizing our belongings. I actually think that’s kind of messed up. There’s a toxic stew of self-denial and feminist angst that makes me feel like ironing is retrogressive, time-wasting, and even frivolous, when it’s actually productive and meditative.

I have trouble taking time to meditate, even though I know it enriches me. The best compromise I’ve come up with is running without my iPod, which is pretty close to meditating. In fact, the best thing I can do for myself is simply to monotask — to do what I’m doing without distracting myself with podcasts or Facebook. Sometimes this includes music and other times it’s just quiet. Otherwise, my self-care consists of regular exercise and trying to connect with other people who are also trying to be present, patient, and useful.

Both of my kids go to a school that I love for its community and what my kids learn there–so much beyond the ABCs. After teaching for ten years, I began to question the way conventional schools — even the really good ones — function. I thought about homeschooling when the older one was little, but there’s a reason I have to work on being present, patient and useful. It doesn’t always come easily to me. So homeschooling was out. But I found a school that nurtures their inherent desire to cooperate, learn and grow.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I’m tempted to say it’s the tired season right now. Having two young kids and being a freelancer is busy and exhausting in a way that’s very different from other tiring, busy times I’ve had in my life. It’s different from the laser-like focus on reading and writing of my grad school days, for example. It’s not all about me.

Taking things a day at a time is important to me whether I’m packing lunches and laundering diapers or trying to pull in a few more readers each day for my blog. But for the most part, my life is the result of my choices, which means that I’ve signed up for both the pluses and the minuses. I have to review that fact periodically so as to remember how lucky I am to have choices.

The highlights are pretty great. I get to do fun stuff with my family — eating, traveling, exploring, playing, reading — and then write about it. My kids try my patience, but that’s how they teach me patience. I get to grow up. And they are lovely, affectionate, original, and so utterly themselves.

-what season(s) preceded this one? There was a waiting season while the adoption of our younger son was processing. But of course waiting wasn’t all we did. You don’t live your life waiting, especially if you already have one bright shiny kid in your lap. So it was also a time of exploration. With just one kid, I was able to volunteer at Gus’s school, at the Farmers’ Market, and take on projects that seemed like they might contribute to the community, even if just in a small way. With two kids, I’ve had to shed most of the extracurricular stuff.

-what season(s) might your future hold? I have mixed feelings about entering the period when my boys will become more independent and I’ll move back into putting more of my energy into my writing, teaching, or community work. (I didn’t have the stamina to teach and raise kids, and am seriously amazed by people who do.) But a friend of mine was reflecting on how she keeps herself in balance, and she said that it was necessary for her to avoid hanging her identity on any one of her roles — mom, worker, wife. Because it’s almost guaranteed that things will change. Well, not even ‘almost,’ in the case of the mom role.

favorite family activities: I love exploring with my kids, biking, hiking, camping, trying new foods, and visiting state parks and weird places no one else ever visits. My husband and I have to compromise, because he’s not so crazy about camping and its discomforts, so we find budget-friendly ways of staying in hotels and cabins. At home we do a lot of lying around and reading.

favorite solo activities: lying around and reading, cooking, eating, knitting, killing plants, and traveling alone (one thing I miss about my single life)

When you travel alone you can stand in front of a picture in a museum for as long as you want, or read a book in a cafe if you like. It’s just a different kind of adventure.

source(s) of inspiration: I am inspired by my grandmother, who co-owned a travel agency in the ‘70s and ‘80s. She traveled by herself to Austria this summer, weeks before her 91st birthday, to go to a friend’s wedding.

Another source of inspiration is my dad, who reinvented himself as a poet and then started a post-retirement career publishing an Edible magazine. He’s got enormous integrity.

best MakeShift moment: The other day when the kids were extra-wild, I bought myself time to cook supper by letting them entwine all of our downstairs furniture in a giant yarn spiderweb. It’s taken me a while to recognize that messes like that don’t matter, especially when they allow me to get something done with the kids nearby.

check out liz’s blogs:

• http://gowithfamily.com
• http://peachesandbuttermilk.blogspot.com/

follow liz on twitter: @GoWithFamily

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

name: Jennifer McCullough

age: 33

current city: Memphis

living situation: I live with my four-year-old son, one fish, and one dog. We are currently living in a downtown condo while we try to sell our house. Living in two places is a comedy of errors.

occupation: mom; chef; and business owner of The Uptown Grocer, purveyor of upscale frozen meals.

how do you structure your time and space? I work out of the kitchen at Cafe Society Restaurant in midtown. It is just a two-minute drive to my son’s school, which allows me to maximize parenting time and working time. I pack a bag with running shoes and try to take a break at some point to get some exercise. Usually this is on “meatloaf day.” The loaves take exactly 55 minutes to cook, which gives me just enough time to do a wardrobe change, take a jog, get back into work clothes, and take those yummy meatloaves out of the oven. 

My son spends time with his father as well, but at times this has been a bit of a struggle because his father doesn’t live in Memphis. But we do our best to work with each other’s schedules so that my son has quality time with both parents. My parents are in town and take my son any time I am willing to part with him. I am very fortunate to have their support!

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Being a single mom comes with its fair share of challenges. I often feel like one person trying to be two people, and I have to accomplish so much more when my child is at school (work, exercise, errands, et cetera). For example, if I run out of milk, I cannot simply make a quick solo trip to the grocery.

I have had to overcome a good bit of guilt when it comes to making time for myself. I frequently have to assure myself that exercising and doing other things to maintain my health and sanity are necessary, even if it means that I do these things while my son is at school or in another’s care.

In general, I am doing things differently than the way I always thought I would be doing them. For example, after months of thinking that my son needed to live in a house with a yard and in a neighborhood, I realized that the simplicity of condo-living is really much better for us. I had to say goodbye to the life I thought I would be living in order to fully live the one I’ve got. Now my son and I like to ride the downtown trolley to dinner. My son’s childhood is not like mine was but I have realized that no one way is better than the other. They’re just different.

-what season(s) preceded this one? The last five years have brought about a lot of changes: divorce, health issues, and two moves. I spent much of this time in survival mode, reacting to life’s circumstances. Starting my own business was my first step in becoming more proactive about my life. I did a lot of thinking about my talents and a path that might allow me to have both a fulfilling career and an active role in my son’s life.

Starting the Uptown Grocer was a gigantic leap of faith for me. In the beginning, I cooked and delivered weekly meals to my customers. There were some nights when I cooked from my son’s bedtime until 3:00 in the morning. This was miserable! But I kept moving forward and resisting the temptation to become paralyzed. Even when decisions led to dead ends, I learned to put my focus elsewhere and keep moving along in hopes that a door would open and I would have a creative moment.

I have now shifted to a much more sensible business model. I stock a freezer at Palladio Antiques and Art  full of my food, and my customers can shop there for their meals. I have just recently begun to reap the rewards that come with making deliberate choices.

-what season(s) might your future hold? In the months ahead, I plan to continue scaling down my commitments and making choices based on what’s right for my son and me. I am beginning to trust my instincts and feel confident in my decisions. I love being a chef and business owner, and I can see now that I am in the right place. I am laying the groundwork for a more peaceful, more fulfilling, and simpler life. I am ready to reap the rewards.  

favorite family activities: My favorite time with my son is right before bed. Before I tuck him in, he will often tell me things that hapened during his day, and these are really sweet moments. During the day, we move at a fast pace and we’re on the go. It’s nice to have this quieter time when there’s a lot of intimacy in our relationship. These are my favorite times with him.

favorite solo activities: I love to run. I also like being in the car by myself with complete quiet. We go so fast, and things are so hectic. Sometimes I will sit down by myself, and I’ll realize later that I forgot to even turn the light on!

source(s) of inspiration: Before I started my business, I gained a lot of inspiration from reading. I have found books by Deepak Chopra to be helpful, as well as other literature about simplifying life and letting go of things that don’t matter. I am currently reading The Sermon on the Mount: The Key to Success in Life by Emmet Fox, and I love it!

best MakeShift moment: One of my MakeShift habits is to drive through McDonalds and buy enough milk to last us until I can get to the grocery store.

My son dresses himself, and a lot of times his ensembles look really bad. But this is all part of allowing myself to let go. I only have so much brain space, and I have had to decide what matters and what doesn’t. A lot of thing that would have bothered me ten years ago aren’t even on my radar now.

Perhaps my most recent MakeShift moment was when I spaced out and remembered “back to school night” at my son’s school only a couple of hours before it was to begin. I had no childcare lined up, and I had previously promised to go goldfish shopping with my son that evening. I desperately called a sitter, who was (thank goodness) willing to meet us at the pet store. After the fish selection, the four of us (myself, my son, the sitter, and the fish) went out to dinner. I really wanted to spend that time with my son, and I knew that having dinner with him would only prohibit me from attending the first part of “back to school night,” the part where I would be apt to eagerly volunteer for tasks that my schedule unfortunately will not allow. After dinner, I was able to be present for the second part of the meeting — the part where I saw my son’s classroom, met his teachers, and signed up to help with holiday parties (short volunteer commitments that increase the time spent with my son). It was a whirlwind of an evening but everything worked out great. My son got his fish, we had a lovely dinner, I was present at the meeting, and I kept sigh of what’s important.

jennifer invites memphians to the grand opening of the uptown grocer, this friday afternoon, october 15th, from 11:30-2:30 at cafe palladio (corner of cooper and central). sample jennifer’s chicken tetrazzini and cinnimon apple bread pudding with caramel, and enter to win one of four free uptown grocer gift certificates. 

• find jennifer on the web at http://www.theuptowngrocer.com/ 
• follow on twitter: @theuptowngrocer

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

name: Becky Hobson

age: 33

current city: Memphis

living situation: We are the “traditional” family with 2.5 kids (the .5 being our first child – our dog). We don’t have a white picket fence but we do live in the suburbs. My husband, Thomas, and I have been married for eight years (together for 13 years). We have twin five-and-a-half-year-olds, Lauren and Andrew, who have just started kindergarten and are so much fun. Then there is Ella, our nine-year-old cocka-poo, who has lived through many moves and the era of twin toddlers (who now can actually play with her!).

occupation: middle school social studies teacher

how do you structure your time and space? The theme of our marriage would have to be TEAMWORK.  From the beginning, Thomas and I have both worked full-time so we have always split the chores, and now we split the parenting responsibilities as well. I couldn’t manage any aspects of my life without the help that he provides (and I hope he feels the same way). 

Most of my day is spent at school. I teach Economics, American Government, and Social Justice to 88 eighth graders at a Catholic school in Memphis. Despite the fact that this is a relatively new curriculum for me, I try very hard to leave my schoolwork at school. The school where I previously worked put a lot of pressure on us to be on duty 24 hours a day. I checked my email at least three times a night. I brought my computer home and worked on assignments, and (as teachers do) it was all I talked about. I discovered that this was not a life I was willing (or physically able) to live. When I started at my new school I made a promise to myself that the work would stay at school. The result was astounding. I smile now, and have more time for my kids and Thomas. “Hey I remember you!”  Putting myself before my job has made all the difference in my life. 

I grew up in a house with a stay-at-home mom, an always-at-work dad, and a pesky older brother. My mom did everything for us. We came home to an immaculate house with fresh homemade cookies on the counter and plans for a wonderful dinner. She came to all of our school events and volunteered at our activities. Holidays were special times with the house decorated to the hilt. Even pictures on the walls were replaced with holiday pictures. Because I have such fond memories of what that upbringing meant to me, I have a hard time reconciling that with how to do that for my children. I’m not much for making the homemade cookies, so we have scrapped that part. I clean my house on the weekends, but it has becomes a family chore. The kids get to dust (which they enjoy for some strange reason, but whatever), Thomas cleans the bathrooms, and I clean the floors and behind everyone else. Lauren and Andrew even like to help with cooking sometimes. We make do and try to attend as many school events as possible even if we have to take off work. The TEAMWORK thing is the only way we can survive. It works for us.

Our childcare situation is finally in a wonderful place. We no longer pay for full-time childcare for the twins. They started kindergarten at a new public school this fall, and all is well. We have a college student, Jordan, who picks them up at dismissal (since they get out an hour before my I do) and she brings them home. She is a wonderful person and an education major, who also volunteers in a local kindergarten classroom. Thomas picks the kids up if for some reason Jordan can’t do it. Thomas knows it’s harder for me to get away from work than it is for him. 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? I decided to use Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 to describe my seasons.

We are currently in “a time to laugh.” We are finally through with the tough part of having two babies and finally have little people with real personalities and the ability to do things that we like to do. Thomas and Andrew have discovered the joys of playing Lego Star Wars together on the Playstation. They also like to go fishing and to baseball games. Lauren and I paint her nails and play Barbies, and she loves to draw us pictures. It is great fun to sit at the table at night and hear about what they did at school that day. It is so cool to see them discover information for the first time. “Did you know that an octopus shoots black ink at fish that might attack it?” I feign ignorance so she can tell me all about it. What fun!

The challenges of this season go back to that twin thing. I have a boy and girl, and they develop at such different rates in terms of both maturity and academics. It is really tough not to compare them but you just can’t do that. They also get upset when one tells what the other wanted to share about what happened at school that day. Then there is the hardest part, which includes phrases such as, “why doesn’t she have to study this over and over like I do?” With twins, I cannot simply say, “Because she’s older.”

-what season(s) preceded this one? Before now, we were in “a time to weep.” Looking back, I realize just how hard raising twins was for us at first. I have no idea financially how we were able to survive (other than on credit cards and the kindness of family). Between the children waking us, stress about work and money, and insomnia, we got very little sleep. But we made it through by trying to take care of each other as a family. I have happy memories (many happy memories) to look back on, but I am glad we survived intact.

-what season(s) might your future hold? I hope our future will hold “a time to build.” I know that things will continue to be tough as we try to raise two well-adjusted school-age children,  but I know that together we can build financially stability and strong family and marital bonds. There are a lot of exciting things ahead for the family and I know we will make it fun.

favorite family activities: We love to travel to see family who all live at least eight hours away. We have also discovered the joy of “treasure hunting” as a family. We have gotten in on the Geocaching world and have had fun using our GPS to go hunt for treasure with the kids. We also enjoy going to the zoo.

favorite solo activities: My favorite way to relax and wind down from the day is a nice hot bath and a good book. I have discovered that I love to read. I genuinely love to read! What a novel concept (get it-novel? Okay, so I am corny too). Since Lauren and Andrew were born, I occasionally recharge as a mom by taking 15 minutes to myself to just chill out. These 15 minute periods are my chance to reflect on the day and pray, especially when I am too tired, too frustrated, or too frazzled to read. 

I also like to paint, cross-stitch, and do needlepoint – anything that lets me be creative with my hands. 

source(s) of inspiration: My mom inspires me to give my children the kind of love and happy memories that I gained from my childhood. She worked really hard decorating for holidays, planning fun family things for us to do, and being there for everything. I was really sheltered, but it was during a time in my life when I didn’t really want (or need) to know what else was out there. The other source of inspiration is my friend Melissa.  She lives in the moment and is so laid back about everything involving motherhood (at least it appears that way from the outside). Her children are just a bit older than mine, and she’s sort of like the big sister with advice for age and stage. She finds good solutions to problems and is thrifty. She lets her children be themselves and discover things on their own, but she also provides a soft cushion to fall on if they fail. Despite how much she helps them be individuals, she still is a major part of their lives – making cookies for events, decorating their rooms, coming to school activities. She does all of this and is still a full-time working mom. 

best MakeShift moment: During the times when I have been home alone with twins, I have found that I can only take so much before I have to have some time of my own. The kids’ bedrooms are a safe haven for them, completely child/baby proofed. There were days when I put them in their rooms to play and sat outside in the hallway to have 30 minutes of peace to myself to read a book or just close my eyes. This might seem kind of selfish, but I think needing this kind of quick break is something that is familiar to many us.

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]