perhaps it was the nonchalant beginning of my new vocational turn that has deterred me from writing about it here. i did not nail any sort of interview or quake at the sound of god’s summoning. there was no light bulb hovering over my head.

there were late-january margaritas (plural) at las delicias. there was the company of my husband and my children and my friend and neighbor, susan. and then, out of some space in susan’s consciousness reserved for the purely hypothetical, there was the suggestion that she and i open a fabric store. twenty minutes later, there was an impromptu tour of a not-so-hypothetical-at-all space that was for rent at 688 south cox.

was this a serious suggestion, this fabric store idea? i really did not think it was. in fact, i forgot all about it long enough to get the kind of wonderful sleep that happens when my mind is mulling over… nothing! but slowly, over the next few days, i began to feel an unprecedented level of excitement.

i spent more and more time building up the contours of this hypothetical world, designed to celebrate a craft that generations of women have passed down to the next. susan seemed to be living into the idea too, as we exchanged visions of offering sewing classes, building community around an age-old pass time, and of course, selling fabulous fabric!

i don’t even know when the dream shifted to reality. it was sometime between when we started calling it “sew memphis,” and where we are now, spending each day at 688 south cox pricing over 100 bolts of fabric for our may 1st opening. perhaps it was mid-february when we had this picture taken:

you don’t have a photo shoot unless you are really opening a business, right?

last night i read this new york times essay, proud to be a mompreneur, by jill salzman. as i took in the debate about whether or not female business owners should hide or showcase their roles as mothers, i felt different than i usually do when i read about women in business. i am one of these people now!

and as i quickly scrolled through recent memory, it became clear that i have traded the so-called “professionalism” that some think comes with downplaying the motherhood role for a more integrated, transparent, vocational model.

my children help me paint and stock shelves.

we have a playroom in the shop where the kids spend at least half of their days. i have definitely not, as salzman writes, “rejected the mom label.” i also worry about things that more “professional” women probably don’t worry about, such as the sand that my children transport from the school playground to the shop by way of their shoes, and the toys that must be put away before we leave the shop each day. being a mompreneur is gritty. literally.

but i have to believe salzman when she writes,

a parent who can manage the juggling and the balancing that is both running a company and raising a family is someone who can handle anything.

and i also have to believe that even though this adventure has unfolded with margaritas instead of light bulbs and introspection instead of interviews, it is the right thing for me to do. it comes from a place of deep gladness, as frederick buechner writes. and much of this gladness comes from sharing this creative chaos with my children.

dear friends,

i heard my friend, mark, mention a few years ago that he takes on the practice of writing one letter per day during the season of lent. since then, i have spent several lenten seasons writing letters, and I have found that connecting with others in this way is also a profound (and fun) way to connect with god.

speaking of fun, my friend, susan, and I are up to our ears in the process of opening a new fabric store! We hope to be selling bright, modern, quilting cottons (and much more) at our 688 south cox location at the end of april/beginning of may.

so… in a crazy attempt to combine my love of god and fabric AND gather god energy in our wonderful new space, I am having two…

LENTEN LETTER WORKSHOPS.

tuesday, feb. 28th from 6-8:30 & wed., march 7th from 6-8:30.

$10 per night, and all materials are included.

we’ll talk a little bit about the theology and spirituality surrounding the practice of letter-writing, and then we’ll get out the fabric scraps, sewing machines, etc. and create little works of art, sure to elicit smiles from recipients and postal workers alike!

no prior sewing experience is necessary. We’ll be learning/applying a technique that is foundational in quilting. Space is limited. Email me to sign up (themsrevolution(at)gmail(dot)com).

stay tuned for more info about “sew memphis,” as we will be called. the facebook page and web page are coming soon.

love,

mary allison

having been on the receiving end of some pretty unwanted, ludicrous, and rudely-delivered parenting advice, i vowed long ago not to volunteer my unsolicited “wisdom” to other parents. you will not find me approaching strangers in parking lots with unsympothetic words such as, “you need to put a hat on that baby!” in fact, my children convince me more and more every single day that, when it comes to mothering, i have no idea what i am doing.

but i must break my no-advice rule just this once to impart this sage tidbit:

if you go to a friend or relative’s house for dinner, and the other guests there happen to be members of a folky, old-time, blue-grass band, YOU SHOULD DEMAND A CONCERT ON THE SPOT. i mean it. don’t let these people eat until they play for you. it will be a spiritual experience. your children will be enthralled. the fiddle and harmonies and lyrics will make you cry. and weeks later, your heart will swell just as it did that night, as they played shyly at first from their seats on the couch and proudly in the end in front of the fireplace.

a few weeks ago, my parents hosted the members of red june in their home. will straughan, john miller, and natayla weinstein are friends of my brother, and they were in memphis for the folk alliance conference. they gave us such a gift, and now, i am giving it to you.

enjoy.

about a year ago, the MakeShift revolution was born of equal parts anxiety and creativity. anxiety and creativity are a likely pairing in most cases of  forward progress, no  matter how big or small. anxiety about the way things are leads to the creative resolve to make things new.

but on the subject of anxiety, perfect madness author judith warner suggests that many mothers are unwilling to be honest with ourselves and others about the sources of this natural maternal emotion:

“basically, it is acceptable to air all your dirty laundry about yourself, your husband, or your children but it is not acceptable to look beyond your family to suggest that there is something wrong with the world. it is not permissible to talk about policy, or economics, or culture… and this is because, i think, policy, economics, and culture are perceived as being things that we have no control over…. and so we fixate on those things we feel we can control — how our child holds a pencil, whether or not she eats gluten — rather than worry about what we can’t control: our economic futures, kids’ education, health care costs, whether or not we’ll ever be able to afford to retire….

the perversity in all this, of course, is that what we’re trying to control is precisely what one cannot control; you can’t shape and perfect human beings, pre-program and prepare them along the way. but you can — ostensibly — exert some control over what kind of society you live in…. you ostensibly have the power, en masse, to set the national agenda” (209). 

i am often guilty of shying away from “setting the national agenda” in favor of setting our family agenda. but today’s post is a venture into a space where the personal and political are intertwined: the issue of educating the children of memphis and shelby county. below is an interview with gretchen stroud, a representative of friends united for school equality (FUSE). FUSE is a group of parents and grassroots activists in favor of the proposed merger of local city and county school systems. read below for a beautiful example of how the collective forces of parental anxiety and creativity are moving beyond the home and into the broken world.  

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mary allison: please introduce yourself and let readers know why are you in favor of the consolidation of shelby county and memphis city schools.

gretchen: I am the parent of an Memphis City Schools (MCS) student in first grade. We have had a wonderful experience with MCS so far and are very happy with his school. However, I support consolidation for a few key reasons:

1. If Shelby County Schools (SCS) were to obtain the special school district status (with taxing authority) pursued by its school board president David Pickler, this would cut funding for MCS and do away with the equitable per student funding that currently comes from Shelby County. In this scenario, Memphis would be responsible for educating approximately 70% of the county’s children with only 40% of the tax revenues. Taxes in Memphis would have to rise substantially to make up the difference.
2. Although the money issue is concerning, the major reason I support the consolidation is that you cannot have “separate but equal” school systems, by law. We are creating a widening division between those students who come from middle and upper class families and those at the lowest end of the economic spectrum. This is immoral, unethical and will ultimately create great harm to Memphis and all the surrounding towns and cities who depend on Memphis as the anchor for our mid-south cultural and economic sustainability. Every single child has the potential to learn, and I can tell you from watching the children in my son’s school that every one of them wants to learn. It is up to the adults to figure out how to do that fairly and equally for all.

mary allison: what is FUSE?

gretchen: FUSE stands for Friends United for School Equality. We are a group of Shelby County residents (which means, of course, those living in Memphis and in the suburbs – we are ALL Shelby County) who believe that for our county to remain viable and competitive in the 21st century we must work together as one to provide quality education to ALL of the children in Shelby County.

mary allison: how did FUSE start? please describe how the idea emerged and how so many mid-south parents became organized and mobilized so quickly under the umbrella of FUSE:

gretchen: Well, it started as a group of MCS Optional School parents who came together on Facebook after Mr. Pickler started trying to scare people by threatening the Optional program. I think that he was hoping that our fear of losing this program would drive us to vote against the merger. However, he definitely underestimated us. We came together to start talking about consolidation and quickly realized that this isn’t just about our kids, it is about ALL of the kids in Shelby County. Every single one of them deserves a great education – not just the ones we are raising. And we talked about how we wanted to reach out to other parents from the county schools because we felt that there were more people like us out there who are committed to the concept that you cannot raise your children in a bubble of privilege. What is good for my child should be good for ALL children, and if it isn’t good for all children then it really isn’t good for my own child in the long run either. I think we have grown so quickly because our group is devoted to fostering kind, honest, and real conversation among parents and other “regular people.”

mary allison: what are some of the reasons that fuel opposition to school consolidation, and what do you to say to parents who are not in favor of merging?

gretchen: Fear and lack of truth. Honestly, people think that MCS are pits of danger and despair. I partly blame the media because they will run a hundred stories about teen pregnancy, a fight at a school, and an underperforming principal. But, I didn’t see a single mid-south news organization cover the news this summer when Memphis was named one of the 21 “overachieving” urban school districts based on a large study of urban school districts in the US. Not just one of the 21, but one of the top five! That is great news for Memphis, and NO ONE reported it. The report can be found in this Education Week article. 

We had a group of Germantown moms send us a list of questions that they honestly wanted to ask (but were a little embarrassed and afraid to, I think). They wanted to know if our elementary kids in MCS have art or music or libraries. I was blown away! But, the sad fact is that the myths and stereotypes people have been hearing about MCS for years are in many cases their only exposure to the city school system. We were able to answer those questions in a non-threatening manner that encouraged further dialog. And, in case your readers are wondering, yes, MCS elementary students have art, Orff music, P.E., and library every week. And most elementary schools also offer foreign languages starting in first grade. In addition, the gifted program in MCS begins in kindergarten. They start instruments in fourth grade too.

What I say to parents who oppose the merger is, come and see what MCS is really about. Our kids are great kids who want to learn, just like yours do. We have wonderful, hard-working teachers, just like you do. Great things happen in Memphis City Schools every single day. Beyond that, I would say consolidation is the RIGHT thing to do. Shelby County cannot survive with this crazy  us vs. them mentality. And, you aren’t creating the kind of place where your children will want to live when they grow up if the city that is the keystone of this entire mid-south area is left to decay and decline because we cannot come together as one community.

mary allison: what actions do members of FUSE take to affect change?

gretchen: We have some really great members! We write letters to the newspapers, and we are working with Stand for Children to host educational events for the community about the pros and cons of consolidation (although I should note that FUSE supports the consolidation and Stand is non-partisan on this issue). We had a very active email campaign to city council last week ahead of their vote. We contact our state legislature and the governor to try to give Memphis a voice in this process. We educate others about what consolidation could look like. We reach out to parents across the county to start the conversation now about what we parents want a unified school district to offer. Do we want smaller sub-districts? Do we want magnet schools? Do we want smaller class sizes? Do we want every child to get foreign language instruction starting in first grade? What do we think our children need to be competitive in the 21st century? I’m not saying that I have a position on all of these issues, but so far no one is asking parents what WE want in a new, unified district. And they should be asking.

mary allison: could you describe in layman’s terms the timeline and political process that is currently structuring the consolidation decision?

gretchen: Ha, ha, ha!  If I could do that, I’d be rich!  As of this moment, the city council has accepted the charter surrender, but Memphians STILL need to vote in the referendum (early voting begins Feb. 16). Shelby County Schools has filed a federal lawsuit against a whole lot of people, including (but not limited to) MCS, Memphis City Council, US Dept of Education, Education Secretary Arne Duncan, US Dept of Justice, Attorney General Eric Holder, Tennessee Department of Education, Education Commissioner Patrick Smith (and others). And, that is just the beginning.

But, and this is important, it is time NOW for all of us in Shelby County to seriously contemplate whether we want this issue tied up in federal courts for the next five to ten years. Who does that serve? Certainly not the children. It really just serves our fear and our prejudices. And, if we want to come together and try to figure out the best way to educate all of the children in this community in the best way possible, then we need to tell our elected officials that we want to come together and fix this now.

mary allison: how might others who are interested in FUSE become involved in your work?

gretchen: First, let me say that we would love to have anyone join us who is interested.  You can find us at www.fuseshelby.org or on Facebook.

[source info for perfect madness is located on the bibliography page, which is listed on the sidebar to your right.]

last night marked our first return in three years to the familiar smell of rendezvous barbecue nachos and happy tunes such as “walking in memphis” playing between innings.

rendezvous bbq nachos

but this time, instead of heading to our old seats behind home plate, we packed up the monkey and bird and headed to the kid-friendly bluff.

image from the commercial appeal

the kids assumed normal outdoor family event behavior as they wandered from blanket to blanket, pilfered food from strangers, danced and clapped to music, and required andy and me to thwart their repeated efforts to toddle off into the sunset. there were, however, two incidents involving the almost-four-year-old-monkey that gave me a reluctant glimpse into my future.

the first involved a ride that essentially looked like this:

it broke my heart that the monkey wanted to ride this thing. i just knew he would get to the top, become overwhelmed and terrified, and have to endure complete and utter hell until the ride’s end. but i managed to quiet my over-protective mom voice long enough to load him onto the pleather bench with several kids who were twice his age.

he LOVED the ride, and this broke my heart even more. he’s getting so big, and he has such a high tolerance for things that others perceive to be dangerous and scary. when this child turns 16, i think i’ll just take up residence in some sort of home for chronic worriers.

the second bit of parenting insight gained at the redbirds game pertained to the monkey’s constant refrain that went like this:

“mommy… daddy… i WAAAANNT one of those pointy fingers!!!”

i responded to this request by explaining that if we purchased a “pointy finger,” we would not have enough money to buy our dinner. this seemed to make sense to him for an entire 15 minutes, and our whole family enjoyed a much-needed respite from the onslaught of monkey melancholy.

then, out of nowhere, the monkey stood before us and presented his case. he said that he would gladly go without food for the evening in order to allocate our resources toward the purchase of one pointy finger. he proceeded to suggest that his hunger could be satiated by foods from home that have been previously paid for.

after andy and i stopped laughing hysterically long enough to come up with a game plan, we told the monkey that we’d buy a pointy finger on the way out *IF* he could manage to stop the begging and negotiating madness.

look who left with a pointy finger:

i cannot say that last night’s parenting decisions were stellar. we were taken off guard. we were not ready for the inevitable stage in children’s lives that involves desperately needing to purchase bits of junk in every possible venue. next time we’ll have our wits about us. there will be a plan in place. there will be pre-event conversations with the monkey about realistic expectations.

i am beginning to see that the older my firstborn gets, the more humility this parenting thing requires and generates. parenting is not for wimps, and parenting in public places requires complete submission to fits of embarrassment.

i can tell you this much: next time i see a mom giving in to her negotiating and fit-pitching child, i will not be pointing any fingers.

if you’ve ever heard the song, “one voice” by the wailin’ jennys, you know that it’s the kind of music capable of convincing people, if but for a moment, that life is redemptive and beautiful, that the human community is an ever-flowing source of support and love, and that god is the best possible kind of mystery.

so, tonight (tuesday june 22nd), kimberly baker, katherine baldwin, steve berger, jarad bingham, martha kelly, john mcclure, and virginia murphy’s playback memphis improv theature ensemble are joining me in turning this beautiful song into a worship service.

pie in the sky
gathering and pie at 6:00 p.m.
worship and kids’ programming at 6:30
5530 shady grove road (at the corner of shady grove and yates)

whether you are spiritual, religious, or somewhere in between, this service is for you. come check out what happens when beautiful music and a crazy idea are coupled with soulful voices, and improv theatre. it will be pie in the sky…

happy memorial day weekend, folks!

for the memphians, if you’re not too busy at the shell, zoo, or sunset symphony festivities, you should know that there are probably some strawberries still ripe for the picking at the agricenter.

i took the boys last weekend, and we had a blast!

the monkey pretendedhe was at an easter egg hunt. the bird pretended he was at a cafeteria. (thankfully, there are no pesticides on these berries, just a little fertilizer, which our little guy needs.) i pretended to be the paparazzi.

this week, thanks to the boys’ picking prowess, we’ve enjoyed strawberry short cake, and this delicious berry syrup, good over ice-cream, pancakes, or in a sparkling adult beverage.

in a few weeks, my dear friend and fellow young clergy woman, katherine, will be moving from southern california to the chicago area. in a valiant effort of wishful thinking, intended to distract her from the very real tasks associated with changing homes, jobs, and states, katherine recently posted a “fantasy to-do list” on her blog. then she quickly admitted that, “the likelihood of any of them happening [would be] woefully slim.”

but then guess what happened? she’s been working little things from this list into her life!

now everybody who knows me is aware that i will be living in memphis until jesus comes again, which is a euphemism for A VERY LONG TIME.* but i think everybody needs a fantasy to-do list. a move is a perfect occasion for one, and so is staying put. and as i have mentioned before, my recent entry into the re[frame] productivity system for creative people has buried me in pesky little task-laden note cards. my life is begging for a little fantasy.**

so, here it is. my very own fantasy to-do list in no particular order:

1. eat at restaurant iris

2. take an exotic yoga vacation

3. take the free tour of memphis’ ghost river brewing company.

4. host a make-your-own-pizza night, using the perfected crust recipe of my friend, mary.

5. eat at the chef’s table at felicia suzanne’s.

6. write a short story

7. attend a sewing workshop in florence, alabama hosted by alabama chanin.

8. learn to use photoshop

9. attend a wailin’ jennys concert.

10. get discovered. (i stole this from katherine but really, who doesn’t want to be discovered?)

*the above reference to the second coming was meant to be evocative of the traditional interpretation of this christian hopefulness — that jesus will return, in bodily form, to the earth someday. this is in distinct contrast to my own leanings in this department, which are that divinity, in all of its forms, bombards the earth daily, and that we live in a world of constant “second comings.”

**yes, i realize that by including the word “fantasy” in this post, i am setting myself up for a spam attack of the most disgusting kind.

it was not until i saw the memphis in may world championship barbeque festival and cooking contest highlighted on television by the food network and BBC and described in great detail by al roker, that it occurred to me that my city’s annual pig out is a big deal.

 i used to think it was normal for a city to smell like smoked meat for an entire 5-day period and for grownups to walk around wearing hollowed-out rib-bone necklaces. i now recognize and even delight in the fact that  the event, boasting 200+ frat-house-like booths, a serious cooking contest by day, and a raucous party by night, is quite a spectacle.

this delight is new though. my husband’s annual participation in this hog wild extravaganza has historically led to such (un)pleasantries as:

• our kitchen’s transformation into a cooler-stacked, wall-to-wall meat storage unit,
• the sensation of sharing a bed with the unmistakable aroma of a bbq sandwich,
• and, the pummeling/dragging incedent that took place between my little monkey (then almost two) and a beer-filled wagon. (and that was on “family night,” i might add!)

in spite of these annoyances and minor tragedies, i have spent enough time swining and dining at this year’s fest to have accrued a whole hamper of smokey-smelling clothes. and i must admit, it’s been fun! partly because i’ve been fascinated by the makeshift way in which things come together down there by the river.

for example, this is “herman,” the smoker, which my husband and a friend (mostly the friend) welded together out of old industrial parts found in a warehouse.

and this is an old sink, procured for $50 from a restaurant supply company, against the backdrop of old school lockers that a team member found on the side of the road.

another contributing factor to my new found enjoyment of the shin-dig is that today, for the first time, i was in the booth for the much-anticipated visitation of the judges.

you would have thought that god, herself, was getting ready to pull up a chair and enjoy a rib bone! the place was spotless (there was vacuuming), and the food was incredible (i ate a slab and a half of ribs, myself).

and when it was time to submit a mouth-watering entry to the “blind judging contest” taking place a few (hundred) booths down, guess who was called on to complete this mission — yep, the monkey. maybe this important role will somehow erase his association between the fest and bizarre injury.

now perhaps you are wondering how a strict, five-day diet of smoked pig meat is received by the human digestive system. the answer is, of course, NOT WELL. but there is no need to worry.

there are plenty of free tums for everyone!