parenting soap opera
the good thing about having the only children in the city of memphis who have not started school yet is that i have the prolonged opportunity to test out my latest parenting hypothesis by way of an extremely unscientific, completely non-randomized study of one (myself). the theory, and the theme of my last couple of posts, is that parents say ridiculous things to their children because parenting invites a hailstorm of ridiculous situations.
here is a bit of my recently-gathered evidence:
please move your cape so i can bite off your hangnail.
i don’t know what else to tell you. yes, i am the only one in the family without a scrotum… no, i am not sad that i don’t have one… but you should be happy you have one!
and finally,
please stop biting the soap.
and then, there are all the things i dare not send out into the world wide web for fear that my children will bill me for their therapy in 20 years (can you imagine the cost of therapy in 20 years?). but trust me. the best and most ridiculous material is reserved for my own personal fits of hysterical laughter. who needs daytime television when i’ve got a monkey and a bird?
Tags: cape, daytime television, hangnail, laughter, mary allison, parenting, ridiculous, soap opera, the makeshift revolution
August 22nd, 2011 at 10:01 am
You can add me to the “don’t lick the car” group. My most ridiculous phrase this week has been “until I reattach Karen’s head, that is not a toy.” In my defense, Karen is a stick horse whose head was torn off her stick body during an intense moment of sharing (as in he didn’t want to).
August 22nd, 2011 at 10:29 am
Our gem from this weekend was, “Take the shark’s tooth out of your sock before you go potty!” Love this collection of weirdness!
August 22nd, 2011 at 10:42 am
Jenni, just yesterday I had to tell my 3 year old not to lick the car. What the hell?
August 22nd, 2011 at 4:59 pm
On the first day of school I said to one of my friend’s children: “Don’t stick your tongue in the guinea pig cage.” The guinea pig was centimeters away… nothing good was going to come of that… His Dad’s response: “Nothing like rabies on the first day of school!”
August 23rd, 2011 at 9:08 am
“Sure, you can put your sister in jail.” And a few minutes later, “Yes, get in there with her. That’s even better.”