i married a mama’s boy. this is mostly a benefit because andy’s ongoing affection and respect for his mother has translated into affection and respect for all of the women in his life and chiefly me. my mother-in-law gets drop-in visits, flowers, lunches, and phone calls. she receives some of the rewards for her efforts to raise a compassionate, good-natured human being. but i receive so many more. 

on the other hand, marriage to a mama’s boy has had a few drawbacks, especially at the beginning. for example, there was that time during our first christmas season when our respective families were adjusting traditions and plans to accommodate each other. i felt the need, somewhere in the midst of all of that, to call andy “a titty baby.” i meant it as a joke, but nobody found it to be funny.

now, the joke is on me.

yes, now i have two mama’s boys of my own. it is not guaranteed, of course, but if karma has its way, i will be a mother-in-law, myself, someday. someone else will receive most of the fruits of my current labor.

i suppose it’s good that the letting go happens gradually. in my increasing uncoolness, i will be dropping these boys off a few blocks from their school long before i am having thanksgiving dinner on friday morning so that all of my adult children can attend.

but for now, while i am still the main gal in my sons’ lives, i’m going to savor those sloppy kisses and curly hugs. and for the future, i’m going to take some cues from andy’s mother, who has gracefully shared her son with me since he was 17 years old.

[this post was inspired by a chapter in ayelet waldman’s book, bad mother, entitled, “my mother-in-law, myself.”]

Tags: andy, karma, letting go, mama's boys, mother-in-law

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