these days, motherhood and technology are so intertwined that those who came before us cannot help but marvel at the advances that now equip us for the hardest job we’ll ever love. if you don’t believe me, try counting the number of times this phrase is uttered at the next baby shower you attend:

“i wish those [fill in the blank with the latest baby care contraptions] were around when i was a young mom. we used to have to [fill in the blank with the most laborious and excruciating description of tedium you can imagine] when our children were little.” 

surely you’ve memorized this conversation by now.

but when these comments filled the air at my baby showers, they were especially true. not only would my husband and i benefit from the technology behind the bouncy seat, baby monitors, and breast pump. i got pregnant by the most cutting-edge and constantly upgraded fertility technology offered by modern science: in vetro fertilization. to say that i am thankful for technology would be an understatement.

but this gratitude was tempered during my second pregnancy, wherein i was introduced to the underbelly (pun intended) of technology. my triple screen test showed an increased risk that the bird would have downs syndrome. i saw a specialist, who played around with numbers on a notepad and used gambling metaphors to explain to me the odds that the bird would have downs. my husband and i struggled with whether or not to have an amniocentesis, which would put the baby at slight risk but give us the information we thought we needed in order to gracefully welcome our little one. with uncertainty, we consented to the procedure. twice. and both times, the amnios failed. this was not among the carefully analyzed scenarios for which we were prepared. neither was the ultrasound tech’s false diagnosis of amnio-induced uterine damage, a condition which would likely end the pregnancy. i spent two miserable days in bed, under the covers of guilt and fear, waiting for various doctors and specialists to confer with one another — to interpret the data offered by technology.

it wasn’t until my baby bird was born that we learned that he does not have downs. but while i was pregnant with him (thanks to technological failings, some difficult internal work, and a miracle from god)  i eventually arrived at a place where i did not care whether he had downs or not. the point is that the same bright force that positioned him carefully inside my uterus snatched me suddenly into the shadows of truths not yet revealed.

technology has taken me to the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. yet, it has become like the air i breathe: silent, necessary, and (barring miracle or catastrophy) unnoticed. but living harmoniously with such a powerful force takes a certain daily awareness of its role in my life. it is to this end that i write. i hope to notice and appreciate with reverence the powers that be.

[speaking of technology and the air we breathe, check out i love technology  by heather at theta mom. this account of technology’s role in a family affected by asthma inspired me to write the post above.]

Tags: amnio, amniocentesis, downs syndrome, i love technology, in vetro, pregnancy, technology, theta mom

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 22nd, 2010 at 4:17 pm and is filed under awe. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.